Chapter 13

“I now hasten to the more moving part of my story. I shall relate events that impressed me with feelings which, from what I had been, have made me what I am.

“I now come to the more moving part of my story. I will tell of events that stirred feelings in me and changed me from what I was into what I am.

“Spring advanced rapidly; the weather became fine and the skies cloudless. It surprised me that what before was desert and gloomy should now bloom with the most beautiful flowers and verdure. My senses were gratified and refreshed by a thousand scents of delight and a thousand sights of beauty.

“Spring came quickly. The weather grew pleasant, and the skies were cloudless. I was surprised that the once barren, gloomy land now bloomed with beautiful flowers and greenery. A thousand delightful scents and a thousand beautiful sights pleased and refreshed my senses.

“It was on one of these days, when my cottagers periodically rested from labour—the old man played on his guitar, and the children listened to him—that I observed the countenance of Felix was melancholy beyond expression; he sighed frequently, and once his father paused in his music, and I conjectured by his manner that he inquired the cause of his son’s sorrow. Felix replied in a cheerful accent, and the old man was recommencing his music when someone tapped at the door.

“One day, when the cottagers were taking one of their regular rests from work, the old man played his guitar. His children listened to him. I noticed that Felix’s face was unbearably sad. He sighed often, and at one point his father stopped playing. From the old man’s manner, I guessed that he was asking why his son was sad. Felix answered in a cheerful voice. The old man was about to resume playing when someone knocked at the door.

“It was a lady on horseback, accompanied by a country-man as a guide. The lady was dressed in a dark suit and covered with a thick black veil. Agatha asked a question, to which the stranger only replied by pronouncing, in a sweet accent, the name of Felix. Her voice was musical but unlike that of either of my friends. On hearing this word, Felix came up hastily to the lady, who, when she saw him, threw up her veil, and I beheld a countenance of angelic beauty and expression. Her hair of a shining raven black, and curiously braided; her eyes were dark, but gentle, although animated; her features of a regular proportion, and her complexion wondrously fair, each cheek tinged with a lovely pink.

“It was a woman on horseback, accompanied by a local man as a guide. She wore a dark outfit and a thick black veil. Agatha asked a question, but the stranger replied only by saying Felix’s name in a sweet accent. Her voice was musical, but unlike the voices of either of my friends. When Felix heard his name, he hurried over to her. As soon as she saw him, she lifted her veil, and I saw a face of angelic beauty and expression. Her shining black hair was intricately braided. Her eyes were dark and lively, yet gentle. Her features were well proportioned, and her complexion was wonderfully fair, with a lovely pink tint on each cheek.

“Felix seemed ravished with delight when he saw her, every trait of sorrow vanished from his face, and it instantly expressed a degree of ecstatic joy, of which I could hardly have believed it capable; his eyes sparkled, as his cheek flushed with pleasure; and at that moment I thought him as beautiful as the stranger. She appeared affected by different feelings; wiping a few tears from her lovely eyes, she held out her hand to Felix, who kissed it rapturously and called her, as well as I could distinguish, his sweet Arabian. She did not appear to understand him, but smiled. He assisted her to dismount, and dismissing her guide, conducted her into the cottage. Some conversation took place between him and his father, and the young stranger knelt at the old man’s feet and would have kissed his hand, but he raised her and embraced her affectionately.

“Felix seemed overcome with delight when he saw her. Every trace of sorrow vanished from his face, replaced instantly by a joy I could hardly have believed him capable of. His eyes sparkled, and his cheeks flushed with pleasure. At that moment, I thought him as beautiful as the stranger. She seemed to have different feelings. Wiping a few tears from her lovely eyes, she held out her hand to Felix. He kissed it joyfully and, as well as I could make out, called her his sweet Arabian. She did not seem to understand him, but she smiled. He helped her dismount, sent her guide away, and led her into the cottage. Felix and his father spoke for a while. Then the young stranger knelt at the old man’s feet and tried to kiss his hand, but he raised her and embraced her affectionately.

“I soon perceived that although the stranger uttered articulate sounds and appeared to have a language of her own, she was neither understood by nor herself understood the cottagers. They made many signs which I did not comprehend, but I saw that her presence diffused gladness through the cottage, dispelling their sorrow as the sun dissipates the morning mists. Felix seemed peculiarly happy and with smiles of delight welcomed his Arabian. Agatha, the ever-gentle Agatha, kissed the hands of the lovely stranger, and pointing to her brother, made signs which appeared to me to mean that he had been sorrowful until she came. Some hours passed thus, while they, by their countenances, expressed joy, the cause of which I did not comprehend. Presently I found, by the frequent recurrence of some sound which the stranger repeated after them, that she was endeavouring to learn their language; and the idea instantly occurred to me that I should make use of the same instructions to the same end. The stranger learned about twenty words at the first lesson; most of them, indeed, were those which I had before understood, but I profited by the others.

“I soon realized that the stranger spoke clearly and seemed to have a language of her own. But she and the cottagers could not understand each other. They made many signs that I did not understand. But I saw that her presence filled the cottage with joy. It drove away their sorrow as the sun clears the morning mist. Felix seemed especially happy and welcomed his Arabian with delighted smiles. Agatha, the ever-gentle Agatha, kissed the lovely stranger’s hands. She pointed to her brother and made signs that seemed to mean he had been sad until the stranger came. Some hours passed this way. Their faces showed joy, though I did not understand its cause. Soon I noticed that the stranger often repeated certain sounds after the cottagers. I realized she was trying to learn their language. It immediately occurred to me that I could use the same lessons to learn it too. The stranger learned about twenty words in her first lesson. Most of them were words I already understood, but I learned from the others.

“As night came on, Agatha and the Arabian retired early. When they separated Felix kissed the hand of the stranger and said, ‘Good night sweet Safie.’ He sat up much longer, conversing with his father, and by the frequent repetition of her name I conjectured that their lovely guest was the subject of their conversation. I ardently desired to understand them, and bent every faculty towards that purpose, but found it utterly impossible.

“As night fell, Agatha and the Arabian went to bed early. When they parted, Felix kissed the stranger’s hand and said, ‘Good night, sweet Safie.’ He stayed up much longer, talking with his father. They mentioned Safie’s name so often that I guessed they were talking about their lovely guest. I wanted desperately to understand them and focused all my attention on their conversation. But I found it completely impossible.

“The next morning Felix went out to his work, and after the usual occupations of Agatha were finished, the Arabian sat at the feet of the old man, and taking his guitar, played some airs so entrancingly beautiful that they at once drew tears of sorrow and delight from my eyes. She sang, and her voice flowed in a rich cadence, swelling or dying away like a nightingale of the woods.

“The next morning, Felix went out to work. After Agatha finished her usual tasks, the Arabian sat at the old man’s feet and took his guitar. She played some melodies so beautifully that they brought tears of sorrow and delight to my eyes. She sang, and her voice flowed in a rich rhythm, rising and fading like a nightingale in the woods.

“When she had finished, she gave the guitar to Agatha, who at first declined it. She played a simple air, and her voice accompanied it in sweet accents, but unlike the wondrous strain of the stranger. The old man appeared enraptured and said some words which Agatha endeavoured to explain to Safie, and by which he appeared to wish to express that she bestowed on him the greatest delight by her music.

“When she finished, she gave the guitar to Agatha, who at first refused it. Agatha played a simple tune and sang sweetly, but her song was unlike the stranger’s wonderful music. The old man seemed delighted and said something that Agatha tried to explain to Safie. He seemed to mean that Agatha’s music gave him the greatest delight.

“The days now passed as peaceably as before, with the sole alteration that joy had taken place of sadness in the countenances of my friends. Safie was always gay and happy; she and I improved rapidly in the knowledge of language, so that in two months I began to comprehend most of the words uttered by my protectors.

“The days passed as peacefully as before. The only change was that my friends’ faces now showed joy instead of sadness. Safie was always cheerful and happy. She and I quickly improved our knowledge of the language. Within two months, I began to understand most of what my protectors said.

“In the meanwhile also the black ground was covered with herbage, and the green banks interspersed with innumerable flowers, sweet to the scent and the eyes, stars of pale radiance among the moonlight woods; the sun became warmer, the nights clear and balmy; and my nocturnal rambles were an extreme pleasure to me, although they were considerably shortened by the late setting and early rising of the sun, for I never ventured abroad during daylight, fearful of meeting with the same treatment I had formerly endured in the first village which I entered.

“Meanwhile, plants covered the dark ground, and countless flowers dotted the green banks. They were beautiful and sweet-smelling, like pale stars among the moonlit woods. The sun grew warmer, and the nights were clear and mild. My nighttime walks gave me great pleasure, although they were much shorter because the sun set late and rose early. I never ventured out during daylight, for fear of being treated as I had been in the first village I entered.

“My days were spent in close attention, that I might more speedily master the language; and I may boast that I improved more rapidly than the Arabian, who understood very little and conversed in broken accents, whilst I comprehended and could imitate almost every word that was spoken.

“I spent my days studying carefully so I could master the language more quickly. I may boast that I learned faster than the Arabian. She understood very little and spoke haltingly, while I understood and could imitate almost every word spoken.

“While I improved in speech, I also learned the science of letters as it was taught to the stranger, and this opened before me a wide field for wonder and delight.

“As I improved my speech, I also learned to read and write alongside the stranger. This opened up a wide world of wonder and delight for me.

“The book from which Felix instructed Safie was Volney’s Ruins of Empires. I should not have understood the purport of this book had not Felix, in reading it, given very minute explanations. He had chosen this work, he said, because the declamatory style was framed in imitation of the Eastern authors. Through this work I obtained a cursory knowledge of history and a view of the several empires at present existing in the world; it gave me an insight into the manners, governments, and religions of the different nations of the earth. I heard of the slothful Asiatics, of the stupendous genius and mental activity of the Grecians, of the wars and wonderful virtue of the early Romans—of their subsequent degenerating—of the decline of that mighty empire, of chivalry, Christianity, and kings. I heard of the discovery of the American hemisphere and wept with Safie over the hapless fate of its original inhabitants.

“The book Felix used to teach Safie was Volney’s Ruins of Empires. I would not have understood its meaning if Felix had not explained it in great detail as he read. He said he had chosen the book because its rhetorical style imitated that of Eastern authors. From it, I gained a general knowledge of history and learned about the empires that now exist in the world. It also gave me insight into the customs, governments, and religions of the different nations of the earth. I heard about the lazy Asiatics and the extraordinary genius and intellectual energy of the Grecians. I heard of the wars and remarkable virtue of the early Romans, their later decline, and the fall of their mighty empire. I also heard about chivalry, Christianity, and kings. I heard about the discovery of the American hemisphere and wept with Safie over the tragic fate of its original inhabitants.

“These wonderful narrations inspired me with strange feelings. Was man, indeed, at once so powerful, so virtuous and magnificent, yet so vicious and base? He appeared at one time a mere scion of the evil principle and at another as all that can be conceived of noble and godlike. To be a great and virtuous man appeared the highest honour that can befall a sensitive being; to be base and vicious, as many on record have been, appeared the lowest degradation, a condition more abject than that of the blind mole or harmless worm. For a long time I could not conceive how one man could go forth to murder his fellow, or even why there were laws and governments; but when I heard details of vice and bloodshed, my wonder ceased and I turned away with disgust and loathing.

“These wonderful stories stirred strange feelings in me. Was humanity really so powerful, virtuous, and magnificent, yet also so vicious and wicked? At times, humans seemed to be the offspring of evil itself. At others, they seemed to embody everything noble and godlike one could imagine. Being a great and virtuous person seemed the highest honor a feeling being could attain. Being wicked and vicious, as many people in history have been, seemed the lowest degradation. It seemed a condition more wretched than that of a blind mole or a harmless worm. For a long time, I could not understand how one person could murder another, or even why laws and governments existed. But when I heard details of wickedness and bloodshed, I no longer wondered. I turned away in disgust and loathing.

“Every conversation of the cottagers now opened new wonders to me. While I listened to the instructions which Felix bestowed upon the Arabian, the strange system of human society was explained to me. I heard of the division of property, of immense wealth and squalid poverty, of rank, descent, and noble blood.

“Every conversation among the cottagers revealed new wonders to me. As I listened to Felix teach the Arabian, I learned about the strange system of human society. I heard about how property was divided, about immense wealth and squalid poverty, and about rank, ancestry, and noble blood.

“The words induced me to turn towards myself. I learned that the possessions most esteemed by your fellow creatures were high and unsullied descent united with riches. A man might be respected with only one of these advantages, but without either he was considered, except in very rare instances, as a vagabond and a slave, doomed to waste his powers for the profits of the chosen few! And what was I? Of my creation and creator I was absolutely ignorant, but I knew that I possessed no money, no friends, no kind of property. I was, besides, endued with a figure hideously deformed and loathsome; I was not even of the same nature as man. I was more agile than they and could subsist upon coarser diet; I bore the extremes of heat and cold with less injury to my frame; my stature far exceeded theirs. When I looked around I saw and heard of none like me. Was I, then, a monster, a blot upon the earth, from which all men fled and whom all men disowned?

“Those words made me think about myself. I learned that your fellow creatures valued noble, unblemished ancestry combined with wealth above all else. A man might be respected if he had only one of these advantages. But a man with neither was seen as a vagabond and a slave, except in very rare cases. He was doomed to waste his abilities for the profit of a chosen few! And what was I? I knew nothing at all about my creation or my creator. But I knew I had no money, no friends, and no property of any kind. Besides, my body was hideously deformed and disgusting. I was not even of the same nature as a human being. I was more agile than humans and could survive on rougher food. Heat and cold did less harm to my body, and I was much taller than they were. When I looked around, I saw and heard of no one like me. Was I, then, a monster, a blot on the earth, from whom all people fled and whom all people rejected?

“I cannot describe to you the agony that these reflections inflicted upon me; I tried to dispel them, but sorrow only increased with knowledge. Oh, that I had for ever remained in my native wood, nor known nor felt beyond the sensations of hunger, thirst, and heat!

“I cannot describe the agony these thoughts caused me. I tried to push them away, but the more I learned, the more sorrow I felt. Oh, if only I had stayed forever in the woods where I was born! If only I had known and felt nothing beyond hunger, thirst, and heat!

“Of what a strange nature is knowledge! It clings to the mind when it has once seized on it like a lichen on the rock. I wished sometimes to shake off all thought and feeling, but I learned that there was but one means to overcome the sensation of pain, and that was death—a state which I feared yet did not understand. I admired virtue and good feelings and loved the gentle manners and amiable qualities of my cottagers, but I was shut out from intercourse with them, except through means which I obtained by stealth, when I was unseen and unknown, and which rather increased than satisfied the desire I had of becoming one among my fellows. The gentle words of Agatha and the animated smiles of the charming Arabian were not for me. The mild exhortations of the old man and the lively conversation of the loved Felix were not for me. Miserable, unhappy wretch!

“How strange knowledge is! Once it takes hold, it clings to the mind like lichen to a rock. Sometimes I wished I could shake off all thought and feeling. But I learned that death was the only way to overcome pain. I feared death, yet I did not understand it. I admired virtue and kindness. I loved the gentle manners and kind qualities of my cottagers. But I was shut out from contact with them, except for what I gained secretly, unseen and unknown. That contact only increased my desire to be one among my fellows, rather than satisfying it. Agatha’s gentle words and the charming Arabian’s lively smiles were not for me. The old man’s gentle advice and the beloved Felix’s lively conversation were not for me. Miserable, unhappy wretch!

“Other lessons were impressed upon me even more deeply. I heard of the difference of sexes, and the birth and growth of children, how the father doted on the smiles of the infant, and the lively sallies of the older child, how all the life and cares of the mother were wrapped up in the precious charge, how the mind of youth expanded and gained knowledge, of brother, sister, and all the various relationships which bind one human being to another in mutual bonds.

“Other lessons made an even deeper impression on me. I learned about the difference between the sexes and how children are born and grow. I learned how a father delighted in his infant’s smiles and his older child’s lively remarks. A mother’s whole life and all her cares were devoted to her precious child. I learned how a young mind grew and gained knowledge. I also learned about brothers, sisters, and all the other relationships that bind people to one another.

“But where were my friends and relations? No father had watched my infant days, no mother had blessed me with smiles and caresses; or if they had, all my past life was now a blot, a blind vacancy in which I distinguished nothing. From my earliest remembrance I had been as I then was in height and proportion. I had never yet seen a being resembling me or who claimed any intercourse with me. What was I? The question again recurred, to be answered only with groans.

“But where were my friends and relatives? No father had watched over me as a baby. No mother had blessed me with smiles and caresses. Or if they had, my entire past was now a blank, a dark void in which I could make out nothing. As far back as I could remember, I had been the same height and build as I was then. I had never seen anyone who looked like me or sought any connection with me. What was I? The question came back to me, and I could answer it only with groans.

“I will soon explain to what these feelings tended, but allow me now to return to the cottagers, whose story excited in me such various feelings of indignation, delight, and wonder, but which all terminated in additional love and reverence for my protectors (for so I loved, in an innocent, half-painful self-deceit, to call them).”

“I will soon explain where these feelings led me, but first let me return to the cottagers. Their story filled me with indignation, delight, and wonder. But all these feelings led to even greater love and reverence for my protectors. In innocent, half-painful self-deception, I loved to call them my protectors.”