Wakana (‘Young Shoots’) Part 2

SO time⁶³² went by, bringing with it remarkably few changes either at home or in the world at large. Even so important an event as the abdication of the Emperor Ryōzen seemed to make very little difference, for though he had no heir of his own, his nephew the Crown Prince had now reached manhood, and would, it was confidently expected, merely carry on his predecessor’s policy. The actual resignation came very suddenly, ill-health being given as a pretext. But during the eighteen years of his reign Ryōzen had never ceased ardently to long for an opportunity of escaping from a position that entailed at every turn the most dangerous concealments and deceptions.⁶³³ He had many friends with whom it would be possible for him as a private person to associate in a far freer and more interesting way; moreover his childlessness (decreed, as he thought, by Heaven as a punishment for his unwilling impiety), would not weigh upon him so heavily when the future of the Throne was no longer involved.

So time⁶³² passed, bringing remarkably few changes at home or in the world at large. Even Emperor Ryōzen’s abdication seemed to make little difference. Though he had no heir of his own, his nephew the Crown Prince had now reached manhood. Everyone confidently expected the prince simply to continue Ryōzen’s policies. Ryōzen’s abdication came very suddenly, with ill health given as the reason. But throughout his eighteen-year reign, he had never stopped longing to escape his position. At every turn, it had forced him into dangerous concealments and deceptions.⁶³³ As a private person, he could enjoy freer and more interesting company with his many friends. He believed that Heaven had punished him with childlessness for his unwilling impiety. His childlessness would weigh less heavily on him when the future of the Throne was no longer at stake.

As sister to the new Emperor, Nyosan naturally became more prominent than ever both at Court and in the estimation of the populace. But she was still very far from occupying a position anything like that of Murasaki, upon whom, as the years went by, Genji seemed to become more and more dependent. Yet it was from time to time clear that, despite his unchanging tenderness and confidence, Murasaki was not wholly contented with her present position. ‘There are too many people in this house,’ she would sometimes say; ‘I wish I lived in some quieter place, where I could pursue my devotions undisturbed. I have reached an age when one cannot expect much more pleasure in this world, and had better spend the time in preparing oneself for the next.’ But Genji always assured her that he too intended quite soon to quit the Court, and indeed would long ago have done so, had he not feared to leave her in solitude. ‘Life here would be intolerable without you,’ he said. ‘Will you not wait till I have arranged to take my vows?’

As the new Emperor’s sister, Nyosan naturally became more prominent than ever, both at Court and among the people. But her position was still far from equal to Murasaki’s. As the years passed, Genji seemed to depend on Murasaki more and more. Yet despite his constant tenderness and trust, Murasaki was clearly not entirely happy with her position. ‘There are too many people in this house,’ she would sometimes say. ‘I wish I lived somewhere quieter, where I could practice my devotions undisturbed. I have reached an age when I cannot expect much more pleasure in this world. I had better spend my time preparing for the next.’ But Genji always assured her that he too intended to leave the Court quite soon. He would have done so long ago, he said, if he had not feared leaving her alone. ‘Life here would be unbearable without you,’ he said. ‘Will you not wait until I have arranged to take my vows?’

One night, on going to Murasaki’s apartments, Genji found she was not there. It was already long past midnight when she returned. There had been music, it appeared, in Princess Nyosan’s rooms, and afterwards Murasaki had stayed talking to her. ‘What did you think of Nyosan’s playing?’ Genji asked. ‘It seems to me that she has really improved very much lately.’ ‘When she first came to live with us,’ Murasaki answered, ‘and I used to hear her playing in the distance, I confess I was rather surprised by her incompetence. But it is quite true that she now plays very nicely. This no doubt is all due to your frequent lessons.’ ‘Very likely,’ he replied. ‘The truth of the matter is, hardly any one gets properly taught nowadays. Giving music lessons, if one really does it properly, correcting every mistake and continually guiding the pupil’s hands, is a troublesome, exhausting business. Moreover it takes up an immense amount of time. But both Suzaku and her brother the present Emperor evidently counted upon me to take charge at any rate of her zithern lessons, and I had not the heart to disappoint them. Well, I am glad you think that, if in other ways she has got no great advantage through coming to live here, she has at least made progress in her music. When you were at a learner’s stage I was unfortunately far busier than at present, and was never able to give you such long and thorough lessons, and lately one thing after another seems to have prevented our practising together. I was delighted, therefore, to hear from Yūgiri, the other day, the most enthusiastic accounts of your progress.’

One night, Genji went to Murasaki’s rooms and found that she was not there. She returned long after midnight. Apparently, there had been music in Princess Nyosan’s rooms, and afterward Murasaki had stayed to talk with her. ‘What did you think of Nyosan’s playing?’ Genji asked. ‘I think she has really improved a great deal lately.’ ‘When she first came to live with us, I used to hear her playing in the distance,’ Murasaki answered. ‘I confess I was rather surprised by how badly she played. But it’s quite true that she plays very nicely now. That must all be thanks to your frequent lessons.’ ‘Very likely,’ he replied. ‘The truth is, hardly anyone is properly taught these days. Giving music lessons properly is troublesome and exhausting. You have to correct every mistake and constantly guide the pupil’s hands. It also takes an enormous amount of time. But both Suzaku and her brother, the present Emperor, clearly expected me to take charge of her zither lessons, at least. I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint them. Well, I’m glad you think she has at least made progress in her music. That’s something, even if living here hasn’t brought her much benefit in other ways. Unfortunately, when you were still learning, I was much busier than I am now. I could never give you such long, thorough lessons. And lately, one thing after another seems to have kept us from practicing together. So I was delighted when Yūgiri told me the other day, with great enthusiasm, how much you had improved.’

It seemed to him strange indeed that Murasaki, whom he was still apt to regard as his ‘little pupil,’ should now in her turn be giving lessons to his grandchildren. But such was the case, at any rate as regards music. Nor for the matter of that was there any side of their education of which she would not have been well qualified to take charge. For she had always mastered fresh subjects with astounding ease and quickness, showing a versatility which often disquieted him, in view of the common opinion that such brilliance and rapidity of attainment often presage an early death. His only consolation was that her knowledge, however quickly garnered, was always solid and complete; whereas in the cases of precocity that he heard quoted a merely superficial variety of talents seemed to be the rule. She had recently celebrated her thirty-seventh birthday, and after talking for a while of their life together during all those years, Genji said: ‘You must be very careful this year. You have reached a dangerous age⁶³⁴ and ought to have special prayers said on your behalf. I will help you so far as I can; but probably there are all sorts of contingencies that it would never occur to me to provide against. Just think things over, and if there is any particular form of intercession that you would like to be used, let me know, and I will arrange it for you. What a pity that your uncle⁶³⁵ is no longer alive. For the ordinary, every-day prayers he would have done excellently....’ For a while he was silent; but presently he said: ‘What a strange life mine has been! I suppose few careers have ever appeared outwardly more brilliant; but I have never been happy. Person after person that I cared for has in one way or another been taken from me. It is long since I lost all zest for life, and if I have been condemned to continue my existence, it is (I sometimes think) only as a punishment for certain misdeeds⁶³⁶ that at all times still lie heavily on my mind. You alone have always been here to console me, and I am glad to think that, apart from the time when I was away at Akashi, I have never behaved in such a way as to cause you a moment’s real unhappiness. You know quite well that I do not care for grand society. Women with whom one has to behave according to set forms and rules are in my opinion simply a nuisance. It is only with people such as you, whom I have known all their lives, that I am really happy. But you know all this quite well, and there is no use in my repeating it. About Princess Nyosan—of course it was tiresome for you that I was obliged to have her here, but since she came, I have grown even fonder of you than before; a change you would have noticed quickly enough, if it had been my affection towards some one else that was on the increase! However, you are very observant, and I cannot believe you are not perfectly well aware....’ ‘I cannot explain it,’ she said. ‘I know that to any outside person I must appear the happiest of women—fortunate indeed far above my deserts. But inwardly I am wretched.... Every day....’ She felt it would take a long time to explain, and had not the courage. ‘As a matter of fact,’ she said at last, ‘I do not feel as though I should live much longer. You yourself have told me that this is a dangerous year. Let me meet the danger by doing what I have long been wanting to do. Then you will have less need for anxiety about me.’ As usual, he declared that such a thing was out of the question; the mere thought of separation was unendurable; their daily meetings, the only semblance of happiness that remained to him. ‘Surely, you would rather that I did not want you to go?’ he asked, seeing her disappointment. She was now weeping bitterly, and he knew that the only way of putting a stop to this was to go on steadily for some while talking of indifferent topics. He began telling her about various people whom he had known years ago. It was natural that he should mention, among other acquaintances of old days, Lady Rokujō, the Empress Akikonomu’s mother. ‘Despite all that happened,’ he said, ‘I always think of her as the most brilliant creature that was ever at Court. Never have I encountered a sensibility so vivid and profound, and this, as you can imagine, made her at first a most fascinating companion. But there can never have been any one with whom it was more impossible to have relations of a permanent kind. It is natural that people should sometimes feel out of temper or aggrieved, and equally natural that, after a time, the feeling should wear off. But in her mind the smallest sense of injury grew deeper from day to day, till it had presently become coloured with emotions, the violence of which I cannot describe. The circumstances were such that it was, as she well knew, impossible for me to go to her whenever I wanted to, and equally impossible for her to receive me. But her pride demanded that every absence should be treated as a delinquency on my part, requiring prolonged coldness on her side, and on mine an abject apology. In the end, all dealings with her became impossible. Unfortunately the secret of my relations with her was not well kept. Considering her temperament, nothing could have been more disastrous. The idea that her name was being bandied about the Court was torture to her, and though all the difficulties had arisen through her inordinate jealousy, and not through any fault of mine, I was extremely sorry for her, and in the end felt quite as wretched as though I had in fact been to blame. That is why I have taken so much trouble over Akikonomu’s career, incurring thereby, as I well know, a great deal of unpopularity. But what does it matter if I am accused of favouritism and I know not what, so long as I feel that, in the grave, her mother can no longer doubt my good will? But I own that far too often in my life I have yielded to the impulse of the moment—have sought pleasures of which I afterwards bitterly repented.’ He went on to discuss the characters of various other women whom he had known, and said after a while: ‘I used to think that the Lady of Akashi, always conscious of her humble origins, was content with very little; and indeed the difficulty seemed to consist in persuading her to put herself forward at all. But I found out one cannot judge her by what appears on the surface. Modest, docile, self-effacing though she may seem to be, somewhere in the hidden depths of her nature there is more than a suspicion of self-will and pride.’

It seemed very strange to Genji that Murasaki, whom he still tended to think of as his ‘little pupil,’ was now teaching his grandchildren. But that was the case, at least with music. In fact, she was well qualified to take charge of any part of their education. She had always mastered new subjects with astonishing ease and speed. Her versatility often worried him, because people commonly believed such brilliance and quick learning foretold an early death. His only comfort was that, however quickly she gained her knowledge, it was always solid and complete. In the examples of precocious talent he heard about, people usually had a range of merely superficial skills. She had recently celebrated her thirty-seventh birthday. After they had talked for a while about their life together over the years, Genji said: ‘You must be very careful this year. You have reached a dangerous age⁶³⁴ and should have special prayers said for you. I will help as much as I can. But there are probably all sorts of dangers it would never occur to me to guard against. Think it over, and let me know if there is any particular prayer you would like said. I will arrange it for you. What a pity that your uncle⁶³⁵ is no longer alive. He would have been excellent for the ordinary, everyday prayers....’ He was silent for a while. Then he said: ‘What a strange life I have led! I suppose few lives have ever seemed more brilliant from the outside, but I have never been happy. One person after another whom I cared for has been taken from me in one way or another. I lost all enjoyment of life long ago. Sometimes I think I have been condemned to go on living only as punishment for certain misdeeds⁶³⁶. They still weigh heavily on my mind at all times. You alone have always been here to comfort me. And I am glad that, apart from the time I was away at Akashi, I have never caused you a moment’s real unhappiness. ‘You know perfectly well that I do not care for high society. In my opinion, women with whom one must follow strict rules of behavior are simply a nuisance. I am truly happy only with people like you, whom I have known all their lives. But you know all this perfectly well, and there is no point in repeating it. About Princess Nyosan, of course it was tiresome for you when I had to bring her here. But since she came, I have grown even fonder of you than before. You would have noticed the change quickly enough if my affection for someone else had been growing! Still, you are very observant, and I cannot believe you are not perfectly aware of it....’ ‘I cannot explain it,’ she said. ‘I know that to anyone looking on, I must seem the happiest of women, far more fortunate than I deserve. But inside I am miserable.... Every day....’ She felt it would take a long time to explain, and she did not have the courage. ‘The truth is,’ she said at last, ‘I do not feel as though I shall live much longer. You yourself have told me that this is a dangerous year. Let me face the danger by doing what I have long wanted to do. Then you will have less reason to worry about me.’ As usual, he said that such a thing was out of the question. The mere thought of being apart from her was unbearable. Their daily meetings were all that remained to him of anything like happiness. ‘Surely you would rather that I did not want you to go?’ he asked, seeing her disappointment. She was now weeping bitterly. He knew the only way to stop her was to keep talking for a while about unimportant things. He began telling her about various people he had known years ago. Naturally, among these old acquaintances, he mentioned Lady Rokujō, the Empress Akikonomu’s mother. ‘Despite all that happened,’ he said, ‘I always think of her as the most brilliant person ever to be at Court. I have never met anyone with feelings so vivid and deep. As you can imagine, that made her a fascinating companion at first. But there can never have been anyone with whom a lasting relationship was more impossible. It is natural for people sometimes to feel irritated or hurt, and just as natural for the feeling to fade. But in her mind, the slightest sense of being wronged grew deeper every day. Before long, it became mixed with emotions whose violence I cannot describe. ‘The circumstances made it impossible for me to visit her whenever I wanted, or for her to receive me. She knew that very well. But her pride demanded that every absence be treated as a fault on my part. She would have to be cold toward me for a long time, and I would have to apologize humbly. In the end, it became impossible to have any dealings with her. ‘Unfortunately, my relationship with her was not kept very secret. Given her temperament, nothing could have been more disastrous. The thought that people at Court were gossiping about her was torture to her. All the difficulties arose from her excessive jealousy, not from any fault of mine. Even so, I felt terribly sorry for her. In the end I felt just as miserable as if I really had been to blame. That is why I have taken so much trouble over Akikonomu’s career. I know very well that doing so has made me very unpopular. But what does it matter if I am accused of favoritism and all sorts of other things? At least I feel that her mother, in her grave, can no longer doubt my goodwill. But I admit that far too often in my life I have given in to the impulse of the moment. I have sought pleasures that I bitterly regretted afterward.’ He went on to discuss the characters of various other women he had known. After a while he said: ‘I used to think that the Lady of Akashi was content with very little. She was always conscious of her humble origins. Indeed, the difficulty seemed to be persuading her to put herself forward at all. But I discovered that one cannot judge her by appearances. She may seem modest, obedient, and self-effacing. Yet somewhere in the hidden depths of her nature there is more than a hint of stubbornness and pride.’

‘Most of the people about whom you have talked,’ answered Murasaki, now calm and composed, ‘I never saw, and therefore do not know whether you are right about them or no. But with the Lady of Akashi I am now fairly well acquainted, and I confess that her extreme sensitiveness and pride, so far from being hidden away in some secret corner of her being, have always seemed to me extremely conspicuous. Indeed, when with her I feel myself to be, in comparison, singularly lacking in reserve and sensibility. But though her shyness has often baffled me, I have persevered in the knowledge that the child understands me, and would put things right.’ Here was a wonderful change! Genji could remember the time when it was impossible for him so much as to mention the Lady of Akashi’s name; and here was Murasaki singing her praises. He knew that this had come about through her affection for the little Princess, and he felt thankful for the existence of the child. ‘I do not think that you have any reason to feel over-sensitive or too easygoing in whatever company you may find yourself,’ he replied. ‘My experience has at least had the effect of teaching me how rare it is to find any one who so successfully steers the middle course. You are indeed a prodigy.... But I must go to Nyosan and congratulate her on the progress she has made with her music.’

‘Most of the people you have talked about are people I have never met,’ answered Murasaki, now calm and composed. ‘So I cannot say whether you are right about them. But I now know the Lady of Akashi fairly well. I must admit that her extreme sensitivity and pride have always seemed very obvious to me, rather than hidden away. In fact, when I am with her, I feel unusually unreserved and insensitive by comparison. But though her shyness has often puzzled me, I have persisted, knowing that the child understands me and would put things right.’ What a wonderful change! Genji remembered when he could not even mention the Lady of Akashi’s name. Now Murasaki was praising her. He knew that Murasaki’s affection for the little Princess had brought about this change. He was grateful for the child’s existence. ‘I do not think you have any reason to feel too sensitive or too easygoing, whoever you are with,’ he replied. ‘My experience has at least taught me how rare it is to find someone who strikes such a good balance. You are truly a marvel.... But I must go to Nyosan and congratulate her on her progress with her music.’

To Nyosan it never occurred that any other woman could be inconvenienced by her presence in the house. She flung herself with childish absorption into the distractions of the moment. Just now it was her zithern that occupied her thoughts, and nothing else seemed of any importance. ‘You have earned a holiday,’ Genji said. ‘I hope your teacher will always be as pleased with you as he is to-day. We have had some arduous times together, haven’t we, and it is a comfort that something has come of it all at last. For the first time I really feel quite confident about you;’ and so saying he pushed the zithern from him and fell fast asleep.

It never occurred to Nyosan that her presence in the house might inconvenience another woman. She threw herself into each passing distraction with a child’s total absorption. Right now, her zither filled her thoughts, and nothing else seemed important. ‘You have earned a holiday,’ Genji said. ‘I hope your teacher will always be as pleased with you as he is today. We have worked hard together, haven’t we? It’s a comfort that something has finally come of all our work. For the first time, I really feel quite confident about you.’ With that, he pushed the zither away and fell fast asleep.

On the nights when Genji was away, Murasaki used to make her women read to her. She thus became acquainted with many of the old-fashioned romances, and she noticed that the heroes of these stories, however light-minded, faithless or even vicious they might be, were invariably represented as in the end settling down to one steady and undivided attachment. If this were true to life, then Genji was, as he himself so often said, very differently constituted indeed from the generality of mankind. Never, she was convinced, never as long as he lived would his affections cease to wander in whatever direction his insatiable curiosity dictated. Say what he might, wish what he might, the future would be just what the past had been. With such thoughts going round and round in her head she fell asleep very late one night, only to wake a few hours later, long before it was light, with a violent pain in her chest. Her people did what they could for her, but with little effect. They were anxious to summon Genji; but she would not allow it, saying she did not wish him to be disturbed. She bore her pain as best she could till daylight came. She was now in a high fever and very restless. Again her maids begged her to let them summon His Highness. But Genji was still in the other part of the house, and she would not let them go to him. Presently, however, there came a note from the Crown Princess, and in the answer that she dictated Murasaki mentioned that she was unwell. The Princess felt alarmed, and guessing that Genji might not have heard, she sent a note to him, repeating the little that Murasaki had told her. In a moment he was at her bedside in a state of the utmost concern. ‘Are you better?’ he asked; but laying his hand upon her burning forehead he knew that she was not. At once he remembered their conversation of the other day. What if this were the very danger against which he had warned her? He was terrified. Presently, seeing that he would not leave her, his people brought him his breakfast on a tray; but he did not touch it, and all day long he sat motionless by the bedside, gazing at her as though stupefied with grief. Thus many days passed. She was evidently in great pain, not a morsel of food would she eat, nor did she once raise her head from the pillows. Meanwhile his messengers set out at top speed in all directions, arranging for prayers on her behalf to be said in every important temple throughout the land, and priests were sent for to work their spells at the bedside. She was now in great general distress and discomfort. The pain in her chest was no longer continual, but at each fresh attack was so severe that she hardly knew how to bear it. Every known remedy was tried, but nothing brought her any relief. It was apparent that she was very ill indeed, but Genji tried to find encouragement in the fact that there were now considerable intervals between these severe attacks. This showed, he thought, some natural resistance to the disease; perhaps in time the intervals would gradually become long enough for health to reassert itself. But he was still in the greatest agitation and anxiety. He ought at this very time to have been supervising the arrangements for the celebration of Suzaku’s fiftieth birthday. But he was utterly unable to give his mind to any outside subject, and left the business in other hands. Suzaku in his monastery heard the news of Murasaki’s illness, and constantly sent messages of enquiry.

On nights when Genji was away, Murasaki had her women read to her. In this way, she became familiar with many old romances. She noticed that their heroes always settled down in the end, giving their love to one woman alone. This was true however frivolous, unfaithful, or even wicked they had been. If these stories were true to life, then Genji was indeed very different from most men, as he often said. She was sure his affections would never stop wandering, as long as he lived. They would follow wherever his endless curiosity led him. Whatever he said or wished, the future would be just like the past. These thoughts were still going round in her head when she fell asleep very late one night. A few hours later, long before daylight, she woke with a sharp pain in her chest. Her attendants did what they could, but it helped very little. They wanted to send for Genji, but she would not allow it. She said she did not want him disturbed. She bore the pain as best she could until daylight. By then she had a high fever and was very restless. Again her maids begged her to let them send for His Highness. But Genji was still in another part of the house, and she would not let them go to him. Soon, however, a note arrived from the Crown Princess. In the reply Murasaki dictated, she mentioned that she was unwell. The Princess was alarmed and guessed that Genji might not have heard. She sent him a note, repeating the little Murasaki had told her. He was at Murasaki’s bedside in a moment, deeply concerned. ‘Are you better?’ he asked. But when he laid his hand on her burning forehead, he knew she was not. He immediately remembered their conversation the other day. What if this was the very danger he had warned her about? He was terrified. Soon his attendants saw that he would not leave her, so they brought his breakfast on a tray. But he did not touch it. All day he sat motionless by her bed, staring at her as though stunned with grief. Many days passed like this. She was clearly in great pain. She would not eat a morsel, and she never once lifted her head from the pillows. Meanwhile, his messengers raced in all directions. They arranged for prayers to be said for her in every important temple throughout the land. Priests were also sent for to work their spells at her bedside. She was now in great distress and discomfort. The pain in her chest was no longer constant. But each new attack was so severe that she hardly knew how to bear it. Every known remedy was tried, but nothing relieved her. It was clear that she was very ill indeed. But Genji tried to take comfort in the long intervals now separating the severe attacks. He thought these showed some natural resistance to the disease. Perhaps, in time, the intervals would gradually grow long enough for her health to return. But he remained deeply anxious and agitated. He should have been supervising the arrangements for Suzaku’s fiftieth birthday celebration at this very time. But he could not turn his mind to anything else, so he left the arrangements to others. Suzaku heard about Murasaki’s illness at his monastery and constantly sent messages asking after her.

Week after week passed without any improvement. The only expedient which now remained untried was a change of scene, and, as this was recommended, Genji, with extreme reluctance, moved her into his old palace, the Nijō-in.

Week after week passed without any improvement. The only thing left to try was a change of scene. Since this was recommended, Genji reluctantly moved her to his old palace, the Nijō-in.

Often she was hardly conscious of what went on around her; but once during a moment of comparative calm and lucidity she reproached Genji for not having allowed her to seek the consolations of religion while there was still time. But if it was terrible to see her thus carried from him by a stroke of fate, by this cruel sickness against which she struggled in vain, how much worse would it have been to see her deliberately proclaim as worthless the love he bore her, to stand by while she cast away her beauty, her talents, her charm, and in preference to living with him chose as a more tolerable lot the gloom and squalor of a convent? ‘Long, long before you ever thought of it,’ he said, ‘I earnestly desired to take my vows, and if I did not do so, it was wholly for your sake. Think what I should have felt if, after all, you had deserted me first....’

Often she was hardly aware of what was happening around her. But once, during a moment of relative calm and clarity, she reproached Genji. He had not let her seek comfort in religion while there was still time. It was terrible for him to see fate take her from him through this cruel illness. She struggled against it in vain. But how much worse would it have been to see her deliberately declare his love worthless? He would have had to stand by as she cast away her beauty, her talents, and her charm. Rather than live with him, she would have chosen the gloom and misery of a convent as a more bearable life. ‘Long, long before you ever thought of it,’ he said, ‘I deeply wanted to take my vows. If I did not, it was entirely for your sake. Think how I would have felt if, after all, you had left me first....’

She was now so weak that small hope of her recovery could be entertained. Again and again it seemed as though the end were come, and Genji lived in so continual an agony of suspense that during this whole time he never once went near Nyosan’s rooms. There were no more music lessons, and week after week her lute and zitherns lay packed away in their wrappers. Many of the servants belonging to the New Palace had followed Murasaki to the Nijō-in, so that, what with her own rooms empty and so little stir of any kind going on, the place wore a strangely crepuscular air, and it seemed as though the whole life of this once so brilliant and joyous house had depended on Murasaki’s presence, and on that alone.

She was now so weak that there was little hope she would recover. Again and again, it seemed that the end had come. Genji lived in such constant agony and suspense that he never once went near Nyosan’s rooms during this time. There were no more music lessons, and week after week her lute and zitherns lay packed away in their wrappers. Many of the servants from the New Palace had followed Murasaki to the Nijō-in. With her rooms empty and so little activity of any kind, the palace had a strange, twilight air. It seemed that the whole life of this once brilliant and joyous house had depended on Murasaki’s presence alone.

One day Genji brought the Akashi Princess⁶³⁷ to see her. ‘Come quickly!’ she called to them. ‘Strange visions haunt me, and I am afraid to be alone.’ The Princess had brought her little boy, Prince Niou, with her, and seeing him Murasaki burst into tears. ‘I longed to watch him growing up,’ she sobbed. ‘Now he will not even remember me.’ ‘No, no,’ Genji interrupted her, ‘we must not let you talk like that. You are going to get well. Everything depends on what we think. If our thoughts are large and courageous, all kinds of good things will come our way; but if they are small and timid, then ill-luck will always attend us. And it is just so with health. Even people of the highest birth, surrounded by every comfort, often worry themselves into the grave by fretting over every trifle, and never learning to take life as it comes. But you have always been so sensible and even-tempered. That is sure to stand you in good stead....’ And in his prayers to Buddha and to the Gods of our land he mentioned her great beauty of character, begging them to spare one who in her dealings with others had always shown such gentleness and forbearance. The priests and miracle-workers, who were on duty night and day, being told that her condition had reached a very critical phase, now redoubled their efforts, and for five or six days she seemed to be a little better. After that she had another bad attack; but things had gone on thus for so long that it seemed quite probable she would again rally. Of her final recovery Genji no longer had any expectation. Those in attendance upon her could discover no sign of any actual possession,⁶³⁸ nor was it clear where the principal seat of her malady lay. But she was growing steadily weaker, and knowing that at any moment the end might come, Genji watched by her bedside hour after hour in an agony of continual suspense.

One day Genji brought the Akashi Princess⁶³⁷ to see her. ‘Come quickly!’ she called to them. ‘Strange visions haunt me, and I am afraid to be alone.’ The Princess had brought her little boy, Prince Niou, with her. When Murasaki saw him, she burst into tears. ‘I longed to watch him grow up,’ she sobbed. ‘Now he will not even remember me.’ ‘No, no,’ Genji interrupted her, ‘we must not let you talk like that. You are going to get well. Everything depends on what we think. If our thoughts are bold and courageous, all kinds of good things will come our way. But if they are small and timid, bad luck will always follow us. It is just the same with health. Even people of the highest birth, surrounded by every comfort, often worry themselves into the grave. They fret over every little thing and never learn to take life as it comes. But you have always been so sensible and even-tempered. That is sure to help you....’ In his prayers to Buddha and to the Gods of our land, Genji spoke of her beautiful character. He begged them to spare someone who had always treated others with such gentleness and patience. The priests and miracle-workers were attending her night and day. When they were told that her condition had become critical, they redoubled their efforts. For five or six days she seemed a little better. Then she had another bad attack. But this had been going on for so long that it seemed quite likely she would recover again. Genji no longer expected her to make a full recovery. Those attending her could find no sign of actual possession,⁶³⁸ and it was not clear where her illness lay. But she was growing steadily weaker, and Genji knew the end might come at any moment. He watched by her bedside hour after hour, in agony from the constant uncertainty.

Among those whom recent changes in the government had tended to bring to the fore was Kashiwagi. He had for long past been one of the new Emperor’s most intimate friends, and it was evident that, should he choose to take advantage of his position, a great future was in store for him. Realizing at last the hopelessness of his designs upon Nyosan, he had been prevailed upon to take as a concubine her elder sister, Lady Ochiba, who being the child of a waiting-woman and thus at a great disadvantage in the world, was glad enough to accept the position now offered to her by a very half-hearted lover. She was quite good-looking. Indeed, many would have regarded her as extremely attractive. But Kashiwagi was under no delusion that this alliance would in any way console him for his failure with the younger sister. His own old nurse was a sister of Nyosan’s nurse (the mother of Kojijū, whose assistance had proved so fruitless before). It was through the relationship of these two old ladies that Kashiwagi had first heard of Nyosan. Indeed, while the Princess was still a child, his old nurse had whenever he visited her regaled him with continual stories of the little girl’s clever sayings and pretty ways, and of Suzaku’s extraordinary attachment to her; and it was these tales, repeated from her nurse to his, that had first aroused his curiosity. It was now long since Kashiwagi had attempted to hold any communication with her; but seeing the New Palace almost deserted (for since Murasaki’s illness Genji was always at the Nijō-in and most of the servants had followed him), Kashiwagi felt that the time for a further attempt had come, and sending for Kojijū he begged her to assist him. ‘I feel no compunction in the matter,’ he said, ‘for Genji is neglecting her scandalously. Indeed, he ought never to have accepted such a responsibility, for his affections were already engaged in many other quarters, and it was clear from the beginning that she would be left entirely to her own devices. Months pass without his ever going near her, and she leads (I gather) the dullest life imaginable. Suzaku has heard something of this, and is now extremely sorry that he did not give her to some commoner who would have appreciated the honour and devoted himself to making her happy. I am afraid he thinks that in providing for Ochiba he has found just such a steady-going, conscientious husband in me! I wish it were so; but though they are sisters and in some ways very much alike, Ochiba is Ochiba and Nyosan is Nyosan. That is all there is to be said about it....’ Kojijū was horrified. ‘Come now!’ she said. ‘That beats all. You have just promised to devote your life to one sister, and now you tell me that the only person in the world you care for is the other.’ ‘I know it seems very odd,’ said Kashiwagi, smiling. ‘But I believe both Suzaku and his present Majesty would really have liked to give me Nyosan. And even now, since it is clear that Genji does not take any interest in her, I gather they are by no means displeased that I should feel as I do. They have her happiness to consider, and at present she is leading a miserable existence.... Come! I think you might oblige me by having one more try.’ ‘You are asking a great deal more than you suppose,’ said Kojijū heatedly. ‘To begin with, she knows that you have just married some one else. And then, do you really think you have reached such a position in the world that you can afford to make an enemy of Prince Genji? I may be mistaken, but it does not seem so very long....’ She was beginning to remind him how recent was his present promotion, but so indignant was she at his audacity that the words tripped over one another and she suddenly broke off. ‘That will do,’ he said. ‘Let us stick to the point. All I ask is that one day when you and she are alone together you should mention me. This surely cannot be very difficult now that so little is going on at the New Palace. I only want her to know that I have not forgotten her. I am not asking you to arrange a meeting, or indeed to say anything that could possibly bring a blush to the most modest cheek.’ ‘You are asking me to do precisely what is most likely to lead you both into trouble. Besides which, how can I suddenly begin talking about you? And for the matter of that, how am I to get at her when she is alone? It is hardly ever possible....’ So she fenced, trying her best to put him off. ‘You are simply inventing difficulties,’ he said impatiently at last. ‘And why all this fuss? Is it so strange a thing for a lady to be admired? Queens, I seem to remember, and Empresses too have sometimes been known to have their lovers. And who is Nyosan that you should think it sacrilege for any one to dream of her? Certainly the way she is treated at present does not suggest that Genji considers her to be of any great importance. You must learn to be less rigid in your ideas....’ ‘If you think that Nyosan feels herself to be imperfectly appreciated and is on the look-out for some one to rescue her from her humiliations, you are very much mistaken. It was clearly understood from the beginning that this was not to be an ordinary marriage. She was extremely young, and came to the New Palace that, after her father’s retirement from the City, she might have a fixed home and gain a little experience of polite life. All your talk of her being neglected or maltreated is beside the point.’ She was beginning to lose her temper; but by adroit flattery he managed to prevent her flinging out of the room, and at last she said: ‘If I ever do find myself alone with my Lady, I will speak of this. But even when Genji is away at the Nijō-in there are always a lot of people gathered round her curtains-of-state, and even by her chair there is generally some one in attendance. So don’t ask me to make any promises.’

Kashiwagi was among those who had gained prominence through recent changes in the government. He had long been one of the new Emperor’s closest friends. Clearly, if he chose to use his position, a great future awaited him. At last, Kashiwagi realized he had no hope of winning Nyosan. He had been persuaded to take her elder sister, Lady Ochiba, as a concubine. She was the daughter of a waiting-woman, which put her at a great disadvantage in the world. So she was glad enough to accept the position, even from a very half-hearted lover. She was quite good-looking. Indeed, many would have found her extremely attractive. But Kashiwagi had no illusion that the match would console him for his failure with her younger sister. Kashiwagi’s old nurse was the sister of Nyosan’s nurse, who was Kojijū’s mother. Kojijū’s help had proved useless before. It was through the relationship between the two old women that Kashiwagi had first heard of Nyosan. When the Princess was still a child, his nurse would tell him stories whenever he visited. She spoke of the little girl’s clever remarks and charming ways, and of Suzaku’s extraordinary attachment to her. These stories, passed from Nyosan’s nurse to his, had first aroused his curiosity. It had been a long time since Kashiwagi had tried to communicate with Nyosan. But now he saw that the New Palace was almost deserted. Since Murasaki’s illness, Genji had spent all his time at the Nijō-in, and most of the servants had followed him. Kashiwagi felt the time had come to try again. He sent for Kojijū and begged her to help him. ‘I feel no guilt about it,’ he said, ‘because Genji is neglecting her scandalously. He should never have accepted such a responsibility. His affections were already divided among many others, and it was clear from the start that she would be left entirely to herself. Months go by without his going near her, and I gather she leads the dullest life imaginable. Suzaku has heard something of this. He now bitterly regrets not giving her to a commoner who would have valued the honor and devoted himself to making her happy. I’m afraid he thinks that, in providing for Ochiba, he has found just such a steady, conscientious husband in me! I wish that were true. But though they are sisters and alike in some ways, Ochiba is Ochiba and Nyosan is Nyosan. That is all there is to say about it....’ Kojijū was horrified. ‘Come now!’ she said. ‘That beats everything. You’ve just promised to devote your life to one sister. Now you tell me the only person in the world you care for is the other.’ ‘I know it seems very odd,’ said Kashiwagi, smiling. ‘But I believe both Suzaku and His Majesty would really have liked to give me Nyosan. Even now, it’s clear that Genji takes no interest in her. So I gather they’re not at all displeased that I feel as I do. They have her happiness to consider, and at present she leads a miserable life.... Come! I think you might do me the favor of trying once more.’ ‘You’re asking much more than you realize,’ Kojijū said heatedly. ‘To begin with, she knows you’ve just married someone else. And do you really think you’ve risen so high in the world that you can afford to make an enemy of Prince Genji? I may be mistaken, but it doesn’t seem so very long....’ She had begun to remind him how recently he had risen to his present position. But she was so indignant at his boldness that her words tumbled over one another, and she suddenly stopped. ‘That will do,’ he said. ‘Let’s stick to the point. All I ask is that you mention me one day when you and she are alone together. Surely that can’t be very difficult now that so little is happening at the New Palace. I only want her to know I haven’t forgotten her. I’m not asking you to arrange a meeting, or even to say anything that could make the most modest person blush.’ ‘You’re asking me to do exactly what is most likely to get you both into trouble. Besides, how can I suddenly start talking about you? And how am I supposed to get to her when she’s alone? It’s hardly ever possible....’ She went on like this, doing her best to put him off. ‘You’re simply inventing difficulties,’ he said impatiently at last. ‘And why all this fuss? Is it so strange for a lady to be admired? Queens, if I remember rightly, and Empresses too have sometimes been known to have lovers. And who is Nyosan, that you should think it sacrilege for anyone even to dream of her? Certainly, the way she is treated now doesn’t suggest that Genji thinks her very important. You must learn to be less rigid in your ideas....’ ‘If you think Nyosan feels unappreciated and is looking for someone to rescue her from humiliation, you’re very much mistaken. It was clearly understood from the beginning that this was not to be an ordinary marriage. She was extremely young when she came to the New Palace. She came so that, after her father retired from the City, she would have a settled home and gain some experience of courtly life. All your talk of her being neglected or mistreated is beside the point.’ She was beginning to lose her temper. But with skillful flattery, he managed to keep her from storming out of the room. At last she said, ‘If I ever do find myself alone with my Lady, I’ll speak of this. But even when Genji is away at the Nijō-in, there are always many people gathered around her curtains-of-state. There is usually someone attending her, even beside her chair. So don’t ask me to make any promises.’

Day after day he badgered her, and at last, about the middle of the fourth month, there came from her a hurried note bidding him at once repair to the New Palace. He set out heavily disguised. His expectations were of an agreeable but by no means exorbitant kind. He did not for a moment suppose that she would admit him within her curtained dais. But she would, he hoped, be willing to converse with him, and if he were fortunate he might catch a glimpse of her sleeve, her fan, the train of her dress.

Day after day he pressed her, and at last, around the middle of the fourth month, she sent him a hurried note. She told him to come to the New Palace at once. He set out in a thorough disguise. He expected a pleasant visit, but nothing too extraordinary. He did not imagine for a moment that she would let him inside her curtained dais. But he hoped she would talk with him. If he was lucky, he might glimpse her sleeve, her fan, or the train of her dress.

The Purification of the new Kamo Vestal was to take place next day. Twelve of the ladies who were to attend her were in service at the New Palace and were now in their own rooms busily engaged in trimming and sewing. The other gentlewomen of the household were to be present at to-morrow’s show and were busy with their preparations, so that in Nyosan’s part of the house there were very few people about; and even her confidential maid Azechi was absent, for she had received a sudden summons from a certain young captain (a member of the Minamoto clan, who had been paying her attentions for some time) and Nyosan had given her a holiday. Indeed, only Kojijū was in attendance, and she now led him noiselessly to a seat close by the side of her mistress’s dais. Well, he thought, even should matters go no further, this was already a great deal more than he had expected when he set out.

The purification of the new Kamo Vestal was to take place the next day. Twelve of the ladies who would attend her served at the New Palace. They were now in their rooms, busy trimming and sewing. The other gentlewomen of the household were also preparing to attend the next day’s spectacle. As a result, very few people were in Nyosan’s part of the house. Even her trusted maid Azechi was absent. A certain young captain of the Minamoto clan had sent for her unexpectedly. He had been courting her for some time, and Nyosan had given her the day off. Only Kojijū was attending Nyosan. She now led him quietly to a seat beside her mistress’s dais. Well, he thought, even if things went no further, this was already much more than he had expected when he set out.

Nyosan was asleep, and presently waking to find a man’s form outlined against the curtains of her dais she naturally thought that it was Genji. But it was certainly not at all like Genji to sit nervously at the end of his chair in an attitude of constrained obeisance. For a moment she thought herself haunted by a ghost and hid her face in her hands; but finding courage to look up once more she saw clearly enough that the visitor, though not Genji, was a person quite as real. Seeing that she was now awake, Kashiwagi began explaining his presence. Protestations, entreaties, apologies.... Who was he, and what did it all mean? More terrified now than when she had thought him a ghost, Nyosan called for help. But no one came, for there was no one to hear her call. She was now trembling from head to foot and drops of perspiration stood out on her brow. In this exhibition of childish panic there was something that fascinated him; but he was at the same time ashamed of having terrified her, and again began rather confusedly apologizing for his intrusion: ‘My rank does not, I know, entitle me to address you as an equal. But I had hoped all the same you would not consider me quite outside the pale of possible acquaintance. This claim at least I have upon your interest: that for years past you have occupied my thoughts to the exclusion of all else, as your father could bear witness. For utterly unable to lock up these feelings in my own breast (where indeed they were already grown rank with keeping) I long ago made confession of them, and found him by no means discouraging. But I was soon disillusioned. For weighed in the balance against one who had never given a moment’s thought to you I, who loved you so dearly, was found wanting merely for lack of governmental dignities and royal pedigree. So soon as your lot was cast I determined to banish all thought of you for ever from my heart. But love had burnt down too deep into the core. Months, years passed, and still I thought of you, longed for you, wept for you; until, unable for an instant longer to support my misery, I rushed thus uncivilly into your presence, showing, as I fully perceive, a lack of consideration for your feelings that makes me blush for shame. But now that I am here, let me make amends by assuring you that you shall at least have no cause to repent of my having been admitted.’ While he spoke she kept on asking herself who he was, and it was only gradually that it dawned upon her he could not very well be any one but Kashiwagi. This realization made her feel more than ever scared, and she did not manage to bring out a word in reply. ‘You know so little of me,’ he went on, ‘that I am not surprised you should be somewhat nervous. But after all, such visits as this of mine to-night are of fairly frequent occurrence! If you persist in treating it as an affront, my misery will drive me to.... But no! Have pity on me, say one kind word, and I will leave you.’ Her complete lack of self-importance had, however, somewhat upset his calculations. He had expected to find her haughty, stiff, unapproachable—in a word, all that women of such rank are generally supposed to be. Consequently it had never occurred to him that on this first visit he would by any conceivable chance get beyond the stage of a little stiff and unadventurous conversation. But to his surprise she was not grand, not proud, not contemptuous. She was only a singularly handsome girl, looking up at him with a shy, questioning yet almost trustful air. His good resolutions suddenly broke down. Soon the world and its inhabitants seemed nothing to him, nor would he have stretched out a hand to save them from instant destruction.

Nyosan was asleep. When she woke, she saw a man’s outline against the curtains of her dais and naturally thought it was Genji. But it was certainly unlike Genji to sit nervously on the edge of his chair, bowing stiffly. For a moment she thought he was a ghost and hid her face in her hands. But she found the courage to look up again. She saw clearly that her visitor, though not Genji, was just as real. Seeing that she was awake, Kashiwagi began to explain why he was there. He offered declarations, pleas, apologies.... Who was he, and what did it all mean? Nyosan was more terrified now than when she had thought him a ghost. She called for help, but no one came, because no one was there to hear her. She trembled from head to foot, and beads of sweat stood out on her forehead. Her childish panic fascinated him. At the same time, he was ashamed of having frightened her. Again, he began rather confusedly to apologize for intruding: ‘I know my rank does not allow me to speak to you as an equal. But I had hoped you would not consider me entirely unworthy of your acquaintance. At least I have this claim on your interest: for years you have filled my thoughts, to the exclusion of everything else. Your father could bear witness to that. I was completely unable to keep these feelings to myself. Indeed, they had already grown rank from being kept hidden. So long ago I confessed them to him, and he was far from discouraging. But I was soon disillusioned. I loved you so dearly, yet I was judged against someone who had never given you a moment’s thought. I was found wanting merely because I lacked government honors and royal ancestry. As soon as your future was decided, I resolved to banish all thought of you from my heart forever. But love had burned too deep into my heart. Months and years passed, and still I thought of you, longed for you, and wept for you. At last I could not bear my misery a moment longer, and I rushed so rudely into your presence. I see clearly how little regard I have shown for your feelings, and it makes me blush with shame. But now that I am here, let me make amends. I assure you that at least you will have no reason to regret my being admitted.’ While he spoke, she kept asking herself who he was. Only gradually did she realize that he could hardly be anyone but Kashiwagi. This made her more frightened than ever, and she could not manage a word in reply. ‘You know so little of me,’ he went on, ‘that I am not surprised you are somewhat nervous. But after all, visits like mine tonight happen fairly often! If you insist on treating it as an insult, my misery will drive me to.... But no! Have pity on me, say one kind word, and I will leave you.’ Her complete lack of pride, however, had somewhat upset his plans. He had expected her to be haughty, stiff, and unapproachable. In short, he had expected all that women of her rank are generally supposed to be. So it had never occurred to him that this first visit might possibly lead beyond a little stiff, cautious conversation. But to his surprise, she was not grand, proud, or contemptuous. She was only a strikingly beautiful girl, looking up at him with a shy, questioning, yet almost trusting expression. His good intentions suddenly gave way. Soon the world and everyone in it meant nothing to him. He would not have lifted a hand to save them from instant destruction.

At last, lying by her side, he did not exactly fall asleep, or certainly had no mind to do so; but must indeed have dozed a little. For suddenly there appeared before him the cat which he had once contrived to steal from her. It advanced towards him purring loudly, and wondering in his dream how it had got there, he supposed that he must have brought it with him. What had made him do that?... So he was asking himself in his dream, when he woke with a start. There was of course no cat anywhere to be seen, and he wondered why he should have had so curious a dream.

At last, lying beside her, he did not quite fall asleep. He certainly had no intention of sleeping, but he must have dozed a little. Suddenly, the cat he had once managed to steal from her appeared before him. It came toward him, purring loudly. In his dream, he wondered how it had gotten there and supposed he must have brought it with him. Why had he done that?... He was asking himself this in his dream when he woke with a start. Of course, there was no cat anywhere to be seen, and he wondered why he had dreamed something so strange.

The Princess felt that something terrible had befallen her; and yet, so sudden had it all been, she could scarcely believe that anything had happened at all. ‘This was in our destinies,’ he whispered. ‘Surely you too will admit that it could not but come,’ and he began to tell her about the evening of the football match, and how he had seen her through the gap in her ill-fastened curtains, thanks partly to the plunging and tugging of the runaway cat.

The Princess felt that something terrible had happened to her. Yet it had all happened so suddenly that she could hardly believe anything had happened at all. ‘This was our destiny,’ he whispered. ‘Surely you must admit that it was bound to happen.’ He began to tell her about the evening of the football match. He told her how he had seen her through a gap in her loosely fastened curtains. The runaway cat had helped create the gap by pulling and tugging at them.

So he had seen her—everyone had seen her on that unfortunate night! But what happened then was a small disgrace indeed compared with what had followed as the direct consequence of that unguarded moment. How should she ever face Genji again? So she asked herself, and burst into agonized tears—the tears of a child that is at the same time sorry and afraid. Tenderly, almost respectfully he helped her to wipe those tears away. It was growing light, and Kashiwagi, whose one thought for months past had been how to get into her rooms, was now face to face with the much more difficult problem of how to escape from them. However, he was determined not to go till he had obtained from her some sign that she did not altogether detest him. ‘All this time you have hardly spoken a word,’ he said. ‘Do say something—no matter how unkind—that I may not go away from you for ever without even knowing the sound of your voice. For, having shown so plainly that I am distasteful to you, you need not fear that I shall ever trouble you again.’

So he had seen her. Everyone had seen her that unfortunate night! But that disgrace was small compared with what had followed directly from that unguarded moment. How could she ever face Genji again? As she asked herself this, she burst into agonized tears, like a child who is both sorry and afraid. Tenderly, almost respectfully, he helped her wipe away her tears. It was growing light. For months, Kashiwagi’s only thought had been how to get into her rooms. Now he faced the much harder problem of escaping from them. Still, he was determined not to leave until she gave him some sign that she did not completely detest him. ‘You’ve hardly said a word all this time,’ he said. ‘Please say something, no matter how unkind. I don’t want to leave you forever without even knowing the sound of your voice. You’ve made it so clear that you find me distasteful. You needn’t fear that I’ll ever trouble you again.’

In vain he entreated her. She was far too scared and penitent to utter a single syllable. ‘You need not think that by prolonging your silence you will reduce me to any greater pitch of misery,’ he said at last. ‘More downcast than I am at this minute no human being could ever be.’ Still she remained mute, and maddened by her obstinacy, he burst out: ‘I see it is no use. Well, that decides matters for me. This is my last night on earth. It was the thought of you that alone gave life any value in my eyes, and now that I must think of you no more.... But stay, are you so heartless that, knowing I have scarce an hour to live, you grudge me the gift of one kind word to take with me as my prize to the grave?’ So saying he picked her up in his arms and carried her back to the outer room. The door by which he had entered last night was still open. Why did he not leave her? She watched him with consternation. Surely he did not intend to wait till some fresh harm was done? The house was still quite dark. But midnight must by now be long past; and thinking that out of doors there might already be a little light, he gently raised the shutter, and turning round caught (as he had hoped to) a clearer view of her form and face.

He pleaded with her in vain. She was too frightened and remorseful to say a single word. ‘You need not think that staying silent will make me any more miserable,’ he said at last. ‘No human being could be more miserable than I am right now.’ Still she said nothing. Driven mad by her stubbornness, he burst out: ‘I see it is no use. Well, that settles it for me. This is my last night on earth. Only the thought of you made life worth living, and now I must think of you no more.... But wait, are you so heartless? You know I have less than an hour to live. Will you begrudge me one kind word to take as my prize to the grave?’ With that, he picked her up and carried her back to the outer room. The door through which he had entered the night before was still open. Why did he not leave her? She watched him in alarm. Surely he did not intend to wait until some fresh harm was done? The house was still quite dark. But midnight must have passed long ago. He thought there might already be a little light outside, so he gently raised the shutter. Then he turned and caught a clearer view of her body and face, as he had hoped.

‘I cannot think, I cannot move,’ he cried, looking at her desperately. ‘If you wish me to recover my senses, to be calm, to leave you, let me hear you say one word. Speak, though it be only in pity....’ Never had she seen any one behave like this; what could it matter to him whether she spoke or not? At this point, however, she did try to say something; but so violently was she trembling that the words turned into meaningless jangle of sound. The room was growing lighter every moment. ‘Listen!’ he said excitedly, ‘I had a wonderful dream last night. I know what it means and wanted to tell you, but how could I, when I found you hated me so? Well, you shall not hear it. But time will show me whether I read it right or no.’ He stumbled towards the door.

‘I can’t think, I can’t move,’ he cried, looking at her desperately. ‘If you want me to come to my senses, calm down, and leave you, let me hear you say one word. Speak, even if it’s only out of pity....’ She had never seen anyone behave like this. Why should it matter to him whether she spoke or not? Still, she tried to say something. But she was trembling so violently that her words came out as meaningless sounds. The room was growing lighter every moment. ‘Listen!’ he said excitedly. ‘I had a wonderful dream last night. I know what it means and wanted to tell you. But how could I, when I found that you hated me so much? Well, you won’t hear it. But time will show me whether I understood it correctly.’ He stumbled toward the door.

It was early summer, but never had autumn sky looked to him colder and sadder than that which now met his eyes. ‘So dim to me the dawning world, I know not whither I go; nor whence I came, save that the place was dank with showers of dew.’ Such was his parting poem, and as he spoke it he held up the sleeve with which he had wiped her tears. Now that he was really going she plucked up heart a little, and managed in a faint voice to murmur the reply: ‘Would that with the shadows of this dawn my grief might vanish, and of last night no token but a dream be left behind.’ Her soft, half-childish voice was echoing in his ears as he left the room, and for the first time in his life he knew that it was no mere phrase when the poet said: ‘Though the body move, the soul may stay behind.’

It was early summer, but even an autumn sky had never looked colder or sadder to him than the sky before him now. ‘The world at dawn is so dim to me that I do not know where I am going. I know nothing of where I came from, except that the place was wet with showers of dew.’ This was his parting poem. As he spoke, he held up the sleeve he had used to wipe away her tears. Now that he was really leaving, she found a little courage and managed to reply in a faint voice: ‘I wish my grief would vanish with the shadows of this dawn. I wish nothing but a dream would remain of last night.’ Her soft, almost childlike voice echoed in his ears as he left the room. For the first time in his life, he knew that the poet’s words were more than just a phrase: ‘Though the body moves, the soul may stay behind.’

Instead of going home he went to his father’s house, slipping in quietly without being seen. He lay down and tried to sleep, but did not succeed. That dream.... It was, as a matter of fact, very unlikely that it could signify what it is generally supposed to,⁶³⁹ and looking back in detail upon all that had happened he felt that there was no need to worry. He even, with a certain pleasure, recalled the details of his dream. But whether his dreaming of a cat really signified anything or no, he had committed what the world would consider a terrible crime. For many days afterwards he was haunted by a shame and fear that made it impossible for him to set foot outside his own door. These feelings indeed were gradually assuming an intensity quite out of proportion (as Kashiwagi kept telling himself) to the magnitude of his offence. No doubt he had behaved indiscreetly, and should the meeting have certain consequences the girl might conceivably find herself in an embarrassing position. But that was only a remote chance, and in all probability no harm of any kind had been done. Why was it that such a weight of shame and contrition had settled upon him? If he had seduced the Empress herself and his crime were already known, he could not have been in a greater panic—a state of mind all the more unreasonable since he was convinced that no punishment, not even death itself, could be more terrible than the torture that he was now enduring.

Instead of going home, he went to his father’s house and slipped in without being seen. He lay down and tried to sleep, but could not. That dream.... It was actually very unlikely to mean what such a dream was generally supposed to mean.⁶³⁹ Looking back over everything that had happened, he felt he had no reason to worry. He even took some pleasure in recalling the details of his dream. But whether or not dreaming of a cat meant anything, he had committed what the world would consider a terrible crime. For many days afterward, shame and fear haunted him and kept him from stepping outside his own door. These feelings grew more and more intense. Kashiwagi kept telling himself that they were out of all proportion to his offense. He had certainly been indiscreet. And if their meeting had certain consequences, the girl might possibly find herself in an embarrassing position. But that was only a remote possibility. In all likelihood, no harm of any kind had been done. Why, then, did he feel such a weight of shame and remorse? He could not have been more panicked if he had seduced the Empress herself and his crime were already known. His panic seemed all the more unreasonable because he was convinced that no punishment could be worse than his present torment. Not even death itself could be more terrible.

Long before Nyosan could possibly have shown any outward sign such as might betray her, he began to fancy that Genji was looking at him with a peculiar expression, and those supposedly accusing eyes filled him with terror and shame.

Long before Nyosan could have shown any outward sign that might betray her, he began to imagine Genji was looking at him strangely. He imagined those eyes were accusing him, and they filled him with terror and shame.

There is in many high-born women an abundance of natural appetite that the good manners instilled into them from childhood render invisible to the common eye. But upon the mildest provocation this tendency will manifest itself in the most surprising ways. With Nyosan, however, this was not the case. Her innocence was every bit as great as it seemed. The experiences of that fatal night had left in her mind no impression but that of the most abject terror. She could not convince herself that all was safely over, that no one had betrayed them, and hardly daring to appear even among her own people she spent week after week in the darkness of the back room. She felt that something had gone wrong with her, and at last, unaided by any outside person, she realized what was amiss.

Many women of noble birth have strong natural desires, hidden from ordinary eyes by the manners taught to them since childhood. But even the slightest provocation can bring those desires out in surprising ways. Nyosan, however, was different. She was every bit as innocent as she seemed. Her experiences that fateful night had left her with nothing but utter terror. She could not convince herself that the danger had passed or that no one had betrayed them. She hardly dared appear even among her own people, and spent week after week in the darkness of the back room. She felt that something was wrong with her, and at last she realized what it was, without anyone else's help.

Genji heard that she was indisposed and hurried round in alarm to the New Palace. Had a fresh burden now been added to the already unbearable load of his anxiety? He was glad to find her, to all appearances, uncommonly well. All he noticed was that she looked very much ashamed of herself and persistently refused to meet his gaze. No doubt she was cross with him for having left her so long to her own devices, and in order that she might better understand how he had come thus to neglect her, he began describing Murasaki’s illness. ‘I do not think she can last much longer now,’ he said after a while, ‘and you may be certain that you will never find yourself neglected like this again. But Murasaki has been with me since she was a child, she has become an inseparable part of my life, and you will guess, I am sure, that during these last weeks I have been in no condition to think or speak of anything else. I am sure you are not so unreasonable as to be cross with me....’ He was gone again. Evidently her people had not told him the nature of her malady. But in the long run he would have to know, and as soon as she was alone Nyosan burst into a flood of tears.

Genji heard that she was ill and hurried to the New Palace in alarm. Had another burden been added to his already unbearable anxiety? He was glad to find that she seemed remarkably well. He noticed only that she looked deeply ashamed and kept refusing to meet his gaze. No doubt she was upset with him for leaving her alone so long. To help her understand why he had neglected her, he began to describe Murasaki’s illness. ‘I don’t think she can live much longer,’ he said after a while. ‘And you can be sure that I’ll never neglect you like this again. But Murasaki has been with me since she was a child. She has become a part of my life that I cannot separate from it. I’m sure you can understand that these past weeks I haven’t been able to think or speak of anything else. I’m sure you’re not so unreasonable as to be upset with me....’ Then he was gone again. Clearly, her attendants had not told him what was wrong with her. But sooner or later he would have to know. As soon as Nyosan was alone, she burst into tears.

So seldom did Genji now visit the New Palace that he had much to do there and did not intend to return immediately. He was wondering uneasily what condition affairs would be in when he got back to the Nijō-in. Suddenly a messenger arrived announcing that Murasaki appeared to be sinking fast. In a moment all else was forgotten, and with darkness closing about his heart he rushed round to his old palace. It seemed to take an interminable time to get there. At last, coming into view of the house, he saw that something terrible must indeed have happened, for the whole space between the main building and the highway was filled with a surging throng of people, while from within came a continual sound of weeping.

Genji visited the New Palace so rarely now that he had much to do there. He did not intend to return immediately. He wondered anxiously what things would be like when he got back to the Nijō-in. Suddenly, a messenger arrived with news that Murasaki appeared to be fading fast. Genji forgot everything else. With darkness closing around his heart, he rushed to his old palace. The journey seemed endless. At last, he came within sight of the house. He saw that something terrible must indeed have happened. A surging crowd filled the whole space between the main building and the road. From inside came the constant sound of weeping.

Not looking to right or left, he tore towards her apartments, where he was met by one of her maids. ‘All day she had seemed much better,’ said the lady. ‘This faintness came upon her quite suddenly.’ Within, all was weeping and confusion. Many of those that had served her longest, frantic with grief, were calling upon death not to leave them behind; while such of the priests and miracle-workers whose duty for the day was over were noisily dismantling their altars and making ready to depart. There was nothing unusual in this; their places would soon be taken by new-comers and the long services of intercession would continue. But to Genji there seemed on this particular day to be an air of finality in the methodical clatter of their departure. He rushed towards them, sharply bidding them make their exit more quietly. Murasaki was now unconscious, but he was convinced that this was merely a trance, due to ‘possession’ by some evil influence, and so far from allowing the priests to slacken their efforts, he now sent for a number of celebrated miracle-workers from all parts of the land, and bade them preside over a grand service of exorcism. The form of their prayer was that, even though the sick woman’s days were numbered, she might in accordance with the Promise of the Immovable One,⁶⁴⁰ be granted a half-year of reprieve. The priests, intent upon their ritual, bent so close over the burnt offering that it seemed as though the smoke was rising not from the altar but from their very heads. The most Genji now hoped for was that she might for a brief spell recover consciousness before she died. The thought that she would perhaps never know him again, that he would never be able to ask her forgiveness for all that he had done amiss, threw him into such a state of agitation and despair as those about him had seldom witnessed, and they felt it was impossible he should survive her loss. Perhaps the sight of so deep a sorrow touched even Buddha’s heart; be that as it may, signs of a definite ‘possession’—the first that had been visible for many months—now became manifest in the patient, and the exorcists were soon able to transfer this possessing spirit to the body of a small boy whom they had brought with them to act as medium. While, through this boy’s mouth, the spirit railed against the priests who had forced it to do their bidding, Murasaki gradually regained consciousness, and it was with mingled feelings of joy and horror that he watched on the one hand her slow recovery, and on the other the ravings and contortions of the boy. At last, subdued to reason by the spells and passes of the exorcists, the spirit still speaking through the boy’s mouth said quietly: ‘Let every one save Prince Genji leave the room. What I must now say, no one else but he must hear. You have plagued me this long time past with your spells and incantations. I do not love you for it, of that you may be sure. And I would here and now take my vengeance on you all; it is not that I lack the power ... rather, I have chosen of my own free will to postpone the task; for strange though you may think it, we ghosts love as we loved on earth; and when I saw Prince Genji frantic with grief, shattered by long days of watching and apprehension—when I saw that, did I not leave my work a while, he too would fall beneath my blow—then I was sorry for him; I, that have become a foul and fiendish thing, pitied him as tenderly as any living creature can pity. That is why I have shown myself to you. I did not mean that you should ever know....’

Without looking to either side, he rushed to her rooms, where one of her maids met him. ‘She seemed much better all day,’ she said. ‘This faintness came over her quite suddenly.’ Inside, there was weeping and confusion. Many of her longest-serving attendants were frantic with grief. They called on death not to leave them behind. Meanwhile, the priests and miracle-workers who had finished their duties for the day noisily took down their altars and prepared to leave. There was nothing unusual about this. Newcomers would soon take their places, and the long services of intercession would continue. But to Genji, the methodical clatter of their departure seemed to have an air of finality that day. He rushed towards them and sharply ordered them to leave more quietly. Murasaki was now unconscious, but he was convinced that she was merely in a trance, caused by ‘possession’ by an evil influence. Far from letting the priests ease their efforts, he sent for celebrated miracle-workers from all over the land. He ordered them to preside over a grand service of exorcism. They prayed that, even if the sick woman’s days were numbered, she might be granted a six-month reprieve, in accordance with the Promise of the Immovable One.⁶⁴⁰ The priests were so intent on their ritual that they bent close over the burnt offering. The smoke seemed to rise from their very heads rather than from the altar. At most, Genji now hoped that she might briefly regain consciousness before she died. Perhaps she would never recognize him again. He might never be able to ask her forgiveness for all he had done wrong. These thoughts threw him into a state of agitation and despair that those around him had seldom seen. They felt he could not survive her loss. Perhaps even Buddha’s heart was touched by such deep sorrow. Whatever the reason, clear signs of ‘possession’ now appeared in Murasaki, the first seen in many months. The exorcists were soon able to transfer the possessing spirit into the body of a small boy they had brought as a medium. The spirit spoke through the boy, raging at the priests who had forced it to obey them. Meanwhile, Murasaki gradually regained consciousness. Genji watched her slow recovery and the boy’s raving and contortions with a mixture of joy and horror. At last, the exorcists’ spells and gestures brought the spirit to reason. Still speaking through the boy, it said quietly: ‘Everyone except Prince Genji must leave the room. No one else must hear what I have to say now. You have plagued me for so long with your spells and incantations. You may be sure I do not love you for it. I would take my revenge on you all here and now. It is not that I lack the power ... Rather, I have chosen to put it off of my own free will. Strange as you may think it, we ghosts love as we loved on earth. I saw Prince Genji frantic with grief, worn down by long days of watching and worry. I saw that unless I stopped my work for a while, he too would fall beneath my blow. Then I felt sorry for him. I, who have become a foul and fiendish thing, pitied him as tenderly as any living creature can pity. That is why I have shown myself to you. I never meant for you to know....’

The hair stood upright on the boy-medium’s head, while at the same time huge tears trickled down his cheeks. Where had he seen before this strange blending of rage and misery? Yes. Such had been the face of the apparition that had appeared at Aoi’s bedside. He was dumbfounded. Nothing then, not death itself, could alter the hideous trend of evil that the passionate agony of those old days had set upon its course. All else was fading, slipping away. But this terrible thing had never changed.

The boy-medium’s hair stood on end, and huge tears rolled down his cheeks. Where had he seen this strange mix of rage and misery before? Yes. The apparition at Aoi’s bedside had worn just such an expression. He was stunned. Nothing, not even death, could change the terrible course of evil set in motion by the passionate agony of those old days. Everything else was fading, slipping away. But this terrible thing had never changed.

He took the medium by the hand, and leading him to a safe distance from Murasaki’s bed, he said: ‘Give me some proof.... Speak of something that I shall remember, but no one else could possibly know about. Then I shall believe that you are she. But not till then; for fox-spirit and the like often cause great harm by passing themselves off as the spirits of our dead friends, and I must be on my guard.’ While Genji spoke thus, the medium was shaken by violent sobbing. At last a voice sounded amid the sobs, and though distorted by anguish, it was, past all denying, the proud passionate voice of Rokujō: ‘You know me well enough; for changed though I may be, I still remember what it means when you put on that stupid, innocent air. You at least are what you always were—heartless, dishonest....’ Again the voice was choked by sobs. He was filled with pity, but, at the same time, a kind of repulsion, and made no attempt to reply. Presently the medium spoke again: ‘Do not think that, even in my most distant wanderings, banished amid the realms of outer space, I have ever for a moment been ignorant of what was passing here on earth. All that in penitence you have done for my daughter, the Empress’s sake, is known to me, and I thank you for it. And yet—it is strange—nothing now seems the same to me. She is mine, I have not forgotten her. But do not think that I love her as a living woman loves her child. Nothing, not one thought nor feeling, have I brought with me unaltered into the world of death, save this insensate passion, that even on earth made my own nature loathsome and despicable to me. Rage, jealousy, hatred—they alone cling to my soul and drag it back each moment closer to the earth.

He took the medium by the hand and led him a safe distance from Murasaki’s bed. Then he said: ‘Give me some proof.... Speak of something I would remember, but no one else could possibly know. Then I shall believe you are she. But not until then. Fox spirits and the like often cause great harm by pretending to be the spirits of our dead friends. I must be on my guard.’ As Genji spoke, the medium shook with violent sobs. At last a voice sounded through the sobs. Though distorted by anguish, it was unmistakably Rokujō’s proud, passionate voice: ‘You know me well enough. Though I may have changed, I still know what it means when you put on that stupid, innocent air. You, at least, are what you always were, heartless, dishonest....’ Again, sobs choked the voice. Genji felt pity, but also a kind of revulsion, and made no attempt to reply. Soon the medium spoke again: ‘Do not think I have ever been unaware of what was happening here on earth. Not even for a moment, even during my most distant wanderings, banished to the realms of outer space. I know all you have done in repentance for my daughter, the Empress, and I thank you for it. And yet, strangely, nothing seems the same to me now. She is mine, and I have not forgotten her. But do not think I love her as a living woman loves her child. I have brought nothing unchanged into the world of death, not one thought or feeling, except this senseless passion. Even on earth, it made my own nature loathsome and despicable to me. Rage, jealousy, hatred, these alone cling to my soul and drag it closer to the earth at every moment.

‘And do you know what hurt me more than all your cruelty to me when I was alive? It was to hear you entertaining this friend of yours with stories of my “bad temper,” my “grievances,” my “inordinate jealousy.”⁶⁴¹ I should have thought that the dead at least might be spared such insults and lies! A thousand times I have asked myself how you of all men, you with your fine breeding, could speak of me thus to another woman. Bad as I was before, this fresh insult has worked in me a ghastly change. Never before have I done harm to those on earth, but now—Listen! If you think I have any desire to prey upon this woman on the bed, you are wrong. I want to leave her, to leave you all; but if you wish to be rid of me, put an end to all these spells and incantations, that can but keep me at a little distance, and use these mighty miracle-workers and priests, whom you have set like a hedge about you, to pray for my soul’s release, for the cancelling of all my sins. Do not think that because for the moment I could stand your dronings and buzzings no longer—your prayers and scripture-readings that beset me like tongues of flame—do not think that I am conquered. Back I shall come and back again, till in your liturgies I hear some word of comfort for my own soul. Say masses for me, read them night and day. Tell my daughter the Empress to pray for me with all her heart; and bid her never for one instant, though she may fall from favour and another be set in her place, never so much as in a dream to let one envious or jealous thought creep into her heart. She has guilt enough on her conscience, having spent many months at Ise,⁶⁴² where the name of the Blessed One may not be spoken.’

‘Do you know what hurt me more than all your cruelty while I was alive? It was hearing you tell this friend of yours about my “bad temper,” my “grievances,” and my “excessive jealousy.”⁶⁴¹ I would have thought that even you would spare the dead such insults and lies! A thousand times I have wondered how you, of all men, with your fine breeding, could speak of me that way to another woman. Bad as I was before, this new insult has brought about a terrible change in me. I have never harmed anyone on earth before, but now . . . Listen! If you think I want to prey on this woman on the bed, you are wrong. I want to leave her and leave all of you. But if you want to be rid of me, stop all these spells and incantations. They can only keep me a little way off. Instead, ask the powerful miracle-workers and priests you have placed around you like a hedge to pray for my soul’s release and the forgiveness of all my sins. For the moment, I could no longer bear your droning and buzzing. Your prayers and scripture readings surrounded me like tongues of flame. But do not think that means I have been defeated. I will come back again and again until I hear some word of comfort for my own soul in your prayers. Say masses for me. Read them night and day. Tell my daughter the Empress to pray for me with all her heart. Tell her never to let a single envious or jealous thought enter her heart, not even in a dream. She must not do so for even a moment, though she may lose favor and another may take her place. She has enough guilt on her conscience already. She spent many months at Ise,⁶⁴² where the name of the Blessed One may not be spoken.’

The medium continued to rave; but this conversation with a ghost was too eerie to be prolonged. Already those who had been asked to retire from the room must be asking themselves what was happening. He readmitted them, had the boy-medium placed in a sealed room,⁶⁴³ and Murasaki carried secretly to a different part of the house.

The medium continued to rave, but the conversation with a ghost was too eerie to continue. Those who had been asked to leave the room must already be wondering what was happening. He let them back in, had the boy-medium placed in a sealed room,⁶⁴³ and had Murasaki secretly carried to another part of the house.

Somehow or other a rumour got started that Murasaki was dead, and Genji had the painful experience of receiving innumerable letters of condolence. It was the day of the Kamo festival, and among the courtiers returning from the Shrine many jokes were made on the topic of Murasaki’s sudden fall and eclipse. Some one said that since she had lost her power to charm the sunlight⁶⁴⁴ it was not to be wondered at that the rain should have washed her away. And another: ‘Prodigies of that kind never last long, and perhaps it is as well for them that they do not. Otherwise they might tend to fare like the cherry-blossom in the proverb.⁶⁴⁵ Did they not so quickly retire from the scene they would end by getting all the fun into their own hands and spoiling things for every one else. It is nice to think of that poor little Princess Nyosan coming into her own again. I am sure it was high time....’

Somehow, a rumor started that Murasaki was dead. Genji had the painful experience of receiving countless letters of condolence. It was the day of the Kamo festival. Among the courtiers returning from the Shrine, many jokes were made about Murasaki’s sudden fall and eclipse. Someone said that she had lost her power to charm the sunlight.⁶⁴⁴ So it was no wonder the rain had washed her away. Another said: ‘Prodigies like that never last long, and perhaps it is just as well for them. Otherwise, they might end up like the cherry blossom in the proverb.⁶⁴⁵ If they did not leave the scene so quickly, they would end up keeping all the fun to themselves and spoiling things for everyone else. It is nice to think of that poor little Princess Nyosan getting her due again. I am sure it was high time....’

Kashiwagi had stayed at home on the previous day, but had found the time hang so heavily on his hands that to-day he set out for the Festival, taking his brothers with him in the back of the carriage. On the way home they heard the rumour that was being bandied from coach to coach. The brothers were by no means convinced of its truth, and to offer premature condolences would be very embarrassing. But they decided that there could be no harm in paying an ordinary visit, as though in ignorance of what was being said. Their first impression upon arriving at the New Palace was that the end had indeed come. On every side rose the sound of weeping and wailing. No sooner had they entered than Murasaki’s father Prince Hyōbukyō rushed past them into the house, obviously in a state of frenzied agitation.

Kashiwagi had stayed home the day before, but the time had passed so slowly that he set out for the Festival today. He took his brothers with him in the back of the carriage. On their way home, they heard a rumor being passed from carriage to carriage. The brothers were not at all sure it was true, and offering condolences too soon would be very embarrassing. But they decided there was no harm in paying an ordinary visit, as if they had not heard the rumor. When they arrived at the New Palace, they first thought that the end had indeed come. They heard weeping and wailing on every side. As soon as they entered, Murasaki’s father, Prince Hyōbukyō, rushed past them into the house. He was clearly frantic with distress.

Presently Yūgiri came out, wiping the tears from his eyes, and Kashiwagi said to him: ‘Tell us quickly what has happened. We heard very bad news on the road, but were loth to believe it, and have come, as we intended to do in any case, merely to enquire.... We hoped for some improvement. This has been going on for so long....’ ‘She has indeed been in a very serious condition for some weeks past,’ said Yūgiri. ‘Finally, early this morning, she lost consciousness altogether. However, at this point the presence of a “possession” became obvious, and when this had been dealt with, she came to, and is now, I hear, considered not to be in any immediate danger. Of course, this is a great relief to us all. But I am afraid there is not really much hope....’ It was obvious that he was deeply moved. He must have been crying a great deal, for his eyes were quite swollen. ‘Why should he mind so much?’ Kashiwagi asked himself, remembering that Yūgiri had been brought up by his mother’s family, and had, ostensibly at any rate, always been kept at a distance from his stepmother. And at once, suspecting others (as we always do) of harbouring the same guilty secrets as ourselves, he began imagining that Yūgiri not Genji had been the partner of Murasaki’s great romance.

Soon Yūgiri came out, wiping tears from his eyes. Kashiwagi said to him, ‘Tell us quickly what has happened. We heard very bad news on the way, but we were reluctant to believe it. We had intended to come and ask about her anyway, so we did.... We hoped she had improved. This has been going on for so long....’ ‘She has indeed been in a very serious condition for the past few weeks,’ said Yūgiri. ‘Finally, early this morning, she lost consciousness completely. But then it became clear that a “possession” was present. Once it had been dealt with, she regained consciousness. I hear she is now thought to be in no immediate danger. Of course, this is a great relief to us all. But I am afraid there is not really much hope....’ He was clearly deeply moved. He must have been crying a great deal, because his eyes were swollen. ‘Why should he care so much?’ Kashiwagi asked himself. Yūgiri had been brought up by his mother’s family. And, at least on the surface, he had always been kept at a distance from his stepmother. Kashiwagi immediately suspected Yūgiri of hiding the same guilty secrets he himself had, as we all suspect others of doing. He began to imagine that Yūgiri, not Genji, had been Murasaki’s partner in her great romance.

A message now came from Genji asking the visitors to excuse him from appearing in person. ‘You will forgive me, I know,’ he said, ‘when I tell you that we have all been taking part in what had every appearance of being an actual death-scene. Our gentlewomen have not yet had time to recover their composure, and I myself am still, I confess, far too agitated to receive you properly. I hope you will do me the honour of repeating your visit at some time when I am better able to appreciate it.’ The mere mention of Genji’s name filled Kashiwagi with shame and embarrassment; he for his part was glad it was upon so distracted an occasion that he had come to the house. As for repeating the experiment, the others might come if they chose, but he most assuredly would not be with them.

A message arrived from Genji, asking the visitors to excuse him for not appearing in person. ‘I know you will forgive me,’ he said, ‘when I tell you that we have all been present at what seemed to be an actual death scene. The ladies have not yet had time to recover their composure. I confess that I am still far too upset to receive you properly. I hope you will honor me with another visit when I am better able to appreciate it.’ The mere mention of Genji’s name filled Kashiwagi with shame and embarrassment. For his part, he was glad he had come to the house at such a troubled time. As for another visit, the others could come if they chose, but he certainly would not join them.

Meanwhile Murasaki remained conscious; but the services of intercession were continued, and to them Genji added secret masses for the Release of Rokujō’s soul. And he had reason enough of every kind to hope ardently that these would be successful. Even during her lifetime he had experienced in fashion sinister enough the evil potency of her rage; and now that she was in another world, changed into a thing devoid of all human pity or compunction, it was hideous to think that her malice towards him was still unappeased. Apparently all that he had done for Akikonomu was useless! But what was the good of trying to please women? If they were not fundamentally evil, they would not have been born as women at all.⁶⁴⁶ Perhaps he ought not to have spoken of her to Murasaki. But he remembered the occasion perfectly well; it was the night before Murasaki’s illness began, and really he had not said anything very bad.... It was difficult enough to satisfy the living; but existence was intolerable if even one’s most intimate conversations might at any moment let loose the vindictive fury of the dead.

Meanwhile, Murasaki remained conscious, but the prayers for her continued. Genji also held secret masses for the release of Rokujō’s soul. He had every reason to hope fervently that they would succeed. Even during her lifetime, he had experienced the terrifying power of her anger. Now she was in another world, transformed into something without human pity or remorse. It was horrible to think that her malice toward him was still unsatisfied. Apparently, everything he had done for Akikonomu had been useless! But what was the point of trying to please women? If they were not evil by nature, they would not have been born women at all.⁶⁴⁶ Perhaps he should not have spoken of her to Murasaki. But he remembered the occasion perfectly. It was the night before Murasaki’s illness began, and he really had not said anything very bad.... It was hard enough to satisfy the living. But life was unbearable if even one’s most private conversations could unleash the vengeful fury of the dead at any moment.

Murasaki still longed to receive the tonsure, and thinking that the ceremony might help her to rally a little, Genji at last consented. Her reception into the Order was more a semblance than a reality, for no attempt was made to do more than cut away a lock or two from the crown of her head, and only five of the Ten Vows were administered. During the whole ceremony Genji, regardless of convention, sat by her side, and with tears in his eyes helped her to repeat her responses.

Murasaki still longed to have her head shaved and join the religious Order. Genji thought the ceremony might help her recover a little, so he finally agreed. Her admission to the Order was mostly symbolic. Only a lock or two was cut from the top of her head, and she took only five of the Ten Vows. Throughout the ceremony, Genji sat beside her, ignoring convention. With tears in his eyes, he helped her repeat her responses.

The fifth month was now closing, and the weather was exceedingly hot. She began again to have frequent fainting-fits, and grew much weaker. But though her mind often wandered, she was perfectly well aware of the tense anxiety with which Genji watched her progress. She had herself no desire or hope of recovery, and if she now occasionally forced herself into a sitting posture or managed to swallow a little broth, it was that Genji might feel her to be still a living creature, rather than (as she knew herself to be) a strangely lingering ghost. At the beginning of the sixth month she astonished and delighted him by even looking about her a little. But he was still in great alarm, and did not once succeed in getting across to the New Palace.

The fifth month was ending, and the weather was extremely hot. She began to faint often again and grew much weaker. Though her mind often wandered, she knew how anxiously Genji watched her condition. She had no desire or hope of recovery. But she sometimes forced herself to sit up or swallowed a little broth. She did this so Genji would still feel she was alive, rather than a ghost lingering strangely on, as she knew herself to be. At the beginning of the sixth month, she astonished and delighted him by even looking around a little. But he was still deeply worried and never managed to visit the New Palace.

Nyosan’s condition was now quite definitely established; but she was not by any means in bad health. Indeed, save for the fact that her complexion was rather sallow and her appetite not so good as usual, she had not much to complain of. Kashiwagi had not been able to restrain himself from several times repeating his visit, but the girl had made it abundantly plain that she would much rather he left her in peace. The truth was that Kashiwagi had made no such impression upon her as could outweigh her fear of getting into trouble with Genji. True, her lover was one of the handsomest and most talented figures at Court, and many a girl’s head would have been completely turned by his advances; but to Nyosan, used as she was to Genji’s far more striking looks and personality, this young man seemed almost insipid in character, no more than passable in appearance, and (Palace Counsellor though he was) none the more impressive on that account to one whose upbringing had been such as hers.

Nyosan’s pregnancy was now quite certain, but she was by no means in bad health. Her complexion was rather pale, and her appetite was not as good as usual. Apart from that, she had little to complain of. Kashiwagi had been unable to keep himself from visiting her several more times. But she had made it very clear that she would much rather he left her alone. The truth was that he had not impressed her enough to overcome her fear of getting into trouble with Genji. Her lover was indeed one of the most handsome and talented men at Court. Many a girl would have had her head completely turned by his advances. But Nyosan was used to Genji’s far more striking looks and personality. To her, the young man seemed almost dull in character and no more than decent-looking. And although he was a Palace Counsellor, that meant no more to someone raised as she had been.

Her old nurse and gentlewoman had, of course, long ago discovered the condition she was in. ‘Do you remember exactly when it was that His Highness was last here?’ one of them said. ‘It seems to me as though it were a very long time ago.’ They felt rather uneasy about the matter, but thought it their duty to inform Genji. He at once came round to the New Palace.

Her old nurse and attendant had, of course, discovered her condition long ago. ‘Do you remember exactly when His Highness was last here?’ one of them asked. ‘It seems like a very long time ago.’ They were rather uneasy about the matter, but felt it was their duty to tell Genji. He came to the New Palace at once.

It was as a matter of fact (Genji remembered this quite clearly) more than a year.... Surely there must be some mistake? He said nothing to her about the reason of his visit. She did, he thought, perhaps look a trifle out of sorts, and he treated her with every mark of tenderness and concern. Really, she was a charming girl. Now that, after being so many times obliged to postpone his visit, he had at last managed to get here, he ought to stay for a night or two. And so he did; but he was all the while in such a state of anxiety about Murasaki that he could think of nothing else, and spent most of the time in writing messages to her. ‘That’s good!’ said one of Nyosan’s ladies indignantly. ‘He saves up all his letter-writing till he comes here. We appreciate the compliment, I am sure!’ Kojijū for her part only wished that Kashiwagi took a like view of Genji’s visit. No sooner did the young man hear of it than he fell into a state of violent agitation and began pouring in upon Nyosan a stream of letters, couched in the most hectic terms of jealousy and desperation—all of which it fell to Kojijū’s lot to deliver.

In fact, it had been more than a year. Genji remembered this quite clearly.... Surely there must be some mistake? He said nothing to her about why he had come. He thought she perhaps looked a little out of sorts, and he treated her with great tenderness and concern. Really, she was a charming girl. He had been forced to postpone his visit so many times. Now that he had finally managed to get there, he ought to stay for a night or two. And so he did. But all the while, he was so worried about Murasaki that he could think of nothing else. He spent most of his time writing messages to her. ‘That’s nice!’ said one of Nyosan’s ladies indignantly. ‘He saves all his letter-writing until he comes here. We appreciate the compliment, I’m sure!’ Kojijū only wished that Kashiwagi felt the same way about Genji’s visit. As soon as the young man heard about it, he became wildly agitated. He began sending Nyosan a stream of letters, full of frantic jealousy and desperation. Kojijū had to deliver every one of them.

‘Don’t show me these tiresome things,’ said Nyosan, when Kojijū, seeing Genji go to fetch something from Murasaki’s old rooms, hastily produced one of these frenzied epistles. ‘I do wish you would just read what he says here in the margin,’ Kojijū pleaded. ‘I am sure you would feel sorry for him....’ So saying, she unfolded the letter and had just placed it in Nyosan’s hands, when there was a noise of footsteps. A sudden panic descending upon her, Kojijū glided from the room. There was no time to destroy the letter or lock it up in a safe place. Her heart beating wildly, Nyosan stuffed it under the mattress of the couch upon which she lay.

‘Don’t show me these tiresome things,’ said Nyosan. Kojijū had seen Genji go to fetch something from Murasaki’s old rooms and hurriedly brought out one of the frantic letters. ‘Please just read what he says here in the margin,’ Kojijū pleaded. ‘I’m sure you would feel sorry for him....’ She unfolded the letter and had just placed it in Nyosan’s hands when they heard footsteps. Suddenly panicked, Kojijū slipped out of the room. There was no time to destroy the letter or lock it away safely. Her heart pounding, Nyosan stuffed it under the mattress of the couch where she lay.

Next morning he rose early, wanting to go back to the Nijō-in before the sun became unpleasantly strong. ‘Where is that fan I had yesterday?’ he asked his servant. ‘This one is no good at all. I think I must have left it where I was sitting with the Princess yesterday evening. I had better go and look.’ Having hunted high and low, he went towards the couch where Nyosan had lain, and suddenly noticed that a piece of light blue paper was sticking out from under her mattress, which was pushed slightly out of place. Without paying any particular attention to what he was doing, he pulled out this piece of paper, and glancing at it, saw that it was covered with writing in a man’s hand. He noticed too that it was heavily scented, and in every way as elegantly devised as a note could possibly be. Moreover, oddly enough he knew the writing (of which there was plenty, for it covered both sides of a double sheet). There could be no mistake. This was Kashiwagi’s hand. His servant, who had brought a mirror into the room and now began to do his master’s hair, was not in any way surprised to see him take possession of the note, for he supposed it to be one that Genji and Nyosan had been reading together on the day before. But Kojijū, who was also present, was startled to observe that it was of the same colour as the letter she had herself delivered. While serving Genji’s breakfast she never for an instant took her eye off this blue letter, that lay folded beside his bowl. Of course it could not be the same. Lots of people wrote on paper like that. The mere fact that it had been left lying about showed that it must be something quite different. The Princess would never have been so mad....

The next morning, he rose early, wanting to return to the Nijō-in before the sun became too strong. ‘Where is the fan I had yesterday?’ he asked his servant. ‘This one is no good at all. I think I must have left it where I was sitting with the Princess last evening. I had better go and look.’ After searching everywhere, he went toward the couch where Nyosan had lain. Her mattress had been pushed slightly out of place, and he suddenly noticed a piece of light blue paper sticking out from under it. Without paying much attention to what he was doing, he pulled out the paper. At a glance, he saw that it was covered with writing in a man’s hand. It was also heavily scented and as elegant as a note could possibly be. Strangely enough, he recognized the handwriting. There was plenty of it, covering both sides of a double sheet. There could be no mistake. It was Kashiwagi’s hand. His servant had brought a mirror into the room and now began to do his master’s hair. He was not at all surprised to see Genji take the note. He assumed it was one that Genji and Nyosan had read together the day before. But Kojijū, who was also there, was startled to see that the paper was the same color as the letter she had delivered herself. As she served Genji’s breakfast, she never took her eyes off the blue letter, which lay folded beside his bowl. Of course it could not be the same one. Lots of people wrote on paper like that. The mere fact that it had been left lying around showed that it must be something quite different. The Princess would never have been so mad....

Meanwhile Nyosan was quietly sleeping. What a feather-hearted little creature she was! He had always suspected that expressions of feeling conveyed nothing to her mind whatever; and from the way in which she left such a letter as this (for he had already cast an eye over it) lying where any one might find it, he was convinced that its contents had no meaning for her at all. It was fortunate indeed that it was he who had found it, and not some outside person, upon whom the fact that she was receiving such letters would make a wholly erroneous impression.

Meanwhile, Nyosan was sleeping peacefully. What a lighthearted little creature she was! He had always suspected that expressions of feeling meant nothing to her. He had already glanced at the letter. She had left it where anyone might find it, and that convinced him its contents meant nothing to her at all. It was fortunate that he had found it, rather than an outsider. Someone else would have gotten a completely mistaken impression from the fact that she was receiving such letters.

‘What did you do with that note I brought yesterday?’ Kojijū said, when Genji left the room. ‘I saw His Highness looking just now at a letter that looked very much like it.’ Nyosan immediately remembered only too well what she had done with it. ‘Where did you put it?’ went on Kojijū, seeing that her eyes had suddenly filled with tears. ‘When we heard some one coming, I thought it might look as though there were a secret between us if I were found alone with you, and to be on the safe side I made off as fast as I could. But as a matter of fact it was some while before His Highness actually entered the room, and I supposed that during this time you would have managed to find somewhere safe to put the letter.’ ‘I had only that very moment begun reading it when he came in,’ she sobbed. ‘I just stuffed it away anywhere I could; and then I forgot about it....’ Helplessly she indicated the place under the mattress. Kojijū went and examined it. ‘There’s nothing there now,’ she said. ‘This is an awful business. I would give anything that it should not have happened. It was only the other day that Kashiwagi begged me to make you be more careful. He is terrified of Prince Genji getting wind of this. And now, no sooner do I put a letter in your hands than you leave it just where it was most likely to catch His Highness’s eye. However, it is all of a piece with the way you have always carried on. I shouldn’t say it, but you have no more idea how to behave than a baby. First of all you leave all your screens in disorder and let him see you. Then you allow him to go on for month after month writing desperate letters to you, and finally drive him to such a pitch of madness that he insists upon being allowed to see you. It was I who arranged it, I own; but I don’t mind telling you I would never have dreamed of bringing him, if I had supposed that you could look after yourself no better than you did. Well, I’m sorry for you both!’ So she scolded the girl, speaking to her as though she were a person of her own class; for Nyosan was so completely lacking in self-consequence that it was difficult for those about her to remember she was Genji’s favourite and the Emperor’s sister.

‘What did you do with the note I brought yesterday?’ Kojijū asked when Genji left the room. ‘I just saw His Highness looking at a letter that looked very much like it.’ Nyosan immediately remembered all too well what she had done with it. Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. ‘Where did you put it?’ Kojijū continued. ‘When we heard someone coming, I thought it might look as if we shared a secret if I were found alone with you. So, to be safe, I left as fast as I could. But His Highness didn’t actually enter the room for some time. I assumed you would have found somewhere safe to put the letter by then.’ ‘I had only just begun reading it when he came in,’ she sobbed. ‘I stuffed it away wherever I could, and then I forgot about it....’ Helplessly, she pointed to the place under the mattress. Kojijū went over and looked. ‘There’s nothing there now,’ she said. ‘This is terrible. I would give anything to undo it. Only the other day, Kashiwagi begged me to make you more careful. He’s terrified that Prince Genji will find out about this. And now, as soon as I put a letter in your hands, you leave it where His Highness is most likely to see it. But that’s just how you’ve always behaved. I shouldn’t say it, but you know no better how to behave than a baby. ‘First, you leave all your screens in disorder and let him see you. Then you let him spend month after month writing desperate letters to you. Finally, you drive him so mad that he insists on being allowed to see you. I admit I arranged it. But I can tell you, I never would have dreamed of bringing him if I’d thought you could take care of yourself no better than you did. Well, I’m sorry for you both!’ So she scolded the girl, speaking to her as if she were of the same social class. Nyosan had so little sense of her own importance that those around her found it hard to remember she was Genji’s favorite and the Emperor’s sister.

At Kojijū’s harsh words she only wept the more. During the course of the day her people noticed that she was in very low spirits and ate nothing at all. ‘Instead of fussing all the while about Lady Murasaki, who, if she was ever ill at all, is now perfectly recovered, His Highness might give a little more attention to our young lady, who really has got something the matter with her,’ they said.

Kojijū’s harsh words only made her weep more. During the day, her attendants noticed that she was very low and ate nothing. ‘His Highness is always fussing over Lady Murasaki. If she was ever ill at all, she has now fully recovered. He might pay a little more attention to our young lady, who really does have something wrong with her,’ they said.

As soon as he was alone Genji pulled out the letter and studied it more attentively. He did not now feel so certain that it was written by Kashiwagi. The writing indeed looked to him much more like an attempt to imitate Kashiwagi’s hand, and he came to the conclusion that it must be the work of some waiting-woman, who had concocted the letter as a practical joke. But the style did not in the least bear out this supposition. Granted the document was genuine, several facts emerged: the writer had been in love with Nyosan for several years, he had once at any rate obtained access to her, but now something had gone wrong, and the writer of the letter was evidently very ill at ease. All this could have been deduced without difficulty by any one who saw the letter. Since when (Genji wondered) had people taken to writing in this reckless and inconsiderate manner? For letters are ticklish things; one never knows into whose hands they may fall—as he himself had good reason to remember.⁶⁴⁷ But, after all, there are ways of protecting oneself. Never had Genji in his life (or so he now felt convinced) addressed a woman whom he loved in terms so crude, so tactless, so flatly incriminating; and he was filled not so much with anger at Kashiwagi’s presumption as contempt for his stupidity.

As soon as he was alone, Genji took out the letter and studied it more carefully. He was no longer so sure that Kashiwagi had written it. The handwriting looked more like an attempt to imitate Kashiwagi’s. Genji concluded that a lady-in-waiting must have made up the letter as a practical joke. But its style did not support that idea at all. If the letter was genuine, several things were clear. The writer had been in love with Nyosan for several years. He had managed to see her alone at least once, but now something had gone wrong. The writer was plainly very uneasy. Anyone who saw the letter could easily have worked all this out. When, Genji wondered, had people started writing so recklessly and carelessly? Letters are risky things. You never know whose hands they might fall into, as he had good reason to remember.⁶⁴⁷ But there are ways to protect yourself, after all. Genji now felt sure he had never written to a woman he loved in such crude, tactless, plainly incriminating terms. He felt less anger at Kashiwagi’s presumption than contempt for his stupidity.

Genji’s thoughts ran on. What must he do with Nyosan? Of course there was no longer any doubt how she came to be in her present condition. The simplest thing would be to go on as if nothing had happened. This, he felt, would have been impossible if the knowledge of their intrigue had come to him from outside. But having made the discovery for himself, he was free to use it as he chose. Yet was he free? He tried to imagine himself visiting her, joking, pretending to know nothing.... It was easy enough to decide on such a course, but utterly impossible to carry it out. He knew that when he was merely amusing himself with some one, without really being in love, the discovery that this person was receiving attentions from another man at once made it impossible for him to continue his own mild dalliance. In such cases it galled him that another should receive what he himself had never even claimed. And now Nyosan.... No, this was something that he could never forgive. As for Kashiwagi, his conduct had been of an insolence and treachery such as Genji would not have imagined any human being to be capable of. Suddenly it occurred to him that there was a certain resemblance between this episode and another, in which he himself had figured. But that was a very different affair. There is something special about an Emperor’s concubines. To begin with, many of them hold their position for reasons of State; no personal tie attaches them to their Master, and it is assumed that they are free to seek distraction elsewhere. Then again, the ladies and gentlemen of the Emperor’s entourage are through the very nature of their service thrown together in a way peculiar to the Court, and intimacies, such as could not without the gravest scandal be divulged, are constantly springing into existence, to be suspended at a moment’s notice if they are in any danger of being observed. Nor in the promiscuous life of the Palace are such shifts and changes, such sudden alliances and dissolutions, likely to attract the slightest attention. But this seduction of Nyosan was an entirely different matter. She, on her side, knew quite well all the circumstances that had induced him to take charge of her, knew that he had expended infinite pains in her education and improvement, had risked on her behalf a breach with the one being to whom his whole heart was drawn. Such ingratitude was unthinkable! That any one who belonged to him should turn elsewhere for affection—and to a person such as Kashiwagi—was more than he could be expected to endure. And yet, unless he were willing to make himself ridiculous, the alternatives to enduring it were not very obvious.

Genji’s thoughts went on. What was he to do about Nyosan? There was no longer any doubt about how she had become pregnant. The simplest thing would be to carry on as if nothing had happened. He felt this would have been impossible if he had learned of their affair from someone else. But since he had discovered it himself, he could use that knowledge as he chose. Yet was he free to do so? He tried to imagine visiting her, joking and pretending to know nothing.... It was easy enough to decide on such a course, but impossible to carry it out. He knew how he reacted when he was merely amusing himself with someone, without being truly in love. If he discovered that another man was paying her attention, he could no longer carry on even that casual affair. In such cases, it angered him that another man should receive what he himself had never even claimed. And now Nyosan.... No, this was something he could never forgive. As for Kashiwagi, his conduct had been so insolent and treacherous that Genji would not have believed anyone capable of it. Suddenly, he saw a certain resemblance between this affair and another in which he himself had played a part. But that had been very different. There was something special about an Emperor’s concubines. For one thing, many of them held their positions for reasons of state. They had no personal bond with their master, and it was assumed that they were free to seek pleasure elsewhere. Also, the ladies and gentlemen attending the Emperor were brought together in ways peculiar to the Court. Intimacies were constantly springing up between them. Revealing such affairs would have caused the gravest scandal, so they were put on hold whenever they risked discovery. In the promiscuous life of the Palace, such changes, sudden unions and breakups were unlikely to attract any attention. But the seduction of Nyosan was entirely different. She knew perfectly well everything that had led him to take charge of her. She knew how much care he had spent on her education and improvement. For her sake, he had even risked a break with the one person he loved with all his heart. Such ingratitude was unthinkable! How could he be expected to endure it if anyone who belonged to him sought affection elsewhere, especially from someone like Kashiwagi? And yet, unless he was willing to make himself ridiculous, it was not clear what else he could do.

Suddenly it occurred to Genji to ask himself whether perhaps his father, the Old Emperor, had not been in just the same fix. No doubt he too (though Genji had never before suspected it) knew perfectly well what was going on, and had merely pretended not to see. There was no denying it: that was a disgraceful affair, as indeed he had always known; though all that his father might have suffered through it he had never till this moment guessed.

Suddenly, Genji wondered if his father, the Old Emperor, had been in the same predicament. He had never suspected it before, but surely his father had known exactly what was going on. He had simply pretended not to see. There was no denying it: the affair was disgraceful, as Genji had always known. But until now, he had never guessed how much his father might have suffered because of it.

Murasaki at once saw, when he arrived, that something was on his mind. She thought that he had reluctantly left the New Palace merely out of pity for her, and was worried at being obliged to spend so much time out of Nyosan’s company. ‘You really need not have come back so soon,’ she said. ‘I am much better now, while Nyosan, they tell me, is very poorly.’

When he arrived, Murasaki immediately saw that something was on his mind. She thought he had reluctantly left the New Palace only because he felt sorry for her. She also thought he was upset about having to spend so much time away from Nyosan. ‘You really didn't need to come back so soon,’ she said. ‘I'm much better now, but they tell me Nyosan is very ill.’

‘She looks a little bit out of sorts,’ he answered. ‘But there is nothing serious the matter with her, and I do not feel there is any need for me to remain there. But her family makes a great fuss. The Emperor is always sending to enquire after her. A messenger came while I was there to-day. I do not think he is really worried, but his father⁶⁴⁸ expects it of him, and is always keeping him up to the mark. They both of them have their eye on me, and so I have to be extremely careful.’ ‘I don’t mind what the Emperor thinks,’ Murasaki replied. ‘But I should be very sorry indeed if my illness caused Nyosan to think you were neglecting her. And even if she understands, I am so afraid that some of her gentlewomen may make mischief....’ ‘You are evidently far more solicitous concerning Nyosan than I am myself,’ he said, laughing. ‘And for your sake I must try to take my responsibilities more seriously. But I fear I shall never succeed in working out what effect my actions may have on her maids and dependents. You may think me heartless, but I confess that if I avoid getting into trouble with the Emperor, I shall be quite satisfied. I am hoping that next time I go to the New Palace you will be able to come with me.’ ‘I am afraid that will not be for some while yet,’ she answered. ‘Do, I beg of you, go and live there again at once. It would be such a comfort to Nyosan. I will follow when I can.’ But days passed without his making the move.

‘She seems a little unwell,’ he answered. ‘But there is nothing seriously wrong with her, and I don’t feel I need to stay there. Her family makes a great fuss, though. The Emperor is always sending someone to ask after her. A messenger came while I was there today. I don’t think the Emperor is really worried, but his father⁶⁴⁸ expects him to ask. His father is always making sure he does. They both have their eye on me, so I have to be extremely careful.’ ‘I don’t mind what the Emperor thinks,’ Murasaki replied. ‘But I would be very sorry if my illness made Nyosan think you were neglecting her. Even if she understands, I’m so afraid that some of her gentlewomen may cause trouble....’ ‘You’re clearly much more concerned about Nyosan than I am,’ he said, laughing. ‘And for your sake, I must try to take my responsibilities more seriously. But I doubt I’ll ever manage to work out how my actions may affect her maids and dependents. You may think me heartless, but I confess I’ll be quite satisfied if I avoid trouble with the Emperor. I hope you’ll be able to come with me the next time I go to the New Palace.’ ‘I’m afraid that won’t be for some time yet,’ she answered. ‘Please, I beg you, go and live there again at once. It would be such a comfort to Nyosan. I’ll follow when I can.’ But days passed without his moving there.

Nyosan regarded his absence as a sign that she was in disgrace. True, he had often before deserted her for weeks on end; but in those days she had done nothing bad, and it had therefore not occurred to her that his staying away might be meant as a punishment. She was also terrified lest her father should hear that Genji never came to see her; for she had got it into her head that Suzaku too would at once think she had done something wicked.

Nyosan took his absence as a sign that she was in disgrace. He had often stayed away from her for weeks before. But in those days, she had done nothing wrong, so it had never occurred to her that he might be punishing her. She was also terrified that her father would hear that Genji never visited her. She had convinced herself that Suzaku, too, would immediately think she had done something wicked.

The next time Kashiwagi tried to send a letter, Kojijū, rather glad of an opportunity to bring the business to an end, told him flatly what had happened to his last note. Kashiwagi was appalled.

The next time Kashiwagi tried to send a letter, Kojijū saw a welcome chance to end the matter. She told him plainly what had happened to his last note. Kashiwagi was appalled.

If such an affair as this went on for a considerable time it was almost inevitable (he knew) that some rumour of it should eventually leak out. But there was no reason why any actual proof should exist; and if the parties concerned chose to deny it stoutly enough, people often ended by believing that nothing much had really happened. And here was Nyosan, after the infinite care that he had taken not to arouse the faintest suspicion on any side, leaving under the very nose of the person principally concerned a document of the most incriminating kind. It was the hottest time in the year; but at the receipt of this news he turned so icy cold from head to foot that he veritably thought he would freeze to death. It was not as though Genji had been a stranger (though even then it would have been bad enough, considering his rank and influence). Always, for years past, it had been for Kashiwagi that he had sent whenever either pleasure or business demanded the presence of some chosen friend whom he liked and could trust. And this obvious partiality of Genji for his company had been one of the greatest joys in Kashiwagi’s life. There could now be no question of their ever being friends again. That was of course the worst; but the actual and immediate question of how to behave towards Genji for the moment fretted Kashiwagi till he became positively ill. If he stayed away altogether every one would want to know the reason, and Genji himself, if by any chance he had failed to be absolutely convinced of Kashiwagi’s guilt, would then no longer be in doubt. Beset by continual panic and forebodings he shut himself up indoors. Constantly he assured himself that this overwhelming sense of guilt was out of all proportion to the magnitude of his crime. But he could not get out of his head the idea that by this one act he had forfeited all right to exist.

He knew that if an affair like this continued for long, rumors would almost inevitably leak out. But there was no reason for any actual proof to exist. If those involved denied it firmly enough, people often ended up believing that nothing much had happened. Yet Nyosan had left a highly incriminating document right under the nose of the person most affected. And Kashiwagi had taken endless care not to arouse the slightest suspicion in anyone. It was the hottest time of year, but the news left him icy cold from head to foot. He truly thought he would freeze to death. Genji was not a stranger. Even if he had been, the situation would have been bad enough, given his rank and influence. For years, whenever Genji wanted a trusted friend to join him for pleasure or business, he had sent for Kashiwagi. Genji clearly preferred his company, and that had been one of the greatest joys of Kashiwagi’s life. Now there was no possibility that they could ever be friends again. That was the worst of it, of course. But the immediate question of how to behave toward Genji worried Kashiwagi until he became positively ill. If he stayed away altogether, everyone would want to know why. And if Genji was not already absolutely convinced of Kashiwagi’s guilt, his absence would remove all doubt. Beset by constant panic and dread, he shut himself up indoors. He kept telling himself that his overwhelming guilt was far out of proportion to his crime. But he could not shake the thought that this one act had cost him all right to exist.

He felt now that it was madness on his part not to have foreseen what would happen. From the moment she exposed herself on that ill-fated evening of the football match he ought to have known she would prove utterly undependable. No doubt Yūgiri, to whom he had certainly betrayed his excitement on the way home that night, had known quite well what was in store for him, should he attempt to carry on a secret intrigue with a creature so completely lacking in the most elementary sense of responsibility or even loyalty (for he could hardly imagine that anyone could merely forget to put a note of that kind somewhere out of sight). But though he tried at times to escape from his own sense of guilt by reflections of this kind, he was all the while extremely sorry for Nyosan and fully conscious of the terrible predicament in which he had landed her.

He now felt foolish for not having foreseen what would happen. She had exposed herself that ill-fated evening at the football match. From then on, he should have known she would prove utterly unreliable. He had certainly revealed his excitement to Yūgiri on the way home that night. No doubt Yūgiri had known exactly what awaited him if he tried to have a secret affair with her. She had no basic sense of responsibility or even loyalty. He could hardly imagine that anyone could simply forget to hide a note like that. At times, he tried to escape his guilt by thinking this way. But all the while, he felt deeply sorry for Nyosan. He knew perfectly well what a terrible predicament he had put her in.

At last Genji visited the New Palace. Of course there could be no question now of his ever again feeling any affection for her; yet, so much sympathy did her obvious wretchedness and terror arouse in him, that he found himself longing to console her, caress her—to pretend, in fact, that everything was the same as before. But this lasted for a very short while. Expenditure on her behalf, solicitude for her comfort—these were easy enough; but when it came to speaking to her in such a manner that those present would not detect any embarrassment or frigidity, then he was hard put to it indeed, and by his own unavailing struggles knew something of what her misery must be. It soon became clear that he did not intend to refer in any way to what had happened; but this, so far from giving Nyosan confidence, seemed only to imprint a more abject look of shame and contrition upon her downcast face. She could not be certain how much he had discovered or what conclusions he had drawn; and to look as though she were being scolded, when precisely the opposite was happening, in itself betrayed her guilt. Such behaviour was indeed part and parcel of the same utter childishness that had brought about this whole catastrophe.

At last Genji visited the New Palace. Of course, there was no question of his ever feeling affection for her again. Yet her obvious misery and terror stirred such sympathy in him that he longed to comfort and caress her. He wanted to pretend that everything was as it had been before. But the feeling lasted only a short while. It was easy enough to spend money on her and look after her comfort. But speaking to her without letting those present notice any awkwardness or coldness was much harder. His own failed efforts gave him some idea of how miserable she must be. It soon became clear that he did not intend to mention what had happened. But instead of reassuring Nyosan, his silence only seemed to deepen the shame and remorse on her downcast face. She could not be sure how much he had discovered or what conclusions he had drawn. And her guilty feelings showed in the way she looked as though he were scolding her, when he was doing quite the opposite. Such behavior was part of the same utter childishness that had brought about the whole catastrophe.

Meanwhile the news of Nyosan’s condition reached Suzaku in his mountain retreat. He was of course delighted. He knew that during the worst period of Murasaki’s illness Genji had for months on end been absent from the New Palace; but this, under the circumstances, was perfectly natural. It appeared that even after her partial recovery Genji had continued to be perhaps unduly nervous of leaving her; and this protracted neglect, for which Nyosan would see no adequate cause, had no doubt tried her patience. Not that in any of her letters she had ever complained. But it was only too likely that some of her people had, in their indiscreet zeal, talked against Genji at Court or in social gatherings elsewhere. Suzaku could only hope that Nyosan had herself done nothing to countenance such gossip. He had lost interest in all other worldly matters; but his affection for his daughter remained as keen as ever. The letter that he now wrote to her happened to arrive on one of the rare occasions when Genji was at the New Palace. ‘I am afraid it is a long time since you heard from me,’ he said; ‘but I always think about you a great deal. As soon as I heard of your condition I put a special supplication on your behalf into my prayers. Please be sure to let me know how you get on. I am afraid that, through no one’s fault, you have been left a great deal alone in the last few months Remember that, even if this should continue, it is no fault of Genji’s; and above all things avoid giving him or any one else the impression that you are in the slightest degree resentful of these long absences.’

Meanwhile, news of Nyosan’s condition reached Suzaku at his mountain retreat. He was delighted, of course. He knew that Genji had stayed away from the New Palace for months during the worst of Murasaki’s illness. Under the circumstances, that was perfectly natural. But even after Murasaki had partly recovered, Genji seemed perhaps too nervous to leave her. Nyosan would see no good reason for his long neglect, and it had no doubt tried her patience. She had never complained in any of her letters. But some of her people had very likely spoken against Genji at Court or other social gatherings, in their indiscreet zeal. Suzaku could only hope that Nyosan herself had done nothing to encourage such gossip. He had lost interest in all other worldly matters, but his love for his daughter remained as strong as ever. The letter he now wrote to her arrived on one of Genji’s rare visits to the New Palace. ‘I’m afraid it has been a long time since you heard from me,’ he wrote. ‘But I always think about you a great deal. As soon as I heard of your condition, I included a special request for you in my prayers. Please be sure to let me know how you are getting on. I’m afraid you have been left alone a great deal these past few months, through no one’s fault. Even if this continues, remember that it is not Genji’s fault. Above all, avoid giving him or anyone else the impression that you resent his long absences in the slightest.’

The position was a very difficult one. Genji had not intended ever to speak to Suzaku of what had happened. But sooner or later the girl’s father would see that Murasaki’s illness was quite unconnected with the present estrangement. Unless he were told the truth Suzaku would think that Genji had broken all his promises in the cruellest and most treacherous manner. ‘How are you going to reply?’ he said, turning to Nyosan. ‘I wonder who told him that I was neglecting you? If we are nowadays on rather distant terms, it is certainly through no fault of mine.’ Blushing deeply, she turned away her head. ‘I think what most bothers your father,’ he continued, ‘is the knowledge that you are so childish and entirely unable to look after yourself. You must try in future to show him that he need no longer worry about you on that account. I had not meant to tell him about this business. But it is clearly impossible that you and I should be on the same terms as before; and if he is going to interpret this change as a dereliction on my part, I should be obliged to explain matters to him. I had not meant to discuss this even with you; but while we are on the subject, I may as well say that if you have found some one who can make you happier than I do, by all means go to him.... I think that from your own point of view you are behaving very imprudently; but whether that is so, events will prove.

It was a very difficult situation. Genji had never intended to tell Suzaku what had happened. But sooner or later, Nyosan’s father would see that Murasaki’s illness had nothing to do with their current estrangement. Unless Suzaku learned the truth, he would think Genji had broken all his promises with the utmost cruelty and treachery. ‘How are you going to reply?’ Genji asked, turning to Nyosan. ‘I wonder who told him I was neglecting you? If we are rather distant these days, it is certainly not my fault.’ Blushing deeply, she turned her head away. ‘I think what worries your father most,’ he continued, ‘is that you are so childish and completely unable to look after yourself. In future, you must try to show him he no longer needs to worry about that. I had not intended to tell him about this. But it is clearly impossible for you and me to have the same relationship as before. If he sees this change as a failure on my part, I will have to explain things to him. I had not intended to discuss it even with you. But since we are on the subject, I may as well say this. If you have found someone who can make you happier than I do, by all means go to him.... I think you are behaving very unwisely, even from your own point of view. But events will show whether that is true.

‘It does not in the least surprise me that you should feel as you do. For one thing, novelties are inevitably more interesting, and you have known me since you were a child. But the real trouble is that I am too old for you. It is true. I am hideously old. Indeed, what in the world could be more natural than that an infant like you should desire to escape from me? I only make one condition. So long as your father is alive we must keep up the pretence, tiresome old person though you may find me, that I am still your husband. Afterwards you may do as you like. But I cannot bear that Suzaku should know what has in reality been the end of this wonderful marriage of ours, upon which he built all his hopes. It is not at all likely that he will live much longer. If you do not wish to add to his sufferings, please let us for the present have no more episodes of this kind.’

‘It doesn’t surprise me at all that you feel this way. For one thing, new things are always more interesting, and you’ve known me since you were a child. But the real problem is that I’m too old for you. It’s true. I’m horribly old. What could be more natural than for a baby like you to want to escape from me? I have only one condition. As long as your father is alive, we must pretend that I’m still your husband. We must do that however tiresome you may find me. Afterward, you may do as you like. But I can’t bear for Suzaku to know how our wonderful marriage has really ended. He had pinned all his hopes on it. He is not at all likely to live much longer. If you don’t want to add to his suffering, please, let’s have no more incidents like this for now.’

But as he said the words he caught in his own voice a familiar intonation. How often, years ago, those responsible for his upbringing had adopted just this tone, and how dreary, how contemptible he had thought their self-righteous homilies. ‘Boring old man!’ That was what she must be thinking, and in sudden shame he relapsed into a complete silence, during which he drew her writing-case towards him, carefully mixed the ink and arranged the paper. But Nyosan was by now sobbing bitterly, and her hand shook so much that at first she was unable to write. How very differently must her pen have flowed, Genji mused, when she sat down to answer the letter he had found under her cushion! But now, even when her hand ceased to tremble, she was quite unable to frame her sentences, and he was obliged to dictate the whole letter.

But as he spoke, he heard a familiar tone in his own voice. Years ago, those who raised him had often used that same tone. How dull and contemptible he had found their self-righteous lectures. ‘Boring old man!’ That must be what she was thinking. Suddenly ashamed, he fell completely silent. He pulled her writing case toward him, carefully mixed the ink, and arranged the paper. But by now Nyosan was sobbing bitterly. Her hand shook so much that at first she could not write. Genji wondered how differently her pen must have moved when she answered the letter he had found under her cushion. But now, even when her hand stopped shaking, she could not find the words. He had to dictate the whole letter.

The celebration of Suzaku’s fiftieth birthday, again and again deferred, had now been fixed for the middle of the twelfth month. Arrangements for the dancing and music were already in active progress at the New Palace, and Murasaki, who had meant to put off her return some time longer, suddenly took it into her head that all this bustle would help to distract her from her sufferings. She was accordingly moved into her old apartments without further delay. The Akashi Princess was also in residence at the New Palace, with her little boy, Niou, and her second child, also a boy. They were both delightful children, and it was a great pleasure to have them in the house. Genji, who had not taken at first very kindly to the idea of being a grandfather, now played with them for hours on end.

The celebration of Suzaku’s fiftieth birthday had been postponed again and again. It was now set for the middle of the twelfth month. Preparations for the dancing and music were already well underway at the New Palace. Murasaki had meant to delay her return a while longer. But she suddenly thought that all the activity would help distract her from her suffering. So she was moved back into her old rooms without further delay. The Akashi Princess was also staying at the New Palace with her little boy, Niou, and her second son. Both were delightful children, and it was a great pleasure to have them in the house. Genji had not liked the idea of being a grandfather at first, but now he played with them for hours.

Kashiwagi was of course invited to the rehearsal. He knew that if he stayed at home on such an occasion he would feel extremely bored and miserable; moreover his absence would be remarked upon by every one and might arouse unwelcome suspicions. But when the invitation arrived he wrote that he was too ill to come. Genji was certain that only a very serious and definite illness would have kept him away upon such an occasion, and wrote again, begging him to accept. His father Tō no Chūjō pointed out that Genji would certainly be offended. ‘Every one knows that there is nothing serious the matter with you,’ he said, ‘and on musical occasions of this kind your help is very much needed.’ Finally Kashiwagi promised to go. He arrived before the other princes and courtiers who were expected, and was at once admitted behind Genji’s screens-of-state. He did indeed not look at all well. He was thin, pale, utterly lacking in the buoyancy and high spirits that were the common possession of his family. He wore a thoughtful, serious air, like one who is over-conscious of his responsibilities. Just the kind of person, thought Genji, whom one would hit upon to put in charge of a flighty young princess. Probably they were very well suited to one another, and if only such an arrangement had been thought of before.... Indeed it was not so much what had happened, as the way in which it had taken place, that he would never be able to forgive. If only either of them had behaved with the slightest consideration....

Kashiwagi was, of course, invited to the rehearsal. He knew he would be extremely bored and miserable if he stayed home on such an occasion. Everyone would also notice his absence, and it might raise unwelcome suspicions. But when the invitation arrived, he wrote that he was too ill to come. Genji was sure that only a very serious illness could have kept him away on such an occasion. He wrote again, begging him to accept. Kashiwagi’s father, Tō no Chūjō, pointed out that Genji would certainly be offended. ‘Everyone knows there is nothing seriously wrong with you,’ he said. ‘And your help is much needed at musical events like this.’ Finally, Kashiwagi promised to go. He arrived before the other princes and courtiers who were expected. He was admitted at once behind Genji’s screens of state. He did look unwell. He was thin and pale, with none of the energy and high spirits common to his family. He looked thoughtful and serious, like someone overly conscious of his responsibilities. Just the kind of person, Genji thought, one would choose to look after a flighty young princess. They were probably very well suited to each other. If only someone had thought of such an arrangement before.... It was not so much what had happened that Genji could never forgive. It was the way it had happened. If only either of them had shown the slightest consideration....

But he spoke to Kashiwagi without a trace of coldness or disapproval. ‘What a long time it is since we last met!’ he said. ‘And there has really been no particular reason. I have, of course, a great deal of illness in the home. Things are better; but the arrangements connected with Suzaku’s birthday have kept me very busy, and I have also been obliged to have services read on behalf of his daughter, who, as you know, is now living here with me. Suzaku has taken his vows, and it would be unseemly to celebrate his birthday with the same festivities that we should use were he a layman. But it so happens that there are at present in my house a number of young boys, and I know that it would give Suzaku great pleasure if I trained them to do a few dances in his honour on the day of the celebration. There is no one who can be so useful to me in this matter as yourself, and I am very grateful to you for having forgiven my long neglect and thus hurried to assist me.’ While these words were being spoken Kashiwagi felt his colour continually come and go. It was some time before he could master his feelings sufficiently to reply. At last he said: ‘I was very sorry to hear of all your troubles. Since the spring I myself have been very unwell. I think it is really an attack of beri-beri. I have often been almost unable to walk. It is months since I got even so far as the Palace, and I feel as though I had been utterly shut off from the world. No one owes more to Suzaku than I do; but I am afraid that, had not my father reminded me, I should have entirely forgotten about his fiftieth birthday. If you will forgive my suggesting it, I do not think that a very elaborate ceremony would be at all to Suzaku’s taste. When the deputation visits him, a few unambitious songs and dances, with plenty of time afterwards for quiet conversation with his guests—that, I think, is what would give him most pleasure.’ ‘I entirely agree with you,’ answered Genji. ‘Of course, we must not cut things down so much as to seem disrespectful; but if you are in charge I shall have no anxiety on that score. Yūgiri is now thoroughly competent as regards public ceremonies and the like; but he has never understood much about art. Suzaku is so good a critic in all such matters, particularly as regards music and dancing, that what little we do must at all costs be done properly. That is why I want you to help Yūgiri in arranging the little boys’ dances. The professional dancing-masters are hopeless. Each of them has his own set of tricks, and nothing can persuade him to vary them.’

But he spoke to Kashiwagi without any sign of coldness or disapproval. ‘It’s been such a long time since we last met!’ he said. ‘And there’s really been no particular reason for it. Of course, there has been a great deal of illness in my household. Things are better now, but the arrangements for Suzaku’s birthday have kept me very busy. I’ve also had to arrange religious services for his daughter, who, as you know, now lives here with me. Suzaku has taken his vows, so it would be improper to celebrate his birthday as we would a layman’s. But I happen to have a number of young boys in my house just now. I know it would give Suzaku great pleasure if I trained them to perform a few dances in his honor on his birthday. No one could be more helpful to me in this than you. I’m very grateful that you’ve forgiven me for neglecting you so long and have hurried to help me.’ As Genji spoke, Kashiwagi kept flushing and turning pale. It took him some time to control his feelings enough to reply. At last he said, ‘I was very sorry to hear of all your troubles. I’ve been very unwell myself since spring. I think it’s really an attack of beri-beri. I’ve often been barely able to walk. It’s been months since I’ve even managed to get to the Palace. I feel as though I’ve been completely cut off from the world. No one owes more to Suzaku than I do. But I’m afraid that if my father hadn’t reminded me, I would have completely forgotten his fiftieth birthday. If you’ll forgive my saying so, I don’t think a very elaborate ceremony would suit Suzaku at all. When the deputation visits him, a few simple songs and dances would be best. Then there should be plenty of time for quiet conversation with his guests. I think that would give him the most pleasure.’ ‘I completely agree with you,’ Genji replied. ‘Of course, we mustn’t make the celebration so modest that it seems disrespectful. But if you’re in charge, I won’t have to worry about that. Yūgiri is now thoroughly capable of handling public ceremonies and such things, but he has never understood much about art. Suzaku is such a good judge of all these things, especially music and dancing, that whatever little we do must be done properly. That’s why I want you to help Yūgiri arrange the little boys’ dances. The professional dancing masters are hopeless. Each has his own set of tricks, and nothing can persuade him to change them.’

It would have been impossible for anyone to speak more kindly than Genji had just spoken; but Kashiwagi, though fully sensible of this fact, still felt as uncomfortable as when he first entered the room. Once this business about the rehearsal had been settled, there seemed nothing else to talk about, and after a few unsuccessful attempts to begin their usual sort of conversation, Kashiwagi quietly withdrew.

No one could have spoken more kindly than Genji had just done. Kashiwagi knew this, but he still felt as uncomfortable as he had when he first entered the room. Once they had settled the matter of the rehearsal, there seemed to be nothing else to discuss. Kashiwagi tried a few times to start their usual sort of conversation, but failed and quietly left.

The rehearsal took place in the Music Room that opened out of the Fishing Pavilion, the dancers appearing at the foot of a high mound. There was a thin sprinkling of snow upon the ground; but the air had in it a softness which suggested that Spring was camping somewhere close at hand, and already the orchards were whitening with the first faint tinge of bloom.

The rehearsal took place in the Music Room, which opened onto the Fishing Pavilion. The dancers appeared at the foot of a high mound. A thin layer of snow covered the ground, but the air was soft, as if Spring were camped nearby. The first faint blossoms were already turning the orchards white.

As the day wore on, the scene grew somewhat riotous. Every one drank heavily, and the older men, at the sight of their grandchildren’s performance (which was indeed a very pretty one, the dancers all being of minute size), tended to become rather maudlin. ‘All right, Kashiwagi; don’t look so contemptuous!’ Genji shouted across to him. ‘Just wait a few years, and you’ll find a little wine will make your tears flow quite as fast as ours!’ Kashiwagi made no reply, and Genji, looking at him more attentively, saw that he was not only (alone among the whole company) entirely sober, but also extremely depressed. Surely, thought Kashiwagi, every one can see that I am far too ill to take part in such a scene as this. How inconsiderate of Genji (who was certainly not nearly so drunk as he pretended) to call attention to him by shouting across the room in that way! No doubt it was meant as a joke; but Kashiwagi found it quite impossible to be amused. He had a violent headache, and each time the flagon came round he merely pretended to drink out of it. Genji presently noticed this, and sending it back, pressed him again and again to take his share.

As the day wore on, the gathering grew somewhat rowdy. Everyone drank heavily. The older men tended to become sentimental as they watched their grandchildren perform. It was a very pretty performance, and the dancers were all tiny. ‘All right, Kashiwagi, don’t look so contemptuous!’ Genji shouted across the room. ‘Just wait a few years, and you’ll find a little wine will make your tears flow just as fast as ours!’ Kashiwagi did not reply. Genji looked at him more closely and saw that he was the only one there who was completely sober. He was also deeply depressed. Surely, Kashiwagi thought, everyone could see that he was far too ill to take part in such a gathering. How inconsiderate of Genji to draw attention to him by shouting across the room like that! Genji was certainly not nearly as drunk as he pretended to be. No doubt he meant it as a joke, but Kashiwagi could not find it at all amusing. He had a terrible headache, and each time the flagon came around, he only pretended to drink from it. Genji soon noticed and sent the flagon back to him, urging him again and again to drink his share.

At last he could endure the banquet no longer, and though the proceedings showed no signs whatever of coming to a close, he dragged himself to his feet and left the room. He had such difficulty in walking that he at first imagined he must have drunk far more than he intended. But this explanation would not hold, for he could clearly recollect all that had happened, and was quite certain that he had not taken enough to cause any such effect as this. He definitely connected his present sensations with the strain of appearing in Genji’s presence. But embarrassing though the ordeal had been, it would scarcely account for the fact that he was in his present state of complete collapse.

At last, he could no longer bear the banquet. Though it showed no sign of ending, he struggled to his feet and left the room. He could hardly walk. At first, he thought he must have drunk far more than he had intended. But that could not explain it. He clearly remembered everything that had happened and was sure he had not drunk enough to cause such an effect. He felt certain that his condition was connected to the strain of appearing before Genji. But though the ordeal had been embarrassing, it could hardly explain his complete collapse.

It soon became apparent that his was no mere migraine or surfeit, but the beginning of a desperate malady. His mother proposed to remove him to his father’s house, where she thought he could be better looked after. Kashiwagi knew that such a step would be extremely painful to his wife Princess Ochiba, who had for months past endured his complete neglect of her with exemplary patience, always hoping that he would in the end recover from his present disastrous infatuation. The assumption that now, at the onset of a serious illness, she was not the proper person to take charge of him, would seem (as Kashiwagi was well aware) to mark the end of their brief and unhappy relationship. Ochiba’s mother was also present. ‘They ought never to have suggested such a thing,’ she said indignantly. ‘Under no possible circumstances have the parents any right to separate a man from his wife. Even if Kashiwagi only stays there till he recovers, the separation will be a most painful one for my daughter. She is perfectly capable of looking after him, and I can see no reason why he should not remain here, at any rate until it is proved that he is not making sufficient progress.’ Kashiwagi heard all this, and he felt that she was right. ‘I knew from the first,’ he said to Ochiba’s mother, ‘that as regards birth I was hopelessly inferior to the Princess. But I hoped as time went on to climb high enough in the Government to compensate for this inequality. However, since this terrible illness came upon me I have lost all hope of justifying myself in that way, and all I care about now is that she should not feel I have been altogether unkind to her. Shall I have time ever to do so much as that? Who knows? In any case, I have no desire to move....’ The upshot was that for the present he stayed in his own house. But his mother could not believe he was being properly looked after. ‘I am very sad about Kashiwagi,’ she said. ‘He does not any longer care to have me with him. In old days, if he was the least bit unwell or out of spirits, I would always leave my other children and come to look after him. And he liked me to be there; I know he did....’ She went to her son’s house and made another attempt to bring him away. This time he relented. It was quite true that his mother had been fonder of him than of the rest. Perhaps it was only because he was her first child. But be that as it may, her devotion to him both in the past and since his marriage had been such that he felt it would be cruel to the point of wickedness not to let her take him to a place where she could during those last days be always at his side. He said to Ochiba: ‘Do not worry about me. As soon as I am any worse I will let you know, and you can come round quietly to my father’s house. Forgive me for having treated you as I have done. I cannot understand now how I came to behave so foolishly. If only I had known that I had so short a time ahead of me....’ Weeping bitterly, he was carried to his father’s house; Ochiba remained behind, in a state of unspeakable agitation and suspense. The arrival of Kashiwagi in this condition was a great shock to his father Tō no Chūjō. But he reflected that the illness was not so sudden as people were making out. He had noticed for months that the boy was hardly eating anything, often taking no more than a paltry orange, and sometimes refusing even that. Under such circumstances he could not fail to lose his strength.

It soon became clear that this was not just a migraine or the result of eating too much. It was the beginning of a desperate illness. His mother suggested moving him to his father’s house, where she thought he could receive better care. Kashiwagi knew this would deeply hurt his wife, Princess Ochiba. For months, she had patiently endured his complete neglect, always hoping he would eventually recover from his disastrous infatuation. Kashiwagi knew what the suggestion implied. If she was not fit to care for him now that he was seriously ill, their brief, unhappy relationship seemed to be over. Ochiba’s mother was also there. “They should never have suggested such a thing,” she said indignantly. “Parents have no right to separate a man from his wife, whatever the circumstances. Even if Kashiwagi stays there only until he recovers, the separation will be very painful for my daughter. She is perfectly capable of caring for him. I see no reason he should not stay here, at least until it is clear he is not recovering well enough.” Kashiwagi heard all this and felt she was right. “I knew from the start,” he said to Ochiba’s mother, “that my birth was far beneath the Princess’s. But I hoped that, in time, I would rise high enough in the Government to make up for the difference. Since this terrible illness struck me, though, I have lost all hope of making myself worthy in that way. All I care about now is that she should not feel I have been entirely unkind to her. Will I ever have time to do even that much? Who knows? In any case, I do not want to move....” So, for the time being, he stayed in his own house. But his mother could not believe he was receiving proper care. “I am very sad about Kashiwagi,” she said. “He no longer wants me with him. In the old days, if he was even a little ill or unhappy, I would always leave my other children to look after him. And he liked having me there. I know he did....” She went to her son’s house and tried again to take him away. This time he gave in. It was true that his mother had been fonder of him than of her other children. Perhaps that was only because he was her first child. Whatever the reason, she had been so devoted to him, both before and since his marriage, that he felt he must let her take him. Otherwise, she could not be at his side throughout those last days. To deny her that would be almost wickedly cruel. He said to Ochiba, “Do not worry about me. As soon as I am any worse, I will let you know. Then you can come quietly to my father’s house. Forgive me for the way I have treated you. I cannot understand now how I came to behave so foolishly. If only I had known how little time I had left....” Weeping bitterly, he was carried to his father’s house. Ochiba stayed behind, unbearably distressed and anxious about what would happen. Kashiwagi’s arrival in this condition was a great shock to his father, Tō no Chūjō. But he thought the illness had not come on as suddenly as people were saying. For months, he had noticed that the boy was hardly eating. He often ate no more than a small orange, and sometimes he refused even that. Under those circumstances, he was bound to lose his strength.

The sudden collapse of so well-known and talented a figure provoked in all quarters the liveliest regret. Every one at Court came to enquire after his progress; the Emperor and Suzaku both sent frequent messengers, while the grief of his parents need not be described. Genji too was very much upset, sent constant messages of enquiry, and wrote several letters of encouragement and sympathy to Tō no Chūjō. Above all, Yūgiri, who had been his closest friend, was in great distress, and now spent most of his time at Kashiwagi’s bedside.

The sudden collapse of such a well-known and talented man caused deep sorrow everywhere. Everyone at Court came to ask how he was doing. The Emperor and Suzaku both sent frequent messengers. His parents’ grief need not be described. Genji was also very upset and sent constant messages asking about him. He wrote several letters of encouragement and sympathy to Tō no Chūjō. Above all, Yūgiri, his closest friend, was deeply distressed. He now spent most of his time at Kashiwagi’s bedside.

The celebration of Suzaku’s birthday was fixed for the twenty-fifth of the twelfth month. The serious illness of so prominent a person, casting a gloom not only over his own family, but also over so great a part of the higher circles at Court, made the time chosen a singularly unfortunate one. But the affair had for so long been postponed from month to month, that to defer it on account of an illness that might go on indefinitely was out of the question. Moreover, Nyosan, who had already spent much time in planning the arrangements, would (he thought) be grievously disappointed. The ceremony accordingly took place on the appointed day; prayers were said in the usual Fifty temples, and in Suzaku’s own retreat the Scripture of the Great Sun Buddha⁶⁴⁹ was solemnly recited.

Suzaku’s birthday celebration was set for the twenty-fifth of the twelfth month. The serious illness of such a prominent person made the timing especially unfortunate. It cast a gloom over his family and much of the upper ranks of the Court. But the celebration had already been postponed from month to month for so long. Another delay because of an illness that might continue indefinitely was out of the question. Moreover, Nyosan had spent much time planning the arrangements, and he thought she would be deeply disappointed. So the ceremony took place on the appointed day. Prayers were said in the usual Fifty temples, and the Scripture of the Great Sun Buddha⁶⁴⁹ was solemnly recited at Suzaku’s own retreat.