SOME, in their discourse, desire rather commendation of wit, in being able to hold all arguments, than of judgment, in discerning what is true; as if it were a praise, to know what might be said, and not, what should be thought. Some have certain common places, and themes, wherein they are good and want variety; which kind of poverty is for the most part tedious, and when it is once perceived, ridiculous. The honorablest part of talk, is to give the occasion; and again to moderate, and pass to somewhat else; for then a man leads the dance. It is good, in discourse and speech of conversation, to vary and intermingle speech of the present occasion, with arguments, tales with reasons, asking of questions, with telling of opinions, and jest with earnest: for it is a dull thing to tire, and, as we say now, to jade, any thing too far. As for jest, there be certain things, which ought to be privileged from it; namely, religion, matters of state, great persons, any man's present business of importance, and any case that deserveth pity. Yet there be some, that think their wits have been asleep, except they dart out somewhat that is piquant, and to the quick. That is a vein which would be bridled:
Some people seek praise for their wit in conversation rather than for their judgment. They want credit for arguing every side, not for recognizing what is true. They act as though knowing what could be said matters more than knowing what should be believed. Some are good at discussing certain familiar topics but lack variety. This limited range is usually tedious and, once noticed, ridiculous. The most honorable role in conversation is to introduce a subject, guide the discussion, and move to something else. The person who does this leads the dance. In conversation, it is good to mix talk about the present occasion with broader arguments, stories with reasoning. Mix questions with opinions, and jokes with serious talk. It is dull to wear out any subject by taking it too far. Some things should be spared from jokes. These include religion, affairs of state, great people, anyone's current important business, and any situation deserving pity. Yet some people think their wit has been asleep unless they make a sharp remark that cuts someone deeply. This habit should be restrained:
Parce, puer, stimulis, et fortius utere loris.
Use the spurs less, boy, and pull harder on the reins.
And generally, men ought to find the difference, between saltness and bitterness. Certainly, he that hath a satirical vein, as he maketh others afraid of his wit, so he had need be afraid of others' memory. He that questioneth much, shall learn much, and content much; but especially, if he apply his questions to the skill of the persons whom he asketh; for he shall give them occasion, to please themselves in speaking, and himself shall continually gather knowledge. But let his questions not be troublesome; for that is fit for a poser. And let him be sure to leave other men, their turns to speak. Nay, if there be any, that would reign and take up all the time, let him find means to take them off, and to bring others on; as musicians use to do, with those that dance too long galliards. If you dissemble, sometimes, your knowledge of that you are thought to know, you shall be thought, another time, to know that you know not. Speech of a man's self ought to be seldom, and well chosen. I knew one, was wont to say in scorn, He must needs be a wise man, he speaks so much of himself: and there is but one case, wherein a man may commend himself with good grace; and that is in commending virtue in another; especially if it be such a virtue, whereunto himself pretendeth. Speech of touch towards others, should be sparingly used; for discourse ought to be as a field, without coming home to any man. I knew two noblemen, of the west part of England, whereof the one was given to scoff, but kept ever royal cheer in his house; the other would ask, of those that had been at the other's table, Tell truly, was there never a flout or dry blow given? To which the guest would answer, Such and such a thing passed. The lord would say, I thought, he would mar a good dinner. Discretion of speech, is more than eloquence; and to speak agreeably to him, with whom we deal, is more than to speak in good words, or in good order. A good continued speech, without a good speech of interlocution, shows slowness: and a good reply or second speech, without a good settled speech, showeth shallowness and weakness. As we see in beasts, that those that are weakest in the course, are yet nimblest in the turn; as it is betwixt the greyhound and the hare. To use too many circumstances, ere one come to the matter, is wearisome; to use none at all, is blunt.
In general, people should know the difference between sharp wit and bitterness. A man with a gift for satire makes others fear his wit. He should be just as wary of their memory. A man who asks many questions will learn much and give much pleasure. This is especially true if he asks people about subjects they know well. He gives them the pleasure of speaking about their expertise, while he steadily gains knowledge. But his questions should not be tiresome. That is the role of an examiner trying to trip someone up. He should also be sure to let others have their turns to speak. If anyone tries to dominate and take up all the time, he should find ways to interrupt them. He should then bring others into the conversation. Musicians do something similar when people dance galliards for too long. Sometimes, hide your knowledge of something others expect you to know. Another time, they will credit you with knowing something you do not. Speak about yourself rarely, and choose your words carefully. I knew someone who used to say mockingly, "He must be a wise man, he talks so much about himself." There is only one way to praise yourself gracefully, and that is by praising a virtue in someone else. This works especially well if you claim that virtue yourself. Remarks that touch others personally should be used sparingly. Conversation should range over open ground, without striking close to anyone's home. I knew two noblemen from western England. One was fond of mockery but always entertained his guests lavishly. The other would ask those who had dined at the first nobleman's table, "Tell me honestly, was there no taunt or sly insult?" The guest would answer, "Such and such a thing happened." The lord would say, "I thought he would spoil a good dinner." Good judgment in speaking matters more than eloquence. Adapting your words to the person you address matters more than fine language or orderly presentation. Someone who speaks well at length but struggles with conversation shows slowness of mind. Someone who replies well but cannot give a sustained speech shows shallowness and weakness. We see the same thing in animals. Those that are weaker at running straight are still quicker at turning, as with the hare and the greyhound. Giving too many details before reaching the point is tiresome. Giving none at all is abrupt.