Chapter 46

But our passing life that we have here in our sense-soul knoweth not what our Self is. [And when we verily and clearly see and know what our Self is]¹ then shall we verily and clearly see and know our Lord God in fulness of joy. And therefore it behoveth needs to be that the nearer we be to our bliss, the more we shall long [after it]: and that both by nature and by grace. We may have knowing of our Self in this life by continuant help and virtue of our high Nature. In which knowing we may exercise and grow, by forwarding and speeding of mercy and grace; but we may never fully know our Self until the last point: in which point this passing life and manner of pain and woe shall have an end. And therefore it belongeth properly to us, both by nature and by grace, to long and desire with all our mights to know our Self in fulness of endless joy.

But in the passing life we live here through our sense-soul, we do not know what our Self is. [When we truly and clearly see and know what our Self is]¹, we shall truly and clearly see and know our Lord God in fullness of joy. Therefore, the nearer we are to our bliss, the more we must long [for it], both by nature and by grace. We may come to know our Self in this life through the constant help and power of our high Nature. We may exercise and grow in this knowledge, as mercy and grace help us forward. But we can never fully know our Self until the final moment. Then this passing life, with its pain and sorrow, shall end. Therefore, it belongs to us, both by nature and by grace, to long and desire with all our strength to know our Self in the fullness of endless joy.

And yet in all this time, from the beginning to the end, I had two manner of beholdings. The one was endless continuant love, with secureness of keeping, and blissful salvation,—for of this was all the Shewing. The other was of the common teaching of Holy Church, in which I was afore informed and grounded—and with all my will having in use and understanding. And the beholding of this went not from me: for by the Shewing I was not stirred nor led therefrom in no manner of point, but I had therein teaching to love it and find it good²: whereby I might, by the help of our Lord and His grace, increase and rise to more heavenly knowing and higher loving.

Yet throughout this time, from beginning to end, I had two ways of seeing. One was a vision of endless, lasting love, with the assurance of being kept safe and brought to blissful salvation. For this was the whole of the Shewing. The other was the common teaching of Holy Church, in which I had already been instructed and grounded. I followed and understood its teaching with all my will. My awareness of this teaching never left me. For the Shewing did not move or lead me away from it in any way. Instead, the Shewing taught me to love it and find it good². In this way, with our Lord’s help and his grace, I could grow and rise to greater heavenly knowledge and higher love.

And thus in all the Beholding methought it was needful to see and to know that we are sinners, and do many evils that we ought to leave, and leave many good deeds undone that we ought to do: wherefore we deserve pain and wrath. And notwithstanding all this, I saw soothfastly that our Lord was never wroth, nor ever shall be. For He is God: Good, Life, Truth, Love, Peace; His Clarity³ and His Unity suffereth Him not to be wroth. For I saw truly that it is against the property of His Might to be wroth, and against the property of His Wisdom, and against the property of His Goodness. God is the Goodness that may not be wroth, for He is not [other] but Goodness: our soul is oned to Him, unchangeable Goodness, and between God and our soul is neither wrath nor forgiveness in His sight. For our soul is so fully oned to God of His own Goodness that between God and our soul may be right nought.

Throughout the whole vision, I thought it necessary to see and know that we are sinners. We do many wrong things we ought to stop doing, and we leave many good deeds undone. For these reasons, we deserve punishment and anger. Yet despite all this, I saw truly that our Lord was never angry and never will be. For he is God: goodness, life, truth, love, peace. His radiance³ and his unity do not allow him to be angry. For I saw truly that anger is contrary to the nature of his power, his wisdom, and his goodness. God is goodness, and he cannot be angry, for he is nothing but goodness. Our soul is united to him, the unchanging goodness. In his sight, there is neither anger nor forgiveness between God and our soul. For in his own goodness, God has united our soul so completely to himself that nothing at all can come between God and our soul.

And to this understanding was the soul led by love and drawn by might in every Shewing: that it is thus our good Lord shewed, and how it is thus in truth of His great Goodness. And He willeth that we desire to learn it—that is to say, as far as it belongeth to His creature to learn it. For all things that the simple soul⁴ understood, God willeth that they be shewed and [made] known. For the things that He will have privy, mightily and wisely Himself He hideth them, for love. For I saw in the same Shewing that much privity is hid, which may never be known until the time that God of His goodness hath made us worthy to see it; and therewith I am well-content, abiding our Lord's will in this high marvel. And now I yield me to my Mother, Holy Church, as a simple child oweth.

In every Showing, love led the soul to this understanding, and power drew it there. Our good Lord showed that it is so and how it is so through his great goodness. He wants us to desire to learn this, as far as it is fitting for his creatures to learn it. For God wants everything the simple soul⁴ understood to be revealed and made known. But the things he wants to keep secret, he himself hides with power and wisdom, out of love. For in the same Showing, I saw that many secrets are hidden. They can never be known until God, in his goodness, has made us worthy to see them. I am content with this, waiting for our Lord’s will in this great wonder. And now I submit myself to my Mother, Holy Church, as a simple child should.