First Letter

Since you desire so earnestly that I should communicate to you the method by which I arrived at that habitual sense of GOD'S Presence, which our LORD, of His mercy, has been pleased to vouch-safe to me, I must tell you that it is with great difficulty that I am prevailed on by your importunities; and now I do it only upon the terms that you show my letter to nobody. If I knew that you should let it be seen, all the desire that I have for your advancement would not be able to determine me to it. The account I can give you is:

You are eager to know how I came to have a constant sense of GOD'S presence. Our LORD, in his mercy, has been pleased to grant me this sense. Your repeated requests have persuaded me to tell you, though I do so with great reluctance. I will tell you only if you show my letter to no one. If I knew you would let anyone see it, even my desire for your spiritual progress would not persuade me to write. This is what I can tell you:

Having found in many books different methods of going to GOD, and divers practices of the spiritual life, I thought this would serve rather to puzzle me than facilitate what I sought after, which was nothing but how to become wholly GOD'S. This made me resolve to give the all for the all; so after having given myself wholly to GOD, that He might take away my sin, I renounced, for the love of Him, everything that was not He; and I began to live as if there was none but He and I in the world. Sometimes I considered myself before Him as a poor criminal at the feet of his judge; at other times I beheld Him in my heart as my FATHER, as my GOD: I worshipped Him the oftenest that I could, keeping my mind in His holy Presence, and recalling it as often as I found it wandered from Him. I found no small pain in this exercise, and yet I continued it, notwithstanding all the difficulties that occurred, without troubling or disquieting myself when my mind had wandered involuntarily. I made this my business as much all the day long as at the appointed times of prayer; for at all times, every hour, every minute, even in the height of my business, I drove away from my mind everything that was capable of interrupting my thought of GOD.

I found many books describing different ways to approach God and various practices for spiritual life. I thought these would confuse me rather than help me find what I sought. All I wanted was to become wholly God’s. So I resolved to give everything for everything. I gave myself wholly to God so that he might take away my sin. For love of him, I gave up everything that was not him. I began to live as if there were no one but him and me in the world. Sometimes I saw myself before him as a poor criminal at the feet of his judge. At other times, I saw him in my heart as my Father, my God. I worshipped him as often as I could, keeping my mind in his holy presence. Whenever I found that my mind had wandered from him, I brought it back. This was very painful, but I continued despite all the difficulties. I did not trouble or upset myself when my mind wandered involuntarily. I made this my work throughout the day, as well as at the appointed times of prayer. At all times, every hour and every minute, even when I was busiest, I drove away every thought that could interrupt my thoughts of God.

Such has been my common practice ever since I entered in religion; and, though I have done it very imperfectly, yet I have found great advantages by it. These, I well know, are to be imputed to the mere mercy and goodness of GOD, because we can do nothing without Him; and I still less than any. But when we are faithful to keep ourselves in His holy Presence, and set Him always before us, this not only hinders our offending Him, and doing anything that may displease Him, at least wilfully, but it also begets in us a holy freedom, and, if I may so speak, a familiarity with GOD, wherewith we ask, and that successfully, the graces we stand in need of. In fine, by often repeating these acts, they become habitual, and the presence of GOD rendered as it were natural to us Give Him thanks, if you please, with me, for His great goodness towards me, which I can never sufficiently admire, for the many favors He has done to so miserable a sinner as I am. May all things praise Him. Amen.

This has been my usual practice ever since I entered religious life. Although I have practiced it very imperfectly, I have found great benefits in it. I know well that these benefits come entirely from the mercy and goodness of God. We can do nothing without him, and I can do even less than anyone else. But when we faithfully remain in his holy presence and keep him always before us, this keeps us from offending him or doing anything that might displease him, at least deliberately. It also gives us a holy freedom and, if I may say so, a familiarity with God. With this freedom, we can ask for the graces we need and receive them. Finally, by repeating these acts often, they become habitual, and God’s presence becomes, as it were, natural to us. Please join me in thanking him for his great goodness toward me. I can never admire it enough, or the many favors he has shown to such a miserable sinner as I am. May all things praise him. Amen.

I am, in our LORD, yours, &c.

Yours in our Lord, etc.