Chapter 11

On the eighth Day of the sixth Month, 1772, we landed at London; and I went straightway to the Yearly-meeting of Ministers and Elders, which had been gathered (I suppose) about half an Hour.

On June 8, 1772, we landed in London. I went straight to the Yearly Meeting of Ministers and Elders. I suppose it had begun about half an hour earlier.

In this Meeting my Mind was humbly contrite: In the Afternoon the Meeting of Business opened; which, by Adjournments, held near a Week. In these Meetings I often felt a living Concern for the Establishment of Friends in the pure Life of Truth; and my Heart was enlarged in the Meeting of Ministers, Meeting of Business, and in several Meetings of publick Worship; and I felt my Mind united in true Love to the faithful Labourers now gathered at this Yearly-meeting.

In this meeting, I felt humble and deeply repentant. The business meeting began in the afternoon and continued, with breaks, for nearly a week. During these meetings, I often felt a deep concern that Friends should be grounded in the pure life of Truth. My heart opened in the ministers’ meeting, the business meeting, and several meetings for public worship. I felt united in true love with the faithful workers gathered at this Yearly Meeting.

On the fifteenth Day of the Month, I left London, and went to a Quarterly-meeting at Hertford.

On the fifteenth day of the month, I left London and went to a quarterly meeting in Hertford.

The first Day of the seventh Month. I have been at Quarterly-meetings at Sherrington, Northampton, Banbury, and Shipston; and had sundry Meetings between: My Mind hath been bowed under a Sense of divine Goodness manifested amongst us; my Heart hath been often enlarged in true Love, both amongst Ministers and Elders, and in publick Meetings; that through the Lord's Goodness, I believe it hath been a fresh Visitation to many, in particular to the Youth.

The first day of the seventh month. I have attended Quarterly Meetings at Sherrington, Northampton, Banbury, and Shipston. I also attended several meetings between them. My mind has been humbled by a sense of the divine goodness shown among us. My heart has often opened in true love, both among Ministers and Elders and in public meetings. Through the Lord's goodness, I believe this has been a fresh visitation to many, especially the youth.

The seventeenth Day of the Month. Was this Day at Birmingham: Have been at Meetings at Coventry, Warwick, in Oxfordshire, and sundry other Places; have felt the humbling Hand of the Lord upon me; and through his tender Mercies find Peace in the Labours I have gone through.

The seventeenth day of the month. I was in Birmingham today. I have attended meetings in Coventry, Warwick, Oxfordshire, and several other places. I have felt the humbling hand of the Lord upon me. Through his tender mercies, I find peace in the work I have done.

The twenty-sixth Day of the Month. I have continued travelling northward, visiting Meetings: Was this Day at Nottingham; which, in the Forenoon especially, was, through divine Love, a Heart-tendering Season: Next Day had a Meeting in a Friend's House with Friends Children and some Friends; this, through the strengthening Arm of the Lord, was a Time to be thankfully remembered.

The twenty-sixth day of the month. I have continued traveling north, visiting meetings. Today I attended a meeting at Nottingham. Through divine love, it was a time that moved our hearts, especially in the morning. The next day, I attended a meeting at a Friend's house with Friends' children and some Friends. Through the strengthening arm of the Lord, it was a time to remember with gratitude.

The second Day of the eighth Month, and first of the Week. Was this Day at Sheffield, a large inland Town: Have been at sundry Meetings last Week; and feel inward Thankfulness for that divine Support, which hath been graciously extended to me.

The second day of the eighth month, and the first day of the week. Today I was in Sheffield, a large inland town. I attended several meetings last week. I feel inwardly thankful for the divine support graciously given to me.

The ninth Day of the Month, and first of the Week, was at Rushworth: Have lately passed through some painful Labour; but have been comforted, under a Sense of that divine Visitation, which I feel extended toward many young People.

On the ninth day of the month, a Sunday, I was at Rushworth. I have recently gone through some painful labor. But I have been comforted by a sense of the divine visitation that I feel reaching many young people.

The sixteenth Day of the Month, and first of the Week, I was at Settle: It hath of late been a Time of inward Poverty; under which my Mind hath been preserved in a watchful tender State, feeling for the Mind of the holy Leader, and I find Peace in the Labours I have passed through.

On the sixteenth day of the month, the first day of the week, I was at Settle. Lately, I have experienced a time of inward poverty. Through it, my mind has remained watchful and tender, seeking to understand the will of the holy Leader. I find peace in the work I have been through.

I have felt great Distress of Mind, since I came on this Island, on Account of the Members of our Society being mixed with the World in various Sorts of Business and Traffick, carried on in impure Channels. Great is the Trade to Africa for Slaves! and, in loading these Ships, abundance of People are employed in the Factories; amongst whom are many of our Society. Friends, in early Times, refused, on a religious Principle, to make, or trade in, Superfluities; of which we have many large Testimonies on Record; but, for Want of Faithfulness, some gave way; even some, whose Examples were of Note in our Society; and from thence others took more Liberty. Members of our Society worked in Superfluities, and bought and sold them; and thus Dimness of Sight came over many: At length, Friends got into the Use of some Superfluities in Dress, and in the Furniture of their Houses; and this hath spread from less to more, till Superfluity of some Kinds is common amongst us.

Since I came to this island, I have felt great distress of mind. Members of our Society are involved with the world in various kinds of business and trade carried on through impure channels. The trade to Africa for slaves is great! Many people work in the factories that supply these ships, and many of them belong to our Society. In earlier times, Friends refused on religious principle to make or trade in unnecessary luxuries. We have many extensive testimonies to this on record. But some gave way for lack of faithfulness, including some whose examples carried weight in our Society. Others then took more liberty. Members of our Society made, bought, and sold luxuries, and so many gradually lost their clear sight. Eventually, Friends began to use some luxuries in their clothing and home furnishings. This has spread from less to more, until some kinds of luxury are common among us.

In this declining State, many look at the Example one of another, and too much neglect the pure Feeling of Truth. Of late Years, a deep Exercise hath attended my Mind, that Friends may dig deep, may carefully cast forth the loose Matter, and get down to the Rock, the sure Foundation, and there hearken to that divine Voice which gives a clear and certain Sound; and I have felt in that which doth not deceive, that if Friends, who have known the Truth, keep in that Tenderness of Heart, where all Views of outward Gain are given up, and their Trust is only on the Lord, he will graciously lead some to be Patterns of deep Self-denial in Things relating to Trade and Handicraft-labour; and that some, who have plenty of the Treasures of this World, will example in a plain frugal Life, and pay Wages, to such as they may hire, more liberally than is now customary in some Places.

In this time of decline, many look to one another’s example and neglect the pure feeling of Truth too much. In recent years, I have been deeply concerned that Friends dig deep and carefully clear away the loose material. I hope they reach the rock, the sure foundation, and listen there to the divine voice that speaks clearly and surely. And I have felt, in that which does not deceive, that the Lord will graciously guide some Friends who have known the Truth. If they keep their hearts tender, give up all hopes of outward gain, and trust only in the Lord, he will lead some to be examples of deep self-denial in trade and skilled manual labor. Some who have plenty of this world’s treasures will set an example by living plainly and frugally. They will also pay those they hire more generously than is now customary in some places.

The twenty-third Day of the Month. Was this Day at Preston-Patrick, and had a comfortable Meeting. I have, several Times, been entertained at the Houses of Friends, who had sundry Things about them which had the Appearance of outward Greatness; and, as I have kept inward, Way hath opened for Conversation with such in private, in which Divine Goodness hath favoured us together with heart-tendering Times.

The twenty-third day of the month. Today I was at Preston-Patrick and had a comforting meeting. Several times, I have stayed in the homes of Friends who had various outward signs of wealth and status. As I remained inwardly attentive, opportunities arose to speak with them in private. In those conversations, Divine Goodness blessed us together with times that softened our hearts.

I rested a few Days, in Body and Mind, with our Friend Jane Crosfield; who was once in America: Was, on the sixth Day of the Week, at Kendal in Westmoreland; and at Greyrig Meeting the thirtieth Day of the Month, and first of the Week.

I rested in body and mind for a few days with our friend Jane Crosfield, who had once been in America. On Friday, I was at Kendal in Westmoreland. On Sunday, the thirtieth of the month, I attended the Greyrig meeting.

I have known Poverty of late, and been graciously supported to keep in the Patience; and am thankful, under a Sense of the Goodness of the Lord toward those that are of a contrite Spirit.

Recently, I have known poverty, and I have been graciously given strength to remain patient. I am thankful for the Lord’s goodness toward those with a repentant spirit.

The sixth Day of the ninth Month, and first of the Week. Was this Day at Counterside, a large Meeting-house, and very full; and, through the Opening of pure Love, it was a strengthening Time to me, and (I believe) to many more.

The sixth day of the ninth month, and the first day of the week. Today I attended a meeting at Counterside. The large meetinghouse was very full. Through the opening of pure love, it was a strengthening time for me and, I believe, for many others.

The thirteenth Day of the Month. Was this Day at Richmond, a small Meeting; but, the Town's People coming in, the House was crowded: It was a Time of heavy Labour; and (I believe) was a profitable Meeting.

The thirteenth day of the month. Today I attended a small meeting at Richmond. But the townspeople came in, and the meeting house was crowded. It was a time of hard labor, and I believe the meeting was profitable.

At this Place I heard that my Kinsman William Hunt, from North-Carolina, who was on a religious Visit to Friends in England, departed this Life on the ninth Day of the ninth Month, Instant, of the Small-pox, at Newcastle.—He appeared in the Ministry when a Youth; and his Labours therein were of good Savour. He travelled much in that Work in America. I once heard him say, in publick Testimony, that his Concern was (in that Visit) to be devoted to the Service of Christ so fully, that he might not spend one Minute in pleasing himself: Which Words, joined with his Example, were a Means of stirring up the pure Mind in me.

Here I heard that my relative William Hunt, from North-Carolina, had died of smallpox at Newcastle. He died on the ninth day of the ninth month of this year. He had been on a religious visit to Friends in England. He began speaking as a minister when he was young, and his work in the ministry was well received. He traveled much in America doing this work. Once, I heard him say in public testimony that, during that visit, he wanted to devote himself entirely to Christ’s service. He did not want to spend even one minute pleasing himself. His words, together with his example, helped stir up the pure mind in me.

On this Visit to England I have felt some Instructions sealed on my Mind, which I am concerned to leave in Writing, for the Use of such as are called to the Station of a Minister of Christ.

During this visit to England, I have felt some instructions impressed on my mind. I feel called to write them down for those called to serve as ministers of Christ.

Christ being the Prince of Peace, and we being no more than Ministers, I find it necessary for us, not only to feel a Concern in our first going forth, but to experience the renewing thereof, in the Appointment of Meetings.

Christ is the Prince of Peace, and we are only ministers. So I find that we must feel a spiritual concern not only when we first go forth, but also when we arrange meetings. At each meeting, we must experience that concern anew.

I felt a Concern, in America, to prepare for this Voyage; and, being, through the Mercy of God, brought safe here, my Heart was like a Vessel that wanted Vent; and for several Weeks, at first, when my Mouth was opened in Meetings, it often felt like the raising of a Gate in a Water-course, where a Weight of Water lay upon it; and in these Labours there appeared a fresh Visitation to many, especially the Youth; but sometimes, after this, I felt empty and poor, and yet felt a Necessity to appoint Meetings.

While in America, I felt called to prepare for this voyage. Through God’s mercy, I arrived here safely. My heart was like a vessel that needed a vent. For several weeks at first, speaking in meetings often felt like raising a gate holding back a weight of water. Through these labors, many, especially the young, seemed to experience a fresh visitation. But sometimes afterward, I felt empty and poor, yet still felt the need to arrange meetings.

In this State I was exercised to abide in the pure Life of Truth, and in all my Labours to watch diligently against the Motions of Self in my own Mind.

In this state, I felt called to remain in the pure life of Truth. In all my work, I watched carefully for stirrings of self-interest in my own mind.

I have frequently felt a Necessity to stand up, when the Spring of the Ministry was low; and to speak from the Necessity, in that which subjecteth the Will of the Creature; and herein I was united with the suffering Seed, and found inward Sweetness with these mortifying Labours.

I have often felt a need to stand up when the spring of ministry was low. I had to speak from that need, in the spirit that brings the creature’s will into submission. In this, I was united with the suffering Seed, and I found inward sweetness in these humbling labors.

As I have been preserved in a watchful Attention to the divine Leader, under these Dispensations, Enlargement at Times hath followed, and the Power of Truth hath risen higher, in some Meetings, than I ever knew it before through me.

As I have remained watchfully attentive to the divine Leader through these experiences, I have at times felt my spirit expand. In some meetings, the power of Truth has risen higher through me than I had ever known before.

Thus I have been more and more instructed, as to the Necessity of depending, not upon a Concern which I felt in America, to come on a Visit to England, but upon the fresh Instructions of Christ, the Prince of Peace, from Day to Day.

Thus I have learned more and more that I must depend on the fresh guidance of Christ, the Prince of Peace, each day. I must not depend on the concern I felt in America that led me to visit England.

Now, of late, I felt a Stop in the Appointment of Meetings, not wholly, but in Part; and I do not feel Liberty to appoint them so quick one after another as I have heretofore.

Recently, I felt held back from arranging meetings, though not entirely. I do not feel free to arrange them as quickly, one after another, as I have in the past.

The Work of the Ministry being a Work of divine Love, I feel that the Openings thereof are to be waited for, in all our Appointments.

The work of ministry is a work of divine love. I feel that in all our appointments, we must wait for divine guidance to begin it.

O! how deep is divine Wisdom! Christ puts forth his Ministers, and goeth before them: And O! how great is the Danger of departing from the pure Feeling of that which leadeth safely!

Oh, how deep is divine wisdom! Christ sends out his ministers and goes before them. And oh, how great is the danger of straying from the pure feeling that leads safely!

Christ knoweth the State of the People; and, in the pure Feeling of the Gospel-Ministry, their States are opened to his Servants.

Christ knows the spiritual state of the people. Through the pure feeling of gospel ministry, he reveals their state to his servants.

Christ knoweth when the Fruit-bearing Branches themselves have Need of purging.

Christ knows when even the fruit-bearing branches need pruning.

O! that these Lessons may be remembered by me! and that all who appoint Meetings may proceed in the pure Feeling of Duty.

Oh, may I remember these lessons! And may all who arrange meetings act from a pure sense of duty.

I have sometimes felt a Necessity to stand up; but that Spirit which is of the World hath so much prevailed in many, and the pure Life of Truth been so pressed down, that I have gone forward, not as one travelling in a Road cast up and well prepared, but as a Man walking through a Miry place, in which are Stones here and there, safe to step on, but so situated, that, one Step being taken, Time is necessary to see where to step next.

I have sometimes felt a need to stand up. But the spirit of the world has gained such power in many people, and the pure life of Truth has been so suppressed, that I have had to move forward carefully. I have not been like someone traveling on a well-prepared road. Instead, I have been like someone walking through a muddy place, where stones lie here and there. They are safe to step on, but after each step, I need time to see where to step next.

Now I find that, in the pure Obedience, the Mind learns Contentment, in appearing weak and foolish to that Wisdom which is of the World; and in these lowly Labours, they who stand in a low Place, rightly exercised under the Cross, will find Nourishment.

Now I find that through pure obedience, the mind learns to be content with appearing weak and foolish to worldly wisdom. In these humble labors, those in a lowly place who bear the Cross as they should will find nourishment.

The Gift is pure; and, while the Eye is single in attending thereto, the Understanding is preserved clear: Self is kept out. We rejoice in filling up that which remains of the Afflictions of Christ, for his Body's Sake, which is the Church.

The gift is pure. As long as we focus solely on it, our understanding remains clear and self is kept out. We rejoice in completing what remains of Christ’s sufferings for the sake of his body, the Church.

The natural Man loveth Eloquence, and many love to hear eloquent Orations; and, if there is not a careful Attention to the Gift, Men who have once laboured in the pure Gospel-ministry, growing weary of Suffering, and ashamed of appearing weak, may kindle a Fire, compass themselves about with Sparks, and walk in the Light; not of Christ who is under Suffering; but of that Fire which they, going from the Gift, have kindled; and that in Hearers, which is gone from the meek suffering State, into the worldly Wisdom, may be warmed with this Fire, and speak highly of these Labours. That which is of God gathers to God; and that which is of the World is owned by the World.

The natural person loves eloquence, and many love to hear eloquent speeches. Men who have labored in the pure ministry of the Gospel may fail to pay careful attention to the gift. They may grow weary of suffering and ashamed of appearing weak. Then they may kindle a fire, surround themselves with sparks, and walk in its light. It is not the light of Christ, who is suffering, but of the fire they have kindled by turning away from the gift. Some listeners may also have left the meek, suffering state and turned to worldly wisdom. What is worldly in them may be warmed by this fire and speak highly of such work. What comes from God gathers people to God, and what comes from the world is embraced by the world.

In this Journey a Labour hath attended my Mind, that the Ministers amongst us may be preserved in the meek feeling Life of Truth, where we may have no Desire but to follow Christ and be with him; that, when he is under Suffering, we may suffer with him, and never desire to rise up in Dominion, but as he, by the Virtue of his own Spirit, may raise us.

During this journey, a concern has weighed on my mind. I hope that our ministers may remain in the gentle, sensitive life of Truth. There we may desire only to follow Christ and be with him. When he suffers, may we suffer with him. May we never desire to take power over others, unless he raises us up by the power of his own spirit.

A few Days after writing these Considerations, our dear Friend, in the Course of his religious Visits, came to the City of York, and attended most of the Sittings of the Quarterly-meeting there; but, before it was over, was taken ill of the Small-pox. Our Friend, Thomas Priestman, and others who attended him, preserved the following Minutes of his Expressions in the Time of his Sickness and of his Decease.

A few days after writing these reflections, our dear Friend came to the city of York during his religious visits. He attended most of the sessions of the Quarterly Meeting there. But before it ended, he fell ill with smallpox. Our Friend Thomas Priestman and others who cared for him recorded the following notes about what he said during his illness and about his death.

First-day, the twenty-seventh of the ninth Month, 1772. His Disorder appeared to be the Small-pox.

Sunday, September 27, 1772. His illness appeared to be smallpox.

Second-day. He said he felt the Disorder to affect his Head, so that he could think little, and but as a Child.

Monday. He said the illness affected his head, so he could think very little and only like a child.

Third-day he uttered the following Prayer.—O Lord my God! the amazing Horrors of Darkness were gathered around me and covered me all over, and I saw no Way to go forth; I felt the Depth and Extent of the Misery of my Fellow-creatures separated from the divine Harmony, and it was heavier than I could bear, and I was crushed down under it; I lifted up my Hand, I stretched out my Arm, but there was none to help me; I looked round about and was amazed; in the Depths of Misery, O Lord! I remembered that thou art omnipotent, that I had called thee Father, and I felt that I loved thee, and I was made quiet in thy Will, and I waited for Deliverance from thee; thou hadst Pity upon me when no Man could help me: I saw that Meekness under Suffering was shewed to us in the most affecting Example of thy Son, and thou taughtest me to follow him, and I said, "Thy Will, O Father! be done."

On Tuesday he spoke the following prayer: O Lord my God! Terrifying darkness gathered around me and covered me completely. I could see no way out. I felt the depth and extent of the misery of my fellow creatures, separated from divine harmony. It was more than I could bear, and I was crushed beneath it. I raised my hand and stretched out my arm, but there was no one to help me. I looked around and was overwhelmed. In the depths of misery, O Lord, I remembered that you are all-powerful and that I had called you Father. I felt that I loved you. I grew quiet in your will and waited for you to deliver me. You took pity on me when no person could help me. I saw that your Son gave us the most moving example of gentleness in suffering. You taught me to follow him, and I said, "Your will be done, O Father!"

Fourth-day-morning, being asked how he felt himself, he meekly answered, I do not know that I have slept this Night, I feel the Disorder making its Progress, but my Mind is mercifully preserved in Stillness and Peace: Sometime after he said he was sensible the Pains of Death must be hard to bear; but, if he escaped them now, he must sometime pass through them, and he did not know that he could be better prepared, but had no Will in it. He said he had settled his outward Affairs to his Mind, had taken Leave of his Wife and Family as never to return, leaving them to the divine Protection; adding, and though I feel them near to me at this Time, yet I freely give them up, having a Hope that they will be provided for. And a little after said, This Trial is made easier than I could have thought, my Will being wholly taken away; for if I were anxious for the Event, it would have been harder; but I am not, and my Mind enjoys a perfect Calm.

On Wednesday morning, when asked how he felt, he answered gently, I do not think I have slept tonight. I feel the illness getting worse, but my mind is mercifully kept still and peaceful. Some time later, he said he knew the pains of death must be hard to bear. But if he escaped them now, he would have to go through them someday. He did not know that he could be better prepared, but he had no preference in the matter. He said he had settled his worldly affairs to his satisfaction. He had said goodbye to his wife and family as if he would never return, leaving them to divine protection. He added, Though I feel close to them now, I freely give them up, hoping they will be provided for. A little later he said, This trial is easier than I could have imagined because I have no will of my own in it. If I were anxious about the outcome, it would have been harder. But I am not anxious, and my mind is perfectly calm.

In the Night a young Woman having given him something to drink, he said, My Child, thou seemest very kind to me, a poor Creature, the Lord will reward thee for it. A While after he cried out with great Earnestness of Spirit, O my Father! my Father! and soon after he said, O my Father! my Father! how comfortable art thou to my Soul in this trying Season! Being asked if he could take a little Nourishment; after some Pause he replied, my Child, I cannot tell what to say to it; I seem nearly arrived where my Soul shall have Rest from all its Troubles. After giving in something to be inserted in his Journal, he said, I believe the Lord will now excuse me from Exercises of this Kind; and I see no Work but one, which is to be the last wrought by me in this World; the Messenger will come that will release me from all these Troubles; but it must be in the Lord's Time, which I am waiting for. He said he had laboured to do whatever was required, according to the Ability received, in the Remembrance of which he had Peace; and, though the Disorder was strong at Times, and would like a Whirlwind come over his Mind, yet it had hitherto been kept steady, and centered in everlasting Love; adding, and if that be mercifully continued, I ask nor desire no more. Another Time he said, he had long had a view of visiting this Nation, and, sometime before he came, had a Dream, in which he saw himself in the northern Parts of it, and that the Spring of the Gospel was opened in him much as in the Beginning of Friends, such as George Fox and William Dewsberry, and he saw the different States of the People, as clear as he had ever seen Flowers in a Garden; but in his going along he was suddenly stopt, though he could not see for what End; but, looking towards Home, fell into a Flood of Tears which waked him.

During the night, a young woman gave him something to drink. He said, My child, you seem very kind to me, a poor creature. The Lord will reward you for it. A while later, he cried out with great earnestness, O my Father! my Father! Soon afterward he said, O my Father! my Father! How you comfort my soul in this trying time! Someone asked if he could take a little nourishment. After a pause, he replied, My child, I cannot tell what to say. I seem close to reaching the place where my soul will rest from all its troubles. After dictating something to be added to his Journal, he said, I believe the Lord will now excuse me from such tasks. I see only one more work to be done, the last I will do in this world. The messenger will come and release me from all these troubles. But it must be in the Lord's time, and I am waiting for it. He said he had worked to do whatever was required, according to the ability he had received. Remembering this gave him peace. Though his illness was strong at times and swept over his mind like a whirlwind, his mind had remained steady. It had stayed centered in everlasting Love. He added, If that is mercifully allowed to continue, I ask and desire nothing more. Another time, he said he had long intended to visit this nation. Some time before he came, he had a dream. In it, he saw himself in the northern parts of the nation. The spring of the Gospel opened in him, much as it had among early Friends, such as George Fox and William Dewsberry. He saw the different conditions of the people as clearly as he had ever seen flowers in a garden. But as he went along, he was suddenly stopped, though he could not see why. Then, looking toward home, he burst into tears and woke up.

At another Time he said, My Draught seemed strongest towards the North, and I mentioned, in my own Monthly-meeting, that attending the Quarterly-meeting at York, and being there, looked like Home to me.

At another time he said, I felt most strongly drawn north. I mentioned at my own Monthly Meeting that attending the Quarterly Meeting at York and being there felt like home to me.

Fifth-day-night, having repeatedly consented to take Medicine with a View to settle his Stomach, but without Effect, the Friend, then waiting on him, said, through Distress, What shall I do now? He answered with great Composure, Rejoice evermore, and in every Thing give Thanks; but added a little after, this is sometimes hard to come at.

On Thursday night, he had repeatedly agreed to take medicine to settle his stomach, but it had no effect. The Friend attending him asked in distress, “What shall I do now?” He answered calmly, “Rejoice always, and give thanks in everything.” A little later, he added, “This is sometimes hard to do.”

Sixth-day-morning, he broke forth early in Supplication on this wise: O Lord! it was thy Power that enabled me to forsake Sin in my Youth, and I have felt thy Bruises for Disobedience; but, as I bowed under them, thou didst heal me, continuing a Father and a Friend: I feel thy Power now, and I beg that, in the approaching trying Moment, thou wilt keep my Heart stedfast unto thee.——Upon his giving Directions to a Friend concerning some little Things, she said, I will take Care, but hope thou wilt live to order them thyself. He replied, My Hope is in Christ; and, though I may seem a little better, a Change in the Disorder may soon happen, and my little Strength be dissolved; and, if it so happen, I shall be gathered to my everlasting Rest. On her saying she did not doubt that, but could not help mourning to see so many faithful Servants removed at so low a Time, he said, All Good cometh from the Lord, whose Power is the same, and can work as he sees best. The same Day he had given Directions about wrapping his Corpse, perceiving a Friend to weep, he said, I would rather thou wouldst guard against weeping for me, my Sister; I sorrow not, though I have had some painful Conflicts; but now they seem over, and Matters well settled, and I look at the Face of my dear Redeemer; for sweet is his Voice, and his Countenance is comely.

Early Friday morning, he began to pray: O Lord, your power enabled me to turn away from sin in my youth. I have felt your blows when I disobeyed, but as I submitted to them, you healed me. You remained a Father and a Friend. I feel your power now, and I beg you to keep my heart steadfast in the trying moment ahead. He gave a Friend instructions about a few small matters. She said she would take care of them, but hoped he would live to arrange them himself. He replied that his hope was in Christ. Though he might seem a little better, his illness could soon change, and his little strength could fail. If that happened, he would be gathered to his everlasting rest. She said she did not doubt it, but could not help mourning. So many faithful servants were being taken away at such a low time. He said that all good comes from the Lord, whose power remains the same. The Lord can work as he sees best. That same day, he gave instructions about wrapping his body. When he saw a Friend weeping, he said he would rather she guard against weeping for him. He called her his sister and said he did not sorrow, though he had been through some painful struggles. Now they seemed to be over, and everything seemed well settled. He said he looked upon the face of his dear Redeemer. His voice was sweet, and his face was beautiful.

First-day, fourth of the tenth Month, being very weak, and in general difficult to be understood, he uttered a few Words in Commemoration of the Lord's Goodness, and added, How tenderly have I been waited on in this Time of Affliction! in which I may say, in JOB'S Words, Tedious Days and wearisome Nights are appointed unto me: And how many are spending their Time and Money in Vanity and Superfluities, while thousands and tens of thousands want the Necessaries of Life, who might be relieved by them, and their Distresses, at such a Time as this, in some degree softened, by the administering suitable Things!

On Sunday, the fourth of October, he was very weak and usually difficult to understand. He said a few words about the Lord's goodness and added: How tenderly I have been cared for during this time of suffering! In Job's words, I may say that tedious days and weary nights have been appointed to me. How many people spend their time and money on vanity and luxuries, while thousands and tens of thousands lack life's necessities! Those people could help them and ease their distress somewhat at a time like this, by providing what they need.

Second-day-morning, the Apothecary, who appeared very anxious to assist him, being present, he queried about the Probability of such a Load of Matter being thrown off his weak Body; and, the Apothecary making some Remarks implying he thought it might, he spoke with an audible Voice on this wise:—My Dependance is on the Lord Jesus, who, I trust, will forgive my Sins, which is all I hope for; and, if it be his Will to raise up this Body again, I am content; and, if to die, I am resigned; and, if thou canst not be easy without trying to assist Nature, I submit. After which his Throat was so much affected, that it was very difficult for him to speak so as to be understood; and he frequently wrote when he wanted any Thing. About the second Hour, on Fourth-day Morning, he asked for Pen and Ink, and, at several Times, with much Difficulty, wrote thus: I believe my being here is in the Wisdom of Christ; I know not as to Life or Death.

On Monday morning, the apothecary was present and seemed very anxious to help him. He asked how likely it was that his weak body could expel so much matter. The apothecary made some remarks suggesting that he thought it possible. Then he spoke in a voice that could be heard: “I depend on the Lord Jesus, who I trust will forgive my sins. That is all I hope for. If it is his will to restore this body, I am content. If it is his will that I die, I am resigned. If you cannot be at ease without trying to help nature, I submit.” After this, his throat was so badly affected that he could hardly make himself understood. He often wrote when he wanted something. About two o’clock on Wednesday morning, he asked for pen and ink. With great difficulty, he wrote the following in several attempts: “I believe that my being here is in the wisdom of Christ. I do not know whether I will live or die.”

About a Quarter before six, the same Morning, he seemed to fall into an easy Sleep, which continued about Half an Hour; when, seeming to awake, he breathed a few Times with more Difficulty, and expired, without Sigh, Groan, or Struggle!

At about 5:45 that morning, he seemed to fall into a peaceful sleep that lasted about half an hour. Then he seemed to wake, breathed a few times with more difficulty, and died without a sigh, groan, or struggle!

End of the Journal

End of the Journal