Religious Upheaval

It is now time to turn again to my experiences with Christian friends.

It is time to return to my experiences with Christian friends.

Mr. Baker was getting anxious about my future. He took me to the Wellington Convention. The Protestant Christians organise such gatherings every few years for religious enlightenment, or in other words, self-purification. One may call this religious restoration or revival. The Wellington Convention was of this type. The chairman was the famous divine of the place, the Rev. Andrew Murray. Mr. Baker had hoped, that the atmosphere of religious exaltation at the Convention, and the enthusiasm and earnestness of the people attending it would inevitably lead me to embrace Christianity.

Mr. Baker was becoming worried about my future. He took me to the Wellington Convention. Protestant Christians organize such gatherings every few years for religious enlightenment, or, in other words, self-purification. One might call such a gathering a religious restoration or revival. The Wellington Convention was one such gathering. The chairman was the Rev. Andrew Murray, a famous local clergyman. Mr. Baker had hoped that the Convention’s atmosphere of religious excitement would lead me to embrace Christianity. He also hoped that the enthusiasm and sincerity of those attending would make my conversion inevitable.

But his final hope was the efficacy of prayer. He had an abiding faith in prayer. It was his firm conviction, that God could not but listen to prayer fervently offered. He would cite the instances of men like George Muller of Bristol, who depended entirely on prayer even for his temporal needs. I listened to his discourse on the efficacy of prayer with unbiassed attention, and assured him, that nothing could prevent me from embracing Christianity, should I feel the call. I had no hesitation in giving him this assurance, as I had long since taught myself to follow the inner voice. I delighted in submitting myself to it. To act against it would be difficult and painful to me.

But his final hope was in the power of prayer. He had an enduring faith in prayer. He firmly believed that God could not help but listen to a prayer offered with deep feeling. He would cite men like George Muller of Bristol, who depended entirely on prayer even for his material needs. I listened with an open mind as he spoke about the power of prayer. I assured him that nothing could stop me from embracing Christianity if I felt called to do so. I had no hesitation in assuring him of this, because I had long ago taught myself to follow my inner voice. I delighted in following it. Acting against it would be difficult and painful for me.

So we went to Wellington. Mr. Baker was hard put to it in having ‘a coloured man’ like me for his companion. He had to suffer inconveniences on many occasions entirely on account of me. We had to break the journey on the way, as one of the days happened to be a Sunday, and Mr. Baker and his party would not travel on the sabbath. Though the manager of the station hotel agreed to take me in after much altercation, he absolutely refused to admit me to the dining room. Mr. Baker was not the man to give way easily. He stood by the rights of the guests of a hotel. But I could see his difficulty. At Wellington also I stayed with Mr. Baker. In spite of his best efforts to conceal the little inconveniences that he was put to, I could see them all.

So we went to Wellington. Mr. Baker had a hard time having ‘a coloured man’ like me as his companion. He had to put up with inconveniences on many occasions entirely because of me. We had to stop along the way because one day was a Sunday, and Mr. Baker and his party would not travel on the Sabbath. The manager of the station hotel agreed to let me stay after much arguing, but he flatly refused to admit me to the dining room. Mr. Baker was not one to give way easily. He stood up for the rights of hotel guests. But I could see the difficulty he faced. At Wellington, I also stayed with Mr. Baker. He did his best to hide the small inconveniences he faced, but I could see them all.

This Convention was an assemblage of devout Christians. I was delighted at their faith. I met the Rev. Murray. I saw that many were praying for me. I liked some of their hymns, they were very sweet.

The Convention was a gathering of devout Christians. I was delighted by their faith. I met the Rev. Murray. I saw that many people were praying for me. I liked some of their hymns. They were very sweet.

The Convention lasted for three days. I could understand and appreciate the devoutness of those who attended it. But I saw no reason for changing my belief—my religion. It was impossible for me to believe, that I could go to heaven or attain salvation only by becoming a Christian. When I frankly said so to some of the good Christian friends, they were shocked. But there was no help for it.

The convention lasted three days. I understood and appreciated the devotion of those who attended. But I saw no reason to change my beliefs or my religion. I could not believe that I had to become a Christian to go to heaven or attain salvation. When I said this frankly to some of my good Christian friends, they were shocked. But I could not help that.

My difficulties lay deeper. It was more than I could believe, that Jesus was the only incarnate son of God, and that only he who believed in Him would have everlasting life. If God could have sons, all of us were his sons. If Jesus was like God, or God Himself, then all men were like God and could be God Himself. My reason was not ready to believe literally, that Jesus by his death and by his blood redeemed the sins of the world. Metaphorically there might be some truth in it. Again, according to Christianity only human beings had souls, and not other living beings, for whom death meant complete extinction; while I held a contrary belief. I could accept Jesus as a martyr, an embodiment of sacrifice, and a divine teacher, but not as the most perfect man ever born. His death on the Cross was a great example to the world, but that there was anything like a mysterious or miraculous virtue in it my heart could not accept. The pious lives of Christians did not give me anything, that the lives of men of other faiths had failed to give. I had seen in other lives just the same reformation, that I had heard of among Christians. Philosophically there was nothing extraordinary in Christian principles. From the point of view of sacrifice, it seemed to me that the Hindus greatly surpassed the Christians. It was impossible for me to regard Christianity as a perfect religion or the greatest of all religions.

My difficulties went deeper. I could not believe that Jesus was the only incarnate son of God. Nor could I believe that only those who believed in him would have eternal life. If God could have sons, all of us were his sons. If Jesus was like God, or God himself, then all people were like God and could be God himself. My reason was not ready to accept literally that Jesus redeemed the sins of the world through his death and blood. There might be some truth in that idea as a metaphor. Also, according to Christianity, only human beings had souls. Other living beings did not, and death meant their complete extinction. I believed the opposite. I could accept Jesus as a martyr, an embodiment of sacrifice, and a divine teacher. But I could not accept him as the most perfect man ever born. His death on the Cross was a great example to the world. But my heart could not accept that his death had any mysterious or miraculous power. The devout lives of Christians gave me nothing that the lives of people of other faiths had not given me. I had seen the same kind of transformation in other lives that I had heard about among Christians. Philosophically, there was nothing extraordinary in Christian principles. When it came to sacrifice, it seemed to me that Hindus greatly surpassed Christians. I could not regard Christianity as a perfect religion or the greatest of all religions.

I shared this mental churning with my Christian friends whenever there was an opportunity, but their answers could not satisfy me.

Whenever I had the chance, I shared my inner turmoil with my Christian friends, but their answers did not satisfy me.

Thus if I could not accept Christianity either as a perfect, or the greatest, religion, neither was I then convinced of Hinduism being such. Hindu defects were pressingly visible to me. If untouchability could be a part of Hinduism, it could but be a rotten part or an excrescence. I could not understand the raison d’être of a multitude of sects and castes. What was the meaning of saying that the Vedas were the inspired Word of God? If they were inspired, why not also the Bible and the Koran?

So, if I could not accept Christianity as a perfect religion or the greatest religion, I was not convinced that Hinduism was either. Its flaws were impossible for me to ignore. If untouchability was part of Hinduism, it could only be a rotten part or an unhealthy growth. I could not understand the reason for so many sects and castes. What did it mean to say that the Vedas were the inspired Word of God? If the Vedas were inspired, why not the Bible and the Koran too?

As Christian friends were endeavouring to convert me, even so were Musalman friends. Abdulla Sheth had kept on inducing me to study Islam, and of course he had always something to say regarding its beauty.

Just as my Christian friends were trying to convert me, so were my Muslim friends. Abdulla Sheth kept encouraging me to study Islam, and of course he always had something to say about its beauty.

I expressed my difficulties in a letter to Raychandbhai. I also corresponded with other religious authorities in India and received answers from them. Raychandbhai’s letter somewhat pacified me. He asked me to be patient and to study Hinduism more deeply. One of his sentences was to this effect: ‘On a dispassionate view of the question, I am convinced that no other religion has the subtle and profound thought of Hinduism, its vision of the soul, or its charity.’

I wrote to Raychandbhai about my difficulties. I also wrote to other religious authorities in India and received their replies. Raychandbhai’s letter reassured me somewhat. He asked me to be patient and study Hinduism more deeply. One of his sentences said, in effect: ‘Looking at the question objectively, I am convinced that no other religion matches Hinduism in its subtle and profound thought, its vision of the soul, or its compassion.’

I purchased Sale’s translation of the Koran and began reading it. I also obtained other books on Islam. I communicated with Christian friends in England. One of them introduced me to Edward Maitland, with whom I opened correspondence. He sent me The Perfect Way, a book he had written in collaboration with Anna Kingsford. The book was a repudiation of the current Christian belief. He also sent me another book,—The New Interpretation of the Bible. I liked both. They seemed to support Hinduism. Tolstoy’s The Kingdom of God is within you overwhelmed me. It left an abiding impression on me. Before the independent thinking, profound morality, and the truthfulness of this book, all the books given me by Mr. Coates seemed to pale into insignificance.

I bought Sale’s translation of the Koran and began reading it. I also got other books on Islam. I wrote to Christian friends in England. One of them introduced me to Edward Maitland, and I began corresponding with him. He sent me The Perfect Way, a book he had written with Anna Kingsford. The book rejected the Christian beliefs of the time. He also sent me another book, The New Interpretation of the Bible. I liked both books. They seemed to support Hinduism. Tolstoy’s The Kingdom of God is within you overwhelmed me. It left a lasting impression on me. Compared with its independent thinking, profound morality, and truthfulness, all the books Mr. Coates had given me seemed insignificant.

My studies thus carried me in a direction unthought of by the Christian friends. My correspondence with Edward Maitland was fairly prolonged, and that with Raychandbhai continued until his death. I read some of the books he sent me. These included Panchikaran, Maniratnamala, Mumukshu Prakaran of Yogavasishtha, Haribhadra Suri’s Shaddarshana Samuchchaya and others.

My studies thus took me in a direction my Christian friends had not expected. I corresponded with Edward Maitland for quite a long time. My correspondence with Raychandbhai continued until his death. I read some of the books he sent me. These included Panchikaran, Maniratnamala, Mumukshu Prakaran of Yogavasishtha, Haribhadra Suri’s Shaddarshana Samuchchaya and others.

Though I took a path my Christian friends had not intended for me, I have remained for ever indebted to them for the religious quest that they awakened in me. I shall always cherish the memory of their contact. The years that followed had more, not less, of such sweet and sacred contacts in store for me.

Although I took a different path from the one my Christian friends intended for me, I remain forever grateful to them. They awakened my search for religious truth. I will always cherish the memory of knowing them. The years that followed brought me more such sweet and sacred connections, not fewer.