"He Is a Completely Impossible Person"

My friend's fear or hope was not destined to be realized. When I called on Wednesday there was a letter with the West Kensington postmark upon it, and my name scrawled across the envelope in a handwriting which looked like a barbed-wire railing. The contents were as follows:—

My friend's fear or hope was not to come true. When I called on Wednesday, there was a letter with a West Kensington postmark. My name was scrawled across the envelope in handwriting that looked like a barbed-wire fence. The letter read as follows:

"ENMORE PARK, W.

"ENMORE PARK, W.

"SIR,—I have duly received your note, in which you claim to endorse my views, although I am not aware that they are dependent upon endorsement either from you or anyone else. You have ventured to use the word 'speculation' with regard to my statement upon the subject of Darwinism, and I would call your attention to the fact that such a word in such a connection is offensive to a degree. The context convinces me, however, that you have sinned rather through ignorance and tactlessness than through malice, so I am content to pass the matter by. You quote an isolated sentence from my lecture, and appear to have some difficulty in understanding it. I should have thought that only a sub-human intelligence could have failed to grasp the point, but if it really needs amplification I shall consent to see you at the hour named, though visits and visitors of every sort are exceeding distasteful to me. As to your suggestion that I may modify my opinion, I would have you know that it is not my habit to do so after a deliberate expression of my mature views. You will kindly show the envelope of this letter to my man, Austin, when you call, as he has to take every precaution to shield me from the intrusive rascals who call themselves 'journalists.'

"Sir, I have received your note, in which you claim to support my views. I was not aware that my views depended on your support or anyone else's. You have dared to call my statement about Darwinism 'speculation'. I must point out that using that word in this context is deeply offensive. However, your note convinces me that you have sinned through ignorance and tactlessness rather than malice. So I am willing to let the matter pass. You quote one sentence from my lecture in isolation and seem to have difficulty understanding it. I would have thought only a sub-human intelligence could have missed the point. But if it really needs further explanation, I will agree to see you at the time you named. This is despite the fact that I find visits and visitors of every kind extremely distasteful. You also suggest that I might change my opinion. You should know that I do not usually do so after carefully expressing my considered views. Please show the envelope of this letter to my man, Austin, when you call. He must take every precaution to protect me from the intrusive rascals who call themselves 'journalists.'

This was the letter that I read aloud to Tarp Henry, who had come down early to hear the result of my venture. His only remark was, "There's some new stuff, cuticura or something, which is better than arnica." Some people have such extraordinary notions of humor.

I read this letter aloud to Tarp Henry. He had come down early to hear how my venture had gone. His only comment was, "There's some new stuff, cuticura or something, which is better than arnica." Some people have such strange ideas of humor.

It was nearly half-past ten before I had received my message, but a taxicab took me round in good time for my appointment. It was an imposing porticoed house at which we stopped, and the heavily-curtained windows gave every indication of wealth upon the part of this formidable Professor. The door was opened by an odd, swarthy, dried-up person of uncertain age, with a dark pilot jacket and brown leather gaiters. I found afterwards that he was the chauffeur, who filled the gaps left by a succession of fugitive butlers. He looked me up and down with a searching light blue eye.

It was nearly half past ten when I received my message, but a taxi got me to my appointment in good time. We stopped at an imposing house with a grand porch. Its heavily curtained windows suggested that this formidable Professor was wealthy. The door was opened by an odd, dark-skinned, withered man of uncertain age. He wore a dark pilot jacket and brown leather gaiters. I learned later that he was the chauffeur, filling in for a succession of butlers who had fled. He looked me up and down with a searching light blue eye.

"Expected?" he asked.

"Expected?" he asked.

"An appointment."

"An appointment."

"Got your letter?"

"Got your letter?"

I produced the envelope.

I took out the envelope.

"Right!" He seemed to be a person of few words. Following him down the passage I was suddenly interrupted by a small woman, who stepped out from what proved to be the dining-room door. She was a bright, vivacious, dark-eyed lady, more French than English in her type.

"Right!" He seemed to be a man of few words. As I followed him down the passage, a small woman suddenly stepped out and interrupted me. She came from a doorway that turned out to lead to the dining room. She was bright and lively, with dark eyes, and looked more French than English.

"One moment," she said. "You can wait, Austin. Step in here, sir. May I ask if you have met my husband before?"

"One moment," she said. "You can wait, Austin. Come in here, sir. Have you met my husband before?"

"No, madam, I have not had the honor."

"No, ma'am, I haven't had the pleasure."

"Then I apologize to you in advance. I must tell you that he is a perfectly impossible person—absolutely impossible. If you are forewarned you will be the more ready to make allowances."

"Then I apologize to you in advance. I must tell you that he is a perfectly impossible person, absolutely impossible. Now that you have been warned, you will be better prepared to make allowances for him."

"It is most considerate of you, madam."

"That's very thoughtful of you, ma'am."

"Get quickly out of the room if he seems inclined to be violent. Don't wait to argue with him. Several people have been injured through doing that. Afterwards there is a public scandal and it reflects upon me and all of us. I suppose it wasn't about South America you wanted to see him?"

"Get out of the room quickly if he seems likely to become violent. Don't wait to argue with him. Several people have been injured by doing that. Then there's a public scandal, and it reflects badly on me and all of us. I suppose you didn't want to see him about South America?"

I could not lie to a lady.

I couldn't lie to a woman.

"Dear me! That is his most dangerous subject. You won't believe a word he says—I'm sure I don't wonder. But don't tell him so, for it makes him very violent. Pretend to believe him, and you may get through all right. Remember he believes it himself. Of that you may be assured. A more honest man never lived. Don't wait any longer or he may suspect. If you find him dangerous—really dangerous—ring the bell and hold him off until I come. Even at his worst I can usually control him."

“Oh dear! That is his most dangerous subject. You won’t believe a word he says, and I don’t blame you. But don’t tell him that, because it makes him very violent. Pretend to believe him, and you may get through all right. Remember, he believes it himself. You can be sure of that. No one has ever been more honest. Don’t wait any longer or he may get suspicious. If you find him dangerous, really dangerous, ring the bell and hold him off until I come. Even at his worst, I can usually control him.”

With these encouraging words the lady handed me over to the taciturn Austin, who had waited like a bronze statue of discretion during our short interview, and I was conducted to the end of the passage. There was a tap at a door, a bull's bellow from within, and I was face to face with the Professor.

With these encouraging words, the lady handed me over to the quiet Austin. He had waited like a bronze statue of discretion during our brief conversation. He led me to the end of the passage. There was a tap at a door, a bull’s bellow from inside, and I was face to face with the Professor.

He sat in a rotating chair behind a broad table, which was covered with books, maps, and diagrams. As I entered, his seat spun round to face me. His appearance made me gasp. I was prepared for something strange, but not for so overpowering a personality as this. It was his size which took one's breath away—his size and his imposing presence. His head was enormous, the largest I have ever seen upon a human being. I am sure that his top-hat, had I ever ventured to don it, would have slipped over me entirely and rested on my shoulders. He had the face and beard which I associate with an Assyrian bull; the former florid, the latter so black as almost to have a suspicion of blue, spade-shaped and rippling down over his chest. The hair was peculiar, plastered down in front in a long, curving wisp over his massive forehead. The eyes were blue-gray under great black tufts, very clear, very critical, and very masterful. A huge spread of shoulders and a chest like a barrel were the other parts of him which appeared above the table, save for two enormous hands covered with long black hair. This and a bellowing, roaring, rumbling voice made up my first impression of the notorious Professor Challenger.

He sat in a swivel chair behind a broad table covered with books, maps, and diagrams. As I entered, his chair spun around to face me. His appearance made me gasp. I had expected something strange, but not someone with such an overpowering personality. His size took my breath away, as did his commanding presence. His head was enormous, the largest I have ever seen on a human being. I am sure that, if I had dared to put on his top hat, it would have slipped right over me and rested on my shoulders. His face and beard reminded me of an Assyrian bull. His face was reddish, and his beard was so black it had almost a hint of blue. It was shaped like a spade and rippled down over his chest. His hair was unusual. A long, curved lock was plastered down over his massive forehead. His eyes were blue-gray beneath thick black eyebrows. They were very clear, very critical, and very commanding. Above the table, I could also see his enormously broad shoulders and his barrel-like chest. His two enormous hands were covered with long black hair. All this, along with a voice that bellowed, roared, and rumbled, made up my first impression of the notorious Professor Challenger.

"Well?" said he, with a most insolent stare. "What now?"

"Well?" he said, staring at me with great insolence. "What now?"

I must keep up my deception for at least a little time longer, otherwise here was evidently an end of the interview.

I had to keep up my deception for a little longer. Otherwise, the interview would clearly be over.

"You were good enough to give me an appointment, sir," said I, humbly, producing his envelope.

"You were kind enough to give me an appointment, sir," I said humbly, showing him his envelope.

He took my letter from his desk and laid it out before him.

He took my letter from his desk and laid it out in front of him.

"Oh, you are the young person who cannot understand plain English, are you? My general conclusions you are good enough to approve, as I understand?"

“Oh, so you’re the young person who can’t understand plain English? And as I understand it, you’re kind enough to approve of my general conclusions?”

"Entirely, sir—entirely!" I was very emphatic.

"Completely, sir. Completely!" I spoke very emphatically.

"Dear me! That strengthens my position very much, does it not? Your age and appearance make your support doubly valuable. Well, at least you are better than that herd of swine in Vienna, whose gregarious grunt is, however, not more offensive than the isolated effort of the British hog." He glared at me as the present representative of the beast.

"My goodness! That makes my position much stronger, doesn't it? Your age and appearance make your support doubly valuable. Well, at least you're better than that herd of pigs in Vienna. But their group grunting is no more offensive than the solitary effort of the British hog." He glared at me as the representative of that beast.

"They seem to have behaved abominably," said I.

"They seem to have behaved terribly," I said.

"I assure you that I can fight my own battles, and that I have no possible need of your sympathy. Put me alone, sir, and with my back to the wall. G. E. C. is happiest then. Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me. You had, as I have been led to believe, some comments to make upon the proposition which I advanced in my thesis."

"I assure you, I can fight my own battles. I have no need for your sympathy. Leave me alone, sir, with my back to the wall. G. E. C. is happiest then. Well, sir, let's keep this visit as short as possible. It can hardly be pleasant for you, and it is unbearably tiresome for me. I understand you had some comments on the proposition I put forward in my thesis."

There was a brutal directness about his methods which made evasion difficult. I must still make play and wait for a better opening. It had seemed simple enough at a distance. Oh, my Irish wits, could they not help me now, when I needed help so sorely? He transfixed me with two sharp, steely eyes. "Come, come!" he rumbled.

His methods were brutally direct, making him hard to evade. I had to keep playing for time and wait for a better opening. It had seemed simple enough from a distance. Oh, could my Irish wits not help me now, when I needed them so badly? He fixed me with two sharp, steely eyes. "Come, come!" he rumbled.

"I am, of course, a mere student," said I, with a fatuous smile, "hardly more, I might say, than an earnest inquirer. At the same time, it seemed to me that you were a little severe upon Weissmann in this matter. Has not the general evidence since that date tended to—well, to strengthen his position?"

"I am, of course, just a student," I said, with a foolish smile. "I could hardly call myself more than a serious learner. Even so, it seemed to me that you were a little harsh on Weissmann in this matter. Hasn't the evidence since then tended to, well, strengthen his position?"

"What evidence?" He spoke with a menacing calm.

"What evidence?" he asked calmly, with a threatening tone.

"Well, of course, I am aware that there is not any what you might call DEFINITE evidence. I alluded merely to the trend of modern thought and the general scientific point of view, if I might so express it."

"Well, of course, I know there isn't any what you might call DEFINITE evidence. I was only referring to the direction of modern thought and the general scientific viewpoint, if I may put it that way."

He leaned forward with great earnestness.

He leaned forward, looking very serious.

"I suppose you are aware," said he, checking off points upon his fingers, "that the cranial index is a constant factor?"

"I assume you know," he said, counting off points on his fingers, "that the cranial index is a constant factor?"

"Naturally," said I.

"Naturally," I said.

"And that telegony is still sub judice?"

"And is telegony still open to debate?"

"Undoubtedly."

"Absolutely."

"And that the germ plasm is different from the parthenogenetic egg?"

"And is germ plasm different from a parthenogenetic egg?"

"Why, surely!" I cried, and gloried in my own audacity.

“Why, of course!” I cried, delighted by my own boldness.

"But what does that prove?" he asked, in a gentle, persuasive voice.

"But what does that prove?" he asked gently, trying to persuade him.

"Ah, what indeed?" I murmured. "What does it prove?"

"Ah, what does it prove?" I murmured. "What does it prove?"

"Shall I tell you?" he cooed.

"Should I tell you?" he cooed.

"Pray do."

"Please do."

"It proves," he roared, with a sudden blast of fury, "that you are the damnedest imposter in London—a vile, crawling journalist, who has no more science than he has decency in his composition!"

"It proves," he roared in a sudden burst of fury, "that you are the damnedest fraud in London. You're a vile, crawling journalist who knows no more about science than about decency!"

He had sprung to his feet with a mad rage in his eyes. Even at that moment of tension I found time for amazement at the discovery that he was quite a short man, his head not higher than my shoulder—a stunted Hercules whose tremendous vitality had all run to depth, breadth, and brain.

He had jumped to his feet, his eyes wild with rage. Even at that tense moment, I was amazed to see how short he was. His head was no higher than my shoulder. He was a short Hercules whose tremendous energy had all gone into his depth, breadth, and brain.

"Gibberish!" he cried, leaning forward, with his fingers on the table and his face projecting. "That's what I have been talking to you, sir—scientific gibberish! Did you think you could match cunning with me—you with your walnut of a brain? You think you are omnipotent, you infernal scribblers, don't you? That your praise can make a man and your blame can break him? We must all bow to you, and try to get a favorable word, must we? This man shall have a leg up, and this man shall have a dressing down! Creeping vermin, I know you! You've got out of your station. Time was when your ears were clipped. You've lost your sense of proportion. Swollen gas-bags! I'll keep you in your proper place. Yes, sir, you haven't got over G. E. C. There's one man who is still your master. He warned you off, but if you WILL come, by the Lord you do it at your own risk. Forfeit, my good Mr. Malone, I claim forfeit! You have played a rather dangerous game, and it strikes me that you have lost it."

"Gibberish!" he cried, leaning forward with his fingers on the table and his face thrust out. "That's what I've been talking to you, sir. Scientific gibberish! Did you think you could outsmart me with your walnut-sized brain? You damned scribblers think you're all-powerful, don't you? You think your praise can make a man and your criticism can ruin him? We must all bow to you and try to win your approval, must we? You give one man a boost and tear another down! Creeping vermin, I know you! You've risen above your proper station. There was a time when your ears were clipped. You've lost your sense of proportion. Bloated windbags! I'll keep you in your proper place. "Yes, sir, you haven't got the better of G. E. C. There's one man who is still your master. He warned you to stay away. But if you insist on coming, by the Lord, you do it at your own risk. A penalty, my good Mr. Malone, I demand a penalty! You've played a rather dangerous game, and it seems to me you've lost."

"Look here, sir," said I, backing to the door and opening it; "you can be as abusive as you like. But there is a limit. You shall not assault me."

"Look here, sir," I said, backing toward the door and opening it. "You can insult me all you like. But there is a limit. I won't let you attack me."

"Shall I not?" He was slowly advancing in a peculiarly menacing way, but he stopped now and put his big hands into the side-pockets of a rather boyish short jacket which he wore. "I have thrown several of you out of the house. You will be the fourth or fifth. Three pound fifteen each—that is how it averaged. Expensive, but very necessary. Now, sir, why should you not follow your brethren? I rather think you must." He resumed his unpleasant and stealthy advance, pointing his toes as he walked, like a dancing master.

"Won't I?" He was advancing slowly in a strangely threatening way. But now he stopped and put his big hands in the side pockets of his short, rather boyish jacket. "I've thrown several of you out of the house. You'll be the fourth or fifth. It cost me an average of three pounds fifteen each. Expensive, but very necessary. Now, sir, why shouldn't you follow the others? I rather think you must." He began advancing again, moving in the same unpleasant, sneaky way. He pointed his toes as he walked, like a dance teacher.

I could have bolted for the hall door, but it would have been too ignominious. Besides, a little glow of righteous anger was springing up within me. I had been hopelessly in the wrong before, but this man's menaces were putting me in the right.

I could have run for the hall door, but that would have been too shameful. Besides, I was beginning to feel a little righteous anger. I had been completely in the wrong before, but this man's threats were putting me in the right.

"I'll trouble you to keep your hands off, sir. I'll not stand it."

"Keep your hands off me, sir. I won't stand for it."

"Dear me!" His black moustache lifted and a white fang twinkled in a sneer. "You won't stand it, eh?"

"My goodness!" His black mustache lifted, revealing a white fang that gleamed as he sneered. "You won't stand for it, huh?"

"Don't be such a fool, Professor!" I cried. "What can you hope for? I'm fifteen stone, as hard as nails, and play center three-quarter every Saturday for the London Irish. I'm not the man——"

"Don't be such a fool, Professor!" I cried. "What chance do you have? I weigh fifteen stone and I'm as tough as nails. I play center three-quarter for the London Irish every Saturday. I'm not the man..."

It was at that moment that he rushed me. It was lucky that I had opened the door, or we should have gone through it. We did a Catharine-wheel together down the passage. Somehow we gathered up a chair upon our way, and bounded on with it towards the street. My mouth was full of his beard, our arms were locked, our bodies intertwined, and that infernal chair radiated its legs all round us. The watchful Austin had thrown open the hall door. We went with a back somersault down the front steps. I have seen the two Macs attempt something of the kind at the halls, but it appears to take some practise to do it without hurting oneself. The chair went to matchwood at the bottom, and we rolled apart into the gutter. He sprang to his feet, waving his fists and wheezing like an asthmatic.

At that moment, he charged at me. Luckily, I had opened the door, or we would have gone through it. We cartwheeled together down the hallway. Somehow we picked up a chair on the way and bounced on toward the street with it. My mouth was full of his beard, our arms were locked, and our bodies were tangled together. That infernal chair stuck its legs out all around us. The watchful Austin had thrown open the front door. We did a backward somersault down the front steps. I have seen the two Macs try something like it at the music halls. But it seems to take some practice to do it without hurting yourself. The chair smashed to pieces at the bottom, and we rolled apart into the gutter. He sprang to his feet, waving his fists and wheezing like someone with asthma.

"Had enough?" he panted.

"Had enough?" he panted.

"You infernal bully!" I cried, as I gathered myself together.

"You damn bully!" I cried as I pulled myself together.

Then and there we should have tried the thing out, for he was effervescing with fight, but fortunately I was rescued from an odious situation. A policeman was beside us, his notebook in his hand.

We would have fought right then and there, because he was eager for a fight. But fortunately, I was rescued from the unpleasant situation. A policeman stood beside us, notebook in hand.

"What's all this? You ought to be ashamed" said the policeman. It was the most rational remark which I had heard in Enmore Park. "Well," he insisted, turning to me, "what is it, then?"

"What's all this? You should be ashamed," said the police officer. It was the most sensible remark I had heard in Enmore Park. "Well," he insisted, turning to me, "what is it, then?"

"This man attacked me," said I.

"This man attacked me," I said.

"Did you attack him?" asked the policeman.

"Did you attack him?" asked the policeman.

The Professor breathed hard and said nothing.

The Professor breathed heavily and said nothing.

"It's not the first time, either," said the policeman, severely, shaking his head. "You were in trouble last month for the same thing. You've blackened this young man's eye. Do you give him in charge, sir?"

"It's not the first time, either," said the policeman sternly, shaking his head. "You were in trouble last month for the same thing. You've given this young man a black eye. Do you want to press charges against him, sir?"

I relented.

I gave in.

"No," said I, "I do not."

"No," I said, "I don't."

"What's that?" said the policeman.

"What's that?" said the policeman.

"I was to blame myself. I intruded upon him. He gave me fair warning."

"I was to blame. I disturbed him. He gave me fair warning."

The policeman snapped up his notebook.

The policeman snapped his notebook shut.

"Don't let us have any more such goings-on," said he. "Now, then! Move on, there, move on!" This to a butcher's boy, a maid, and one or two loafers who had collected. He clumped heavily down the street, driving this little flock before him. The Professor looked at me, and there was something humorous at the back of his eyes.

"Let's not have any more of that," he said. "Now then! Move along there, move along!" He was speaking to a butcher's boy, a maid, and one or two people who had gathered. He stomped heavily down the street, driving the little flock ahead of him. The Professor looked at me, and there was a hint of amusement in his eyes.

"Come in!" said he. "I've not done with you yet."

"Come in!" he said. "I'm not done with you yet."

The speech had a sinister sound, but I followed him none the less into the house. The man-servant, Austin, like a wooden image, closed the door behind us.

His words sounded sinister, but I followed him into the house anyway. The servant, Austin, stood like a wooden statue as he closed the door behind us.