Record Twenty-Nine

It is strange: the barometer continues to fall yet there is no wind. There is quiet. Above, the storm which we do not yet hear has begun. The clouds are rushing with a terrific speed. There are few of them as yet; separate fragments; it is as if there above us an unknown city were being destroyed and pieces of walls and towers were rushing down, coming nearer and nearer with terrific speed, but it will take some days of rushing through the blue infinite before they reach the bottom, that is us, below. And below there is silence.

It is strange: the barometer keeps falling, yet there is no wind. Everything is quiet. Above us, a storm has begun, though we cannot hear it yet. The clouds are racing by at tremendous speed. There are only a few so far, scattered fragments. It is as if an unknown city above us were being destroyed. Pieces of its walls and towers are hurtling down, coming closer and closer at tremendous speed. But it will take them days to rush through the endless blue before they reach the bottom, where we are. And below, there is silence.

There are thin, incomprehensible, almost invisible threads in the air; every autumn they are brought here from beyond the Wall. They float slowly, and suddenly you feel something foreign and invisible on your face; you want to brush it off, but no, you cannot rid yourself of it. You feel it especially near the Green Wall, where I was this morning. I-330 made an appointment with me to meet her in the Ancient House in that “Apartment” of ours.

Thin, mysterious, almost invisible threads float in the air. Every autumn they are carried here from beyond the Wall. They drift slowly, and suddenly you feel something strange and invisible on your face. You want to brush it off, but you cannot get rid of it. You feel it especially near the Green Wall, where I was this morning. I-330 arranged to meet me in the Ancient House, in that “Apartment” of ours.

I was not far from the rust-red, opaque mass of the Ancient House, when I heard behind me short hasty steps and rapid breathing. I turned around and saw O-90 trying to catch up to me. She seemed strangely and perfectly rounded. Her arms and breast, her whole body, so familiar to me, was rounded out, stretching her unif. It seemed as though it would soon tear the thin cloth and come out into the sun, into the light. I think that there in the green debris, in springtime, the unseen sprouts try thus to tear their way through the ground in order to emit their branches and leaves and to bloom.

I was not far from the rust-red, solid mass of the Ancient House when I heard quick, short footsteps and rapid breathing behind me. I turned and saw O-90 trying to catch up with me. She looked strangely, perfectly round. Her arms, her breasts, her whole body, which I knew so well, had rounded out and stretched her unif. It seemed as if her body would soon tear through the thin cloth and emerge into the sun, into the light. I think that in spring, beneath the green debris, unseen sprouts struggle the same way to break through the ground, so they can put out branches and leaves and bloom.

For a few seconds she shone into my face with her blue eyes in silence.

For a few seconds, her blue eyes shone into mine in silence.

“I saw you on the Day of Unanimity.”

“I saw you on the Day of Unanimity.”

“I saw you, too.” I at once remembered; below, in a narrow passage she had stood, pressing herself to the wall, protecting her abdomen with her arms, and automatically I glanced now at her abdomen which rounded the unif. She must have noticed, for she became pink, and with a rosy smile:

“I saw you, too.” I remembered at once. She had stood below in a narrow passage, pressed against the wall, protecting her abdomen with her arms. I automatically glanced at her abdomen now, where it curved beneath her unif. She must have noticed, because she blushed and, with a rosy smile:

“I am so happy ... so happy! I am so full of ... you understand, I am ... I walk and I hear nothing around me.... And all the while I listen within, within me....”

“I’m so happy ... so happy! I’m so full of ... you understand, I’m ... I walk and hear nothing around me.... And all the while, I listen inside, inside myself....”

I was silent. Something foreign was shadowing my face and I was unable to rid myself of it. Suddenly, all shining, light blue, she caught my hand; I felt her lips upon it.... It was for the first time in my life.... It was some ancient caress as yet unknown to me.... And I was so ashamed and it pained me so much that I swiftly, I think even roughly, pulled my hand away.

I said nothing. Something unfamiliar cast a shadow over my face, and I couldn't get rid of it. Suddenly, shining all over, light blue, she took my hand. I felt her lips on it.... It was the first time in my life.... It was an ancient caress, one I had never known before.... I was so ashamed and it hurt so much that I quickly pulled my hand away, I think even roughly.

“Listen, you are crazy, it seems.... And anyway you ... what are you happy about? Is it possible that you forget what is ahead of you? If not now, then within a month or two....”

“Listen, you seem to be crazy.... And anyway, you ... what are you so happy about? Have you forgotten what lies ahead of you? If not now, then within a month or two....”

Her light went out, her roundness sagged and shrank. And in my heart an unpleasant, even a painful compression, mixed with pity. Our heart is nothing else than an ideal pump: a compression, i.e., a shrinking at the moment of pumping, is a technical absurdity. Hence it is clear how essentially absurd, unnatural and pathological are all these “loves” and “pities,” etc., etc., which create that compression....

Her light went out, and her roundness sagged and shrank. In my heart, I felt an unpleasant, even painful squeezing, mixed with pity. Our heart is nothing more than an ideal pump. For it to squeeze, that is, shrink, while pumping is a technical absurdity. So it is clear how completely absurd, unnatural, and pathological all these “loves” and “pities,” etc., etc., are. They create that squeezing....

Silence. To the left the cloudy green glass of the Wall. And just ahead the dark red mass. Those two colors combined, gave me as a resultant what I thought was a splendid idea.

Silence. To the left, the cloudy green glass of the Wall. Just ahead, the dark red mass. The two colors together gave me what I thought was a splendid idea.

“Wait! I know how to save you! I shall save you from.... To see one’s own child for a few moments only and then be sent to death! No! You shall be able to bring it up! You shall watch it and see it grow in your arms, and ripen like a fruit....”

“Wait! I know how to save you! I’ll save you from.... To see your own child for only a few moments and then be sent to your death! No! You’ll be able to raise your child! You’ll watch your child grow in your arms and ripen like a fruit....”

Her body quivered and she seemed to have chained herself to me.

Her body trembled, and she seemed to have chained herself to me.

“Do you remember that woman, I-330? That ... of ... of long ago?... Who during that walk?... Well, she is now right here, in the Ancient House. Let us go to her and I assure you that I shall arrange matters at once.”

“Do you remember that woman, I-330? That ... from ... from long ago?... Who during that walk?... Well, she is right here now, in the Ancient House. Let’s go to her. I assure you, I’ll arrange everything at once.”

I already pictured us, I-330 and I, leading O-90 through the corridors ... then how she would be brought amidst flowers, grass, and leaves.... But O-90 stepped back, the little horns of her rosy crescent trembling and bending downward.

I was already imagining I-330 and me leading O-90 through the corridors ... and then bringing her among flowers, grass, and leaves.... But O-90 stepped back, the little horns of her rosy crescent trembling and drooping.

“Is she that same one?” she asked.

“Is she the same one?” she asked.

“That is....” I was confused for some reason. “Yes, of course ... that very same....”

“I mean....” For some reason, I was confused. “Yes, of course ... that very same....”

“And you want me to go to her, to ask her ... to.... Don’t you ever dare to say another word about it!”

“And you want me to go to her, to ask her ... to.... Don’t you ever say another word about it!”

Leaning over, she walked away.... Then as if she remembered something, she turned around and cried:

Leaning over, she walked away.... Then, as if she remembered something, she turned around and called out:

“I shall die; be it so! And it is none of your business ... what do you care?”

“I’ll die. So be it! And it’s none of your business ... what do you care?”

Silence. From above pieces of blue towers and walls were falling downward with terrific speed ... they will have perhaps hours or days to fly through the infinite.... Unseen threads were slowly floating through the air, planting themselves upon my face, and it was impossible to brush them off, impossible to rid myself of them.

Silence. Pieces of blue towers and walls were falling from above at tremendous speed ... perhaps they would fly through infinity for hours or days.... Invisible threads floated slowly through the air and settled on my face. I could not brush them off or get rid of them.

I walked slowly toward the Ancient House and in my heart I felt that absurd, tormenting compression....

I walked slowly toward the Ancient House, feeling that absurd, agonizing tightness in my heart....