The Author Wonders Whether He Is a Man, an Ape, or an Ostrich[1] and the Lunar Philosophers’ Opinion of Aristotle

This belief would have taken rooting by being spread, had it not been for the Learned Men of the Country, who opposed it, saying, That it was horrid Impiety to believe not only Beasts, but Monsters, to be of their kind. It would be far more probable, (added the calmer Sort) that our Domestick Beasts should participate of the privilege of Humanity and by consequence of Immortality, as being bred in our Country, than a Monstrous Beast that talks of being born I know not where, in the Moon; and then observe the difference betwixt us and them. We walk upon Four Feet, because God would not trust so precious a thing upon weaker Supporters, and he was afraid least marching otherwise some Mischance might befall Man; and therefore he took the pains to rest him upon four Pillars, that he might not fall, but disdaining to have a hand in the Fabrick of these two Brutes, he left them to the Caprice of Nature, who not concerning her self with the loss of so small a matter, supported them only by Two Feet.

This belief would have taken root as it spread, had the learned men of the country not opposed it. They said it was a horrible impiety to believe that beasts, and even monsters, were of their kind. The calmer ones added that their domestic animals had a far better claim to humanity, and therefore immortality. After all, the animals were raised in their country. But this monstrous beast claimed to have been born who knows where, on the Moon. And then there was the difference between them and the two beasts. “We walk on four feet because God would not trust something so precious to weaker supports,” they said. “He feared that, if man walked otherwise, some mishap might befall him. So he took the trouble to rest him on four pillars, to keep him from falling. But God disdained to have a hand in making these two brutes. He left them to the whims of Nature. She cared little about the loss of something so insignificant, so she supported them on only two feet.”

"Birds themselves," said they, "have not had so hard measure as they; for they have got Feathers at least, to supply the weakness of their, Legs, and to cast themselves in the Air when we pursue them; whereas Nature, depriving these Monsters of Two Legs, hath disabled them from scaping our Justice.

"Even birds," they said, "have not been treated as harshly as they have. For birds at least have feathers to make up for their weak legs. They can take to the air when we pursue them. But Nature has deprived these monsters of two legs, leaving them unable to escape our justice.

"Besides, consider a little how they have the Head raised toward Heaven; it is because God would punish them with scarcity of all things, that he hath so placed them; for that supplicant Posture shews that they complain to Heaven of him that Created them, and that they beg Permission to make their best of our Leavings. But we, on the contrary, have the Head bending downwards, to behold the Blessings whereof we are the Masters, and as if there were nothing in Heaven that our happy condition needed Envy."

“Besides, consider how they hold their heads up toward heaven. God placed them that way because he wanted to punish them with a scarcity of all things. Their pleading posture shows that they complain to heaven about the one who created them. It also shows that they beg permission to make the best of our leftovers. But we, on the contrary, bend our heads down to look at the blessings we possess. We do so as if there were nothing in heaven for us to envy in our happy state.”

I heard such Discourses, or the like, daily at my Lodge; and at length they so curbed the minds of the people as to that point, that it was decreed, That at best I should only pass for a Parrot without Feathers; for they confirmed those who were already perswaded, in that I had but two Legs no more than a Bird, which was the cause that I was put into a Cage by express orders from the Privy Council.

I heard such talk, or something like it, every day at my lodging. At last, it so influenced public opinion that it was decreed I could be regarded as nothing better than a featherless parrot. The talk confirmed the beliefs of those who were already convinced, since I had only two legs, like a bird. As a result, I was put in a cage by direct order of the Privy Council.

There the Queen's Bird-keeper taking the pains daily to teach me to Whistle, as they do Stares² or Singing-Birds here, I was really happy in that I wanted not Food; In the mean while, with the Sonnets³ the Spectators stunned me [with], I learnt to speak as they did; so that when I was got to be so much Master of the Idiom as to express most of my thoughts, I told them the finest of my Conceits. The Quaintness of my Sayings was already the entertainment of all Societies, and my Wit was so much esteemed that the Council was obliged to Publish an Edict, forbidding all People to believe that I was endowed with Reason; with express Commands to all Persons, of what Quality or Condition soever, not to imagine but that whatever I did, though never so wittily, proceeded only from Instinct.

There, the Queen's birdkeeper took pains to teach me to whistle every day, as people here teach starlings² or songbirds. I was truly happy to have enough food. Meanwhile, I learned to speak as they did from the sonnets³ the spectators stunned me with. Once I knew enough of their language to express most of my thoughts, I told them my finest ideas. My clever sayings soon entertained every gathering, and my wit was so highly esteemed that the Council had to issue an edict. It forbade anyone to believe that I possessed reason. It expressly ordered everyone, whatever their rank or condition, to believe that everything I did came only from instinct, however witty it might be.

Nevertheless, the decision of what I was, divided the Town into Two Factions. The party that stood for me encreased daily; and at length in spight of the Anathema, whereby they endeavoured to scare the multitude: They who held for me, demanded a Convention of the States, for determining that Controversie. It was long before they could agree in the Choice of those who should have a Vote; but the Arbitrators pacified the heat, by making the number of both parties equal, who ordered that I should be brought unto the Assembly, as I was: But I was treated there with all imaginable Severity. My Examiners, amongst other things, put questions of Philosophy to me; I ingenuously told them all that my Tutor had heretofore taught me, but they easily refuted me by more convincing Arguments: So that having nothing to answer for my self, my last refuge was to Principles of Aristotle, which stood me in as little stead, as his Sophisms did; for in two Words, they let me see the falsity of them.

Nevertheless, the question of what I was divided the town into two factions. My supporters grew in number every day. At last, despite the Anathema used to frighten the crowd, they demanded a meeting of the Estates to settle the dispute. It took a long time to agree on who should have a vote. But the arbitrators calmed tempers by giving both sides an equal number of votes. They ordered that I be brought before the assembly as I was. But I was treated there with every imaginable severity. Among other things, my examiners asked me questions about philosophy. I frankly told them everything my Tutor had taught me in the past. But they easily refuted me with more convincing arguments. With nothing left to say for myself, I took refuge in the principles of Aristotle. These helped me no more than his sophisms had, for in a few words they showed me that the principles were false.

"That same Aristotle," said they, "whose Learning you brag so much of, did without doubt accommodate Principles to his Philosophy;⁴ instead of accommodating his Philosophy to Principles; and besides he ought to have proved them at least to be more rational than those of the other Sects you mentioned to us: Wherefore the good Man will not take it ill, we hope, if we bid him God b'w'."

"That same Aristotle," they said, "whose learning you boast about so much, undoubtedly fitted his principles to his philosophy,⁴ rather than his philosophy to his principles. Besides, he should at least have proved that his principles were more rational than those of the other schools you mentioned. So we hope the good man will not mind if we bid him goodbye."

In fine, when they perceived that I did nothing but bawl, that they were not more knowing than Aristotle, and that I was forbid to dispute against those who denied his Principles: They all unanimously concluded, That I was not a Man, but perhaps a kind of Estridge,⁵ seeing I carried my Head upright like them, that I walked on two Legs, and that, in short, but for a little Down, I was every way like one of them; so that the Bird-keeper was ordered to have me back to my Cage. I spent my time pretty pleasantly there, for because I had correctly learned their Language, the whole Court took pleasure to make me prattle. The Queen's Maids, among the rest, slipt always some Boon into my Basket, and the gentilest of them all, having conceived some kindness for me, was so transported with Joy, when in private I entertained her with the manners and divertisements of the People of our World, and especially our Bells, and other Instruments of Musick, that she protested to me, with Tears in her Eyes, That if ever I found my self in a condition to fly back again to our World, she would follow me with all her Heart.

Finally, they saw that I did nothing but shout, that they knew no more than Aristotle, and that I was forbidden to argue against those who denied his principles. So they all agreed that I was not a man, but perhaps a kind of ostrich.⁵ I held my head upright like them and walked on two legs. In short, I was just like one of them, except for a little down. So the birdkeeper was ordered to take me back to my cage. I spent my time there quite pleasantly. Because I had learned their language well, the whole court enjoyed making me chatter. The Queen's maids, among others, always slipped some gift into my basket. The gentlest of them all had grown fond of me. In private, I told her about the customs and amusements of the people of our world, especially our bells and other musical instruments. This delighted her so much that she spoke to me with tears in her eyes. She declared that if I ever found a way to fly back to our world, she would gladly follow me.