With Childlike People

12 min

Siddhartha went to Kamaswami the merchant, he was directed into a rich house, servants led him between precious carpets into a chamber, where he awaited the master of the house.

Siddhartha went to the merchant Kamaswami and was directed to a wealthy house. Servants led him past valuable carpets into a room, where he waited for the master of the house.

Kamaswami entered, a swiftly, smoothly moving man with very gray hair, with very intelligent, cautious eyes, with a greedy mouth. Politely, the host and the guest greeted one another.

Kamaswami entered, moving quickly and smoothly. He had very gray hair, intelligent, cautious eyes, and a greedy mouth. The host and guest greeted each other politely.

“I have been told,” the merchant began, “that you were a Brahman, a learned man, but that you seek to be in the service of a merchant. Might you have become destitute, Brahman, so that you seek to serve?”

“I’ve been told,” the merchant began, “that you were a Brahman, a learned man, but that you want to work for a merchant. Have you become poor, Brahman, so that you need to work for someone?”

“No,” said Siddhartha, “I have not become destitute and have never been destitute. You should know that I’m coming from the Samanas, with whom I have lived for a long time.”

“No,” said Siddhartha, “I have not become poor, and I have never been poor. You should know that I come from the Samanas. I lived with them for a long time.”

“If you’re coming from the Samanas, how could you be anything but destitute? Aren’t the Samanas entirely without possessions?”

“If you’re coming from the Samanas, how could you be anything but poor? Don’t the Samanas own nothing at all?”

“I am without possessions,” said Siddhartha, “if this is what you mean. Surely, I am without possessions. But I am so voluntarily, and therefore I am not destitute.”

“I have no possessions,” said Siddhartha, “if that is what you mean. Yes, I have no possessions. But that is my choice, so I am not destitute.”

“But what are you planning to live of, being without possessions?”

“But what are you planning to live on, since you have no possessions?”

“I haven’t thought of this yet, sir. For more than three years, I have been without possessions, and have never thought about of what I should live.”

“I haven’t thought about that yet, sir. For more than three years, I’ve had no possessions and never thought about how I would live.”

“So you’ve lived of the possessions of others.”

“So you’ve lived off what others own.”

“Presumable this is how it is. After all, a merchant also lives of what other people own.”

“Presumably, that’s how it is. After all, a merchant also makes a living from what other people own.”

“Well said. But he wouldn’t take anything from another person for nothing; he would give his merchandise in return.”

“Well said. But he wouldn’t take anything from someone for free. He would give them his goods in return.”

“So it seems to be indeed. Everyone takes, everyone gives, such is life.”

“So it seems. Everyone takes, and everyone gives. That’s life.”

“But if you don’t mind me asking: being without possessions, what would you like to give?”

“But if you don’t mind me asking, what would you like to give when you own nothing?”

“Everyone gives what he has. The warrior gives strength, the merchant gives merchandise, the teacher teachings, the farmer rice, the fisher fish.”

“Everyone gives what they have. The warrior gives strength, the merchant gives goods, the teacher gives lessons, the farmer gives rice, and the fisher gives fish.”

“Yes indeed. And what is it now what you’ve got to give? What is it that you’ve learned, what you’re able to do?”

“Yes, indeed. And what do you have to give now? What have you learned? What can you do?”

“I can think. I can wait. I can fast.”

“That’s everything?”

“I believe, that’s everything!”

“I think that’s everything!”

“And what’s the use of that? For example, the fasting—what is it good for?”

“And what’s the use of that? For example, what’s the point of fasting?”

“It is very good, sir. When a person has nothing to eat, fasting is the smartest thing he could do. When, for example, Siddhartha hadn’t learned to fast, he would have to accept any kind of service before this day is up, whether it may be with you or wherever, because hunger would force him to do so. But like this, Siddhartha can wait calmly, he knows no impatience, he knows no emergency, for a long time he can allow hunger to besiege him and can laugh about it. This, sir, is what fasting is good for.”

“Fasting is very useful, sir. When a person has nothing to eat, fasting is the smartest thing he can do. For example, if Siddhartha had not learned to fast, he would have to take any job before the day was over. He might work for you or for someone else, because hunger would force him to do so. But because he can fast, Siddhartha can wait calmly. He feels no impatience and no sense of urgency. He can let hunger besiege him for a long time and laugh at it. That, sir, is what fasting is good for.”

“You’re right, Samana. Wait for a moment.”

“You’re right, Samana. Wait a moment.”

Kamaswami left the room and returned with a scroll, which he handed to his guest while asking: “Can you read this?”

Kamaswami left the room and returned with a scroll. He handed it to his guest and asked, “Can you read this?”

Siddhartha looked at the scroll, on which a sales-contract had been written down, and began to read out its contents.

Siddhartha looked at the scroll containing a sales contract and began to read it aloud.

“Excellent,” said Kamaswami. “And would you write something for me on this piece of paper?”

“Great,” said Kamaswami. “Would you write something for me on this piece of paper?”

He handed him a piece of paper and a pen, and Siddhartha wrote and returned the paper.

He handed him a piece of paper and a pen. Siddhartha wrote on the paper and gave it back.

Kamaswami read: “Writing is good, thinking is better. Being smart is good, being patient is better.”

Kamaswami read: “Writing is good, but thinking is better. Being smart is good, but being patient is better.”

“It is excellent how you’re able to write,” the merchant praised him. “Many a thing we will still have to discuss with one another. For today, I’m asking you to be my guest and to live in this house.”

“You write very well,” the merchant said. “We still have many things to discuss. For today, I invite you to be my guest and stay in this house.”

Siddhartha thanked and accepted, and lived in the dealer’s house from now on. Clothes were brought to him, and shoes, and every day, a servant prepared a bath for him. Twice a day, a plentiful meal was served, but Siddhartha only ate once a day, and ate neither meat nor did he drink wine. Kamaswami told him about his trade, showed him the merchandise and storage-rooms, showed him calculations. Siddhartha got to know many new things, he heard a lot and spoke little. And thinking of Kamala’s words, he was never subservient to the merchant, forced him to treat him as an equal, yes even more than an equal. Kamaswami conducted his business with care and often with passion, but Siddhartha looked upon all of this as if it was a game, the rules of which he tried hard to learn precisely, but the contents of which did not touch his heart.

Siddhartha thanked the merchant and accepted his offer. From then on, he lived in the merchant’s house. He was given clothes and shoes, and a servant prepared a bath for him every day. Two generous meals were served each day, but Siddhartha ate only once a day. He ate no meat and drank no wine. Kamaswami told him about his business and showed him the goods, the storerooms, and his calculations. Siddhartha learned many new things. He listened a lot and said little. Remembering Kamala’s words, he never acted as a subordinate to the merchant. He made Kamaswami treat him as an equal, or even as more than an equal. Kamaswami ran his business with care and often with passion. But Siddhartha saw all of it as a game. He tried hard to learn its rules precisely, but the business itself did not touch his heart.

He was not in Kamaswami’s house for long, when he already took part in his landlord’s business. But daily, at the hour appointed by her, he visited beautiful Kamala, wearing pretty clothes, fine shoes, and soon he brought her gifts as well. Much he learned from her red, smart mouth. Much he learned from her tender, supple hand. Him, who was, regarding love, still a boy and had a tendency to plunge blindly and insatiably into lust like into a bottomless pit, him she taught, thoroughly starting with the basics, about that school of thought which teaches that pleasure cannot be taken without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every look, every spot of the body, however small it was, had its secret, which would bring happiness to those who know about it and unleash it. She taught him, that lovers must not part from one another after celebrating love, without one admiring the other, without being just as defeated as they have been victorious, so that none of them should start feeling fed up or bored and get that evil feeling of having abused or having been abused. Wonderful hours he spent with the beautiful and smart artist, became her student, her lover, her friend. Here with Kamala was the worth and purpose of his present life, not with the business of Kamaswami.

Siddhartha had not been in Kamaswami’s house long before he began taking part in his landlord’s business. But every day, at the time she appointed, he visited beautiful Kamala. He wore fine clothes and shoes, and soon he brought her gifts as well. He learned much from her clever red mouth and her tender, supple hand. When it came to love, he was still a boy. He tended to plunge blindly and insatiably into lust, as if into a bottomless pit. Kamala taught him thoroughly, starting with the basics. She taught him that no one can take pleasure without giving it. Every gesture, every caress, every touch, every look, and every part of the body, however small, had a secret. Those who knew and unlocked that secret would find happiness. She taught him that lovers should not part after making love without admiring each other. Each should feel just as defeated as victorious, so that neither would grow tired or bored. Neither should be left with the terrible feeling of having used or been used by the other. He spent wonderful hours with the beautiful and skilled artist. He became her student, her lover, and her friend. His life now found its worth and purpose here with Kamala, not in Kamaswami’s business.

The merchant passed duties of writing important letters and contracts on to him and got into the habit of discussing all important affairs with him. He soon saw that Siddhartha knew little about rice and wool, shipping and trade, but that he acted in a fortunate manner, and that Siddhartha surpassed him, the merchant, in calmness and equanimity, and in the art of listening and deeply understanding previously unknown people. “This Brahman,” he said to a friend, “is no proper merchant and will never be one, there is never any passion in his soul when he conducts our business. But he has that mysterious quality of those people to whom success comes all by itself, whether this may be a good star of his birth, magic, or something he has learned among Samanas. He always seems to be merely playing with our business-affairs, they never fully become a part of him, they never rule over him, he is never afraid of failure, he is never upset by a loss.”

The merchant gave Siddhartha the task of writing important letters and contracts. He also grew used to discussing all important matters with him. He soon saw that Siddhartha knew little about rice and wool, shipping and trade, but had a knack for success. Siddhartha was calmer and more even-tempered than the merchant. He was also better at listening to strangers and understanding them deeply. “This Brahman,” the merchant said to a friend, “is not a proper merchant and never will be. He never feels any passion when he conducts our business. But he has the mysterious quality of people who succeed without trying. It may be a lucky star he was born under, magic, or something he learned among the Samanas. He always seems to be merely playing with our business. It never becomes fully part of him or rules over him. He is never afraid of failure or upset by a loss.”

The friend advised the merchant: “Give him from the business he conducts for you a third of the profits, but let him also be liable for the same amount of the losses, when there is a loss. Then, he’ll become more zealous.”

The friend advised the merchant: “Give him a third of the profits from the business he does for you. But if there are losses, make him responsible for a third of those too. Then he’ll work harder.”

Kamaswami followed the advice. But Siddhartha cared little about this. When he made a profit, he accepted it with equanimity; when he made losses, he laughed and said: “Well, look at this, so this one turned out badly!”

Kamaswami followed the advice. But Siddhartha didn’t care much about it. When he made a profit, he took it calmly. When he lost money, he laughed and said: “Well, look at that, this one turned out badly!”

It seemed indeed, as if he did not care about the business. At one time, he travelled to a village to buy a large harvest of rice there. But when he got there, the rice had already been sold to another merchant. Nevertheless, Siddhartha stayed for several days in that village, treated the farmers for a drink, gave copper-coins to their children, joined in the celebration of a wedding, and returned extremely satisfied from his trip. Kamaswami held against him that he had not turned back right away, that he had wasted time and money. Siddhartha answered: “Stop scolding, dear friend! Nothing was ever achieved by scolding. If a loss has occurred, let me bear that loss. I am very satisfied with this trip. I have gotten to know many kinds of people, a Brahman has become my friend, children have sat on my knees, farmers have shown me their fields, nobody knew that I was a merchant.”

It really seemed as if he did not care about the business. Once, he traveled to a village to buy a large rice harvest. But when he arrived, the rice had already been sold to another merchant. Even so, Siddhartha stayed in the village for several days. He bought drinks for the farmers, gave copper coins to their children, and joined a wedding celebration. He returned from the trip extremely satisfied. Kamaswami criticized him for not turning back immediately and for wasting time and money. Siddhartha answered: “Stop scolding me, dear friend! Scolding has never accomplished anything. If there has been a loss, let me bear it. I am very satisfied with this trip. I have met many kinds of people. A Brahman has become my friend, children have sat on my knees, and farmers have shown me their fields. No one knew I was a merchant.”

“That’s all very nice,” exclaimed Kamaswami indignantly, “but in fact, you are a merchant after all, one ought to think! Or might you have only travelled for your amusement?”

“That’s all very nice,” Kamaswami exclaimed indignantly, “but surely you are a merchant, after all! Or did you travel just for fun?”

“Surely,” Siddhartha laughed, “surely I have travelled for my amusement. For what else? I have gotten to know people and places, I have received kindness and trust, I have found friendship. Look, my dear, if I had been Kamaswami, I would have travelled back, being annoyed and in a hurry, as soon as I had seen that my purchase had been rendered impossible, and time and money would indeed have been lost. But like this, I’ve had a few good days, I’ve learned, had joy, I’ve neither harmed myself nor others by annoyance and hastiness. And if I’ll ever return there again, perhaps to buy an upcoming harvest, or for whatever purpose it might be, friendly people will receive me in a friendly and happy manner, and I will praise myself for not showing any hurry and displeasure at that time. So, leave it as it is, my friend, and don’t harm yourself by scolding! If the day will come, when you will see: this Siddhartha is harming me, then speak a word and Siddhartha will go on his own path. But until then, let’s be satisfied with one another.”

“Of course,” Siddhartha laughed, “of course I traveled for pleasure. Why else? I got to know people and places. I received kindness and trust, and I found friendship. Look, my dear, if I had been Kamaswami, I would have hurried home, annoyed, as soon as I saw that I couldn’t make the purchase. Then time and money really would have been lost. But instead, I had a few good days. I learned and enjoyed myself. I harmed neither myself nor others by being annoyed or rushing. “And if I ever return there, perhaps to buy a future harvest or for some other reason, friendly people will welcome me warmly and happily. And I’ll be glad I didn’t rush or show my displeasure then. So leave it at that, my friend, and don’t hurt yourself by scolding me! If the day comes when you see that I’m harming you, just say the word, and Siddhartha will go his own way. But until then, let’s be content with each other.”

Futile were also the merchant’s attempts, to convince Siddhartha that he should eat his bread. Siddhartha ate his own bread, or rather they both ate other people’s bread, all people’s bread. Siddhartha never listened to Kamaswami’s worries and Kamaswami had many worries. Whether there was a business-deal going on which was in danger of failing, or whether a shipment of merchandise seemed to have been lost, or a debtor seemed to be unable to pay, Kamaswami could never convince his partner that it would be useful to utter a few words of worry or anger, to have wrinkles on the forehead, to sleep badly. When, one day, Kamaswami held against him that he had learned everything he knew from him, he replied: “Would you please not kid me with such jokes! What I’ve learned from you is how much a basket of fish costs and how much interest may be charged on loaned money. These are your areas of expertise. I haven’t learned to think from you, my dear Kamaswami, you ought to be the one seeking to learn from me.”

The merchant also tried in vain to convince Siddhartha that he was eating his bread. Siddhartha ate his own bread, or rather, they both ate other people’s bread, all people’s bread. Siddhartha never listened to Kamaswami’s worries, and Kamaswami had many. A business deal might be in danger of falling through, or a shipment of goods might seem lost. A debtor might seem unable to pay. But Kamaswami could never convince his partner that there was any use in expressing worry or anger, frowning, or sleeping badly. One day, Kamaswami accused Siddhartha of having learned everything he knew from him. Siddhartha replied: “Please don’t tease me with jokes like that! What I’ve learned from you is how much a basket of fish costs and how much interest can be charged on a loan. Those are your areas of expertise. I haven’t learned to think from you, my dear Kamaswami. You should be the one trying to learn from me.”

Indeed his soul was not with the trade. The business was good enough to provide him with the money for Kamala, and it earned him much more than he needed. Besides from this, Siddhartha’s interest and curiosity was only concerned with the people, whose businesses, crafts, worries, pleasures, and acts of foolishness used to be as alien and distant to him as the moon. However easily he succeeded in talking to all of them, in living with all of them, in learning from all of them, he was still aware that there was something which separated him from them and this separating factor was him being a Samana. He saw mankind going through life in a childlike or animallike manner, which he loved and also despised at the same time. He saw them toiling, saw them suffering, and becoming gray for the sake of things which seemed to him entirely unworthy of this price, for money, for little pleasures, for being slightly honoured, he saw them scolding and insulting each other, he saw them complaining about pain at which a Samana would only smile, and suffering because of deprivations which a Samana would not feel.

His heart was not in the trade. The business provided him with money for Kamala, and earned him much more than he needed. Beyond that, Siddhartha was interested and curious only about the people. Their businesses, crafts, worries, pleasures, and foolish acts had once seemed as strange and distant to him as the moon. He could easily talk to them all, live with them all, and learn from them all. But he was still aware that something separated him from them: he was a Samana. He saw people going through life like children or animals, and he both loved and despised them for it. He saw them working hard, suffering, and growing gray for things he thought were not worth the price. They did it for money, small pleasures, and a little respect. He saw them scolding and insulting one another. He saw them complaining about pain a Samana would only smile at, and suffering from hardships a Samana would not feel.

He was open to everything these people brought his way. Welcome was the merchant who offered him linen for sale, welcome was the debtor who sought another loan, welcome was the beggar who told him for one hour the story of his poverty and who was not half as poor as any given Samana. He did not treat the rich foreign merchant any different than the servant who shaved him and the street-vendor whom he let cheat him out of some small change when buying bananas. When Kamaswami came to him, to complain about his worries or to reproach him concerning his business, he listened curiously and happily, was puzzled by him, tried to understand him, consented that he was a little bit right, only as much as he considered indispensable, and turned away from him, towards the next person who would ask for him. And there were many who came to him, many to do business with him, many to cheat him, many to draw some secret out of him, many to appeal to his sympathy, many to get his advice. He gave advice, he pitied, he made gifts, he let them cheat him a bit, and this entire game and the passion with which all people played this game occupied his thoughts just as much as the gods and Brahmans used to occupy them.

He was open to everything these people brought him. He welcomed the merchant who offered to sell him linen. He welcomed the debtor who wanted another loan. He welcomed the beggar who spent an hour telling him about his poverty. The beggar was not half as poor as any Samana. He treated the rich foreign merchant no differently from the servant who shaved him. Nor did he treat him differently from the street vendor he let cheat him out of a little change when buying bananas. Kamaswami came to complain about his worries or scold him about his business. Siddhartha listened with curiosity and pleasure. Kamaswami puzzled him, and he tried to understand him. He agreed that Kamaswami was a little right, but only as much as he thought necessary. Then he turned away to the next person who asked for him. Many people came to him. Many came to do business with him, many to cheat him, and many to draw a secret out of him. Many came to appeal to his sympathy, and many to get his advice. He gave advice, felt pity, gave gifts, and let people cheat him a little. This whole game and the passion with which all people played it filled his thoughts. They occupied him just as much as the gods and Brahmans once had.

At times he felt, deep in his chest, a dying, quiet voice, which admonished him quietly, lamented quietly; he hardly perceived it. And then, for an hour, he became aware of the strange life he was leading, of him doing lots of things which were only a game, of, though being happy and feeling joy at times, real life still passing him by and not touching him. As a ball-player plays with his balls, he played with his business-deals, with the people around him, watched them, found amusement in them; with his heart, with the source of his being, he was not with them. The source ran somewhere, far away from him, ran and ran invisibly, had nothing to do with his life any more. And at several times he suddenly became scared on account of such thoughts and wished that he would also be gifted with the ability to participate in all of these childlike-naive occupations of the daytime with passion and with his heart, really to live, really to act, really to enjoy and to live instead of just standing by as a spectator. But again and again, he came back to beautiful Kamala, learned the art of love, practised the cult of lust, in which more than in anything else giving and taking becomes one, chatted with her, learned from her, gave her advice, received advice. She understood him better than Govinda used to understand him, she was more similar to him.

At times, deep in his chest, he felt a quiet voice dying. It quietly warned him and quietly mourned, but he hardly noticed it. Then, for an hour, he became aware of the strange life he was leading. He did many things that were only a game. Though he was happy and felt joy at times, real life still passed him by without touching him. Just as a ball player plays with balls, he played with his business deals and the people around him. He watched them and found amusement in them. But his heart, the source of his being, was not with them. That source flowed somewhere far away from him. It flowed on and on, unseen, and had nothing to do with his life anymore. Several times, such thoughts suddenly frightened him. He wished he could take part in all these childlike, innocent activities of the day with passion and heart. He wished he could really live, act, and enjoy himself, instead of just standing by as a spectator. But again and again, he returned to beautiful Kamala. He learned the art of love and practiced the cult of lust, where giving and taking become one, more than anywhere else. He chatted with her, learned from her, gave her advice, and received advice. She understood him better than Govinda used to. She was more like him.

Once, he said to her: “You are like me, you are different from most people. You are Kamala, nothing else, and inside of you, there is a peace and refuge, to which you can go at every hour of the day and be at home at yourself, as I can also do. Few people have this, and yet all could have it.”

Once, he said to her: “You are like me. You are different from most people. You are Kamala, nothing else. Inside you, there is a place of peace and refuge. You can go there at any hour of the day and feel at home with yourself, as I can. Few people have this, yet everyone could.”

“Not all people are smart,” said Kamala.

“No,” said Siddhartha, “that’s not the reason why. Kamaswami is just as smart as I, and still has no refuge in himself. Others have it, who are small children with respect to their mind. Most people, Kamala, are like a falling leaf, which is blown and is turning around through the air, and wavers, and tumbles to the ground. But others, a few, are like stars, they go on a fixed course, no wind reaches them, in themselves they have their law and their course. Among all the learned men and Samanas, of which I knew many, there was one of this kind, a perfected one, I’ll never be able to forget him. It is that Gotama, the exalted one, who is spreading those teachings. Thousands of followers are listening to his teachings every day, follow his instructions every hour, but they are all falling leaves, not in themselves they have teachings and a law.”

“No,” said Siddhartha, “that’s not the reason. Kamaswami is just as smart as I am, and yet he has no refuge within himself. Others have that refuge, though their minds are like those of small children. Most people, Kamala, are like a falling leaf. It is blown and spun through the air, wavering and tumbling to the ground. But a few others are like stars. They follow a fixed course, and no wind can reach them. They have their own law and course within themselves. Among all the learned men and Samanas I knew, and I knew many, there was one like that. He was a perfected one, and I will never be able to forget him. He is Gotama, the exalted one, who is spreading those teachings. Thousands of followers listen to his teachings every day and follow his instructions every hour. But they are all falling leaves. They have no teaching or law within themselves.”

Kamala looked at him with a smile. “Again, you’re talking about him,” she said, “again, you’re having a Samana’s thoughts.”

Kamala smiled at him. “You’re talking about him again,” she said. “You’re thinking like a Samana again.”

Siddhartha said nothing, and they played the game of love, one of the thirty or forty different games Kamala knew. Her body was flexible like that of a jaguar and like the bow of a hunter; he who had learned from her how to make love, was knowledgeable of many forms of lust, many secrets. For a long time, she played with Siddhartha, enticed him, rejected him, forced him, embraced him: enjoyed his masterful skills, until he was defeated and rested exhausted by her side.

Siddhartha said nothing, and they played the game of love, one of the thirty or forty different games Kamala knew. Her body was as flexible as a jaguar’s and as a hunter’s bow. Whoever had learned from her how to make love knew many forms of lust and many secrets. For a long time, she played with Siddhartha. She enticed him, rejected him, overpowered him, and embraced him. She enjoyed his masterful skills until he was defeated and rested, exhausted, by her side.

The courtesan bent over him, took a long look at his face, at his eyes, which had grown tired.

The courtesan leaned over him and looked long at his face, at his eyes, which had grown tired.

“You are the best lover,” she said thoughtfully, “I ever saw. You’re stronger than others, more supple, more willing. You’ve learned my art well, Siddhartha. At some time, when I’ll be older, I’d want to bear your child. And yet, my dear, you’ve remained a Samana, and yet you do not love me, you love nobody. Isn’t it so?”

“You’re the best lover I’ve ever known,” she said thoughtfully. “You’re stronger than others, more flexible, more willing. You’ve learned my art well, Siddhartha. Someday, when I’m older, I’d like to bear your child. And yet, my dear, you’re still a Samana. You don’t love me. You don’t love anyone. Isn’t that true?”

“It might very well be so,” Siddhartha said tiredly. “I am like you. You also do not love—how else could you practise love as a craft? Perhaps, people of our kind can’t love. The childlike people can; that’s their secret.”

“That could well be true,” Siddhartha said wearily. “I am like you. You don’t love either. How else could you practice love as a craft? Perhaps people like us can’t love. Childlike people can. That’s their secret.”