Chapter 12

“I lay on my straw, but I could not sleep. I thought of the occurrences of the day. What chiefly struck me was the gentle manners of these people, and I longed to join them, but dared not. I remembered too well the treatment I had suffered the night before from the barbarous villagers, and resolved, whatever course of conduct I might hereafter think it right to pursue, that for the present I would remain quietly in my hovel, watching and endeavouring to discover the motives which influenced their actions.

“I lay on my straw, but I could not sleep. I thought about the day’s events. What struck me most was how gentle these people were. I longed to join them, but I did not dare. I remembered too well how the cruel villagers had treated me the night before. Whatever I might later decide was right to do, I resolved to stay quietly in my hovel for now. I would watch the people and try to discover what motivated their actions.

“The cottagers arose the next morning before the sun. The young woman arranged the cottage and prepared the food, and the youth departed after the first meal.

“The cottagers woke the next morning before sunrise. The young woman tidied the cottage and prepared the food. The young man left after the first meal.

“This day was passed in the same routine as that which preceded it. The young man was constantly employed out of doors, and the girl in various laborious occupations within. The old man, whom I soon perceived to be blind, employed his leisure hours on his instrument or in contemplation. Nothing could exceed the love and respect which the younger cottagers exhibited towards their venerable companion. They performed towards him every little office of affection and duty with gentleness, and he rewarded them by his benevolent smiles.

“This day followed the same routine as the day before. The young man was always busy outdoors, while the girl did various demanding chores inside. I soon realized that the old man was blind. He spent his free hours playing his instrument or thinking. Nothing could exceed the love and respect the younger cottagers showed their honored companion. They gently performed every small act of affection and duty for him, and he rewarded them with kind smiles.

“They were not entirely happy. The young man and his companion often went apart and appeared to weep. I saw no cause for their unhappiness, but I was deeply affected by it. If such lovely creatures were miserable, it was less strange that I, an imperfect and solitary being, should be wretched. Yet why were these gentle beings unhappy? They possessed a delightful house (for such it was in my eyes) and every luxury; they had a fire to warm them when chill and delicious viands when hungry; they were dressed in excellent clothes; and, still more, they enjoyed one another’s company and speech, interchanging each day looks of affection and kindness. What did their tears imply? Did they really express pain? I was at first unable to solve these questions, but perpetual attention and time explained to me many appearances which were at first enigmatic.

“They were not completely happy. The young man and his companion often went away together and seemed to cry. I could see no reason for their unhappiness, but it deeply affected me. If such lovely creatures were miserable, it was less surprising that I, imperfect and alone, should be miserable. Yet why were these gentle beings unhappy? They had a lovely house, at least in my eyes, and every luxury. They had a fire to warm them when they were cold and delicious food when they were hungry. They wore excellent clothes. More than that, they had each other’s company and could talk together. Each day they exchanged affectionate and kind looks. What did their tears mean? Did they really show pain? At first, I could not answer these questions. But by watching them constantly over time, I came to understand many things that had puzzled me at first.

“A considerable period elapsed before I discovered one of the causes of the uneasiness of this amiable family: it was poverty, and they suffered that evil in a very distressing degree. Their nourishment consisted entirely of the vegetables of their garden and the milk of one cow, which gave very little during the winter, when its masters could scarcely procure food to support it. They often, I believe, suffered the pangs of hunger very poignantly, especially the two younger cottagers, for several times they placed food before the old man when they reserved none for themselves.

“It was a long time before I discovered one reason this kind family was troubled. They were desperately poor. They lived entirely on vegetables from their garden and milk from one cow. The cow gave very little milk during the winter, when the family could barely find enough food to keep it alive. I believe they often suffered terribly from hunger, especially the two younger people in the cottage. Several times, they gave food to the old man and kept none for themselves.

“This trait of kindness moved me sensibly. I had been accustomed, during the night, to steal a part of their store for my own consumption, but when I found that in doing this I inflicted pain on the cottagers, I abstained and satisfied myself with berries, nuts, and roots which I gathered from a neighbouring wood.

“This act of kindness moved me deeply. I had grown used to stealing some of their food at night for myself. But when I discovered that this caused the cottagers pain, I stopped. Instead, I satisfied myself with berries, nuts, and roots that I gathered from a nearby wood.

“I discovered also another means through which I was enabled to assist their labours. I found that the youth spent a great part of each day in collecting wood for the family fire, and during the night I often took his tools, the use of which I quickly discovered, and brought home firing sufficient for the consumption of several days.

“I also found another way to help them with their work. The young man spent much of each day gathering wood for the family fire. At night, I often took his tools and quickly learned how to use them. I brought home enough firewood to last several days.

“I remember, the first time that I did this, the young woman, when she opened the door in the morning, appeared greatly astonished on seeing a great pile of wood on the outside. She uttered some words in a loud voice, and the youth joined her, who also expressed surprise. I observed, with pleasure, that he did not go to the forest that day, but spent it in repairing the cottage and cultivating the garden.

“I remember the first time I did this. When the young woman opened the door that morning, she seemed very surprised to see a large pile of wood outside. She called out, and the young man joined her. He was surprised too. I was pleased to see that he did not go to the forest that day. Instead, he spent the day repairing the cottage and tending the garden.

“By degrees I made a discovery of still greater moment. I found that these people possessed a method of communicating their experience and feelings to one another by articulate sounds. I perceived that the words they spoke sometimes produced pleasure or pain, smiles or sadness, in the minds and countenances of the hearers. This was indeed a godlike science, and I ardently desired to become acquainted with it. But I was baffled in every attempt I made for this purpose. Their pronunciation was quick, and the words they uttered, not having any apparent connection with visible objects, I was unable to discover any clue by which I could unravel the mystery of their reference. By great application, however, and after having remained during the space of several revolutions of the moon in my hovel, I discovered the names that were given to some of the most familiar objects of discourse; I learned and applied the words, fire, milk, bread, and wood. I learned also the names of the cottagers themselves. The youth and his companion had each of them several names, but the old man had only one, which was father. The girl was called sister or Agatha, and the youth Felix, brother, or son. I cannot describe the delight I felt when I learned the ideas appropriated to each of these sounds and was able to pronounce them. I distinguished several other words without being able as yet to understand or apply them, such as good, dearest, unhappy.

“Gradually, I made an even more important discovery. I found that these people could share their experiences and feelings with one another through spoken sounds. I noticed that their words sometimes brought pleasure or pain to their listeners, or made them smile or look sad. This was truly a godlike science, and I eagerly wanted to learn it. But every attempt I made failed. They spoke quickly, and their words seemed to have no connection to visible objects. I could find no clue to the mystery of what the words meant. However, I worked hard, and after spending several months in my shelter, I discovered the names of some familiar things they talked about. I learned and used the words fire, milk, bread, and wood. I also learned the names of the people in the cottage. The young man and his companion each had several names, but the old man had only one, father. The girl was called sister or Agatha, and the young man was called Felix, brother, or son. I cannot describe my delight when I learned what each of these sounds meant and could pronounce them. I recognized several other words, though I could not yet understand or use them, such as good, dearest, unhappy.

“I spent the winter in this manner. The gentle manners and beauty of the cottagers greatly endeared them to me; when they were unhappy, I felt depressed; when they rejoiced, I sympathised in their joys. I saw few human beings besides them, and if any other happened to enter the cottage, their harsh manners and rude gait only enhanced to me the superior accomplishments of my friends. The old man, I could perceive, often endeavoured to encourage his children, as sometimes I found that he called them, to cast off their melancholy. He would talk in a cheerful accent, with an expression of goodness that bestowed pleasure even upon me. Agatha listened with respect, her eyes sometimes filled with tears, which she endeavoured to wipe away unperceived; but I generally found that her countenance and tone were more cheerful after having listened to the exhortations of her father. It was not thus with Felix. He was always the saddest of the group, and even to my unpractised senses, he appeared to have suffered more deeply than his friends. But if his countenance was more sorrowful, his voice was more cheerful than that of his sister, especially when he addressed the old man.

“I spent the winter this way. The cottagers’ gentle manners and beauty made me very fond of them. When they were unhappy, I felt depressed. When they were happy, I shared their joy. I saw few other people. If anyone else entered the cottage, their harsh manners and rough walk only made my friends’ finer qualities stand out more. The old man often tried to lift his children’s spirits. I sometimes heard him call them his children. He spoke cheerfully, with an expression of kindness that gave pleasure even to me. Agatha listened respectfully. Her eyes sometimes filled with tears, which she tried to wipe away without being noticed. But after listening to her father’s encouragement, she usually looked and sounded more cheerful. It was different with Felix. He was always the saddest of the group. Even to my inexperienced senses, he seemed to have suffered more deeply than his friends. But though he looked sadder than his sister, his voice was more cheerful, especially when he spoke to the old man.

“I could mention innumerable instances which, although slight, marked the dispositions of these amiable cottagers. In the midst of poverty and want, Felix carried with pleasure to his sister the first little white flower that peeped out from beneath the snowy ground. Early in the morning, before she had risen, he cleared away the snow that obstructed her path to the milk-house, drew water from the well, and brought the wood from the outhouse, where, to his perpetual astonishment, he found his store always replenished by an invisible hand. In the day, I believe, he worked sometimes for a neighbouring farmer, because he often went forth and did not return until dinner, yet brought no wood with him. At other times he worked in the garden, but as there was little to do in the frosty season, he read to the old man and Agatha.

“I could mention countless small examples that showed the character of these kind cottagers. Despite their poverty and hardship, Felix gladly brought his sister the first little white flower that appeared beneath the snow. Early in the morning, before she got up, he cleared the snow from her path to the milk-house. He drew water from the well and brought wood from the shed. To his constant amazement, he always found that an invisible hand had replenished his supply there. I believe he sometimes worked for a neighboring farmer during the day. He often went out and did not return until dinner, yet he brought no wood with him. At other times, he worked in the garden. But because there was little to do during the frosty season, he read to the old man and Agatha.

“This reading had puzzled me extremely at first, but by degrees I discovered that he uttered many of the same sounds when he read as when he talked. I conjectured, therefore, that he found on the paper signs for speech which he understood, and I ardently longed to comprehend these also; but how was that possible when I did not even understand the sounds for which they stood as signs? I improved, however, sensibly in this science, but not sufficiently to follow up any kind of conversation, although I applied my whole mind to the endeavour, for I easily perceived that, although I eagerly longed to discover myself to the cottagers, I ought not to make the attempt until I had first become master of their language, which knowledge might enable me to make them overlook the deformity of my figure, for with this also the contrast perpetually presented to my eyes had made me acquainted.

“At first, his reading puzzled me greatly. But gradually I noticed that he made many of the same sounds when he read as when he talked. I guessed that he understood the marks on the paper as signs for words. I longed to understand them too. But how could I, when I did not even understand the sounds they stood for? Still, I made noticeable progress in learning the language. I gave it my full attention, but I had not learned enough to follow any conversation. Though I longed to reveal myself to the cottagers, I knew I should not try until I had mastered their language. That knowledge might help me persuade them to overlook my misshapen appearance. The constant contrast between their appearance and mine had made me aware of my deformity.”

“I had admired the perfect forms of my cottagers—their grace, beauty, and delicate complexions; but how was I terrified when I viewed myself in a transparent pool! At first I started back, unable to believe that it was indeed I who was reflected in the mirror; and when I became fully convinced that I was in reality the monster that I am, I was filled with the bitterest sensations of despondence and mortification. Alas! I did not yet entirely know the fatal effects of this miserable deformity.

“I had admired the perfect forms of the people in the cottage, their grace, beauty, and delicate complexions. But I was terrified when I saw myself in a clear pool! At first I drew back, unable to believe that the reflection was really mine. When I finally realized that I was truly the monster I am, I felt bitter despair and shame. Alas! I did not yet fully understand the terrible effects of my miserable deformity.

“As the sun became warmer and the light of day longer, the snow vanished, and I beheld the bare trees and the black earth. From this time Felix was more employed, and the heart-moving indications of impending famine disappeared. Their food, as I afterwards found, was coarse, but it was wholesome; and they procured a sufficiency of it. Several new kinds of plants sprang up in the garden, which they dressed; and these signs of comfort increased daily as the season advanced.

“As the sun grew warmer and the days grew longer, the snow disappeared. I saw the bare trees and the black earth. From then on, Felix had more work, and the heartbreaking signs of approaching famine disappeared. As I later learned, their food was plain but nourishing, and they had enough of it. Several new kinds of plants sprang up in the garden, and they tended them. As the season advanced, these signs of comfort increased each day.

“The old man, leaning on his son, walked each day at noon, when it did not rain, as I found it was called when the heavens poured forth its waters. This frequently took place, but a high wind quickly dried the earth, and the season became far more pleasant than it had been.

“The old man leaned on his son and walked every day at noon, when it did not rain. I learned that rain was the word for water pouring from the sky. It rained often, but a strong wind quickly dried the earth. The season became much more pleasant than it had been.

“My mode of life in my hovel was uniform. During the morning I attended the motions of the cottagers, and when they were dispersed in various occupations, I slept; the remainder of the day was spent in observing my friends. When they had retired to rest, if there was any moon or the night was star-light, I went into the woods and collected my own food and fuel for the cottage. When I returned, as often as it was necessary, I cleared their path from the snow and performed those offices that I had seen done by Felix. I afterwards found that these labours, performed by an invisible hand, greatly astonished them; and once or twice I heard them, on these occasions, utter the words good spirit, wonderful; but I did not then understand the signification of these terms.

“My life in my shelter followed the same routine. In the morning, I watched the cottagers. When they went off to their various tasks, I slept. I spent the rest of the day watching my friends. After they went to bed, I went into the woods if there was moonlight or starlight. There I gathered my own food and firewood for the cottage. When I returned, I cleared snow from their path whenever necessary and did the chores I had seen Felix do. I later learned that these tasks, performed by an invisible hand, greatly astonished them. Once or twice, I heard them say the words good spirit, wonderful on these occasions. But I did not understand what those words meant then.

“My thoughts now became more active, and I longed to discover the motives and feelings of these lovely creatures; I was inquisitive to know why Felix appeared so miserable and Agatha so sad. I thought (foolish wretch!) that it might be in my power to restore happiness to these deserving people. When I slept or was absent, the forms of the venerable blind father, the gentle Agatha, and the excellent Felix flitted before me. I looked upon them as superior beings who would be the arbiters of my future destiny. I formed in my imagination a thousand pictures of presenting myself to them, and their reception of me. I imagined that they would be disgusted, until, by my gentle demeanour and conciliating words, I should first win their favour and afterwards their love.

“My thoughts grew more active, and I longed to understand the motives and feelings of these lovely creatures. I wondered why Felix seemed so miserable and Agatha so sad. Fool that I was! I thought I might be able to restore happiness to these deserving people. When I slept or was away, the images of the respected blind father, gentle Agatha, and excellent Felix passed before me. I saw them as superior beings who would decide my future. I imagined a thousand ways I might present myself to them and how they might receive me. I imagined they would be disgusted at first. But I would win their favor, and then their love, through my gentle manner and friendly words.

“These thoughts exhilarated me and led me to apply with fresh ardour to the acquiring the art of language. My organs were indeed harsh, but supple; and although my voice was very unlike the soft music of their tones, yet I pronounced such words as I understood with tolerable ease. It was as the ass and the lap-dog; yet surely the gentle ass whose intentions were affectionate, although his manners were rude, deserved better treatment than blows and execration.

“These thoughts thrilled me and inspired me to learn language with renewed enthusiasm. My speech organs were rough but flexible. My voice was very different from the soft music of their voices. Even so, I could pronounce the words I understood fairly easily. It was like the story of the donkey and the lapdog. Yet surely the gentle donkey, whose intentions were affectionate though his manners were rough, deserved better than blows and curses.

“The pleasant showers and genial warmth of spring greatly altered the aspect of the earth. Men who before this change seemed to have been hid in caves dispersed themselves and were employed in various arts of cultivation. The birds sang in more cheerful notes, and the leaves began to bud forth on the trees. Happy, happy earth! Fit habitation for gods, which, so short a time before, was bleak, damp, and unwholesome. My spirits were elevated by the enchanting appearance of nature; the past was blotted from my memory, the present was tranquil, and the future gilded by bright rays of hope and anticipations of joy.”

“The pleasant showers and gentle warmth of spring greatly changed the look of the earth. Men who had seemed to be hiding in caves before this change came out and began working the land. The birds sang more cheerful songs, and leaves began to bud on the trees. Happy, happy earth! It was a home fit for gods, though only a short time before it had been bleak, damp, and unhealthy. The enchanting beauty of nature lifted my spirits. The past was erased from my memory, the present was peaceful, and the future shone with bright hope and the promise of joy.”