CHAPTER 10

Our voyage to the North Pole being ended, I returned to London with Doctor Irving, with whom I continued for some time, during which I began seriously to reflect on the dangers I had escaped, particularly those of my last voyage, which made a lasting impression on my mind, and, by the grace of God, proved afterwards a mercy to me; it caused me to reflect deeply on my eternal state, and to seek the Lord with full purpose of heart ere it was too late. I rejoiced greatly; and heartily thanked the Lord for directing me to London, where I was determined to work out my own salvation, and in so doing procure a title to heaven, being the result of a mind blended by ignorance and sin.

After our voyage to the North Pole ended, I returned to London with Doctor Irving. I stayed with him for some time. During that time, I began to think seriously about the dangers I had escaped, especially those of my last voyage. Those dangers left a lasting impression on my mind and, by God’s grace, later proved to be a blessing. They led me to think deeply about my eternal fate and seek the Lord wholeheartedly before it was too late. I rejoiced greatly and sincerely thanked the Lord for guiding me to London. There I was determined to work out my own salvation and, by doing so, earn a right to enter heaven. This determination came from a mind clouded by ignorance and sin.

In process of time I left my master, Doctor Irving, the purifier of waters, and lodged in Coventry-court, Haymarket, where I was continually oppressed and much concerned about the salvation of my soul, and was determined (in my own strength) to be a first-rate Christian. I used every means for this purpose; and, not being able to find any person amongst my acquaintance that agreed with me in point of religion, or, in scripture language, 'that would shew me any good;' I was much dejected, and knew not where to seek relief; however, I first frequented the neighbouring churches, St. James's, and others, two or three times a day, for many weeks: still I came away dissatisfied; something was wanting that I could not obtain, and I really found more heartfelt relief in reading my bible at home than in attending the church; and, being resolved to be saved, I pursued other methods still. First I went among the quakers, where the word of God was neither read or preached, so that I remained as much in the dark as ever. I then searched into the Roman catholic principles, but was not in the least satisfied. At length I had recourse to the Jews, which availed me nothing, for the fear of eternity daily harassed my mind, and I knew not where to seek shelter from the wrath to come. However this was my conclusion, at all events, to read the four evangelists, and whatever sect or party I found adhering thereto such I would join. Thus I went on heavily without any guide to direct me the way that leadeth to eternal life. I asked different people questions about the manner of going to heaven, and was told different ways. Here I was much staggered, and could not find any at that time more righteous than myself, or indeed so much inclined to devotion. I thought we should not all be saved (this is agreeable to the holy scriptures), nor would all be damned. I found none among the circle of my acquaintance that kept wholly the ten commandments. So righteous was I in my own eyes, that I was convinced I excelled many of them in that point, by keeping eight out of ten; and finding those who in general termed themselves Christians not so honest or so good in their morals as the Turks, I really thought the Turks were in a safer way of salvation than my neighbours: so that between hopes and fears I went on, and the chief comforts I enjoyed were in the musical French horn, which I then practised, and also dressing of hair. Such was my situation some months, experiencing the dishonesty of many people here. I determined at last to set out for Turkey, and there to end my days. It was now early in the spring 1774. I sought for a master, and found a captain John Hughes, commander of a ship called Anglicania, fitting out in the river Thames, and bound to Smyrna in Turkey. I shipped myself with him as a steward; at the same time I recommended to him a very clever black man, John Annis, as a cook. This man was on board the ship near two months doing his duty: he had formerly lived many years with Mr. William Kirkpatrick, a gentleman of the island of St. Kitts, from whom he parted by consent, though he afterwards tried many schemes to inveigle the poor man. He had applied to many captains who traded to St. Kitts to trepan him; and when all their attempts and schemes of kidnapping proved abortive, Mr. Kirkpatrick came to our ship at Union Stairs on Easter Monday, April the fourth, with two wherry boats and six men, having learned that the man was on board; and tied, and forcibly took him away from the ship, in the presence of the crew and the chief mate, who had detained him after he had notice to come away. I believe that this was a combined piece of business: but, at any rate, it certainly reflected great disgrace on the mate and captain also, who, although they had desired the oppressed man to stay on board, yet he did not in the least assist to recover him, or pay me a farthing of his wages, which was about five pounds. I proved the only friend he had, who attempted to regain him his liberty if possible, having known the want of liberty myself. I sent as soon as I could to Gravesend, and got knowledge of the ship in which he was; but unluckily she had sailed the first tide after he was put on board. My intention was then immediately to apprehend Mr. Kirkpatrick, who was about setting off for Scotland; and, having obtained a habeas corpus for him, and got a tipstaff to go with me to St. Paul's church-yard, where he lived, he, suspecting something of this kind, set a watch to look out. My being known to them occasioned me to use the following deception: I whitened my face, that they might not know me, and this had its desired effect. He did not go out of his house that night, and next morning I contrived a well plotted stratagem notwithstanding he had a gentleman in his house to personate him. My direction to the tipstaff, who got admittance into the house, was to conduct him to a judge, according to the writ. When he came there, his plea was, that he had not the body in custody, on which he was admitted to bail. I proceeded immediately to that philanthropist, Granville Sharp, Esq. who received me with the utmost kindness, and gave me every instruction that was needful on the occasion. I left him in full hope that I should gain the unhappy man his liberty, with the warmest sense of gratitude towards Mr. Sharp for his kindness; but, alas! my attorney proved unfaithful; he took my money, lost me many months employ, and did not do the least good in the cause: and when the poor man arrived at St. Kitts, he was, according to custom, staked to the ground with four pins through a cord, two on his wrists, and two on his ancles, was cut and flogged most unmercifully, and afterwards loaded cruelly with irons about his neck. I had two very moving letters from him, while he was in this situation; and also was told of it by some very respectable families now in London, who saw him in St. Kitts, in the same state in which he remained till kind death released him out of the hands of his tyrants. During this disagreeable business I was under strong convictions of sin, and thought that my state was worse than any man's; my mind was unaccountably disturbed; I often wished for death, though at the same time convinced I was altogether unprepared for that awful summons. Suffering much by villains in the late cause, and being much concerned about the state of my soul, these things (but particularly the latter) brought me very low; so that I became a burden to myself, and viewed all things around me as emptiness and vanity, which could give no satisfaction to a troubled conscience. I was again determined to go to Turkey, and resolved, at that time, never more to return to England. I engaged as steward on board a Turkeyman (the Wester Hall, Capt. Linna); but was prevented by means of my late captain, Mr. Hughes, and others. All this appeared to be against me, and the only comfort I then experienced was, in reading the holy scriptures, where I saw that 'there is no new thing under the sun,' Eccles. i. 9; and what was appointed for me I must submit to. Thus I continued to travel in much heaviness, and frequently murmured against the Almighty, particularly in his providential dealings; and, awful to think! I began to blaspheme, and wished often to be any thing but a human being. In these severe conflicts the Lord answered me by awful 'visions of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed,' Job xxxiii. 15. He was pleased, in much mercy, to give me to see, and in some measure to understand, the great and awful scene of the judgment-day, that 'no unclean person, no unholy thing, can enter into the kingdom of God,' Eph. v. 5. I would then, if it had been possible, have changed my nature with the meanest worm on the earth; and was ready to say to the mountains and rocks 'fall on me,' Rev. vi. 16; but all in vain. I then requested the divine Creator that he would grant me a small space of time to repent of my follies and vile iniquities, which I felt were grievous. The Lord, in his manifold mercies, was pleased to grant my request, and being yet in a state of time, the sense of God's mercies was so great on my mind when I awoke, that my strength entirely failed me for many minutes, and I was exceedingly weak. This was the first spiritual mercy I ever was sensible of, and being on praying ground, as soon as I recovered a little strength, and got out of bed and dressed myself, I invoked Heaven from my inmost soul, and fervently begged that God would never again permit me to blaspheme his most holy name. The Lord, who is long-suffering, and full of compassion to such poor rebels as we are, condescended to hear and answer. I felt that I was altogether unholy, and saw clearly what a bad use I had made of the faculties I was endowed with; they were given me to glorify God with; I thought, therefore, I had better want them here, and enter into life eternal, than abuse them and be cast into hell fire. I prayed to be directed, if there were any holier than those with whom I was acquainted, that the Lord would point them out to me. I appealed to the Searcher of hearts, whether I did not wish to love him more, and serve him better. Notwithstanding all this, the reader may easily discern, if he is a believer, that I was still in nature's darkness. At length I hated the house in which I lodged, because God's most holy name was blasphemed in it; then I saw the word of God verified, viz. 'Before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.'

In time, I left my master, Doctor Irving, the water purifier, and took lodgings in Coventry-court, Haymarket. I was constantly weighed down and deeply concerned about the salvation of my soul. I was determined, through my own strength, to become a first-rate Christian. I tried every means of achieving this. But none of my acquaintances agreed with me about religion or, in the language of scripture, 'would show me any good.' I was deeply discouraged and did not know where to find relief. First, however, I attended nearby churches, including St. James's, two or three times a day for many weeks. Still, I came away dissatisfied. Something was missing that I could not obtain. I actually found more heartfelt relief reading my Bible at home than attending church. But I was determined to be saved, so I continued trying other methods. First I went among the Quakers, where the word of God was neither read nor preached. So I remained as much in the dark as ever. I then investigated Roman Catholic beliefs but found no satisfaction at all. At last I turned to the Jews, but that did not help me either. Fear of eternity troubled my mind daily. I did not know where to find shelter from the wrath to come. Whatever happened, I finally decided to read the four Gospels. I would join whatever religious group I found following their teachings. So I struggled on unhappily, without anyone to guide me toward eternal life. I asked different people how to get to heaven and received different answers. These answers left me deeply confused. At that time, I could find no one more righteous than myself, or even as devoted to religion. I thought we would not all be saved, as the holy scriptures teach, nor would all be damned. None of my acquaintances kept all ten commandments. I was so righteous in my own eyes that I felt certain I surpassed many of them by keeping eight. I found that people who generally called themselves Christians were less honest and morally good than the Turks. So I truly thought the Turks had a better prospect of salvation than my neighbours. I continued between hope and fear. My main comforts were playing the French horn, which I was then practising, and dressing hair. I remained in this situation for several months, experiencing the dishonesty of many people here. At last I decided to leave for Turkey and spend the rest of my life there. It was now early in the spring of 1774. I looked for a master and found Captain John Hughes, commander of a ship called Anglicania. The ship was being prepared in the river Thames for a voyage to Smyrna in Turkey. I signed on with him as a steward. At the same time, I recommended a very capable black man, John Annis, as a cook. Annis worked aboard the ship for nearly two months. He had previously lived for many years with Mr. William Kirkpatrick, a gentleman from the island of St. Kitts. They had parted by mutual agreement, though Kirkpatrick later tried many schemes to lure the poor man back. Kirkpatrick had asked many captains trading with St. Kitts to trap him. But all their kidnapping attempts and schemes failed. Having learned that Annis was aboard, Mr. Kirkpatrick came to our ship at Union Stairs on Easter Monday, April fourth. He brought two wherry boats and six men. They tied Annis up and forcibly took him from the ship before the crew and chief mate. The mate had kept Annis aboard after Annis had received notice to leave. I believe they had arranged this together. Whatever the case, the incident certainly brought great disgrace on both the mate and the captain. Although they had asked the oppressed man to stay aboard, the captain did nothing to recover him. Nor did the captain pay me a penny of Annis's wages, which amounted to about five pounds. I proved to be his only friend who tried to restore his freedom, if possible. I had known the loss of freedom myself. As soon as I could, I sent to Gravesend and learned which ship held him. Unfortunately, the ship had sailed on the first tide after he was put aboard. I then intended to have Mr. Kirkpatrick arrested immediately, as he was about to leave for Scotland. I obtained a habeas corpus for him. I also got a tipstaff, a court officer, to accompany me to St. Paul's church-yard, where Kirkpatrick lived. Suspecting something of this kind, Kirkpatrick had posted someone to keep watch. Because they knew me, I used a disguise. I whitened my face so they would not recognize me, and the disguise worked. Kirkpatrick did not leave his house that night. The next morning, I devised a carefully planned trick, although he had a gentleman in the house impersonating him. The tipstaff gained entry to the house. My instructions were to take Kirkpatrick before a judge, as the writ required. Before the judge, Kirkpatrick argued that he did not have Annis in his custody. On that basis, he was released on bail. I went immediately to the philanthropist Granville Sharp, Esq. He received me with the greatest kindness and gave me all the advice I needed. I left fully hopeful that I would win the unfortunate man's freedom, and deeply grateful for Mr. Sharp's kindness. But, alas, my attorney betrayed my trust. He took my money, cost me many months of employment, and did nothing at all to help the case. When the poor man reached St. Kitts, he was staked to the ground, as was customary. Cords held him down with four stakes, two at his wrists and two at his ankles. He was cut and flogged without mercy. Afterwards, heavy irons were cruelly fastened around his neck. I received two very moving letters from him while he was in this condition. Some highly respectable families now in London also told me about his suffering. They had seen him in St. Kitts in the same condition. He remained that way until kind death freed him from his tyrants. During this distressing business, I felt a strong conviction of my sinfulness and thought my condition worse than any man's. My mind was troubled in ways I could not explain. I often wished for death, although I felt certain I was entirely unprepared for that terrible summons. I had suffered greatly at the hands of villains during the recent case. I was also deeply concerned about the state of my soul. These troubles, especially the latter, brought me very low. I became a burden to myself. Everything around me seemed empty and pointless, offering no comfort to a troubled conscience. Once again, I decided to go to Turkey. At that time, I resolved never to return to England. I signed on as steward aboard a ship trading with Turkey, the Wester Hall, under Captain Linna. But my former captain, Mr. Hughes, and others prevented me from going. Everything seemed to be against me. My only comfort then came from reading the holy scriptures. There I saw that 'there is nothing new under the sun,' Ecclesiastes 1:9. I understood that I must submit to whatever had been appointed for me. So I continued on my way in deep unhappiness. I often complained against the Almighty, especially about the way his providence directed my life. Terrible as it is to think of, I began to blaspheme. I often wished to be anything but a human being. During these severe struggles, the Lord answered me through terrifying 'visions of the night, when people fall into deep sleep, slumbering in their beds,' Job 33:15. In his great mercy, he allowed me to see and partly understand the great and terrible scene of judgment day. I understood that 'no unclean person, no unholy thing, can enter the kingdom of God,' Ephesians 5:5. If possible, I would then have exchanged my nature for that of the lowliest worm on earth. I was ready to say to the mountains and rocks, 'fall on me,' Revelation 6:16. But all was in vain. Then I asked the divine Creator for a little time to repent of my follies and vile sins. I felt how grievous those sins were. In his many mercies, the Lord was pleased to grant my request, and I remained among the living. When I awoke, the sense of God's mercy overwhelmed me. My strength failed entirely for several minutes, and I was extremely weak. This was the first spiritual mercy I had ever recognized. I was still able to pray. As soon as I recovered a little strength, I got out of bed and dressed. Then I called on Heaven from the depths of my soul. I fervently begged God never again to allow me to blaspheme his most holy name. The Lord is patient and full of compassion toward poor rebels like us. He graciously heard and answered me. I felt that I was entirely unholy. I clearly saw how badly I had used the abilities I had been given. Those abilities had been given to me to glorify God. So I thought I would be better off without them here and entering eternal life. That would be better than abusing them and being thrown into hellfire. I prayed for guidance. If anyone was holier than the people I knew, I asked the Lord to point them out to me. I appealed to the one who searches hearts. Did I not wish to love him more and serve him better? Despite all this, a believing reader can easily see that I was still in the darkness of my natural state. At last I came to hate the house where I lodged because God's most holy name was blasphemed there. Then I saw the truth of God's word: 'Before they call, I will answer. And while they are still speaking, I will hear.'

I had a great desire to read the bible the whole day at home; but not having a convenient place for retirement, I left the house in the day, rather than stay amongst the wicked ones; and that day as I was walking, it pleased God to direct me to a house where there was an old sea-faring man, who experienced much of the love of God shed abroad in his heart. He began to discourse with me; and, as I desired to love the Lord, his conversation rejoiced me greatly; and indeed I had never heard before the love of Christ to believers set forth in such a manner, and in so clear a point of view. Here I had more questions to put to the man than his time would permit him to answer; and in that memorable hour there came in a dissenting minister; he joined our discourse, and asked me some few questions; among others, where I heard the gospel preached. I knew not what he meant by hearing the gospel; I told him I had read the gospel: and he asked where I went to church, or whether I went at all or not. To which I replied, 'I attended St. James's, St. Martin's, and St. Ann's, Soho;'—'So,' said he, 'you are a churchman.' I answered, I was. He then invited me to a love-feast at his chapel that evening. I accepted the offer, and thanked him; and soon after he went away, I had some further discourse with the old Christian, added to some profitable reading, which made me exceedingly happy. When I left him he reminded me of coming to the feast; I assured him I would be there. Thus we parted, and I weighed over the heavenly conversation that had passed between these two men, which cheered my then heavy and drooping spirit more than any thing I had met with for many months. However, I thought the time long in going to my supposed banquet. I also wished much for the company of these friendly men; their company pleased me much; and I thought the gentlemen very kind, in asking me, a stranger, to a feast; but how singular did it appear to me, to have it in a chapel! When the wished-for hour came I went, and happily the old man was there, who kindly seated me, as he belonged to the place. I was much astonished to see the place filled with people, and no signs of eating and drinking. There were many ministers in the company. At last they began by giving out hymns, and between the singing the minister engaged in prayer; in short, I knew not what to make of this sight, having never seen any thing of the kind in my life before now. Some of the guests began to speak their experience, agreeable to what I read in the Scriptures; much was said by every speaker of the providence of God, and his unspeakable mercies, to each of them. This I knew in a great measure, and could most heartily join them. But when they spoke of a future state, they seemed to be altogether certain of their calling and election of God; and that no one could ever separate them from the love of Christ, or pluck them out of his hands. This filled me with utter consternation, intermingled with admiration. I was so amazed as not to know what to think of the company; my heart was attracted and my affections were enlarged. I wished to be as happy as them, and was persuaded in my mind that they were different from the world 'that lieth in wickedness,' 1 John v. 19. Their language and singing, &c. did well harmonize; I was entirely overcome, and wished to live and die thus. Lastly, some persons in the place produced some neat baskets full of buns, which they distributed about; and each person communicated with his neighbour, and sipped water out of different mugs, which they handed about to all who were present. This kind of Christian fellowship I had never seen, nor ever thought of seeing on earth; it fully reminded me of what I had read in the holy scriptures, of the primitive Christians, who loved each other and broke bread. In partaking of it, even from house to house, this entertainment (which lasted about four hours) ended in singing and prayer. It was the first soul feast I ever was present at. This last twenty-four hours produced me things, spiritual and temporal, sleeping and waking, judgment and mercy, that I could not but admire the goodness of God, in directing the blind, blasphemous sinner in the path that he knew not of, even among the just; and instead of judgment he has shewed mercy, and will hear and answer the prayers and supplications of every returning prodigal:

I deeply wanted to spend the whole day at home reading the Bible. But I had no suitable place to be alone. So I left the house during the day rather than stay among wicked people. As I walked that day, God chose to guide me to a house where an old sailor lived. This man had experienced much of God's love poured into his heart. He began talking with me. Because I wanted to love the Lord, his conversation brought me great joy. Indeed, I had never heard Christ's love for believers explained so clearly or in such a way. I had more questions for the man than he had time to answer. During that memorable hour, a dissenting minister, who worshipped outside the Church of England, came in. He joined our conversation and asked me a few questions. Among other things, he asked where I heard the gospel preached. I did not know what he meant by hearing the gospel. I told him I had read the gospel. Then he asked where I went to church, or whether I went at all. I replied, 'I attended St. James's, St. Martin's, and St. Ann's, Soho.' 'So,' he said, 'you are a member of the Church of England.' I answered that I was. He then invited me to a love-feast at his chapel that evening. I accepted his invitation and thanked him. Soon after the minister left, I talked more with the old Christian and did some spiritually helpful reading. Both made me exceedingly happy. When I left, the old man reminded me to come to the feast. I assured him I would be there. After we parted, I reflected on the heavenly conversation between these two men. Their conversation lifted my heavy, discouraged spirit more than anything I had experienced for many months. Still, the wait for what I imagined would be a banquet seemed long. I also greatly wished to be with these friendly men again. Their company pleased me very much. I thought the gentlemen very kind to invite me, a stranger, to a feast. But how strange it seemed to hold a feast in a chapel! When the long-awaited hour came, I went. Happily, the old man was there. As a member of the congregation, he kindly found me a seat. I was astonished to see the chapel full of people, with no signs of eating or drinking. There were many ministers among them. At last, they began announcing hymns for everyone to sing. Between the hymns, the minister prayed. In short, I did not know what to make of the gathering. I had never seen anything like it before. Some of those present began to describe their experiences, which agreed with what I had read in the Scriptures. Every speaker said much about God's care and his indescribable mercies toward them. I knew much of this from my own experience and could join them wholeheartedly. But when they spoke of life after death, they seemed completely certain that God had called and chosen them. They also seemed certain that no one could ever separate them from Christ's love or snatch them from his hands. Their certainty filled me with utter dismay, mixed with admiration. I was so amazed that I did not know what to think of these people. My heart was drawn to them, and my love grew. I wished to be as happy as they were. I felt convinced that they were different from the world 'that lieth in wickedness,' 1 John v. 19. Their words, singing, and other expressions were all in harmony. I was completely overwhelmed and wished to live and die in this way. Finally, some people brought out neat baskets full of buns and passed them around. Each person shared with their neighbor. They sipped water from several mugs, which were passed around to everyone present. I had never seen such Christian fellowship, nor had I ever expected to see it on earth. The gathering vividly reminded me of what I had read in the holy Scriptures about the earliest Christians. They loved one another and shared bread, even from house to house. After we shared the food and water, the gathering ended with singing and prayer. It had lasted about four hours. This was the first feast for the soul I had ever attended. Those last twenty-four hours brought me experiences both spiritual and earthly, asleep and awake, of judgment and mercy. I could not help marveling at God's goodness. He had guided me, a blind, blasphemous sinner, along a path I did not know, even among the righteous. Instead of judgment, he has shown mercy. And he will hear and answer the prayers and pleas of every returning prodigal:

After this I was resolved to win Heaven if possible; and if I perished I thought it should be at the feet of Jesus, in praying to him for salvation. After having been an eye-witness to some of the happiness which attended those who feared God, I knew not how, with any propriety, to return to my lodgings, where the name of God was continually profaned, at which I felt the greatest horror. I paused in my mind for some time, not knowing what to do; whether to hire a bed elsewhere, or go home again. At last, fearing an evil report might arise, I went home, with a farewell to card-playing and vain jesting, &c. I saw that time was very short, eternity long, and very near, and I viewed those persons alone blessed who were found ready at midnight call, or when the Judge of all, both quick and dead, cometh.

After this, I resolved to reach Heaven if possible. If I perished, I thought I should perish at Jesus’s feet, praying to him for salvation. I had seen for myself some of the happiness of those who feared God. So I did not know how I could rightly return to my lodgings. God’s name was constantly used there disrespectfully, and I was horrified by it. For a while, I hesitated, unsure whether to rent a bed elsewhere or go home again. At last, fearing that people might speak badly of me, I went home. But I said goodbye to card-playing, pointless joking, and similar amusements. I saw that time was very short, and eternity was long and very near. I considered only those who were ready for the midnight call to be blessed. They would be ready when the Judge of all, both the living and the dead, comes.

The next day I took courage, and went to Holborn, to see my new and worthy acquaintance, the old man, Mr. C——; he, with his wife, a gracious woman, were at work at silk weaving; they seemed mutually happy, and both quite glad to see me, and I more so to see them. I sat down, and we conversed much about soul matters, &c. Their discourse was amazingly delightful, edifying, and pleasant. I knew not at last how to leave this agreeable pair, till time summoned me away. As I was going they lent me a little book, entitled "The Conversion of an Indian." It was in questions and answers. The poor man came over the sea to London, to inquire after the Christian's God, who, (through rich mercy) he found, and had not his journey in vain. The above book was of great use to me, and at that time was a means of strengthening my faith; however, in parting, they both invited me to call on them when I pleased. This delighted me, and I took care to make all the improvement from it I could; and so far I thanked God for such company and desires. I prayed that the many evils I felt within might be done away, and that I might be weaned from my former carnal acquaintances. This was quickly heard and answered, and I was soon connected with those whom the scripture calls the excellent of the earth. I heard the gospel preached, and the thoughts of my heart and actions were laid open by the preachers, and the way of salvation by Christ alone was evidently set forth. Thus I went on happily for near two months; and I once heard, during this period, a reverend gentleman speak of a man who had departed this life in full assurance of his going to glory. I was much astonished at the assertion; and did very deliberately inquire how he could get at this knowledge. I was answered fully, agreeable to what I read in the oracles of truth; and was told also, that if I did not experience the new birth, and the pardon of my sins, through the blood of Christ, before I died, I could not enter the kingdom of heaven. I knew not what to think of this report, as I thought I kept eight commandments out of ten; then my worthy interpreter told me I did not do it, nor could I; and he added, that no man ever did or could keep the commandments, without offending in one point. I thought this sounded very strange, and puzzled me much for many weeks; for I thought it a hard saying. I then asked my friend, Mr. L——d, who was a clerk in a chapel, why the commandments of God were given, if we could not be saved by them? To which he replied, 'The law is a schoolmaster to bring us to Christ,' who alone could and did keep the commandments, and fulfilled all their requirements for his elect people, even those to whom he had given a living faith, and the sins of those chosen vessels were already atoned for and forgiven them whilst living; and if I did not experience the same before my exit, the Lord would say at that great day to me 'Go ye cursed,' &c. &c. for God would appear faithful in his judgments to the wicked, as he would be faithful in shewing mercy to those who were ordained to it before the world was; therefore Christ Jesus seemed to be all in all to that man's soul. I was much wounded at this discourse, and brought into such a dilemma as I never expected. I asked him, if he was to die that moment, whether he was sure to enter the kingdom of God? and added, 'Do you know that your sins are forgiven you?' He answered in the affirmative. Then confusion, anger, and discontent seized me, and I staggered much at this sort of doctrine; it brought me to a stand, not knowing which to believe, whether salvation by works or by faith only in Christ. I requested him to tell me how I might know when my sins were forgiven me. He assured me he could not, and that none but God alone could do this. I told him it was very mysterious; but he said it was really matter of fact, and quoted many portions of scripture immediately to the point, to which I could make no reply. He then desired me to pray to God to shew me these things. I answered, that I prayed to God every day. He said, 'I perceive you are a churchman.' I answered I was. He then entreated me to beg of God to shew me what I was, and the true state of my soul. I thought the prayer very short and odd; so we parted for that time. I weighed all these things well over, and could not help thinking how it was possible for a man to know that his sins were forgiven him in this life. I wished that God would reveal this self same thing unto me. In a short time after this I went to Westminster chapel; the Rev. Mr. P—— preached, from Lam. iii. 39. It was a wonderful sermon; he clearly shewed that a living man had no cause to complain for the punishment of his sins; he evidently justified the Lord in all his dealings with the sons of men; he also shewed the justice of God in the eternal punishment of the wicked and impenitent. The discourse seemed to me like a two-edged sword cutting all ways; it afforded me much joy, intermingled with many fears, about my soul; and when it was ended, he gave it out that he intended, the ensuing week, to examine all those who meant to attend the Lord's table. Now I thought much of my good works, and at the same time was doubtful of my being a proper object to receive the sacrament; I was full of meditation till the day of examining. However, I went to the chapel, and, though much distressed, I addressed the reverend gentleman, thinking, if I was not right, he would endeavour to convince me of it. When I conversed with him, the first thing he asked me was, what I knew of Christ? I told him I believed in him, and had been baptized in his name. 'Then,' said he, 'when were you brought to the knowledge of God? and how were you convinced of sin?' I knew not what he meant by these questions; I told him I kept eight commandments out of ten; but that I sometimes swore on board ship, and sometimes when on shore, and broke the sabbath. He then asked me if I could read? I answered, 'Yes.'—'Then,' said he, 'do you not read in the bible, he that offends in one point is guilty of all?' I said, 'Yes.' Then he assured me, that one sin unatoned for was as sufficient to damn a soul as one leak was to sink a ship. Here I was struck with awe; for the minister exhorted me much, and reminded me of the shortness of time, and the length of eternity, and that no unregenerate soul, or any thing unclean, could enter the kingdom of Heaven. He did not admit me as a communicant; but recommended me to read the scriptures, and hear the word preached, not to neglect fervent prayer to God, who has promised to hear the supplications of those who seek him in godly sincerity; so I took my leave of him, with many thanks, and resolved to follow his advice, so far as the Lord would condescend to enable me. During this time I was out of employ, nor was I likely to get a situation suitable for me, which obliged me to go once more to sea. I engaged as steward of a ship called the Hope, Capt. Richard Strange, bound from London to Cadiz in Spain. In a short time after I was on board I heard the name of God much blasphemed, and I feared greatly, lest I should catch the horrible infection. I thought if I sinned again, after having life and death set evidently before me, I should certainly go to hell. My mind was uncommonly chagrined, and I murmured much at God's providential dealings with me, and was discontented with the commandments, that I could not be saved by what I had done; I hated all things, and wished I had never been born; confusion seized me, and I wished to be annihilated. One day I was standing on the very edge of the stern of the ship, thinking to drown myself; but this scripture was instantly impressed on my mind—'that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him,' 1 John iii. 15. Then I paused, and thought myself the unhappiest man living. Again I was convinced that the Lord was better to me than I deserved, and I was better off in the world than many. After this I began to fear death; I fretted, mourned, and prayed, till I became a burden to others, but more so to myself. At length I concluded to beg my bread on shore rather than go again to sea amongst a people who feared not God, and I entreated the captain three different times to discharge me; he would not, but each time gave me greater and greater encouragement to continue with him, and all on board shewed me very great civility: notwithstanding all this I was unwilling to embark again. At last some of my religious friends advised me, by saying it was my lawful calling, consequently it was my duty to obey, and that God was not confined to place, &c. &c. particularly Mr. G.S. the governor of Tothil-fields Bridewell, who pitied my case, and read the eleventh chapter of the Hebrews to me, with exhortations. He prayed for me, and I believed that he prevailed on my behalf, as my burden was then greatly removed, and I found a heartfelt resignation to the will of God. The good man gave me a pocket Bible and Allen's Alarm to the unconverted. We parted, and the next day I went on board again. We sailed for Spain, and I found favour with the captain. It was the fourth of the month of September when we sailed from London; we had a delightful voyage to Cadiz, where we arrived the twenty-third of the same month. The place is strong, commands a fine prospect, and is very rich. The Spanish galloons frequent that port, and some arrived whilst we were there. I had many opportunities of reading the scriptures. I wrestled hard with God in fervent prayer, who had declared in his word that he would hear the groanings and deep sighs of the poor in spirit. I found this verified to my utter astonishment and comfort in the following manner:

The next day I gathered my courage and went to Holborn to visit my worthy new acquaintance, the elderly Mr. C——. He and his wife, a gracious woman, were weaving silk. They seemed happy together, and both were very glad to see me. I was even happier to see them. I sat down, and we talked at length about spiritual matters and other things. Their conversation was wonderfully delightful, instructive, and pleasant. I hardly knew how to leave this agreeable couple, until the time came when I had to go. As I was leaving, they lent me a little book called "The Conversion of an Indian." It was written in questions and answers. The poor man had crossed the sea to London to learn about the Christians' God. Through God's great mercy, he found him, and his journey was not in vain. The book helped me greatly and strengthened my faith at that time. As we parted, they both invited me to visit whenever I pleased. Their invitation delighted me, and I made sure to gain all the spiritual benefit I could from their company. I thanked God for such company and for these desires. I prayed that the many evils I felt within me might be removed. I also prayed to be drawn away from my former worldly companions. My prayer was quickly heard and answered. I soon became connected with people whom scripture calls the excellent of the earth. I heard the gospel preached. The preachers laid bare my thoughts and actions, and clearly explained the way of salvation through Christ alone. I continued happily in this way for nearly two months. During that time, I heard a minister speak of a man who had died fully assured of entering heavenly glory. I was greatly astonished by this claim and carefully asked how the man could have known this. I received a full answer that agreed with what I read in the scriptures of truth. I was also told that I must experience spiritual rebirth and forgiveness of my sins through Christ's blood before dying. Otherwise, I could not enter the kingdom of heaven. I did not know what to think of this teaching, since I believed I kept eight of the ten commandments. Then my worthy guide told me that I did not, and could not, keep them. He added that no one ever had or could keep the commandments without breaking at least one. This sounded very strange to me and puzzled me for many weeks. I found it a hard teaching to accept. I then asked my friend, Mr. L——d, who was a chapel clerk, why God had given the commandments. Why give them if they could not save us? He replied, 'The law is a teacher to bring us to Christ.' Christ alone could and did keep the commandments. He fulfilled all their requirements for his chosen people, those to whom he had given a living faith. The sins of those chosen people had already been atoned for and forgiven during their lives. My friend said that I must experience the same forgiveness before I died. Otherwise, on the great day of judgment, the Lord would say to me, 'Go, you who are cursed,' and so on. God would faithfully judge the wicked, just as he would faithfully show mercy to those chosen before the world began. So Christ Jesus seemed to be everything to this man's soul. His words deeply wounded me and left me in a dilemma I had never expected. I asked whether, if he died that moment, he was certain he would enter God's kingdom. I added, 'Do you know that your sins are forgiven?' He answered yes. Then confusion, anger, and discontent seized me, and this teaching deeply shook me. I came to a standstill, not knowing whether to believe in salvation through good works or faith in Christ alone. I asked him to tell me how I could know when my sins were forgiven. He assured me that he could not tell me, and that only God could do so. I told him this was very mysterious. But he said it was a fact and quoted many passages of scripture directly supporting his point. I could find no answer to them. He then urged me to pray that God would show me these things. I answered that I prayed to God every day. He said, 'I see that you belong to the Church of England.' I answered that I did. He then begged me to ask God to show me what I was and the true condition of my soul. I thought this prayer very short and strange, and we parted for the time being. I carefully considered everything we had discussed. I could not understand how anyone could know, during this life, that his sins were forgiven. I wished God would reveal this very thing to me. Shortly afterward, I went to Westminster chapel. The Rev. Mr. P—— preached on Lamentations 3:39. It was a wonderful sermon. He clearly showed that a living person had no reason to complain about punishment for his sins. He plainly defended the Lord's justice in all his dealings with humanity. He also showed God's justice in eternally punishing the wicked and unrepentant. The sermon seemed like a double-edged sword, cutting in every direction. It brought me great joy, mixed with many fears about my soul. When the sermon ended, he announced that he would examine everyone wishing to receive Holy Communion the following week. I thought a great deal about my good works. At the same time, I doubted whether I was fit to receive the sacrament. I reflected deeply until the day of the examination. Still, I went to the chapel and, though greatly distressed, approached the minister. I thought that if my spiritual condition was wrong, he would try to convince me of it. When we spoke, his first question was what I knew of Christ. I told him I believed in Christ and had been baptized in his name. 'Then,' he said, 'when did you come to know God? And how did you become aware of your sin?' I did not understand these questions. I told him I kept eight of the ten commandments. But I sometimes swore aboard ship and on shore, and I broke the Sabbath. He then asked whether I could read. I answered, 'Yes.' 'Then,' he said, 'have you not read in the Bible that whoever breaks one commandment is guilty of breaking them all?' I said, 'Yes.' He assured me that one sin not atoned for could damn a soul, just as one leak could sink a ship. His words filled me with awe. The minister earnestly urged me to consider how short life was and how long eternity would be. He reminded me that no soul without spiritual rebirth, and nothing unclean, could enter the kingdom of Heaven. He did not admit me to Holy Communion. Instead, he advised me to read the scriptures, hear the gospel preached, and never neglect earnest prayer to God. God had promised to hear the prayers of those who sincerely sought him in faith. I thanked the minister warmly and left. I resolved to follow his advice as far as the Lord would graciously enable me. During this time I was unemployed, with little prospect of finding suitable work. This forced me to go to sea once more. I took a position as steward aboard the Hope, commanded by Capt. Richard Strange, sailing from London to Cadiz in Spain. Soon after going aboard, I heard God's name constantly blasphemed. I greatly feared that I might catch this horrible infection. Life and death had been clearly set before me. I thought that if I sinned again, I would certainly go to hell. I was deeply distressed and complained bitterly about God's dealings with me. I resented the commandments because what I had done could not save me. I hated everything and wished I had never been born. Confusion seized me, and I wished to cease existing. One day I stood at the very edge of the ship's stern, thinking of drowning myself. But a passage of scripture immediately came to mind: 'No murderer has eternal life within him,' 1 John 3:15. I paused and thought myself the unhappiest man alive. Then I again became convinced that the Lord treated me better than I deserved. I was also better off in the world than many others. After this, I began to fear death. I worried, mourned, and prayed until I became a burden to others, but an even greater burden to myself. At last I decided to beg for bread on shore rather than return to sea among people who did not fear God. Three times I begged the captain to release me from my position. He refused, but each time he encouraged me more strongly to stay with him. Everyone aboard treated me with great courtesy. Despite all this, I was unwilling to sail again. At last, some religious friends advised me that seafaring was my lawful occupation, so I had a duty to obey. They also reminded me that God was not confined to any place, among other things. Mr. G.S., the governor of Tothil-fields Bridewell, was especially helpful. He pitied my situation, read me the eleventh chapter of Hebrews, and offered spiritual encouragement. He prayed for me, and I believed his prayer on my behalf had succeeded. My burden became much lighter, and I felt a heartfelt willingness to accept God's will. The good man gave me a pocket Bible and Allen's Alarm to the unconverted. We parted, and the next day I went aboard again. We sailed for Spain, and I gained the captain's favor. We left London on September 4 and had a delightful voyage to Cadiz, arriving on the twenty-third of that month. The city is well fortified, has a fine view, and is very rich. Spanish galleons often visit the port, and some arrived while we were there. I had many opportunities to read the scriptures. I struggled earnestly with God in fervent prayer. He had declared in his word that he would hear the groans and deep sighs of the poor in spirit. To my complete astonishment and comfort, I found this promise fulfilled in the following way:

On the morning of the 6th of October, (I pray you to attend) or all that day, I thought that I should either see or hear something supernatural. I had a secret impulse on my mind of something that was to take place, which drove me continually for that time to a throne of grace. It pleased God to enable me to wrestle with him, as Jacob did: I prayed that if sudden death were to happen, and I perished, it might be at Christ's feet.

On the morning of October 6, and throughout that day, I thought I would see or hear something supernatural. (Please pay attention.) I had a secret feeling that something was going to happen. That feeling continually drove me to seek God's grace in prayer throughout the day. God was pleased to give me strength to wrestle with him in prayer, as Jacob did. I prayed that if death came suddenly and I perished, I might die at Christ's feet.

In the evening of the same day, as I was reading and meditating on the fourth chapter of the Acts, twelfth verse, under the solemn apprehensions of eternity, and reflecting on my past actions, I began to think I had lived a moral life, and that I had a proper ground to believe I had an interest in the divine favour; but still meditating on the subject, not knowing whether salvation was to be had partly for our own good deeds, or solely as the sovereign gift of God; in this deep consternation the Lord was pleased to break in upon my soul with his bright beams of heavenly light; and in an instant as it were, removing the veil, and letting light into a dark place, I saw clearly with the eye of faith the crucified Saviour bleeding on the cross on mount Calvary: the scriptures became an unsealed book, I saw myself a condemned criminal under the law, which came with its full force to my conscience, and when 'the commandment came sin revived, and I died,' I saw the Lord Jesus Christ in his humiliation, loaded and bearing my reproach, sin, and shame. I then clearly perceived that by the deeds of the law no flesh living could be justified. I was then convinced that by the first Adam sin came, and by the second Adam (the Lord Jesus Christ) all that are saved must be made alive. It was given me at that time to know what it was to be born again, John iii. 5. I saw the eighth chapter to the Romans, and the doctrines of God's decrees, verified agreeable to his eternal, everlasting, and unchangeable purposes. The word of God was sweet to my taste, yea sweeter than honey and the honeycomb. Christ was revealed to my soul as the chiefest among ten thousand. These heavenly moments were really as life to the dead, and what John calls an earnest of the Spirit^V. This was indeed unspeakable, and I firmly believe undeniable by many. Now every leading providential circumstance that happened to me, from the day I was taken from my parents to that hour, was then in my view, as if it had but just then occurred. I was sensible of the invisible hand of God, which guided and protected me when in truth I knew it not: still the Lord pursued me although I slighted and disregarded it; this mercy melted me down. When I considered my poor wretched state I wept, seeing what a great debtor I was to sovereign free grace. Now the Ethiopian was willing to be saved by Jesus Christ, the sinner's only surety, and also to rely on none other person or thing for salvation. Self was obnoxious, and good works he had none, for it is God that worketh in us both to will and to do. The amazing things of that hour can never be told—it was joy in the Holy Ghost! I felt an astonishing change; the burden of sin, the gaping jaws of hell, and the fears of death, that weighed me down before, now lost their horror; indeed I thought death would now be the best earthly friend I ever had. Such were my grief and joy as I believe are seldom experienced. I was bathed in tears, and said, What am I that God should thus look on me the vilest of sinners? I felt a deep concern for my mother and friends, which occasioned me to pray with fresh ardour; and, in the abyss of thought, I viewed the unconverted people of the world in a very awful state, being without God and without hope.

That evening, I was reading and meditating on Acts 4:12. I felt solemn awe at the thought of eternity and reflected on my past actions. I began to think I had lived a moral life and had good reason to believe I had God’s favor. But I continued to wonder about salvation. Did salvation come partly through our own good deeds, or solely as God’s freely chosen gift? In this deep distress, the Lord was pleased to shine the bright beams of his heavenly light into my soul. In an instant, he seemed to remove a veil and bring light into a dark place. Through the eyes of faith, I clearly saw the crucified Saviour bleeding on the cross on mount Calvary. The scriptures became an open book. I saw myself as a condemned criminal under God’s law, whose full force struck my conscience. And when 'the commandment came sin revived, and I died,' I saw the Lord Jesus Christ in his humiliation. He was weighed down with my disgrace, sin, and shame, bearing them for me. I then clearly understood that no living person could be justified by obeying the law. I became convinced that sin came through the first Adam. Through the second Adam (the Lord Jesus Christ), all who are saved must be made alive. At that moment, I was granted an understanding of what being born again meant, as described in John 3:5. I saw the truth of Romans 8 and the teachings about God’s decrees. They agreed with his eternal, everlasting, and unchanging purposes. The word of God tasted sweet to me, sweeter even than honey and the honeycomb. Christ was revealed to my soul as the greatest among ten thousand. These heavenly moments truly felt like life given to the dead. They were what John calls a pledge of the Spirit^V. The experience was beyond words, and I firmly believe many could not deny its truth. Then every major event guided by God’s care came before my eyes, as if each had just happened. These events stretched from the day I was taken from my parents to that very hour. I sensed God’s invisible hand, guiding and protecting me when I had truly known nothing of his care. Still the Lord had pursued me, although I had dismissed and disregarded his care. His mercy melted my heart. When I considered my poor, wretched condition, I wept. I saw how deeply indebted I was to God’s freely given grace, bestowed by his sovereign will. Now the Ethiopian was willing to be saved by Jesus Christ, the sinner’s only guarantor. He was also willing to rely on no other person or thing for salvation. His own self was hateful to him, and he had no good works to offer. For God works in us both to give us the will to act and to carry out his will. The amazing things of that hour can never be told. It was joy in the Holy Ghost! I felt an astonishing change. The burden of sin, the gaping jaws of hell, and the fear of death had weighed me down before. Now they lost their terror. Indeed, I thought death would now be the best earthly friend I had ever had. I believe such grief and joy as mine are seldom experienced. I was bathed in tears and said, Who am I, the vilest of sinners, that God should look on me this way? I felt deeply concerned for my mother and friends, so I prayed with renewed passion. And, lost in deep thought, I saw the world’s unconverted people in a truly terrible condition, without God and without hope.

It pleased God to pour out on me the Spirit of prayer and the grace of supplication, so that in loud acclamations I was enabled to praise and glorify his most holy name. When I got out of the cabin, and told some of the people what the Lord had done for me, alas, who could understand me or believe my report!—None but to whom the arm of the Lord was revealed. I became a barbarian to them in talking of the love of Christ: his name was to me as ointment poured forth; indeed it was sweet to my soul, but to them a rock of offence. I thought my case singular, and every hour a day until I came to London, for I much longed to be with some to whom I could tell of the wonders of God's love towards me, and join in prayer to him whom my soul loved and thirsted after. I had uncommon commotions within, such as few can tell aught about. Now the bible was my only companion and comfort; I prized it much, with many thanks to God that I could read it for myself, and was not left to be tossed about or led by man's devices and notions. The worth of a soul cannot be told.—May the Lord give the reader an understanding in this. Whenever I looked in the bible I saw things new, and many texts were immediately applied to me with great comfort, for I knew that to me was the word of salvation sent. Sure I was that the Spirit which indited the word opened my heart to receive the truth of it as it is in Jesus—that the same Spirit enabled me to act faith upon the promises that were so precious to me, and enabled me to believe to the salvation of my soul. By free grace I was persuaded that I had a part in the first resurrection, and was 'enlightened with the light of the living,' Job xxxiii. 30. I wished for a man of God with whom I might converse: my soul was like the chariots of Aminidab, Canticles vi. 12. These, among others, were the precious promises that were so powerfully applied to me: 'All things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive,' Mat. xxi. 22. 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you,' John xiv. 27. I saw the blessed Redeemer to be the fountain of life, and the well of salvation. I experienced him all in all; he had brought me by a way that I knew not, and he had made crooked paths straight. Then in his name I set up my Ebenezer, saying, Hitherto he hath helped me: and could say to the sinners about me, Behold what a Saviour I have! Thus I was, by the teaching of that all-glorious Deity, the great One in Three, and Three in One, confirmed in the truths of the bible, those oracles of everlasting truth, on which every soul living must stand or fall eternally, agreeable to Acts iv. 12. 'Neither is there salvation in any other, for there is none other name under heaven given among men whereby we must be saved, but only Christ Jesus.' May God give the reader a right understanding in these facts! To him that believeth all things are possible, but to them that are unbelieving nothing is pure, Titus i. 15. During this period we remained at Cadiz until our ship got laden. We sailed about the fourth of November; and, having a good passage, we arrived in London the month following, to my comfort, with heartfelt gratitude to God for his rich and unspeakable mercies. On my return I had but one text which puzzled me, or that the devil endeavoured to buffet me with, viz. Rom. xi. 6. and, as I had heard of the Reverend Mr. Romaine, and his great knowledge in the scriptures, I wished much to hear him preach. One day I went to Blackfriars church, and, to my great satisfaction and surprise, he preached from that very text. He very clearly shewed the difference between human works and free election, which is according to God's sovereign will and pleasure. These glad tidings set me entirely at liberty, and I went out of the church rejoicing, seeing my spots were those of God's children. I went to Westminster Chapel, and saw some of my old friends, who were glad when they perceived the wonderful change that the Lord had wrought in me, particularly Mr. G—— S——, my worthy acquaintance, who was a man of a choice spirit, and had great zeal for the Lord's service. I enjoyed his correspondence till he died in the year 1784. I was again examined at that same chapel, and was received into church fellowship amongst them: I rejoiced in spirit, making melody in my heart to the God of all my mercies. Now my whole wish was to be dissolved, and to be with Christ—but, alas! I must wait mine appointed time.

God was pleased to fill me with the spirit of prayer and the grace to plead with him. I could praise and glorify his most holy name aloud. When I left the cabin, I told some of the people what the Lord had done for me. But alas, who could understand me or believe my account! Only those to whom the Lord had revealed his power. When I spoke of Christ's love, I seemed to them like someone speaking a foreign language. His name was like fragrant oil poured out to me. It was sweet to my soul, but to them it was a stumbling block. I thought my experience was unique, and every hour felt like a day until I reached London. I longed to be with people who could hear about the wonders of God's love for me. I wanted to join them in praying to him whom my soul loved and thirsted for. I felt extraordinary stirrings within me, such as few people can describe. Now the Bible was my only companion and comfort. I treasured it and thanked God deeply that I could read it for myself. I had not been left to be tossed about or guided by human schemes and opinions. The worth of a soul cannot be expressed. May the Lord help the reader understand this. Whenever I opened the Bible, I saw new things. Many passages spoke directly to me and brought me great comfort. For I knew that the message of salvation had been sent to me. I was certain that the Spirit who inspired the word had opened my heart to receive its truth in Jesus. The same Spirit enabled me to put my faith in the promises so precious to me. He enabled me to believe and so receive salvation for my soul. Through God's freely given grace, I was convinced that I had a share in the first resurrection. I was 'enlightened with the light of the living,' Job 33:30. I longed to speak with a man of God. My soul was like the chariots of Aminidab, Song of Solomon 6:12. Among others, these precious promises spoke to me with great power: 'Whatever you ask for in prayer, believing, you will receive,' Matthew 21:22. 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you,' John 14:27. I saw that the blessed Redeemer was the fountain of life and the well of salvation. I found him to be everything to me. He had led me along a way I did not know and had made crooked paths straight. Then, in his name, I set up my Ebenezer, my memorial of his help. I said, Up to this point he has helped me. And I could say to the sinners around me, Look what a Saviour I have! Through the teaching of that all-glorious God, the great One in Three and Three in One, my biblical faith grew firm. The Bible contains the words of everlasting truth. Every living soul must stand or fall eternally by those words, as Acts 4:12 declares: 'There is salvation in no one else. For no other name under heaven has been given to humanity by which we must be saved, only Christ Jesus.' May God give the reader a true understanding of these facts! All things are possible for anyone who believes. But to those who do not believe, nothing is pure, Titus 1:15. During this time, we stayed at Cadiz until our ship was loaded. We sailed around the fourth of November and had a good passage. We arrived in London the following month, much to my comfort. I felt heartfelt gratitude to God for his abundant mercies, too great for words. On my return, only one passage puzzled me, or gave the devil a way to torment me: Romans 11:6. I had heard of the Reverend Mr. Romaine and his great knowledge of the scriptures. So I very much wanted to hear him preach. One day I went to Blackfriars church. To my great satisfaction and surprise, he preached on that very passage. He explained very clearly the difference between human works and God's free choice of those he saves. That choice follows God's sovereign will and pleasure. This good news freed me completely, and I left the church rejoicing. I saw that my failings were those shared by God's children. I went to Westminster Chapel and saw some of my old friends. They were glad to see the wonderful change the Lord had brought about in me. My worthy friend Mr. G—— S—— was especially glad. He was a man of exceptional spirit, deeply devoted to the Lord's service. I enjoyed corresponding with him until he died in 1784. I was examined again at that same chapel and accepted into their church fellowship. I rejoiced in spirit, singing in my heart to the God who had shown me every mercy. Now my only wish was to leave this life and be with Christ. But alas! I must wait until my appointed time.