Some Expressions, Etc.

Being in the Course of his religious Visit at York, and having attended most of the Sittings of the Quarterly-Meeting there, held in the Ninth Month, 1772, he was taken ill of the Small Pox, in which Disorder he continued about two Weeks, at Times under great Affliction of Body, and then departed in full Assurance of a happy Eternity, as the following Expressions, amongst others, taken from his own Mouth, do plainly evidence.

During his religious visit to York, he attended most sessions of the Quarterly Meeting held there in the Ninth Month, 1772. He then fell ill with smallpox. He remained ill for about two weeks, at times suffering greatly in body. He then died in full assurance of a happy eternity. The following words, among others, taken from his own mouth, clearly show this.

One Day being asked how he felt himself, he meekly answered, "I don't know that I have slept this Night: I feel the Disorder making its Progress, but my Mind is mercifully preserved in Stillness and Peace." Some Time after he said, "He was sensible the Pains of Death must be hard to bear, but if he escaped them now, he must some Time pass through them, and did not know he could be better prepared, but had no Will in it." Said, "He had settled his outward Affairs to his Mind; had taken Leave of his Wife and Family, as never to return, leaving them to the Divine Protection:" Adding, "And though I feel them near to me at this Time, yet I freely give them up, having an Hope they will be provided for." And a little after said, "This Trial is made easier than I could have thought, by my Will being wholly taken away; for if I was anxious as to the Event, it would be harder, but I am not, and my Mind enjoys a perfect Calm."

One day, when asked how he felt, he gently answered, "I don't know whether I have slept tonight. I feel the illness growing worse, but my mind has mercifully been kept still and peaceful." Some time later he said, "I know the pains of death must be hard to bear. But if I escape them now, I must go through them someday. I do not know that I could be better prepared, but I have no preference in the matter." He said, "I have put my affairs in order to my satisfaction. I have said goodbye to my wife and family as though I would never return, leaving them in God's care." He added, "Though I feel close to them now, I freely give them up, hoping they will be provided for." A little later he said, "This trial is easier than I could have imagined, because my will has been taken away completely. If I were anxious about the outcome, it would be harder. But I am not anxious, and my mind is perfectly calm."

In the Night a young Woman having given him something to drink, he said, "My Child, thou seemest very kind to me, a poor Creature, the Lord will reward thee for it." A while after he cried out with great Earnestness of Spirit, "Oh! my Father, my Father, how comfortable art thou to my Soul in this trying Season." Being asked if he could take a little Nourishment, after some Pause he replied, "My Child, I cannot tell what to say to it: I seem nearly arrived where my Soul shall have Rest from all its Troubles." After giving in something to be put into his Journal, he said, "I believe the Lord will now excuse me from Exercises of this Kind, and I see no Work but one, which is to be the last wrought by me in this World; the Messenger will come that will release me from all these Troubles, but it must be in the Lord's Time, which I am waiting for." He said, "He had laboured to do whatever was required, according to the Ability received, in the Remembrance of which he had Peace: And though the Disorder was strong at Times, and would come over his Mind like a Whirlwind, yet it had hitherto been kept steady, and center'd in everlasting Love." Adding, "And if that's mercifully continued, I ask nor desire no more."

During the night, a young woman gave him something to drink. He said, "My child, you seem very kind to me, a poor creature. The Lord will reward you for it." A while later, he cried out with great earnestness, "Oh, my Father, my Father, how comforting you are to my soul in this trying time." When asked if he could take a little nourishment, he paused and then replied, "My child, I cannot tell what to say. I seem nearly to have reached the place where my soul will rest from all its troubles." After giving someone something to put in his journal, he said, "I believe the Lord will now excuse me from work of this kind. I see only one task left, the last I will do in this world. The messenger will come and release me from all these troubles. But it must be in the Lord's time, which I am waiting for." He said, "He had worked to do whatever was required of him, according to the ability he had received. Remembering this gave him peace. Though the illness was strong at times and swept over his mind like a whirlwind, his mind had remained steady so far, centered in everlasting love." He added, "And if that is mercifully continued, I ask and desire nothing more."

At another Time he said, "He had long had a View of visiting this Nation; and some Time before he came, he had a Dream, in which he saw himself in the Northern Parts of it; and that the Spring of the Gospel was opened in him, much as in the Beginning of Friends, such as George Fox and William Dewsbury; and he saw the different States of People as clear as ever he had seen Flowers in a Garden; but in his going on he was suddenly stopt, though he could not see for what End, but looked towards Home, and in that fell into a Flood of Tears, which waked him." At another Time he said, "My Draught seem'd strongest to the North, and I mentioned in my own Monthly-Meeting, that attending the Quarterly-Meeting at York, and being there, looked like Home to me."

At another time he said, "He had long felt drawn to visit this nation. Some time before he came, he dreamed that he was in its northern parts. In the dream, the spring of the Gospel opened in him, much as it had in early Friends like George Fox and William Dewsbury. He saw the different states of people as clearly as he had ever seen flowers in a garden. But as he went on, he was suddenly stopped, though he could not see why. He looked toward home and burst into tears, which woke him." At another time he said, "I felt drawn most strongly to the north. I mentioned in my own Monthly Meeting that attending the Quarterly Meeting at York and being there felt like home to me."

Having repeatedly consented to take a Medicine with a View to settle his Stomach, but without Effect, the Friend then waiting on him, said, through Distress, "What shall I do now?" He answered with great Composure, "Rejoice evermore, and in every Thing give Thanks." But added a little after, "This is sometimes hard to come at."

He had repeatedly agreed to take medicine to settle his stomach, but it had no effect. The Friend attending him then asked in distress, "What shall I do now?" He answered calmly, "Rejoice always, and give thanks for everything." But a little later he added, "This is sometimes hard to do."

One Morning early he brake forth in Supplication on this wise; "Oh Lord! it was thy Power that enabled me to forsake Sin in my Youth, and I have felt thy Bruises since for Disobedience, but as I bowed under them thou healedst me; and though I have gone through many Trials and sore Afflictions, thou hast been with me, continuing a Father and a Friend. I feel thy Power now, and beg that in the approaching trying Moments, thou wilt keep my Heart steadfast unto thee." Upon his giving the same Friend Directions concerning some little Matters, she said, "I will take Care, but hope thou mayst live to order them thyself;" he replied, "My Hope is in Christ; and though I may now seem a little better, a Change in the Disorder may soon happen, and my little Strength be dissolved, and if it so happen, I shall be gather'd to my everlasting Rest." On her saying, "She did not doubt that, but could not help mourning to see so many faithful Servants removed at so low a Time," he said, "All Goodness cometh from the Lord, whose Power is the same, and he can work as he sees best." The same Day, after giving her Directions about wrapping his Corpse, and perceiving her to weep, he said, "I had rather thou wouldst guard against Weeping or Sorrowing for me, my Sister; I sorrow not, though I have had some painful Conflicts; but now they seem over, and Matters all settled, and I look at the Face of my dear Redeemer, for sweet is his Voice, and his Countenance comely."

Early one morning, he began to pray: "Oh Lord! Your power enabled me to forsake sin in my youth. Since then, I have felt your chastisement for disobedience. But when I submitted to it, you healed me. Though I have gone through many trials and painful afflictions, you have been with me as a Father and a Friend. I feel your power now. I beg you to keep my heart steadfast toward you in the trying moments ahead." He gave the same Friend instructions about a few small matters. She said, "I will take care of them, but I hope you may live to manage them yourself." He replied, "My hope is in Christ. Though I may seem a little better now, my illness may soon change, and my little strength may fail. If that happens, I will be gathered to my everlasting rest." She said, "I do not doubt that, but I cannot help mourning. So many faithful servants are being taken away at such a low time." He said, "All goodness comes from the Lord, whose power is unchanged. He can work as he sees best." That same day, he gave her instructions about wrapping his body. When he saw her weeping, he said, "My sister, I would rather you guard against weeping or sorrowing for me. I do not sorrow, though I have had some painful struggles. But now they seem to be over, and everything seems settled. I look at the face of my dear Redeemer, for his voice is sweet and his face is beautiful."

Being very weak, and in general difficult to be understood, he uttered a few Words in Commemoration of the Lord's Goodness to him; and added, "How tenderly have I been waited upon in this Time of Affliction, in which I may say in Job's Words, Tedious Days and wearisome Nights are appointed unto me; and how many are spending their Time and Money in Vanity and Superfluities, while Thousands and Tens of Thousands want the Necessaries of Life, who might be relieved by them, and their Distresses at such a Time as this, in some degree softened by the administring of suitable Things."

He was very weak and usually difficult to understand. He spoke a few words about the Lord's goodness to him. He added, "How tenderly I have been cared for during this time of suffering. I can say in Job's words, Tedious days and weary nights have been appointed to me. Yet how many people spend their time and money on vanity and luxuries, while thousands and tens of thousands lack the necessities of life. Those people could relieve them by providing what they need and ease their distress somewhat at a time like this."

An Apothecary who attended him of his own Accord (he being unwilling to have any sent for) appeared very anxious to assist him, with whom conversing, he queried about the Probability of such a Load of Matter being thrown off his weak Body, and the Apothecary making some Remarks, implying he thought it might, he spoke with an audible Voice on this wise: "My Dependance is in the Lord Jesus Christ, who I trust will forgive my Sins, which is all I hope for; and if it be his Will to raise up this Body again, I am content, and if to die I am resigned: And if thou canst not be easy without trying to assist Nature, in order to lengthen out my Life, I submit." After this, his Throat was so much affected, that it was very difficult for him to speak so as to be understood, and he frequently wrote when he wanted any Thing. About the second Hour on Fourth-day Morning, being the 7th of the Tenth Month, 1772, he asked for Pen and Ink, and at several Times, with much Difficulty, wrote thus: "I believe my being here is in the Wisdom of Christ; I know not as to Life or Death." About a Quarter before Six the same Morning, he seemed to fall into an easy Sleep, which continued about half an Hour, when seeming to awake, he breathed a few Times with more Difficulty, and so expired without Sigh, Groan, or Struggle.

An apothecary came to attend him of his own accord, since he was unwilling to have one sent for. The apothecary seemed very anxious to help him. In conversation, he asked the apothecary how likely his weak body was to throw off so much matter. The apothecary made some remarks suggesting that he thought it might. Then he said in a clear voice: "I depend on the Lord Jesus Christ, who I trust will forgive my sins. That is all I hope for. If it is his will to raise up this body again, I am content. If it is his will that I die, I am resigned. And if you cannot be at ease without trying to assist nature and lengthen my life, I submit." After this, his throat was so badly affected that it was very difficult for him to speak clearly. He often wrote when he wanted something. At about two in the morning on Wednesday, the seventh day of the tenth month, 1772, he asked for pen and ink. Over several attempts, and with great difficulty, he wrote: "I believe I am here in the wisdom of Christ. I do not know whether I will live or die." At about a quarter before six that morning, he seemed to fall into a peaceful sleep. It lasted about half an hour. Then he seemed to wake and breathed a few times with greater difficulty. He died without a sigh, groan, or struggle.

Note, He often said, "It was hid from him, whether he might recover, or not, and he was not desirous to know it; but from his own Feeling of the Disorder, and his feeble Constitution, thought he should not."

Note, He often said, "He did not know whether he would recover, and he did not want to know. But from how he felt and his weak constitution, he thought he would not recover."

FINIS

THE END

THE TEMPLE PRESS, PRINTERS, LETCHWORTH

THE TEMPLE PRESS, PRINTERS, LETCHWORTH