My mind was filled with the question which I made paramount, how to phrase my proposal of marriage to Anzimee. Such occupation of thought is common to all lovers, of every race and nation, where matchmaking is not conducted by the parents.
I was preoccupied with the most important question on my mind: how to propose marriage to Anzimee. This kind of mental rehearsal is typical for lovers of all backgrounds, especially in cultures where parents don't arrange marriages.
Having set my time for the momentous inquiry, I sought Anzimee. The information that she was absent at Roxoi palace one of the three set apart for the Rai, but seldom used by him, was rather perturbing. Lolix resided at Roxoi, and had done so ever since the time when I secured her transference from Menaxithlon. But I was not altered in my purpose of seeing Anzimee; so, while journeying across the city, forty miles to Roxoi, I pondered the new situation. I knew that the two girls were friends, and this fact seemed likely to complicate matters. Arrived at Roxoi, I found Anzimee in the gardens, seated near a cascade that tumbled over a fairy-like cliff into a mammoth dewdrop of a lake. She was alone. As I came near she inquired, in a surprised tone:
After setting a time for the crucial meeting, I went to find Anzimee. Learning she was at Roxoi palace—one of the Rai's three residences, though rarely used—was unsettling. Lolix had lived there since I arranged her move from Menaxithlon. Still determined to see Anzimee, I pondered the situation during my forty-mile journey across the city. Knowing the two girls were friends could complicate matters. At Roxoi, I found Anzimee alone in the gardens, seated near a cascade tumbling over a delicate cliff into a vast, dewdrop-like lake. As I approached, she asked with surprise:
"Where is Lolix?"
"Where's Lolix?"
"Where?" I repeated. "I know not. I was told that she was with thee."
"Where?" I asked again. "I don't know. I was told she was with you."
"And 'twas truth. But she took my vailx and went away, saying that she would go and get thee, that we three might have a little outing together."
"And it was true. She took my air vessel and left, saying she would go fetch you so the three of us could enjoy a short excursion together."
I thought rapidly. To Menaxithlon was forty miles across the city due south. The vailx must therefore take nearly or quite as many minutes going in that direction, and the same returning. Eighty minutes. That would be long enough.
I quickly calculated. Menaxithlon lay forty miles south across the city. The vailx would take nearly as many minutes to travel there and the same to return. Eighty minutes. That should be enough time.
Seating myself beside Anzimee, I took her hand in mine. I had often done the same before, and even clasped her about with my arm, but in a distinctly brotherly way. Now the simple touch of the fingers was electric in effect, and she could at once detect the intensity of excitement which possessed me. The fine language I had intended to use was lost, and instead of trying to regain it I said merely:
I sat down next to Anzimee and took her hand in mine. I'd done this many times before, even putting my arm around her, but always in a brotherly way. This time, though, the simple touch of her fingers sent an electric thrill through me. She immediately sensed my intense excitement. All the eloquent words I'd planned to say vanished, and instead I simply said:
"Anzimee, would words deepen thy certainty of my love for thee? I can not command them; but I ask thee, little girl, to be my wife!"
"Anzimee, would words really make you more certain of my love for you? I can't force them out, but I'm asking you, my dear, to be my wife!"
And for reply she answered in phrase as brief:
Her response was equally concise:
"Zailm, be it so!"
"Very well, Zailm!"
What followed the reader may imagine; thine own fancy will please thee best, for surely the picture is not hard to draw.
You can probably guess what happened next. Use your imagination—it shouldn't be difficult to envision the scene.
When Lolix returned, I had departed, nor this hastily, for she had been delayed in coming back, so that three hours had elapsed since her departure.
By the time Lolix came back, I had already left. My departure wasn't rushed, as she had been gone for three hours, much longer than expected.
I knew that few things were more certain than that Anzimee would confide her joy to Lolix. But I had no misgivings, for I felt every confidence that Lolix would not betray our secret, however terrible the blow might be for her to bear. As I anticipated, Anzimee told the story of my avowal, and of her acceptance of me. When the whole was related, Anzimee said that her friend looked at her a moment, then fell fainting to the floor. When she had been revived, she seemed so calm that even Anzimee did not question her statement that the swoon was due to nervousness. This was at the eventide. Anzimee, filled with happy feelings, saw her friend in bed, dismissed the attendants, soothed her to sleep, and came home. These facts I did not learn until next day. I thought it best to have an interview with Lolix at once, and so experience all the pain and have done with the anguish of it. Deluded mortal!
I was certain Anzimee would share her joy with Lolix. I had no worries, trusting Lolix would keep our secret, despite how painful it might be for her. As expected, Anzimee told Lolix about my declaration of love and her acceptance. After hearing the whole story, Lolix looked at Anzimee for a moment, then fainted. Once revived, she seemed so composed that even Anzimee believed her claim that the fainting was due to nerves. This happened in the evening. Anzimee, filled with happiness, saw her friend to bed, dismissed the attendants, comforted her to sleep, and went home. I didn't learn these details until the next day. I decided to meet with Lolix immediately, thinking it best to face the pain and get it over with. How naive I was!
I went to Roxoi, and going into the Xanatithlon, awaited Lolix, to whom I had sent word that I desired to see her there. She came. Fully ten years seemed to have passed over her since I saw her last. Worn. and pale, with great dark rings under her glorious blue eyes, into which the tears flooded as she caught my quick gaze. Poor girl! But what could I do? that was my thought. I was even a little conscience smitten but very little, for the scales of sin were thick and very numbing to the soul.
I visited Roxoi and entered the Xanatithlon, where I had arranged to meet Lolix. When she arrived, I was shocked by her appearance. She looked as if a decade had passed since our last encounter. Her face was drawn and pale, with dark circles beneath her once-vibrant blue eyes, which welled up with tears as she caught my gaze. I felt a pang of pity for her, but wondered what I could do. A twinge of guilt crossed my mind, but it was fleeting; the weight of my transgressions had dulled my moral sensibilities.
She spoke first:
She broke the silence:
"Oh, my love, my love! Why hast thou done this? Thinkest thou I shall live? I have for long known that no law existed to bar our union, and have waited for thee to do what was right, confident that the day would soon come when thou wouldst ask me to share thy proud name. But--O Incal! my God! my God! " she exclaimed, bursting into a flood of tears, that were as quickly repressed. Then in a calmer voice, full of piteous heartache, she went on:
"Oh, my love! Why have you done this? Do you think I can go on living? I've known for a long time that there was no law preventing our marriage, and I've been waiting for you to do the right thing. I was sure the day would come when you'd ask me to share your proud name. But—Oh God! My God!" she cried, bursting into tears that she quickly stifled. Then, in a calmer voice filled with heartbreaking sorrow, she continued:
"Zailm, I love thee too well, even now, to chide thee! I am thine to do with as thou wilt. I gave thee my life long ago. I gave thee my babe, and thou didst place it in a home where no man might suspect its parentage. Zailm, I have done more also--there was another that--that--O Incal, forgive me! I sent it in to Navazzamin, that it might not accuse thee, Zailm! And now, I, whom thou hast called thy 'blue-eyed darling,' I, who love thee more than I do life, am by thee put aside! O God! Why am I made to suffer thus? Why thus stricken?"
"Zailm, I love you too much, even now, to scold you! I'm yours to do with as you wish. I gave you my life long ago. I gave you my baby, and you placed it in a home where no one would suspect its parentage. Zailm, I've done more—there was another that—that—Oh Incal, forgive me! I sent it to Navazzamin, so it wouldn't accuse you, Zailm! And now, I, whom you've called your 'blue-eyed darling,' I, who love you more than life itself, am cast aside by you! Oh God! Why must I suffer like this? Why am I so afflicted?"
She broke into a storm of agonized weeping, and I sought not to stay the flood, knowing that sometimes tears are a blessed relief. Had she loved me thus? Fool! not to have known it from her actions, which spoke louder than words possibly could. My heart smote me now indeed, and I prayed, prayed to God for forgiveness, and I prayed to her. Too late! Conscience came forth at last, born to smite, sprung like Minerva, full-armed for the combat.
She burst into uncontrollable sobs, and I didn't try to stop her, knowing that crying can sometimes bring relief. Had she loved me so deeply? I felt foolish for not realizing it from her actions, which spoke volumes more than words ever could. My heart ached with regret, and I begged for forgiveness—from God and from her. But it was too late. My conscience finally awoke, emerging fully formed and ready to punish me for my blindness.
When Lolix had recovered calmness, she said, in such heartbroken tones as had never fallen on my ears before:
As Lolix regained her composure, she spoke with a despair I had never heard before:
"Zailm, I forgive thee. Not even now will I betray thee, since whom I once love I will love till death; afterwards, also, if love survive the grave. If thou art come to say the parting word, so be it! But leave me now, for I am almost crazed! Yet remember, my darling, that if thy new life be not happy, though I pray Incal it may be, that there once beat a heart for thee warmer, more loving, perchance truer, than I fancy thou'lt find that of thy new love. I shall not live long to be a shadow over thy peace. Kiss me once as thou wouldst if I were thine own wife in the sight of the world, as I am in that of Incal, and having died, thou wert about to confide my clay to the Unfed Light."
"I forgive you, Zailm. Even now, I won't betray you, for I will love those I've loved until death—and beyond, if love survives the grave. If you've come to say goodbye, so be it. But leave me now, for I'm nearly mad! Remember, my darling, if your new life isn't happy—though I pray to Incal it will be—that once there was a heart that beat for you, warmer, more loving, and perhaps truer than your new love's. I won't live long to cast a shadow over your peace. Kiss me once as if I were your wife in the eyes of the world, as I am in Incal's, and as if I had died, and you were about to commit my body to the Unfed Light."
With these words she stopped, arisen and come before where I sat, and placed her arms around me, drawing me into a embrace. A moment thus, then her lips, chill as those of one who keepeth company with Death, met mine in one long, sobbing kiss! She released her clasp, stood an instant, and was gone. So she left me. Long I sat in the midst of the flowers in the great conservatory at Roxoi.
She fell silent and stood up, approaching where I sat. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace. We stayed like that for a moment before her lips, cold as someone who's familiar with death, met mine in a long, tearful kiss. She let go, paused for a second, and vanished. That's how she left me. I remained seated for a long time among the flowers in Roxoi's vast conservatory.
"The blossoms blushed bright--but a worm was below, The moonlight shone fair--there was blight in the beam; Sweet whispered the breeze but it whispered of woe, And bitterness flowed in the soft-flowing strewn."
The flowers bloomed brilliantly, but decay lurked beneath. Moonlight shone beautifully, yet its glow harbored disease. The breeze whispered sweetly, but its message was sorrow. And in the gentle stream flowed a current of bitterness.
KARMA DISPOSES
FATE DECIDES
That night the banns of my coming marriage with Anzimee would be announced by the Incaliz Mainin in the great temple, for in cases of high social rank it was customary thus to add extra formality to the publication. If, during the ceremony, a death was to occur within the Incalithlon, custom decreed that one entire year must elapse before consummation of the marriage rites. In any event one month must pass after the banns, which were in consequence declared immediately following the engagement. For reasons of his own, Mainin the Incaliz desired that Anzimee should not wed any one; but as he had no authority over and but little acquaintance with her he kept silent respecting his wishes.
That night, the announcement of my upcoming marriage to Anzimee would be made by the High Priest Mainin in the grand temple. This was a custom reserved for those of high social standing, adding extra formality to the occasion. If a death were to occur within the temple during the ceremony, tradition dictated that the marriage could not take place for an entire year. In any case, a month had to pass after the announcement, which was typically made immediately following the engagement. For personal reasons, Mainin the High Priest didn't want Anzimee to marry anyone. However, as he had little authority over her and barely knew her, he kept his wishes to himself.
At the proper hour, Anzimee and myself stood before Mainin the Incaliz, within the Holy Seat. By our side was Rai Gwauxln and Menax, the five of us being the cynosure of the eyes of a great audience.
At the appointed time, Anzimee and I stood before Mainin the Incaliz in the Holy Seat. Beside us were Rai Gwauxln and Menax, the five of us the center of attention for a large crowd.
In a clear, slow voice, the Incaliz began an invocation to Incal. But in the midst of this service, a woman glided quickly across the triangle of the Place of Life, in the center of which was the Maxin. It was Lolix. She was as faultlessly attired as it was her pride always to be. Apart from the awful blaze in her eyes I saw nothing extraordinary in her appearance. But to have stepped into the Place of Life was an impermissible thing, and the act centered all eyes upon her. It meant an appeal to the authority of the Rai.
In a measured, deliberate tone, the Incaliz started a prayer to Incal. However, during this ceremony, a woman swiftly crossed the triangle in the Place of Life, where the Maxin stood at its center. It was Lolix. As always, she was impeccably dressed, taking pride in her appearance. Apart from the intense fire in her eyes, I noticed nothing unusual about her. Yet, entering the Place of Life was strictly forbidden, and her action drew everyone's attention. It signaled an appeal to the Rai's authority.
"What wouldst thou?" asked Gwauxln. "Zo Rai, in Salda, my native land, it was the custom to allow either sex to woo the other in marriage. I wooed this man, the Astika Zailm, ignorant that he loved my friend--how could I know? And now, I pray thee, deny the banns, is thou hast a right to do."
"What do you want?" asked Gwauxln. "Great King, in Salda, my homeland, it was customary for either gender to pursue the other for marriage. I courted this man, the Astika Zailm, unaware that he loved my friend—how could I have known? Now, I beg you, if you have the authority, please cancel the wedding."
"Woman, I am sorry for thee! But the customs of Salda are not those of Poseid. I grant not thy prayer,"
"I'm sorry, miss, but Salda's ways aren't like Poseid's. I can't grant your request."
I had felt a numbing terror lest at fast my crime was to be revealed. But the fear faded as the slender, graceful figure of Lolix turned and was swallowed up in the audience. Then the interrupted banns were renewed. When Mainin said to Anzimee:
A paralyzing dread gripped me, fearing my crime would finally be exposed. But as Lolix's slim, elegant form turned and vanished into the crowd, my anxiety subsided. The ceremony resumed, and Mainin addressed Anzimee:
"Thou dost declare it thy wish to wed this man?" she replied:
"Are you saying you want to marry this man?" she asked.
"I do."
"I do."
"And thou, dost thou declare it to be thy wish to wed this woman?" To which I said: "Even so, Incal not preventing." As I made answer the proceedings were the second time interrupted by Lolix, who again came into the Place of Life, but this time as hurriedly as if pursued. Opposite the Unfed Light she stopped, and said:
"Do you declare your intention to marry this woman?" To which I replied: "Yes, if Incal allows it." As I answered, the ceremony was interrupted for a second time by Lolix, who rushed into the Place of Life as if she were being chased. She halted in front of the Unfed Light and said:
"Incal will prevent! See, I come to wed thee now, Zailm, and here! The God of departed souls shall be our Incaliz, this dagger our wedding proclamation, banns and all!
"I will stop this! Look, I'm here to marry you now, Zailm, right here! The God of the dead will be our priest, and this dagger will serve as our wedding announcement, proclamation, and everything else!"
I ought to have prefaced the narration of the questions put to Anzimee and myself by explaining that after the invocation by Mainin, that person, Anzimee and myself, and the Rai with Menax, had left the Holy Seat and had gone into the Place of Life, so that Lolix now stood close beside me. As she spoke of the dagger her words were calm, but rapidly uttered--it was the calmness of insanity! Crazed by the course I had followed, Lolix stood there, her glorious blue eyes filled with the light of madness. With her last words still upon her lips, she struck at my breast with the keen weapon. I warded the blow with my arm, which was pierced through by the forceful stroke. As she drew it out with a wrench, blood spurted over the granite floor. At sight of this she uttered a frightful shriek, saying:
I should have mentioned earlier that after Mainin's invocation, he, Anzimee, myself, the Rai, and Menax had left the Holy Seat and entered the Place of Life. Lolix now stood close beside me. As she spoke of the dagger, her words were calm but rushed—the eerie calmness of insanity. Driven mad by my actions, Lolix stood there, her beautiful blue eyes filled with a crazed light. With her final words still on her lips, she lunged at my chest with the sharp weapon. I blocked the blow with my arm, which was pierced through by the powerful strike. As she yanked the blade out, blood splattered across the granite floor. Seeing this, she let out a horrifying scream, saying:
"Mad! Mad! MAD!!!" and with one bound sprang to the center of the Place of Life, where she stood by the cube of the Maxin.
"Insane! Completely insane!" she shouted, leaping to the heart of the Life Chamber, where she took her place beside the Maxin cube.
Anzimee swooned; Menax stood as if petrified, gazing at my flowing blood, while Gwauxln, pale but calm, spoke to a guardsman near:
Anzimee fainted; Menax froze, staring at my gushing wound, while Gwauxln, pale yet composed, addressed a nearby guard:
"Arrest the maniac!"
"Stop that lunatic!"
The order of the Rai attracted the attention of Lolix, who said to the approaching soldier:
The Rai's command caught Lolix's eye. She addressed the soldier as he drew near:
"No, no, arrest not me. I was mad, but I am not. Whosoever shall touch me, him will I curse, and then die in the Maxin."
"Don't arrest me! I was crazy before, but I'm sane now. Anyone who tries to touch me will face my curse, and then I'll die in the Maxin."
Being superstitious, the guardsman paused, for he dared not touch her, neither disobey the Rai. In his terror he turned to the latter and began to make excuse.
Superstitious by nature, the guard hesitated. He feared both touching her and disobeying the Rai. Terrified, he turned to the Rai and started to make excuses.
"Silence!" thundered Gwauxln. Then in gentle tones he said to Lolix: "Woman, come to me."
"Quiet!" Gwauxln roared. Then, softening his voice, he addressed Lolix: "Woman, come here."
"Not so, Zo Rai! At this place beside the Maxin no one under the law may offer me violence. Here, then, I stay!"
"Not a chance, Zo Rai! This spot by the Maxin is legally protected. No one can harm me here. I'm not going anywhere!"
Speaking thus, Lolix rearranged her slightly disordered turban, folded her arms, and then leaning back against the Maxin-cube, gazed calmly at the Rai. He made no motion, but looked first at her, then at me. Lolix, though still near to the Maxin, had assumed an erect position, no longer touching the cube.
As she spoke, Lolix adjusted her slightly askew turban and crossed her arms. She then leaned back against the Maxin-cube, calmly meeting the Rai's gaze. He remained motionless, looking first at her, then at me. Though still close to the Maxin, Lolix had straightened up and was no longer in contact with the cube.
Incaliz Mainin had stood quietly by during the excitement. He now said:
Incaliz Mainin had remained silent throughout the commotion. He then spoke up:
"Aye, Astiku from Salda, there thou shalt stay, indeed, even longer than thou thinkest!"
"Yes, Astiku from Salda, you'll stay there even longer than you expect!"
He had spoken very , even softly, gazing the while at the unhappy girl. When he turned towards the Rai, he saw a look of horror on his face, and hurriedly looked away again, finishing the reading of the banns. I scarcely heard him, being engaged partly with my bleeding arm, and partly with Anzimee, who, but partially recovered, and still half fainting, leaned against me for support. When the ceremony was completed, Rai Gwauxln, placing a hand on each of our heads, said: "Not only a year must elapse ere ye may wed, but much longer! Zailm, I do forgive thee thy sins so far as it is mine to forgive, the human laws thou hast broken. As for thy partner in wrong, never mind."
He spoke gently, almost softly, as he gazed at the distressed girl. When he turned to the Rai, he saw a horrified expression on his face and quickly looked away, finishing the reading of the banns. I barely heard him, preoccupied with my bleeding arm and supporting Anzimee, who was only partially recovered and still unsteady. After the ceremony, Rai Gwauxln placed a hand on each of our heads and said, "Not just a year must pass before you may wed, but much longer! Zailm, I forgive you for the human laws you've broken, as far as it's within my power to do so. As for your partner in this transgression, let it be."
Then turning to Mainin, the Incaliz, he sternly said:
Then he turned to Mainin, the High Priest, and spoke harshly:
"Because of thine accursed deed, thou and I are forevermore strangers! Now I know thee for what, alas. thou art."
"Your terrible actions have made us strangers forever! Now I see you for who you truly are, sadly."
Having spoken in this, to his hearers, enigmatical and startling language, Gwauxln left the Incalithlon. Mainin also left. Menax, become curious regarding the unhappy cause of all this trouble, spoke to her as she stood by the Unfed Light. She neither answered nor moved. I approached near to her and said gently:
After delivering this cryptic and unsettling message to his audience, Gwauxln departed from the Incalithlon. Mainin also left. Intrigued by the unfortunate source of all this turmoil, Menax addressed her as she stood by the Unfed Light. She remained silent and motionless. I approached her and spoke softly:
"Lolix?"
"Lollipops?"
Still no answer nor movement. I touched her silken bodice, but received a shock which startled me like an unexpected blow! Her corsage was as rigid as stone. I touched her hand; it, too, was cold and stiff. Her face, even her wavy brown tresses, were alike rigid. Not only was she dead, but actual rock! Like one in a dream, too much stunned to be horrified, but still possessed of a strange curiosity, I rapped with my knuckles on the various thin edges presented by folds in her robe, and heard them sound with a metallic clink. I grasped a finger; it broke off, and then in a sudden wave of awful living horror I dropped it upon the stone floor; it broke into fragments like any fragile bit of rock. Still were the golden tresses, with which I had so often caressingly played, of the old lovely color. Her complexion, her blue eyes, even, were of the same natural hue they had been in life, but for all that her body was stone and her soul was forever fled! Her pretty foot, showing from beneath the hem of tier robe, was not only as the rest, stone, but it was petrified fast to the stone pavement on which she stood. At last I realized all. This hideous deed was the work of 'Mainin in that instant he looked at Lolix in speaking to her. He had prostituted his occult wisdom, and for this had Gwauxln cursed him. Lolix's flesh and blood and raiment had been transmuted into solid stone. This petrification was all that remained of poor, wronged, forsaken Lolix, a perfect statue which, if suffered by man to remain, might stand during the many centuries, till even stone at last crumbled to dust.
No movement or response came. I touched her silk dress, but recoiled from a shock like an unexpected blow. Her bodice was hard as stone. Her hand, too, was cold and stiff. Her face and wavy brown hair were equally rigid. She wasn't just dead; she was solid rock. Stunned but oddly curious, I tapped the folds of her robe with my knuckles, hearing a metallic clink. I grasped a finger; it snapped off. Horrified, I dropped it on the stone floor where it shattered like brittle rock. Her golden hair still held its lovely color. Her complexion and blue eyes remained lifelike, but her body was stone, her soul gone forever. Even her pretty foot, visible beneath her robe, was petrified and fused to the pavement. Finally, I understood. This horrific act was 'Mainin's doing, performed when he looked at Lolix while speaking to her. He had abused his occult knowledge, and for this, Gwauxln had cursed him. Lolix's flesh, blood, and clothes had transformed into solid stone. This petrification was all that remained of poor, wronged, abandoned Lolix – a perfect statue that, if left undisturbed, might endure for centuries until even stone crumbled to dust.
The awful meaning of it all came home to me at last. Was I primarily responsible for it? In that moment I knew that I was, knew that the murder was on my soul, as well as on that of Mainin, who had never found that opportunity, at least except by me.
The full weight of the situation finally hit me. Was I ultimately to blame? In that instant, I realized I was indeed responsible. The blood was on my hands just as much as Mainin's, who would never have had the chance to commit murder if not for my actions.
Even in her temporary insanity Lolix had been true to me. Not one word had she spoken to involve me. If Gwauxln knew, and I was aware that he did, he gave me free pardon so far as human law was concerned. For the broken laws of Incal he could not extend pardon, that was become karma, and lay a weary width of desert sands of sin to scorch my feet in the passage I must make across them ere ever I could tread the narrow way of attainment. The long atonement was before me. I gazed on the mute form of the girl I had so fondly loved, and loved yet, until Menax, who had become aware of the awful occurrence while I stood stupefied, but on whom the main effect was a desire to leave as soon as possible, pulled me by the sleeve:
Even in her temporary madness, Lolix had remained loyal to me. She hadn't spoken a word to implicate me. If Gwauxln knew—and I was certain he did—he had granted me a full pardon as far as human law was concerned. For the broken laws of Incal, however, he couldn't extend forgiveness. That had become karma, a vast desert of sin I'd have to cross, scorching my feet along the way, before I could tread the narrow path of redemption. The long atonement lay ahead of me. I stared at the lifeless body of the girl I had loved so deeply, and still loved, until Menax, who had learned of the terrible event while I stood in shock, tugged at my sleeve. His main concern was to leave as quickly as possible.
"Come, Zailm; let us go home."
"Let's go home, Zailm."
Giving one last remorseful look, I obeyed. Lovely Lolix. Her voice was still in death, and that through me! As remorse surged over my soul, I thought that I would now be glad to ask Anzimee to release me, confess all to her, and with her consent make Lolix my honored wife; but it wag forever too late in that life thus to make reparation. No more could the tender glance of love flash on me from those starry eyes of blue! No more would my weary head nestle down on tier shoulder, while with gentle caress she chased away my darker musings with a mild and gentle sympathy. Ah, ye gods! what had I lost? My life, that had seemed complete, and as a sphere like unto the full moon, was come, like that orb when it rises late at night, to seem torn and but half of itself, wrecked and ragged, careening through the night-time of existence.
With a final regretful glance, I complied. Beautiful Lolix. Her voice was silenced forever, and it was my doing. As guilt overwhelmed me, I wished I could ask Anzimee to release me from our engagement, confess everything, and with her blessing, make Lolix my honored wife. But it was too late for such amends in this life. Never again would love shine from those bright blue eyes. Never again would my weary head rest on her shoulder, her gentle touch soothing away my dark thoughts with quiet empathy. Oh, what had I lost? My life, once seemingly complete like a full moon, now felt shattered and incomplete, like that same orb rising late at night—broken and ragged, stumbling through the darkness of existence.
Anzimee knew nothing of the awful reality; she had been too much stunned by the sudden knowledge of her friend's insanity. She must not know, if it were possible to prevent her learning of it. We went to our carriage and, solemn the one, stunned the other, and wildly remorseful the third, got in and went home to Menaxithlon. Home? I felt that the peace of hone was no more mine! Life had become a desert over which stalked the skeletons of despair, regret and sorrow; overhead a moonless sky, underfoot in the night a howling waste of sand, blown hither and thither by curbless winds. Lolix was gone, Anzimee would never be mine, as I felt in prophetic forecast of soul, and so, with bowed head, I sat in the midst of the desert of my days and let the phantoms dance about and mock me, unheeded.
Anzimee remained unaware of the terrible truth, too shocked by the sudden revelation of her friend's mental breakdown. We had to shield her from this knowledge if possible. We silently boarded our carriage and returned to Menaxithlon, each of us grappling with our own emotions: one solemn, another stunned, and the third consumed by guilt. Home? I felt that the comfort of home was now beyond my reach. Life had become a desolate wasteland, haunted by regret, despair, and sorrow. Above, a starless sky loomed; beneath my feet, howling winds scattered the sands of a barren desert. Lolix was gone, and I sensed with grim certainty that Anzimee would never be mine. And so, head bowed, I sat amidst the wasteland of my future, allowing the ghosts of my failures to mock me, unheeded.