THE joys of parents are secret; and so are their griefs and fears. They cannot utter the one; nor they will not utter the other. Children sweeten labors; but they make misfortunes more bitter. They increase the cares of life; but they mitigate the remembrance of death. The perpetuity by generation is common to beasts; but memory, merit, and noble works, are proper to men. And surely a man shall see the noblest works and foundations have proceeded from childless men; which have sought to express the images of their minds, where those of their bodies have failed. So the care of posterity is most in them, that have no posterity. They that are the first raisers of their houses, are most indulgent towards their children; beholding them as the continuance, not only of their kind, but of their work; and so both children and creatures.
Parents’ joys are private, and so are their sorrows and fears. They cannot express their joys, and they will not express their sorrows and fears. Children make hard work sweeter, but they make misfortunes more bitter. They add to life’s worries, but they soften the thought of death. Continuing through offspring is something we share with animals. But being remembered, earning honor, and doing noble work belong to human beings alone. Indeed, the noblest works and institutions have come from childless men. They have sought to leave an image of their minds where they could leave none of their bodies. So concern for future generations is greatest among those who have no descendants. Men who first establish their family’s standing are most indulgent toward their children. They see them as continuing not only their family line but also their work. To them, their children are both their offspring and their creations.
The difference in affection, of parents towards their several children, is many times unequal; and sometimes unworthy; especially in the mothers; as Solomon saith, A wise son rejoiceth the father, but an ungracious son shames the mother. A man shall see, where there is a house full of children, one or two of the eldest respected, and the youngest made wantons; but in the midst, some that are as it were forgotten, who many times, nevertheless, prove the best. The illiberality of parents, in allowance towards their children, is an harmful error; makes them base; acquaints them with shifts; makes them sort with mean company; and makes them surfeit more when they come to plenty. And therefore the proof is best, when men keep their authority towards the children, but not their purse. Men have a foolish manner (both parents and schoolmasters and servants) in creating and breeding an emulation between brothers, during childhood, which many times sorteth to discord when they are men, and disturbeth families. The Italians make little difference between children, and nephews or near kinsfolks; but so they be of the lump, they care not though they pass not through their own body. And, to say truth, in nature it is much a like matter; insomuch that we see a nephew sometimes resembleth an uncle, or a kinsman, more than his own parent; as the blood happens. Let parents choose betimes, the vocations and courses they mean their children should take; for then they are most flexible; and let them not too much apply themselves to the disposition of their children, as thinking they will take best to that, which they have most mind to. It is true, that if the affection or aptness of the children be extraordinary, then it is good not to cross it; but generally the precept is good, optimum elige, suave et facile illud faciet consuetudo. Younger brothers are commonly fortunate, but seldom or never where the elder are disinherited.
Parents often love their children unequally, and sometimes unfairly, especially mothers. As Solomon says, a wise son brings his father joy, but a wayward son brings his mother shame. In a large family, one or two of the eldest children receive respect, while the youngest are spoiled. Some in the middle are almost forgotten, yet they often turn out best. Parents make a harmful mistake when they give their children too little money. This makes them petty, teaches them dishonest tricks, and leads them into low company. It also makes them more excessive when they eventually have plenty. Experience therefore shows that parents should maintain their authority over their children, but not hold back their money. Parents, schoolmasters, and servants foolishly encourage rivalry between brothers during childhood. This often leads to conflict when they become men and disrupts families. Italians make little distinction between their children and their nephews or close relatives. As long as they belong to the same family, they do not mind whether they are their own offspring. In truth, there is little difference in nature. We sometimes see a nephew resemble an uncle or another relative more than his own parent. It depends on how family traits are inherited. Parents should choose early the occupations and paths they intend their children to follow, while they are most adaptable. They should not place too much weight on their children's inclinations. They should not assume children will do best at whatever they most want to do. If a child's interest or ability is exceptional, however, it is best not to oppose it. But generally, this is a good rule: choose what is best, and habit will make it pleasant and easy. Younger brothers commonly prosper, but seldom or never when the elder brothers have been disinherited.