Chapter 82

But here shewed our courteous Lord the moaning and the mourning of the soul, signifying thus: I know well thou wilt live for my love, joyously and gladly suffering all the penance that may come to thee; but in as much as thou livest not without sin thou wouldest suffer, for my love, all the woe, all the tribulation and distress that might come to thee. And it is sooth.¹ But be not greatly aggrieved with sin that falleth to thee against thy will.

But here our gracious Lord showed the soul’s moaning and mourning, meaning this: I know well that you wish to live for my love. You would joyfully and gladly endure all the penance that may come to you. But because you do not live without sin, you would endure for my love all the suffering, trouble, and distress that might come to you. And this is true.¹ But do not be too distressed by sin that comes to you against your will.

And here I understood that [which was shewed] that the Lord beholdeth the servant with pity and not with blame.² For this passing life asketh³ not to live all without blame and sin. He loveth us endlessly, and we sin customably, and He sheweth us full mildly, and then we sorrow and mourn discreetly, turning us unto the beholding of His mercy, cleaving to His love and goodness, seeing that He is our medicine, perceiving that we do nought but sin. And thus by the meekness we get by the sight of our sin, faithfully knowing His everlasting love, Him thanking and praising, we please Him:—I love thee, and thou lovest me, and our love shall not be disparted in two: for thy profit I suffer [these things to come]. And all this was shewed in spiritual understanding, saying these blessed words: I keep thee full surely.

And here I understood what was shown: the Lord looks at the servant with pity, not blame.² For this passing life does not require³ us to live entirely without blame and sin. He loves us endlessly, and we sin habitually. He shows us our sin very gently, and then we grieve and mourn with discernment. We turn to look at his mercy and cling to his love and goodness. We see that he is our remedy and recognize that we do nothing but sin. Seeing our sin makes us humble, and so we please him. We please him by faithfully acknowledging his everlasting love, thanking him, and praising him: I love you, and you love me, and our love will not be split in two. For your benefit, I allow these things to happen. All this was shown through spiritual understanding, with these blessed words: I keep you completely safe.

And by the great desire that I saw in our blessed Lord that we shall live in this manner,—that is to say, in longing and enjoying, as all this lesson of love sheweth,—thereby I understood that that which is contrarious to us is not of Him but of enmity; and He willeth that we know it by the sweet gracious light of His kind love. If any such lover be in earth which is continually kept from falling, I know it not: for it was not shewed me. But this was shewed: that in falling and in rising we are ever preciously kept in one Love. For in the Beholding of God we fall not, and in the beholding of self we stand not; and both these [manners of beholding] be sooth as to my sight. But the Beholding of our Lord God is the highest soothness.⁴ Then are we greatly bound to God⁵ [for] that He willeth in this living to shew us this high soothness. And I understood that while we be in this life it is full speedful to us that we see both these at once. For the higher Beholding keepeth us in spiritual solace and true enjoying in God; [and] that other that is the lower Beholding keepeth us in dread and maketh us ashamed of ourself. But our good Lord willeth ever that we hold us much more in the Beholding of the higher, and [yet] leave not the knowing of the lower, unto the time that we be brought up above, where we shall have our Lord Jesus unto our meed and be fulfilled of joy and bliss without end.

I saw how greatly our blessed Lord desires us to live in this way, longing and rejoicing, as this whole lesson of love shows. From this I understood that whatever is opposed to us comes not from him but from enmity. He wants us to know this through the sweet, gracious light of his loving nature. If any such lover on earth is continually kept from falling, I do not know it, for it was not shown to me. But this was shown to me: whether we fall or rise, we are always held dear and kept safe in one Love. For as God sees us, we do not fall. And as we see ourselves, we do not stand firm. Both ways of seeing are true, as I understand them. But the way our Lord God sees us is the highest truth.⁴ So we are greatly indebted to God⁵ because he wants to show us this high truth in this life. And I understood that, while we are in this life, it is very helpful to see both truths at once. The higher way of seeing keeps us in spiritual comfort and true joy in God. The lower way keeps us in awe and makes us ashamed of ourselves. But our good Lord always wants us to dwell much more on the higher way of seeing. Yet we must not lose sight of the lower way until we are brought up to heaven. There we shall have our Lord Jesus as our reward and be filled with joy and bliss without end.