Record Thirty-Seven

This morning while we were in the refectory, my neighbor to my left whispered to me in a frightened tone:

This morning in the dining hall, the neighbor on my left whispered to me in a frightened voice:

“But why don’t you eat? Don’t you see, they are looking at you!”

“But why aren’t you eating? Don’t you see they’re looking at you!”

I had to pluck up all my strength to show a smile. I felt it—like a crack in my face; I smiled and the borders of the crack drew apart wider and wider; it was quite painful.

I had to use all my strength to force a smile. I felt it like a crack in my face. As I smiled, the edges of the crack pulled farther and farther apart. It was quite painful.

What followed was this: no sooner had I lifted the small cube of paste upon my fork, than my fork jerked from my hand and tinkled against the plate, and at once the tables, the walls, the plates, the air even, trembled and rang; and outside too, an enormous, iron, round roar reaching the sky—floating over heads and houses it died away in the distance in small, hardly perceptible circles like those upon water.

This is what happened: As soon as I lifted a small cube of paste on my fork, the fork jerked out of my hand and clinked against the plate. At once, the tables, walls, plates, and even the air trembled and rang. Outside, too, an enormous, round, iron roar rose to the sky. It floated over heads and houses, then died away in the distance in small, barely perceptible circles, like ripples on water.

I saw faces instantaneously grow faded and bleached; I saw mouths filled with food suddenly motionless and forks hanging in air. Then everything became confused, jumped off the centuries-old tracks, everybody jumped up from his place (without singing the Hymn!) and confusedly, in disorder, hastily finishing chewing, choking, grasping one another.... They were asking: “What? What happened? What?...” And the disorderly fragments of the Machine which was once perfect and great, fell down in all directions,—down the elevators, down the stairs.... Stamping of feet.... Pieces of words like pieces of torn letters carried by the wind....

I saw faces turn pale and colorless in an instant. I saw mouths full of food suddenly freeze and forks hang in the air. Then everything fell into confusion, as if it had jumped off tracks laid centuries ago. Everyone jumped up from their places (without singing the Hymn!). In the confusion, they hurriedly finished chewing, choking and grabbing one another.... They asked: “What? What happened? What?...” The Machine, once perfect and great, had broken into pieces. Its scattered fragments fell in all directions, down the elevators, down the stairs.... Feet stamped.... Pieces of words flew like scraps of torn letters in the wind....

The same outpour from the neighboring houses. A minute later the avenue seemed like a drop of water under a microscope: the infusoria locked up in the transparent, glass-like drop of water were tossing around, to the sides, up and down.

The same rush poured from the neighboring houses. A minute later, the avenue looked like a drop of water under a microscope. Inside the clear, glass-like drop, tiny organisms tossed from side to side and up and down.

“Ah!” Some one’s triumphant voice. I saw the back of a neck and a finger pointing to the sky. I remember very distinctly a yellow-pinkish nail and under the nail a crescent crawling out as if from under the horizon. The finger was like a compass; all eyes were raised to the sky.

“Ah!” someone cried triumphantly. I saw the back of a neck and a finger pointing at the sky. I remember the yellowish-pink nail very clearly. Beneath it, a crescent was creeping out, as if from below the horizon. The finger was like a compass, and all eyes turned to the sky.

There, running away from an invisible pursuit, masses of cloud were rushing upon each other; and colored by the clouds the aeros of the Guardians, with their tubes like antennae, were floating. And farther to the west—something like.... At first nobody could understand what it was, even I, who knew (unfortunately) more than the others. It was like a great hive of black aeros swarming somewhere at an extraordinary height—they looked like hardly noticeable, swiftly moving points.... Nearer and nearer.... Hoarse, guttural sounds began to reach the earth and finally we saw birds just over our heads! They filled the sky with their sharp, black, descending triangles. The stormy wind drove them down and they began to land on the cupolas, on the roofs, poles and balconies.

There, masses of clouds rushed at one another, as if fleeing an invisible pursuer. The Guardians’ aeros floated among them, colored by the clouds, their tubes like antennae. Farther west, there was something like.... At first, nobody could understand what it was. Not even I could, though I knew (unfortunately) more than the others. It looked like a great swarm of black aeros at an extraordinary height. They were barely visible, fast-moving dots.... Closer and closer.... Hoarse, guttural sounds began to reach the ground. Finally, we saw birds right above our heads! They filled the sky with sharp, black triangles as they descended. The stormy wind drove them down, and they began to land on the domes, roofs, poles, and balconies.

“Ah—ah!” and the triumphant back of the neck turned, and I saw that man with the protruding forehead but it seemed that the title, so to speak, was all that was left of him: he seemed to have crawled out from under his forehead and on his face, around the eyes and lips, bunches of rays were growing. Through the noise of the wind and wings and cawing, he cried to me:

“Ah, ah!” The triumphant back of the neck turned, and I saw the man with the protruding forehead. But it seemed that the title, so to speak, was all that was left of him. He seemed to have crawled out from under his forehead. On his face, around his eyes and lips, bunches of rays were growing. Through the noise of the wind, wings, and cawing, he cried to me:

“Do you realize? Do you realize! They have blown up the Wall! The Wall has been blown up! Do you understand?”

“Do you realize? Do you realize! They blew up the Wall! The Wall has been blown up! Do you understand?”

Somewhere in the background, figures with their heads drawn in were hastily rushing by, and into the houses. In the middle of the pavement a mass of those who had been already operated upon; they moved towards the west....

In the background, figures with their heads tucked in hurried past and into the houses. In the middle of the pavement, a crowd of people who had already been operated on moved west....

... Hairy bunches of rays around the lips and eyes.... I grasped his hands:

... Hairy clusters of rays around his lips and eyes.... I grabbed his hands:

“Tell me. Where is she? Where is I-330? There? Beyond the Wall or...? I must.... Do you hear me? At once.... I cannot....”

“Tell me. Where is she? Where is I-330? There? Beyond the Wall, or...? I have to.... Do you hear me? Right now.... I can't....”

“Here!” he shouted in a happy, drunken voice, showing strong yellow teeth, “here in town, and she is acting! Oh, we are doing great work!”

“Here!” he shouted happily, his voice drunk, showing his strong yellow teeth. “Here in town, and she’s acting! Oh, we’re doing great work!”

Who are those “we”? Who am I?

Who are “we”? Who am I?

There were about fifty around him. Like him, they seemed to have crawled out from under their foreheads. They were loud, cheerful, strong-toothed, swallowing the stormy wind. With their simple, not at all terrible-looking electrocutors (where did they get them?) they started to the west, towards the operated ones, encircling them, keeping parallel to forty-eighth avenue....

About fifty people were around him. Like him, they looked as if they had crawled out from under their foreheads. They were loud and cheerful, with strong teeth, swallowing the stormy wind. They had simple, harmless-looking electrocutors. Where did they get them? They headed west toward the operated ones, encircling them as they moved parallel to forty-eighth avenue....

Stumbling against the tightly-drawn ropes woven by the wind, I was running to her. What for? I did not know. I was stumbling.... Empty streets.... The city seemed foreign, wild, filled with the ceaseless, triumphant, hubbub of birds. It seemed like the end of the world, Doomsday.

I ran to her, stumbling against the tight ropes woven by the wind. Why? I didn't know. I kept stumbling.... Empty streets.... The city seemed strange and wild, filled with the endless, triumphant clamor of birds. It felt like the end of the world, Doomsday.

Through the glass of the walls in quite a few houses (this cut into my mind) I saw male and female Numbers in shameless embraces—without curtains lowered, without pink checks, in the middle of the day!...

Through the glass walls of quite a few houses, I saw male and female Numbers embracing shamelessly. The sight stuck in my mind. Their curtains weren't lowered, and they had no pink checks. And this was in the middle of the day!...

The house—her house; the door ajar. The lobby, the control desk, all was empty. The elevator had stopped in the middle of its shaft. I ran panting up the endless stairs. The corridor. Like the spokes of a wheel figures on the doors dashed past my eyes; 320, 326, 330,—I-330! Through the glass wall everything in her room was seen to be upside down, confused, creased. The table overturned, its legs in the air like a beast. The bed was absurdly placed away from the wall, obliquely. Strewn over the floor—fallen, trodden petals of the pink checks.

The house, her house. The door was ajar. The lobby and the control desk were empty. The elevator had stopped halfway up the shaft. I ran up the endless stairs, panting. The corridor. Numbers on the doors flashed past my eyes like the spokes of a wheel. 320, 326, 330, I-330! Through the glass wall, I could see that everything in her room was overturned, jumbled, crumpled. The table was upside down, its legs in the air like a beast. The bed sat absurdly at an angle, away from the wall. Fallen, trampled petals of the pink checks were scattered across the floor.

I bent over and picked up one, two, three of them; all bore the name D-503. I was on all of them, drops of myself, of my molten, poured-out self. And that was all—that was left....

I bent down and picked up one, two, three of them. All bore the name D-503. I was on all of them, drops of myself, of my melted, poured-out self. And that was all that was left....

Somehow I felt they should not lie there on the floor and be trodden upon. I gathered a handful of them, put them on the table and carefully smoothed them out, glanced at them and ... laughed aloud! I never knew it before but now I know, and you too, know, that laughter may be of different colors. It is but a distant echo of an explosion within us; it may be the echo of a holiday, red, blue and golden fireworks, or at times it may represent pieces of human flesh exploded into the air....

Somehow, I felt they should not be lying on the floor, where people could step on them. I gathered a handful, put them on the table, and carefully smoothed them out. I glanced at them and ... laughed aloud! I never knew it before, but now I know, and you know too, that laughter can have different colors. It is only a distant echo of an explosion inside us. It may echo a celebration, with red, blue, and gold fireworks. Or sometimes it may represent pieces of human flesh blown into the air....

I noticed an unfamiliar name on some of the pink checks. I do not remember the figures but I do remember the letter—F. I brushed the stubs from the table to the floor, stepped on them, on myself, stamped on them with my heels,—and went out....

I noticed an unfamiliar name on some of the pink checks. I don't remember the numbers, but I remember the letter: F. I brushed the stubs off the table onto the floor. I stepped on them, on myself, and stamped on them with my heels. Then I went out....

I sat in the corridor on the window-sill in front of her door and waited long and stupidly. An old man appeared. His face was like a pierced, empty bladder with folds; from beneath the puncture something transparent was still slowly dripping. Slowly, vaguely I realized—tears. And only when the old man was quite far off I came to and exclaimed:

I sat on the windowsill in the corridor outside her door and waited for a long time, feeling stupid. An old man appeared. His face looked like a punctured, empty bladder, covered in folds. Something transparent was still dripping slowly from beneath the puncture. Slowly, vaguely, I realized they were tears. Only when the old man was quite far away did I come to my senses and exclaim:

“Please ... listen.... Do you know ... Number I-330?”

“Please ... listen.... Do you know ... Number I-330?”

The old man turned around, waved his hand in despair and stumbled farther away....

The old man turned around, waved his hand in despair, and stumbled farther away....

I returned home at dusk. On the west side the sky was twitching every second in a pale blue electric convulsion:—a subdued, heavy roar was proceeding from that direction. The roofs were covered with black charred sticks,—birds.

I returned home at dusk. In the west, the sky twitched every second in a pale blue electric convulsion. A low, heavy roar came from that direction. The roofs were covered with black, charred sticks: birds.

I lay down; and instantly like a heavy beast sleep came and stifled me....

I lay down. Instantly, sleep came like a heavy beast and smothered me....