TO SEEK to extinguish anger utterly, is but a bravery of the Stoics. We have better oracles: Be angry, but sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your anger. Anger must be limited and confined, both in race and in time. We will first speak how the natural inclination and habit to be angry, may be attempted and calmed. Secondly, how the particular motions of anger may be repressed, or at least refrained from doing mischief. Thirdly, how to raise anger, or appease anger in another.
Trying to eliminate anger entirely is merely a boast of the Stoics. We have better guides: Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun set on your anger. Anger must be limited in both its scope and its duration. First, we will discuss how to address and calm a natural tendency or habit of anger. Second, we will consider how to suppress individual bursts of anger, or at least prevent them from causing harm. Third, we will discuss how to stir up or calm anger in someone else.
For the first; there is no other way but to meditate, and ruminate well upon the effects of anger, how it troubles man's life. And the best time to do this, is to look back upon anger, when the fit is thoroughly over. Seneca saith well, That anger is like ruin, which breaks itself upon that it falls. The Scripture exhorteth us to possess our souls in patience. Whosoever is out of patience, is out of possession of his soul. Men must not turn bees;
As for the first point, the only way is to think carefully about anger’s effects and how it troubles life. The best time to do this is after the anger has completely passed. Seneca puts it well. Anger is like a collapsing building that breaks itself against whatever it falls on. Scripture urges us to keep control of our souls through patience. Whoever loses patience loses control of his soul. People must not become like bees.
... animasque in vulnere ponunt.
... and give their lives to inflict a wound.
Anger is certainly a kind of baseness; as it appears well in the weakness of those subjects in whom it reigns; children, women, old folks, sick folks. Only men must beware, that they carry their anger rather with scorn, than with fear; so that they may seem rather to be above the injury, than below it; which is a thing easily done, if a man will give law to himself in it.
Anger is certainly a kind of baseness. This is clear from the weakness of those it rules: children, women, old people, and sick people. But men must take care to show their anger with contempt rather than fear. They should seem above the injury rather than overwhelmed by it. This is easily done if a man sets rules for himself in expressing his anger.
For the second point; the causes and motives of anger, are chiefly three. First, to be too sensible of hurt; for no man is angry, that feels not himself hurt; and therefore tender and delicate persons must needs be oft angry; they have so many things to trouble them, which more robust natures have little sense of. The next is, the apprehension and construction of the injury offered, to be, in the circumstances thereof, full of contempt: for contempt is that, which putteth an edge upon anger, as much or more than the hurt itself. And therefore, when men are ingenious in picking out circumstances of contempt, they do kindle their anger much. Lastly, opinion of the touch of a man's reputation, doth multiply and sharpen anger. Wherein the remedy is, that a man should have, as Consalvo was wont to say, telam honoris crassiorem. But in all refrainings of anger, it is the best remedy to win time; and to make a man's self believe, that the opportunity of his revenge is not yet come, but that he foresees a time for it; and so to still himself in the meantime, and reserve it.
On the second point, there are three main causes and motives for anger. The first is being too sensitive to hurt. No one is angry without feeling hurt. Sensitive and delicate people must therefore often be angry. So many things trouble them that tougher people barely notice. The next cause is seeing an injury, in its particular circumstances, as deeply contemptuous. Contempt sharpens anger as much as, or more than, the hurt itself. So people who are clever at finding signs of contempt greatly inflame their anger. Lastly, believing that one's reputation has been damaged increases and sharpens anger. The remedy is to have, as Consalvo used to say, a thicker covering for one's honor. But in all efforts to restrain anger, the best remedy is to gain time. A person should persuade himself that the opportunity for revenge has not yet come, but that he foresees one. This lets him calm himself for the moment and put off his revenge.
To contain anger from mischief, though it take hold of a man, there be two things, whereof you must have special caution. The one, of extreme bitterness of words, especially if they be aculeate and proper; for cummunia maledicta are nothing so much; and again, that in anger a man reveal no secrets; for that, makes him not fit for society. The other, that you do not peremptorily break off, in any business, in a fit of anger; but howsoever you show bitterness, do not act anything, that is not revocable.
To keep anger from causing harm, even when it takes hold of you, be especially careful about two things. First, avoid extremely bitter words, especially sharp, personal insults. General insults do far less harm. Also, do not reveal secrets in anger, for that makes you unfit for society. Second, do not abruptly and finally break off any business in a fit of anger. However much bitterness you show, do nothing that cannot be undone.
For raising and appeasing anger in another; it is done chiefly by choosing of times, when men are frowardest and worst disposed, to incense them. Again, by gathering (as was touched before) all that you can find out, to aggravate the contempt. And the two remedies are by the contraries. The former to take good times, when first to relate to a man an angry business; for the first impression is much; and the other is, to sever, as much as may be, the construction of the injury from the point of contempt; imputing it to misunderstanding, fear, passion, or what you will.
To stir up anger in someone, choose times when they are most irritable and in the worst mood. This is the main way to provoke them. Another way, as mentioned earlier, is to gather all you can find to make the disrespect seem greater. The two remedies are the opposite of these methods. First, choose a good time to tell someone about a matter that could anger them. The first impression matters a great deal. Second, separate the harm done from any suggestion of disrespect, as much as possible. Attribute it to misunderstanding, fear, strong emotion, or whatever else you choose.