Record Twenty-Eight

If your world is similar to the world of the ancients, then you may easily imagine that one day you suddenly come upon a sixth or a seventh continent, upon some Atlantis, and you find there unheard of cities, labyrinths, people flying through the air without the aid of wings or aeros, stones lifted into the air by the power of a gaze,—in brief, imagine that you see things that cannot come to your mind even if you suffer from dream-sickness. That is how I feel now. For you must understand that no one has ever gone beyond the Green Wall since the Two Hundred Years’ War, as I already have told you.

If your world is like the world of the ancients, you can easily imagine suddenly discovering a sixth or seventh continent, an Atlantis. There you find unheard-of cities and labyrinths. People fly through the air without wings or aeros, and stones rise into the air under the power of a gaze. In short, imagine seeing things you could not even conceive of if you suffered from dream-sickness. That is how I feel now. As I have already told you, no one has gone beyond the Green Wall since the Two Hundred Years’ War. You must understand that.

I know that it is my duty to you, my unknown friends, to give more details about that unsuspected strange world which opened to me yesterday. But for the time being I am unable to return to that subject. Everything is so novel, so novel it is like a rainstorm, and I am not big enough to collect it all. I spread out the folds of my unif, my palms,—and yet pailfuls splash past me and only drops can reach these pages....

I know I owe you, my unknown friends, more details about the strange world I never suspected existed. It opened up to me yesterday. But for now, I can’t return to that subject. Everything is so new, so new. It’s like a rainstorm, and I’m not big enough to catch it all. I spread out the folds of my unif and hold out my palms, but whole pailfuls splash past me. Only drops reach these pages....

At first I heard behind me, behind the door, a loud voice. I recognized her voice, the voice of I-330, tense, metallic—and another one, almost inflexible, like a wooden ruler, the voice of U-. Then the door came open with a crack and both of them shot into the room. Shot is the right word.

At first, I heard a loud voice behind me, outside the door. I recognized I-330’s voice, tense and metallic. Then I heard another voice, almost as rigid as a wooden ruler. It was U-’s voice. The door cracked open, and both of them shot into the room. Shot is the right word.

I-330 put her hand on the back of my armchair and smiled over her shoulder but only with her teeth, at U-. I should not care to stand before such a smile.

I-330 put her hand on the back of my armchair and smiled over her shoulder at U-. But her smile showed only her teeth. I would not want to face a smile like that.

“Listen,” she said to me, “this woman seems to have made it her business to guard you from me like a little child. Is it with your permission?”

“Listen,” she said to me, “this woman seems to have taken it upon herself to protect you from me like a little child. Did you give her permission?”

“But he is a child. Yes! That is why he does not notice that you ... that it is only in order.... That all this is only a foul game! Yes! And it is my duty....”

“But he is a child. Yes! That is why he does not notice that you ... that it is only to.... That all of this is just a dirty game! Yes! And it is my duty....”

For a second (in the mirror) the broken, trembling line of brows. I leaped, controlling with difficulty the other self within me, the one with the hairy fists; with difficulty, pushing every word through my teeth, I cried straight into her face, into her very gills:

For a second, I saw the broken, trembling line of brows in the mirror. I leaped, struggling to control my other self, the one with the hairy fists. Forcing each word through my teeth, I cried out straight into her face, into her very gills:

“Get out of here at once! Out! At once!”

“Get out of here right now! Out! Now!”

The gills swelled at first into brick-red lumps, then fell and became gray. She opened her mouth to say something but without a word she slammed it shut and went out.

The gills first swelled into brick-red lumps, then shrank and turned gray. She opened her mouth to speak, but slammed it shut without a word and left.

I threw myself towards I-330.

I threw myself toward I-330.

“Never, never will I forgive myself! She dared! You ... but you don’t think, do you, that you, that she.... This is all because she wants to register on me but I....”

“I’ll never, never forgive myself! She dared! You ... but you don’t think that you, that she.... This is all because she wants to register for me, but I....”

“Fortunately she will not have time for that now. Besides, even a thousand like her.... I don’t care.... I know you will not believe that thousand but only me. For after all that happened yesterday, I am all yours, all, to the very end, as you wanted it. I am in your hands; you can now at any moment....”

“Fortunately, she won’t have time for that now. Besides, even a thousand like her.... I don’t care.... I know you won’t believe those thousand, only me. After everything that happened yesterday, I’m completely yours, all yours, to the very end, just as you wanted. I’m in your hands. Now, at any moment, you can....”

“What, ‘at any moment?’” (But at once I understood what. My blood rushed to my ears and cheeks.) “Don’t speak about that, you must never speak about that! The other I, my former self ... but now....”

“What do you mean, ‘at any moment?’” (But I understood at once. Blood rushed to my ears and cheeks.) “Don’t talk about that. You must never talk about that! The other me, my former self ... but now....”

“How do I know? Man is like a novel: up to the last page one does not know what the end will be. It would not be worth reading otherwise.”

“How do I know? A person is like a novel. You don't know how it ends until the last page. Otherwise, it wouldn't be worth reading.”

She was stroking my head. I could not see her face but I could tell by her voice that she was looking somewhere very far into the distance; she hooked herself to that cloud which was floating silently, slowly, no one knows where to.

She was stroking my head. I couldn't see her face, but her voice told me she was looking far into the distance. She had hooked herself to that cloud, floating silently and slowly to who knows where.

Suddenly she pushed me away with her hand, firmly but tenderly.

Suddenly, she pushed me away with her hand, firmly but gently.

“Listen. I came to tell you that perhaps we are now ... our last days.... You know, don’t you, that all Auditoriums are to be closed after tonight?”

“Listen. I came to tell you that perhaps these are now ... our last days.... You know all Auditoriums will close after tonight, don’t you?”

“Closed?”

“Closed?”

“Yes. I passed by and saw that in all Auditoriums preparations are going on: tables; medics all in white....”

“Yes. I walked past and saw preparations underway in all the Auditoriums: tables, medics dressed in white....”

“But what does it all mean?”

“But what does it all mean?”

“I don’t know. Nobody knows as yet. That is the worst of it. I only feel the current is on, the spark is jumping, and if not today, then tomorrow.... Yet perhaps they will not have time....”

“I don’t know. Nobody knows yet. That’s the worst part. I just feel that the current is on, the spark is jumping, and if not today, then tomorrow.... But perhaps they won’t have time....”

For a long while I have ceased to understand who are they and who we. I do not understand what I want; do I want them to have or not to have enough time? One thing is clear to me: I-330 is now on the very edge, on the very edge, and in one second more....

For a long time now, I have not understood who they are and who we are. I don't know what I want. Do I want them to have enough time, or not? One thing is clear to me: I-330 is now on the very edge, on the very edge, and in one more second....

“But it is folly,” I said. “You, versus the United State! It is the same as if you should cover the muzzle of a gun with your hands and expect that way to prevent the shot.... It is absolute folly!”

“But that’s madness,” I said. “You, against the United State! It’s like covering the muzzle of a gun with your hands and expecting to stop it from firing.... It’s absolute madness!”

A smile.

A smile.

“‘We must all go insane,—as soon as possible go insane.’ It was yesterday, do you remember?”

“‘We must all go insane, go insane as soon as possible.’ That was yesterday, remember?”

Yes, she was right; I had even written it down. Consequently it really took place. In silence I looked into her face. At that moment the dark cross was especially distinct.

Yes, she was right. I had even written it down. So it really happened. I looked at her face in silence. At that moment, the dark cross stood out especially clearly.

“I-, dear, before it is too late.... If you want ... I’ll leave everything, I’ll forget everything, and we’ll go there beyond the Wall, to them.... I do not even know who they are....”

“I. Dear, before it’s too late.... If you want ... I’ll leave everything, forget everything, and go beyond the Wall with you, to them.... I don’t even know who they are....”

She shook her head. Through the dark windows of her eyes I saw within her a flaming oven, sparks, tongues of flame and above them a heap of dry, tarry wood. It was clear to me that it was too late, my words could be of no avail.

She shook her head. Through the dark windows of her eyes, I saw a blazing oven inside her. Sparks and tongues of flame rose beneath a heap of dry, tarry wood. I could see it was too late. My words could do no good.

She stood up. She would soon leave. Perhaps these were the last days, or the last minutes.... I grasped her hand.

She stood up. She would leave soon. Perhaps these were the last days, or the last minutes.... I took her hand.

“No, stay a little while longer ... for the sake ... for the sake....”

“No, stay a little longer ... for the sake ... for the sake....”

She slowly lifted my hand towards the light, my hairy paw which I detest. I wanted to withdraw it but she held it tightly.

She slowly lifted my hand toward the light. I hate my hairy paw. I wanted to pull it away, but she held it tightly.

“Your hand.... You undoubtedly don’t know and very few do know, that women from here occasionally used to fall in love with them. Probably there are in you a few drops of that blood of the sun and the woods. Perhaps that is why I....”

“Your hand.... You probably don’t know this, and very few people do. Women from here sometimes used to fall in love with them. You probably have a few drops of that blood of the sun and the woods in you. Perhaps that is why I....”

Silence. It was so strange that because of that silence, because of an emptiness, of nothing, my heart should beat so wildly. I cried.

Silence. It was so strange that my heart was beating so wildly because of the silence, the emptiness, the nothingness. I cried.

“Ah, you shall not go yet! You shall not go until you tell me about them ... for you love ... them, and I do not know even who they are, nor where they come from.”

“Ah, you can’t leave yet! You can’t leave until you tell me about them ... because you love ... them. And I don’t even know who they are or where they come from.”

“Who are they? The half we have lost. H2 and O, two halves; but in order to get water, H2O, creeks, seas, waterfalls, storms, it is necessary that those two halves be united.”

“Who are they? The half we have lost. H2 and O are two halves. But those two halves must come together to make water, H2O, creeks, seas, waterfalls, and storms.”

I distinctly remember every movement of hers. I remember she picked up a glass triangle from my table and while talking she pressed its sharp edge against her cheek; a white scar would appear; then it would fill again and become pink and disappear. And it is strange that I cannot remember her words, especially the beginning of the story. I remember only different images and colors. At first, I remember, she told me about the Two Hundred Years’ War. Red color.... On the green of the grass, on the dark clay, on the pale blue of the snow,—everywhere red ditches that would not become dry. Then yellow; yellow grass burned by the sun, yellow naked wild-men and wild dogs side by side near swollen cadavers of dogs or perhaps of men. All this, certainly beyond the Walls, for the City was already the victor and it possessed already our present-day petroleum food. And at night ... down from the sky ... heavy black folds. The folds would swing over the woods, the villages,—blackish-red slow columns of smoke. A dull moaning; endless strings of people driven into the City to be saved by force and to be whipped into happiness.

I remember every movement she made. She picked up a glass triangle from my table. As she talked, she pressed its sharp edge against her cheek. A white mark would appear, then turn pink and disappear as her cheek filled out again. Strangely, I cannot remember her words, especially the beginning of the story. I remember only images and colors. First, I remember, she told me about the Two Hundred Years’ War. Red.... Against the green grass, the dark clay, the pale blue snow, there were red ditches everywhere that would not dry up. Then yellow. Yellow grass scorched by the sun, naked yellow wild men and wild dogs side by side near swollen corpses of dogs or perhaps men. All this was certainly beyond the Walls. The City had already won and already had the petroleum food we have today. And at night ... down from the sky ... heavy black folds. The folds swayed over the woods and villages, slow columns of blackish-red smoke. A dull moaning. Endless lines of people driven into the City to be saved by force and whipped into happiness.

“... You knew almost all this.”

“... You already knew almost all of this.”

“Yes, almost.”

“Yes, almost.”

“But you did not know and only a few did, that a small part of them remained together and stayed to live beyond the Wall. Being naked, they went into the woods. They learned there from the trees, beasts, birds, flowers and sun. Hair soon grew over their bodies, but under that hair they preserved their warm red blood. With you it was worse; numbers covered your bodies; numbers crawled over you like lice. One ought to strip you of everything, and naked you ought to be driven into the woods. You ought to learn how to tremble with fear, with joy, with wild anger, with cold; you should pray to fire! And we Mephi, we want....”

“But you did not know, and only a few people did, that a small group of them stayed together beyond the Wall. Naked, they went into the woods. There they learned from the trees, animals, birds, flowers, and sun. Hair soon grew over their bodies, but beneath it they kept their warm red blood. Things were worse for you. Numbers covered your bodies and crawled over you like lice. Everything should be stripped from you, and you should be driven naked into the woods. You should learn to tremble with fear, joy, wild anger, and cold. You should pray to fire! And we Mephi, we want....”

“Oh, wait a minute! ‘Mephi,’ what does it mean!”

“Oh, wait a minute! What does ‘Mephi’ mean!”

“Mephi? It is from Mephisto. You remember, there on the rock, the figure of the youth? Or, no. I shall explain it to you in your own language and you will understand better: there are two forces in the world, entropy and energy. One leads into blessed quietude, to happy equilibrium, the other to the destruction of equilibrium, to torturingly perpetual motion. Our, or rather your ancestors, the Christians, worshipped entropy like a God. But we are not Christians, we....”

“Mephi? It comes from Mephisto. Do you remember the figure of the young man there on the rock? No, I’ll explain it in your own language. You’ll understand better that way: there are two forces in the world, entropy and energy. One leads to blessed stillness, to happy equilibrium. The other leads to the destruction of equilibrium, to the torment of perpetual motion. Our ancestors, or rather yours, the Christians, worshipped entropy as a God. But we are not Christians, we....”

At that moment a slight whisper was suddenly heard, a knock at the door, and in rushed that flattened man with the forehead low over his eyes, who several times had brought me notes from I-330. He ran straight to us, stopped, panting like an air-pump, and could say not a word, as he must have been running at top speed.

At that moment, there was a faint whisper and a knock at the door. Then the flattened man rushed in, his forehead low over his eyes. He had brought me notes from I-330 several times before. He ran straight to us and stopped, panting like an air pump. He could not say a word, as he must have been running at top speed.

“But tell me! What has happened?” I-330 grasped him by the hand.

“But tell me! What happened?” I-330 grabbed his hand.

“They are coming here,—” panted the air-pump, “with guards.... And with them that what’s-his-name, the hunchback....”

“They’re coming here,” panted the air pump, “with guards.... And that what’s-his-name, the hunchback, is with them....”

“S-?”

“S-?”

“Yes. They are in the house by this time. They’ll soon be here. Quick, quick!”

“Yes. They’re in the house by now. They’ll be here soon. Quick, quick!”

“Nonsense, we have time!” I-330 was laughing, cheerful sparks in her eyes. It was either absurd, senseless courage, or else there was something I did not yet understand.

“Nonsense, we have time!” I-330 laughed, her eyes sparkling with joy. Either her courage was absurd and senseless, or there was something I still didn’t understand.

“I-, dear, for the sake of the Well-Doer! You must understand that this....”

“I, dear, for the sake of the Well-Doer! You have to understand that this....”

“For the sake of the Well-Doer!” The sharp, triangle-smile.

“For the sake of the Well-Doer!” The sharp, triangular smile.

“Well ... well, for my sake, I implore you!”

“Well ... well, please, for my sake, I beg you!”

“Oh, yes, I wanted to talk to you about some other matters.... Well, never mind.... We’ll talk about them tomorrow.”

“Oh, yes, I wanted to talk to you about some other things.... Well, never mind.... We’ll talk about them tomorrow.”

And cheerfully (yes cheerfully) she nodded to me; the other came out for a second from under his forehead’s awning and nodded also. I was alone.

And she nodded to me cheerfully (yes, cheerfully). The other briefly appeared from under the awning of his forehead and nodded too. I was alone.

Quick! To my desk! I opened this manuscript, took the pen so that they should find me at this work which is for the benefit of the United State. Suddenly I felt every hair on my head living, separated, moving: “What if they should read, even one page of these most recently written?”

Quick! To my desk! I opened this manuscript and picked up my pen so they would find me working for the benefit of the United State. Suddenly, I felt every hair on my head come alive, separate, and move: “What if they read even one of the pages I’ve just written?”

Motionless I sat at the table but everything around me seemed to be moving, as if the less than microscopic movements of the atoms suddenly were magnified millions of times, and I saw the walls trembling, my pen trembling and the letters swinging and fusing together. “To hide them! But where?” Glass all around. “To burn them?” But they would notice the fire through the corridor and in the neighboring room. Besides I felt unable, I felt too weak, to destroy this torturing and perhaps dearest piece of my own self....

I sat motionless at the table, but everything around me seemed to be moving. It was as if the microscopic movements of the atoms had suddenly been magnified millions of times. I saw the walls trembling, my pen trembling, and the letters swaying and merging. “Hide them! But where?” Glass all around. “Burn them?” But they would see the fire from the corridor and the neighboring room. Besides, I felt unable, too weak, to destroy this tormenting and perhaps dearest part of myself....

Voices from a distance (from the corridor) and steps. I had only time to snatch a handful of pages and put them under me, and then as if soldered to the armchair, every atom of which was quivering, I remained sitting, while the floor under my feet rolled like the deck of a ship, up and down....

Voices and footsteps came from a distance (from the corridor). I had just enough time to grab a handful of pages and put them under me. Then I sat as if soldered to the armchair, every atom of which was trembling. The floor beneath my feet rolled up and down like the deck of a ship....

All shrunk together and hidden under the awning of my own forehead like that messenger, I watched them stealthily; they were going from room to room, beginning at the right end of the corridor. Nearer ... nearer.... I saw that some sat in their rooms, torpid like me; others would jump up and open their doors wide,—lucky ones! If only I too, could....

Hunched up and hidden under the awning of my own forehead like that messenger, I watched them secretly. They were going from room to room, starting at the right end of the corridor. Closer ... closer.... I saw that some people sat in their rooms, numb like me. Others jumped up and threw their doors open. Lucky ones! If only I could too....

“The Well-Doer is the most perfect fumigation humanity needs, consequently no peristalsis in the organism of the United State could....” I was writing this nonsense, pressing my trembling pen hard, and lower and lower my head bent over the table, and within me some sort of crazy forge.... With my back I was listening ... and I heard the click of the door-knob.... A current of fresh air.... My armchair was dancing a mad dance.... Only then, and even then with difficulty, I tore myself away from the page, turned my head in the direction of the newcomers (how difficult it is to play a foul game!). In front of all was S-, morose, silent, swiftly drilling with his eyes deep shafts within me, within my armchair and within the pages which were twitching in my hands. Then for a second—familiar, everyday faces at the door; one of them separated itself from the rest with its bulging, pinkish-brown gills....

“The Well-Doer is the most perfect fumigation humanity needs. Therefore, no peristalsis in the organism of the United State could....” I was writing this nonsense, pressing my trembling pen hard against the page. My head sank lower and lower over the table, and inside me was some kind of mad forge.... With my back, I was listening ... and I heard the doorknob click.... A rush of fresh air.... My armchair was dancing a mad dance.... Only then did I tear myself away from the page, and even then with difficulty. I turned my head toward the newcomers. (How hard it is to play a foul game!) S- was in front, gloomy and silent. His eyes swiftly bored deep shafts into me, my armchair, and the pages twitching in my hands. Then, for a second, I saw familiar, everyday faces at the door. One face separated itself from the rest, with its bulging, pinkish-brown gills....

At once I recalled everything that happened in the same room half an hour ago and it was clear to me that they would presently....

I immediately remembered everything that had happened in the same room half an hour earlier. It was clear to me that they would soon....

All my being was shriveling and pulsating in that fortunately opaque part of my body with which I was covering the manuscript. U- came up to S-, gently plucked his sleeve and said in a low voice:

My whole being seemed to shrink and pulse in the part of my body covering the manuscript. Fortunately, that part was opaque. U- came up to S-, gently tugged his sleeve, and said quietly:

“This is D-503, the builder of the Integral. You have probably heard of him. He is always like that, at his desk; does not spare himself at all!”

“This is D-503, the builder of the Integral. You have probably heard of him. He is always like that at his desk. He never spares himself!”

... And I thought!... What a dear, wonderful woman!...

... And I thought!... What a lovely, wonderful woman!...

S- slid up to me, bent over my shoulder toward the table. I covered the lines I had written with my elbow but he shouted severely:

S- slid up beside me and leaned over my shoulder toward the table. I covered what I had written with my elbow, but he shouted sternly:

“Show us at once what you have there, please!”

“Please show us what you have there right now!”

Dying with shame, I held out the sheet of paper. He read it over, and I noticed a tiny smile jump out of his eyes, jump down his face and slightly wagging its tail, perch upon the right angle of his mouth....

Dying of shame, I held out the sheet of paper. He read it, and I noticed a tiny smile leap from his eyes and down his face. It settled at the right corner of his mouth, wagging its tail slightly....

“Somewhat ambiguous, yet.... Well, you may continue; we shall not disturb you any more.”

“Somewhat unclear, but.... Well, you may continue. We won’t disturb you anymore.”

He went splashing towards the door as if in a ditch of water. And with every step of his I felt coming back to me my legs, my arms, my fingers,—my soul again distributed itself evenly over my whole body; I breathed....

He splashed toward the door as if walking through a ditch full of water. With every step he took, I felt my legs, arms, and fingers return to me. My soul spread evenly through my body again. I breathed....

The last thing: U- lingered in my room to come back to me and say in my very ear in a whisper: “It is lucky for you that I....”

One last thing: U- lingered in my room, then came back and whispered in my ear: “You're lucky that I....”

I did not understand. What did she mean by that? The same evening I learned that they led away three Numbers, although nobody speaks out loud about that, or about anything that happened. This ostensible silence is due to the educational influence of the Guardians who are ever present among us. Conversations deal chiefly with the quick fall of the barometer and the forthcoming change in the weather.

I didn’t understand. What did she mean by that? That same evening, I learned that they had taken away three Numbers. But nobody talks aloud about that or anything else that happened. This apparent silence is due to the educational influence of the Guardians, who are always among us. Conversations are mostly about the rapid drop in the barometer and the coming change in the weather.