Close Relationships

To this matter before all you must attend, that you be never so closely connected with any of your former intimates or friends as to come down to the same acts as he does.⁶⁹⁰ If you do not observe this rule, you will ruin yourself. But if the thought arises in your mind, "I shall seem disobliging to him and he will not have the same feeling towards me," remember that nothing is done with out cost, nor is it possible for a man if he does not do the same things to be the same man that he was. Choose then which of the two you will have, to be equally loved by those by whom you were formerly loved, being the same with your former self; or being superior, not to obtain from your friends the same that you did before. For if this is better, immediately turn away to it, and let not other considerations draw you in a different direction. For no man is able to make progress (improvement), when he is wavering between opposite things; but if you have preferred this (one thing) to all things, if you choose to attend to this only, to work out this only, give up every thing else. But if you will not do this, your wavering will produce both these results: you will neither improve as you ought, nor will you obtain what you formerly obtained. For before by plainly desiring the things which were worth nothing, you pleased your associates. But you cannot excel in both kinds, and it is necessary that so far as you share in the one, you must fall short in the other. You cannot, when you do not drink with those with whom you used to drink, be agreeable to them as you were before. Choose then whether you will be a hard drinker and pleasant to your former associates or a sober man and disagreeable to them. You cannot, when you do not sing with those with whom you used to sing, be equally loved by them. Choose then in this matter also which of the two you will have. For if it is better to be modest and orderly than for a man to say, He is a jolly fellow, give up the rest, renounce it, turn away from it, have nothing to do with such men. But if this behaviour shall not please you, turn altogether to the opposite: become a catamite, an adulterer, and act accordingly, and you will get what you wish. And jump up in the theatre and bawl out in praise of the dancer. But characters so different cannot be mingled: you cannot act both Thersites and Agamemnon. If you intend to be Thersites,⁶⁹¹ you must be humpbacked and bald: if Agamemnon, you must be tall and handsome, and love those who are placed in obedience to you.

Above all, take care not to become so close to any of your old companions or friends that you do the same things he does.⁶⁹⁰ If you do not follow this rule, you will ruin yourself. You may think, "I will seem unfriendly to him, and he will no longer feel the same way about me." But remember that nothing comes without a cost. You cannot remain the same person you were if you no longer do the same things. So choose which you want. Do you want to remain your former self and be loved just as much by those who loved you before? Or do you want to become a better person and no longer receive the same affection from your friends? If becoming better is the better choice, turn to it at once. Do not let other concerns draw you away. No one can make progress while wavering between opposite choices. If you value improvement above all else and choose to focus and work on that alone, give up everything else. But if you will not do this, your wavering will have two results. You will neither improve as you should nor receive what you received before. Before, you pleased your companions by openly wanting things that were worthless. But you cannot excel at both. The more you share in one, the more you must fall short in the other. You cannot be as agreeable as before to your old drinking companions if you no longer drink with them. So choose whether to be a heavy drinker who pleases your old companions or a sober man who displeases them. If you no longer sing with those you used to sing with, they cannot love you as much as before. Choose which you want in this matter too. If it is better to be modest and orderly than to have someone say, "He is a jolly fellow," give up the rest. Renounce it, turn away from it, and have nothing to do with such men. But if this way of life does not please you, turn entirely to the opposite. Become a catamite and an adulterer, and act accordingly. You will get what you want. Jump up in the theatre and shout your praise of the dancer. But such different characters cannot be mixed. You cannot play both Thersites and Agamemnon. If you intend to play Thersites,⁶⁹¹ you must be humpbacked and bald. If you intend to play Agamemnon, you must be tall and handsome and love those under your command.