Introduction

Four or five years ago, at the instance of some of my nearest co-workers, I agreed to write my autobiography. I made the start, but scarcely had I turned over the first sheet when riots broke out in Bombay and the work remained at a standstill. Then followed a series of events which culminated in my imprisonment at Yeravda. Sjt. Jeramdas, who was one of my fellow-prisoners there, asked me to put everything else on one side and finish writing the autobiography. I sent the reply that I had already framed a programme of study for myself, and that I could not think of doing anything else until this course was complete. I should indeed have finished the autobiography had I gone through my full term of imprisonment at Yeravda, for there was still a year left to reach the task, when I was discharged. Swami Anand has now repeated the proposal, and as I have finished the history of Satyagraha in South Africa, I am tempted to undertake the autobiography for Navajivan. The Swami wanted me to write it separately for publication as a book. But I have no spare time. I could only write a chapter week by week. Something has to be written for Navajivan every week. Why should it not be the autobiography? The Swami agreed to the proposal, and here am I hard at work.

Four or five years ago, some of my closest co-workers asked me to write my autobiography, and I agreed. I began, but I had hardly turned over the first page when riots broke out in Bombay. My writing came to a standstill. A series of events followed, ending in my imprisonment at Yeravda. Sjt. Jeramdas, a fellow prisoner there, asked me to put everything else aside and finish writing the autobiography. I replied that I had already made a study plan for myself. I could not think of doing anything else until I had completed it. If I had served my full term at Yeravda, I would indeed have finished the autobiography. When I was released, I still had a year left to reach that task. Swami Anand has now made the same proposal. Since I have finished the history of Satyagraha in South Africa, I am tempted to write the autobiography for Navajivan. The Swami wanted me to write it separately for publication as a book. But I have no spare time. I could only write one chapter a week. Something has to be written for Navajivan every week. Why should it not be the autobiography? The Swami agreed to the proposal, and here I am, hard at work.

But a God-fearing friend had his doubts, which he shared with me on my day of silence. “What has set you on this adventure?” he asked. “Writing an autobiography is a practice peculiar to the West. I know of nobody in the East having written one, except amongst those who have come under Western influence. And what will you write? Supposing you reject tomorrow the things you hold as principles today, or supposing you revise in the future your plans of today, is it not likely that the men who shape their conduct on the authority of your word, spoken or written, may be misled? Don’t you think it would be better not to write anything like an autobiography just yet, or even at all?”

But a God-fearing friend had doubts, which he shared with me on my day of silence. “What made you take on this adventure?” he asked. “Writing an autobiography is a Western practice. I know of no one in the East who has written one, except those influenced by the West. And what will you write? Suppose you reject tomorrow what you consider principles today, or revise your current plans in the future. Could that mislead people who base their conduct on what you say or write? Don’t you think it would be better not to write an autobiography yet, or even at all?”

This argument had some effect on me. But it is not my purpose to attempt a real autobiography. I simply want to tell the story of my numerous experiments with truth, and as my life consists of nothing but those experiments, it is true that the story will take the shape of an autobiography. But I shall not mind, if every page of it speaks only of my experiments. I believe, or at any rate flatter myself with the belief, that a connected account of all these experiments will not be without benefit to the reader. My experiments in the political field are now known, not only to India, but to a certain extent to the ‘civilised’ world. For me, they have not much value; and the title of ‘Mahatma’ that they have won for me has, therefore, even less. Often the title has deeply pained me; and there is not a moment I can recall when it may be said to have tickled me. But I should certainly like to narrate my experiments in the spiritual field which are known only to myself, and from which I have derived such power as I possess for working in the political field. If the experiments are really spiritual, then there can be no room for self-praise. They can only add to my humility. The more I reflect and look back on the past, the more vividly do I feel my limitations.

This argument had some effect on me. But I do not intend to write a true autobiography. I simply want to tell the story of my many experiments with truth. Since my life consists of nothing but those experiments, the story will indeed take the form of an autobiography. But I will not mind, as long as every page speaks only of my experiments. I believe, or at least like to believe, that an account connecting all these experiments will benefit the reader. My political experiments are now known not only in India but, to some extent, in the ‘civilised’ world. To me, they have little value. The title of ‘Mahatma’ that they have earned me therefore has even less value. The title has often caused me deep pain. I cannot recall a single moment when it gave me pleasure. But I would certainly like to describe my spiritual experiments, which only I know about. They have given me whatever power I have to work in politics. If the experiments are truly spiritual, there can be no room for self-praise. They can only make me more humble. The more I reflect on the past, the more clearly I feel my limitations.

What I want to achieve,—what I have been striving and pining to achieve these thirty years,—is self-realisation, to see God face to face, to attain Moksha.¹ I live and move and have my being in pursuit of this goal. All that I do by way of speaking and writing, and all my ventures in the political field, are directed to this same end. But as I have all along believed that what is possible for one is possible for all, my experiments have not been conducted in the closet, but in the open; and I do not think that this fact detracts from their spiritual value. There are some things which are known only to oneself and one’s Maker. These are clearly incommunicable. The experiments I am about to relate are not such. But they are spiritual, or rather moral; for the essence of religion is morality.

What I want to achieve is self-realization, to see God face to face, and to attain Moksha.¹ I have striven and longed to achieve this for thirty years. Everything in my life is directed toward this goal. Everything I say and write, and all my ventures in politics, serve this same purpose. But I have always believed that what is possible for one person is possible for all. So I have conducted my experiments openly, not in private. I do not think this makes them any less spiritual. Some things are known only to oneself and one’s Maker. These clearly cannot be communicated. The experiments I am about to describe are not of that kind. But they are spiritual, or rather moral, because morality is the essence of religion.

Only those matters of religion that can be comprehended as much by children as by older people, will be included in this story. If I can narrate them in a dispassionate and humble spirit many other experimenters will find in them provision for their onward march. Far be it from me to claim any degree of perfection for these experiments. I claim for them nothing more than does a scientist, who, though he conducts his experiments with the utmost accuracy, forethought and minuteness, never claims any finality about his conclusions, but keeps an open mind regarding them. I have gone through deep self-introspection, searched myself through and through, and examined and analysed every psychological situation. Yet I am far from claiming any finality, or infallibility about my conclusions. One claim I do indeed make and it is this. For me they appear to be absolutely correct, and seem for the time being to be final. For if they were not, I should base no action on them. But at every step I have carried out the process of acceptance or rejection and acted accordingly. And so long as my acts satisfy my reason and my heart, I must firmly adhere to my original conclusions.

This story will include only those religious matters that children can understand as well as older people. If I can describe them calmly and humbly, many other experimenters will find something in them to help them move forward. I do not claim that these experiments are perfect in any way. I claim no more for them than a scientist does for scientific experiments. A scientist conducts experiments with the utmost accuracy, care, and attention to detail. Yet a scientist never claims that the conclusions are final, and remains open-minded about them. I have examined myself deeply and thoroughly, and analyzed every psychological situation. Yet I am far from claiming that my conclusions are final or infallible. I do make one claim: my conclusions seem absolutely correct to me, and final for the time being. If they did not, I would not base any action on them. But at every step, I have accepted or rejected conclusions and acted accordingly. As long as my actions satisfy my reason and my heart, I must firmly hold to my original conclusions.

If I had only to discuss academic principles, I should clearly not attempt an autobiography. But my purpose being to give an account of various practical applications of these principles, I have given the chapters I propose to write the title of The Story of my Experiments with Truth. These will of course include experiments with non-violence, celibacy and other principles of conduct believed to be distinct from truth. But for me, truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me. But I worship God as Truth only. I have not yet found Him, but I am seeking after Him. I am prepared to sacrifice the things dearest to me in pursuit of this quest. Even if the sacrifice demanded be my very life I hope I may be prepared to give it. But as long as I have not realised this Absolute Truth, so long must I hold by the relative truth as I have conceived it. That relative truth must, meanwhile, be my beacon, my shield and buckler. Though this path is strait and narrow and sharp as the razor’s edge, for me it has been the quickest and easiest. Even my Himalayan blunders have seemed trifling to me because I have kept strictly to this path. For the path has saved me from coming to grief, and I have gone forward according to my light. Often in my progress I have had faint glimpses of the Absolute Truth, God, and daily the conviction is growing upon me that He alone is real and all else is unreal. Let those, who wish, realise how the conviction has grown upon me; let them share my experiments and share also my conviction if they can. The further conviction has been growing upon me that whatever is possible for me is possible even for a child, and I have sound reasons for saying so. The instruments for the quest of truth are as simple as they are difficult. They may appear quite impossible to an arrogant person, and quite possible to an innocent child. The seeker after truth should be humbler than the dust. The world crushes the dust under its feet, but the seeker after truth should so humble himself that even the dust could crush him. Only then, and not till then, will he have a glimpse of truth. The dialogue between Vasishtha and Vishvamitra makes this abundantly clear. Christianity and Islam also amply bear it out.

If I only had to discuss academic principles, I would clearly not attempt an autobiography. But my purpose is to describe various practical applications of these principles. So I have called the chapters I plan to write The Story of my Experiments with Truth. These will, of course, include experiments with non-violence, celibacy and other principles of conduct considered distinct from truth. But for me, truth is the highest principle, and it includes many other principles. This truth means not only truthfulness in words, but also truthfulness in thought. It means not only truth as we understand it, which is relative, but also Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, which is God. There are countless definitions of God because he appears in countless forms. These overwhelm me with wonder and awe and leave me stunned for a moment. But I worship God only as Truth. I have not yet found him, but I am seeking him. I am prepared to sacrifice the things dearest to me in this quest. Even if the sacrifice required is my own life, I hope I will be prepared to give it. But as long as I have not realized this Absolute Truth, I must hold to truth as I understand it. That relative truth must, meanwhile, be my guiding light and my shield. Though this path is narrow and sharp as a razor’s edge, for me it has been the quickest and easiest. Even my enormous blunders have seemed small to me because I have kept strictly to this path. The path has saved me from disaster, and I have gone forward according to my understanding. As I have progressed, I have often caught faint glimpses of Absolute Truth, God. Every day, I grow more convinced that he alone is real and all else is unreal. Those who wish can see how this conviction has grown in me. Let them share my experiments and, if they can, my conviction too. I have also grown more convinced that whatever is possible for me is possible even for a child. I have good reasons for saying so. The tools for seeking truth are as simple as they are difficult to use. They may seem quite impossible for an arrogant person to use, and quite possible for an innocent child. A seeker after truth should be humbler than dust. The world crushes dust under its feet. But a seeker after truth should be so humble that even dust could crush them. Only then, and not before, will they catch a glimpse of truth. The dialogue between Vasishtha and Vishvamitra makes this abundantly clear. Christianity and Islam also provide ample support for it.

If anything that I write in these pages may strike the reader as being touched with pride, then he must take it that there is something wrong with my quest, and that my glimpses are no more than mirage. Let hundreds like me perish, but let truth prevail. Let us not reduce the standard of truth even by a hair’s breadth for judging erring mortals like myself.

If anything I write here seems to be tinged with pride, the reader must conclude that something is wrong with my search. The reader must also conclude that my glimpses of truth are nothing more than a mirage. Let hundreds like me perish, but let truth prevail. Let us not lower the standard of truth even slightly when judging flawed human beings like me.

I hope and pray that no one will regard the advice interspersed in the following chapters as authoritative. The experiments narrated should be regarded as illustrations, in the light of which every one may carry on his own experiments according to his own inclination and capacity. I trust that to this limited extent, the illustrations will be really helpful; because I am not going either to conceal or understate any ugly things that must be told. I hope to acquaint the reader fully with all my faults and errors. My purpose is to describe experiments in the science of Satyagraha, not to say how good I am. In judging myself I shall try to be as harsh as truth, as I want others also to be. Measuring myself by that standard I must exclaim with Surdas:

I hope and pray that no one will treat the advice scattered through the following chapters as authoritative. The experiments I describe should serve as illustrations. In their light, everyone can conduct their own experiments according to their own inclinations and abilities. I trust that, to this limited extent, the illustrations will be genuinely helpful. For I will neither hide nor downplay any ugly things that must be told. I hope to make the reader fully aware of all my faults and errors. My purpose is to describe experiments in the science of Satyagraha, not to say how good I am. When judging myself, I will try to be as harsh as truth itself, as I want others to be. Measuring myself by that standard, I must exclaim with Surdas:

For it is an unbroken torture to me that I am still so far from Him, who, as I fully know, governs every breath of my life, and whose offspring I am. I know that it is the evil passions within that keep me so far from Him, and yet I cannot get away from them.

For it is constant torture to me that I am still so far from him. I know he governs every breath of my life, and that I am his child. I know that the evil passions within me keep me so far from him, yet I cannot escape them.

But I must close. I can only take up the actual story in the next chapter.

But I must stop here. I can only begin the actual story in the next chapter.

M. K. Gandhi

M. K. Gandhi