The Fifth Monarchy Begins

From this time all my exertions were directed to the accomplishment of a radical reform throughout the country. I commenced by improving their mode of warfare, in exercising the young men in riding, fencing and shooting. My constant labor was rewarded so well that, in a short time, I exhibited before the emperor six thousand horsemen.

From then on, I devoted all my efforts to bringing about radical reform throughout the country. I began by improving their methods of warfare, training the young men in riding, fencing, and shooting. My constant work paid off so well that, soon, I presented six thousand horsemen to the emperor.

At this period the Tanaquites were preparing for a new attack upon the Quamites, on account of the refusal of this latter people to pay a yearly tribute which had been several times demanded and as often denied. I went, at the emperor's desire, with my cavalry and some footmen to meet the invaders. To the infantry I gave javelins and arrows, that they might fight their enemies at a distance; for the Quamites had formerly used only short swords or poignards, and consequently were obliged to meet in close combat their frightful foes, the Tanaquites, who excelling them greatly in personal strength, had great advantage over them. Hearing that the enemy were approaching the boundary, as commander-in-chief, I repaired instantly towards them. On meeting the invaders I caused the footmen to attack them with their javelins; this put them into panic and flight, and determined the fate of the day. The enemy suffered a terrible defeat and the Tanaquitic leader, with twenty other noble tigers, were taken prisoners alive and carried in triumph to Quama. It is not possible to describe the general and tumultuous joy that filled the whole country for this glorious victory; because in former wars the Quamites had generally been obliged to lay down their arms. The emperor commanded the prisoners to be immediately executed, according to old custom; but considering this a horrible custom, I persuaded him to respite them, and put them in prison for further deliberation.

At this time, the Tanaquites were preparing to attack the Quamites again. They had repeatedly demanded a yearly tribute, and the Quamites had refused every time. At the emperor's request, I went to meet the invaders with my cavalry and some infantry. I gave the infantry javelins and arrows so they could fight their enemies from a distance. Before this, the Quamites had used only short swords or daggers. They had therefore been forced to fight their frightening enemies, the Tanaquites, at close quarters. The Tanaquites were much stronger and had a great advantage over them. When I heard that the enemy was approaching the border, I set out at once to meet them as commander-in-chief. When we met the invaders, I ordered the infantry to attack them with their javelins. This sent the enemy into a panic and made them flee, deciding the battle. The enemy suffered a terrible defeat. The Tanaquitic leader and twenty other noble tigers were captured alive and carried in triumph to Quama. It is impossible to describe the wild joy that filled the whole country at this glorious victory. In earlier wars, the Quamites had generally been forced to lay down their arms. The emperor ordered the prisoners to be executed immediately, according to the old custom. But I thought this custom was horrible. I persuaded him to spare them for the time being and imprison them until he could decide their fate.

I had observed that this land was very rich in saltpetre, and had collected a considerable quantity for the purpose of making powder. This intention I had kept secret, however, from all except the emperor, whose permission I needed to establish manufactories for rifles and other guns. With the aid of these I hoped in a short time to subdue all the enemies of the empire. When I had finished some hundred rifles and prepared balls suitable for them, I made a trial of my project to the astonishment of all. A certain number of soldiers were selected to learn this military art, and were exercised in the management of the guns. When this body of soldiers had become accustomed to the use of these new engines of war, and could employ them effectively, a review was held, after which the emperor proclaimed me Jakal, that is, generalissimo over the whole army. While all these matters were pending, I had entered into an intimate friendship with the brave leader of the Tanaquites, the imprisoned Tomopoloko, with whom I held frequent and interesting conversations, with the object of learning the constitution, character, and customs of his nation. I could not but observe, to my great astonishment, that they were a witty, moral and enlightened people, and that the sciences were earnestly and effectively cultivated by them. The chief told me, that towards the east were a valorous people, against whose attacks, the Tanaquites were obliged to keep themselves always prepared. The inhabitants of that country, he added, were small, and in reality much inferior in bodily strength to those of Tanaquis; but being of superior acuteness and agility, and excellent bowmen, they had in fact, often forced the Tanaquites to sue for peace.

I had noticed that the land was rich in saltpetre, and I had collected a large quantity to make gunpowder. I kept my plan secret from everyone except the emperor. I needed his permission to set up factories for rifles and other guns. With these weapons, I hoped to defeat all the empire’s enemies in a short time. After making about a hundred rifles and suitable bullets, I tested my plan. Everyone was astonished. A number of soldiers were chosen to learn this military skill and were trained to handle the guns. Once they were familiar with the new weapons and could use them effectively, a review was held. Afterward, the emperor proclaimed me Jakal, or generalissimo of the entire army. While all this was going on, I had become a close friend of Tomopoloko, the brave, imprisoned leader of the Tanaquites. We had many interesting conversations. I wanted to learn about his nation’s government, character, and customs. To my great astonishment, I could not help noticing that they were a witty, moral, and enlightened people. They also pursued the sciences seriously and effectively. The chief told me that a brave people lived to the east. The Tanaquites had to be constantly prepared for their attacks. He added that the people of that country were small and much weaker than the Tanaquites. But they were sharper and more agile, and they were excellent bowmen. In fact, they had often forced the Tanaquites to ask for peace.

I soon came to know, that this formidable nation consisted of cats; and that they had distinguished themselves among all the nations under the firmament, for their rational judgment and political acumen. It provoked and pained me not a little, that skilfulness, the sciences, and polite manners, should be universally among the animals of the subterranean world, while only real human beings, namely, the Quamites were sunk to the profoundest depths of uncultivated barbarism. I consoled myself, however, in the hope that, through my endeavors, this shame would soon cease, and the Quamites would recover that dominion, which belonged to them as men over all other animals.

I soon learned that this formidable nation consisted of cats. Among all the nations under the sky, they were known for their sound judgment and political skill. It upset and pained me greatly that animals throughout the underground world possessed skill, scientific knowledge, and polite manners. Yet the only real human beings, the Quamites, had sunk to the deepest level of uncivilized barbarism. However, I consoled myself with the hope that my efforts would soon end this disgrace. I hoped the Quamites would regain the dominion over all other animals that belonged to them as human beings.

Since their last defeat, the Tanaquites kept very quiet for a long time; but when they found out the nature and condition of our cavalry; when they discovered that those centaurs, who had frightened them so terribly at first, were nothing in reality, but tamed horses with men seated upon them, they took courage and armed new troops against the Quamites, under the command of their king. Their whole army consisted of twenty thousand tigers, all veteran soldiers, heroes of many hard fought fields, except two regiments of new recruits; these hastily collected warriors were, however, more formidable in name and numbers than in service. Already sure of victory, they fell at once upon Quama. I immediately ordered against them twelve thousand infantry, among whom were six hundred musketeers, and four thousand horsemen. As I had not the slightest doubt of a fortunate termination to this expedition, I requested the emperor to take command of it, and thus reap the honor of the victory. By this appearance of modesty, I lost no respect, for the whole army still considered me the true leader. I first directed my cavalry against the enemy, but these were resisted with so much vigor, that the side of victory was for a long time doubtful: at the critical moment, when triumph was vacillating between the two powers, I detached my musketeers from the main body and advanced upon the foe. The Tanaquites were much astonished at the first shots, for they could not conceive whence came the thunder and lightning; but when they saw the mournful effects of our continued volleys, they became terrified; at the first discharge fell about two hundred tigers, among which were two chaplains, who were shot down while encouraging the soldiers to bravery. When I observed the panic among the enemy, I commanded a second discharge, whose results were more fatal than the former; their king himself was shot: then the Tanaquites took to flight; our cavalry followed them, and cut down so many of the flying multitude, that those in the rear could not proceed from the huge piles of slain that covered the way. When the battle was over, we counted the killed of the enemy and found them to be thirteen thousand: our own loss was comparatively very slight. The victorious army marched into the kingdom of Tanaqui and encamped before its capital. The general terror had meanwhile increased so much, that the magistrates submissively met the conquerors and delivered the keys of the city. The capital surrendering, the whole country soon followed its example. The disregard and contempt in which the Quamites had to this time been held, were changed to admiration and fear: the empire, with the addition of the newly conquered kingdom, was extended to twice its former size.

After their last defeat, the Tanaquites remained quiet for a long time. But eventually they learned what our cavalry really was. They discovered that the centaurs who had terrified them at first were merely tame horses with men riding them. Encouraged, they raised new troops against the Quamites, under their king’s command. Their whole army consisted of twenty thousand tigers. All were veterans and heroes of many hard-fought battles, except for two regiments of new recruits. These hastily assembled soldiers were more formidable in name and numbers than in actual service. Already certain of victory, the Tanaquites attacked Quama at once. I immediately sent twelve thousand infantry against them, including six hundred musketeers, along with four thousand horsemen. I had no doubt that the expedition would succeed. So I asked the emperor to command it and take the honor of victory. This show of modesty cost me no respect, for the whole army still regarded me as the true leader. I first sent my cavalry against the enemy, but they met such fierce resistance that victory remained uncertain for a long time. At the critical moment, with victory still in doubt, I detached my musketeers from the main force and advanced on the enemy. The first shots astonished the Tanaquites, who could not imagine where the thunder and lightning came from. But when they saw the terrible effects of our continued volleys, they were terrified. The first volley killed about two hundred tigers. Among them were two chaplains, shot down while encouraging the soldiers to be brave. When I saw the enemy’s panic, I ordered a second volley, which was more deadly than the first. Their king himself was shot. The Tanaquites then fled, and our cavalry pursued them. Our horsemen cut down so many of the fleeing soldiers that those behind could not get past the huge piles of dead covering the road. After the battle, we counted thirteen thousand enemy dead. Our own losses were comparatively slight. The victorious army marched into the kingdom of Tanaqui and camped before its capital. Meanwhile, the general terror had grown so great that the magistrates came to meet the conquerors in submission and handed over the keys to the city. Once the capital surrendered, the whole country soon followed its example. The disregard and contempt in which the Quamites had been held until then gave way to admiration and fear. With the addition of the newly conquered kingdom, the empire was twice its former size.

The glory of these actions was with one voice ascribed to my superior knowledge and untiring industry; and the esteem which had been long cherished for me, now passed over to a reverent and divine worship. This period of general peace and exultation, I thought a fitting time to advance the civilization and refinement of the Quamites, and as a practical commencement to this great work I ordered the royal Tanaquitic library to be moved to Quama.

Everyone agreed that these achievements were due to my superior knowledge and tireless work. The esteem they had long held for me now turned into reverent worship, as if I were a god. I thought this time of general peace and celebration was a fitting moment to advance the civilization and refinement of the Quamites. As a practical first step in this great work, I ordered the royal Tanaquitic library moved to Quama.

My curiosity to become acquainted with this library had been at first excited by the imprisoned leader Tomopoloko, who told me that among its manuscripts was one, whose author had been up to our globe, in which history of his travels he had described several of its kingdoms, particularly those of Europe. The Tanaquites had seized this manuscript during one of their predatory excursions into a distant land; but as the author had concealed his name, they knew not what countryman he was, nor in what manner he had passed up through the earth. The quaint title of this book was: "Tanian's² Travels Above-ground; being a description of the kingdoms and countries there, especially those of Europe." From the antiquity of this work together with its great popularity, it had become so ragged, that what I was most anxious to learn, namely, the narration of the author's journey to our earth and his return, was most unfortunately lost. Here is the contents of this singular manuscript, such as I found it:

The imprisoned leader Tomopoloko first aroused my curiosity about this library. He told me that one of its manuscripts was written by an author who had visited our globe. In his account of his travels, the author described several of its kingdoms, particularly those of Europe. The Tanaquites had seized the manuscript during one of their raids on a distant land. But the author had concealed his name, so they did not know what country he came from. They also did not know how he had traveled up through the earth. The book had a curious title: "Tanian's² Travels Above Ground: A Description of the Kingdoms and Countries There, Especially Those of Europe." The work was so old and popular that it had become badly worn. Most unfortunately, the part I was most eager to read had been lost. It described the author's journey to our earth and his return. Here is the contents of this remarkable manuscript, as I found it:

"This land (Germany) was called the Roman empire; but it has been an empty title, since the Roman monarchy was demolished several centuries since. The language of this land is not easy to understand, on account of its perverted style; for, what in other languages is placed before, in this comes after, so that the meaning cannot be had before a whole page is read through. The form of government is very inconsistent; some think they have a regent and yet have none; it should be an empire, yet it is divided into several duchies, each of which has its own government, and often engages in a formal war with its neighbor. The whole land is called 'holy,' although there is not to be found in it the least trace of piety. The regent, or more correctly the unregent, who bears the name of emperor, is denominated 'the continual augmenter of his country,' although he not seldom diminishes it; 'invincible,' notwithstanding he is often slain: sometimes by the French, sometimes by the Turks. One has no less reason to wonder at the people's rights and liberties; but although they have many rights, they are forbidden to use them. Innumerable commentaries have been written upon the German constitution, but notwithstanding this, they have made no advance because

"This land (Germany) was called the Roman empire. But the title has been empty since the Roman monarchy was destroyed several centuries ago. The language is hard to understand because of its perverse style. What comes first in other languages comes last in German. So you cannot grasp the meaning until you have read a whole page. The form of government is very inconsistent. Some think they have a ruler, yet they have none. It is supposed to be an empire, yet it is divided into several duchies. Each has its own government and often wages formal war against its neighbor. The whole land is called 'holy,' although not the slightest trace of piety can be found there. The ruler, or more accurately the non-ruler, bears the title of emperor. He is called 'the continual augmenter of his country,' although he often makes it smaller. He is called 'invincible,' although he is often killed, sometimes by the French, sometimes by the Turks. The people's rights and liberties are no less astonishing. Although they have many rights, they are forbidden to use them. Countless commentaries have been written on the German constitution. But despite this, they have made no progress because

"The capital of this country (France) is called Paris, and is very large, and may in a certain degree be considered the capital of all Europe; for it exercises a peculiar law-giving power over the whole continent. It has, for example, the exclusive right to prescribe the universal mode of dress and living; and no style of dress, however inconvenient or ridiculous, may be controverted after the Parisians have once established it. How or when they obtained this prescriptive right is unknown to me. I observed, however, that this dominion did not extend to other things; for the other nations often make war with the French, and not seldom force them to sue for peace on very hard terms; but subservience in dress and living nevertheless continues. In quickness of judgment, inquisitiveness after news, and fruitfulness of discovery, the French are much like the Martinians.

"The capital of this country (France) is Paris. It is very large and may, in a way, be considered the capital of all Europe. For Paris exercises a peculiar power to make laws for the whole continent. For example, it alone has the right to dictate how everyone dresses and lives. Once the Parisians have established a fashion, no one may question it, however inconvenient or ridiculous it is. I do not know how or when they acquired this customary right. I noticed, however, that their rule did not extend to other matters. Other nations often go to war with the French and frequently force them to seek peace on very harsh terms. Yet these nations continue to follow Paris in matters of dress and lifestyle. The French are much like the Martinians in their quick judgment, curiosity about news, and talent for discovery.

"From Bologna we went to Rome. This latter city is governed by a priest, who is held to be the mightiest of the kings and rulers of Europe, although his possessions may be travelled through in one day. Beyond all other regents, who only have supremacy over their subjects' lives and goods, he can govern souls. The Europeans generally believe that this priest has in his possession the keys of heaven. I was very curious to see these keys, but all my endeavors were in vain. His power, not only over his own subjects, but the whole human race, consists principally in that he can absolve those whom God condemns, and condemn those whom God absolves; an immense authority, which the inhabitants of our subterranean world seriously believe is not becoming to any mortal man. But it is an easy matter to induce the Europeans to credit the most unreasonable assertions, and submit to the most high-handed assumptions, notwithstanding they consider themselves alone sensible and enlightened, and, puffed up with their foolish conceits, look contemptuously upon all other nations, whom they call barbarous.

"From Bologna we went to Rome. Rome is governed by a priest who is believed to be the mightiest ruler in Europe. Yet one can travel across his lands in a single day. Other rulers have authority only over their subjects' lives and property. This priest, unlike all other rulers, can govern souls. Europeans generally believe that he possesses the keys to heaven. I was very curious to see these keys, but all my efforts were in vain. His power extends not only over his own subjects but over the whole human race. It consists mainly in his ability to absolve those whom God condemns and condemn those whom God absolves. The inhabitants of our subterranean world seriously believe that such immense authority is not fitting for any mortal man. Yet Europeans are easily persuaded to believe the most unreasonable claims and submit to the most high-handed assertions of authority. Even so, they consider themselves the only sensible and enlightened people. Puffed up with their foolish conceits, they look down on all other nations and call them barbarous."

"I will not, by any means, defend our subterranean manners and institutions: my purpose simply is, to examine those of the Europeans, and show how little claim these people have to find fault with other nations.

"I do not intend to defend our underground customs and institutions in any way. My purpose is simply to examine those of the Europeans and show how little right they have to criticize other nations.

"It is customary, in some parts of Europe, to powder the hair and clothes with ground and sifted corn; the same which nature has produced for the nourishment of man. This flour is called hair-powder. It is combed out with great care at night, preparatory to a fresh sprinkling in the morning. There is another custom with them, which did not appear less ridiculous to me. They have certain coverings for the head, called hats, made ostensibly, to protect the head from the weather, but which, instead of being used for this very reasonable purpose, are generally worn under the arm, even in the winter. This seemed as foolish to me as would the instance of one's walking through the city with his cloak or breeches in his hand; thus exposing his body, which these should cover, to the severity of the weather.

"In some parts of Europe, people customarily dust their hair and clothes with ground, sifted grain. This is the same grain that nature produces to feed people. The flour is called hair powder. They carefully comb it out at night, ready to sprinkle on fresh powder in the morning. They have another custom that seemed no less ridiculous to me. They have head coverings called hats, supposedly made to protect their heads from the weather. But instead of using them for this sensible purpose, they generally carry them under their arms, even in winter. This seemed as foolish as walking through the city with one's cloak or breeches in one's hand. A person who did that would expose the body those clothes should cover to the harsh weather.

"The doctrines of European religion are excellent and consistent with sound reason. In their books of moral law they are commanded to read the Christian precepts often; to search into their true meaning, and are advised to be indulgent with the weak and erring. Nevertheless, should any understand one or another doctrine of these books in any but the established sense, they would be imprisoned, lashed, yes, and even burned for their want of judgment. This seemed to me the same case, as if one should be punished for a blemish in sight, through which he saw that object square which others believed to be round. I was told that some thousand people had been executed by hanging or burning, for their originality of thought.

"The doctrines of European religion are excellent and consistent with sound reason. Their books of moral law command people to read Christian teachings often and search for their true meaning. They also advise people to be forgiving of those who are weak or mistaken. Yet anyone who understood any doctrine in those books differently from the established interpretation would be punished. They would be imprisoned, whipped, or even burned for their lack of judgment. To me, this seemed like punishing someone for a defect in their eyesight. Because of it, they saw an object as square when others believed it was round. I was told that some thousand people had been hanged or burned for their original thoughts."

"In most cities and villages are to be found certain persons standing in high places, who animadvert severely upon the sins of others, which they themselves commit daily: this seemed to me as sensible as the preaching of temperance by a drunkard.

"In most cities and villages, there are people in high positions who harshly condemn others for sins they themselves commit daily. This seemed to me as sensible as a drunkard preaching temperance.

"In the larger towns, it is almost generally the fashion to invite one's guests, immediately after meals, to imbibe a kind of sup made from burnt beans, which they call coffee. To the places where this is drunk, they are drawn in a great box on four wheels, by two very strong animals; for the higher classes of Europeans hold it to be very indecent to move about on their feet.

"In larger towns, it is almost always fashionable to offer guests a drink made from roasted beans immediately after meals. They call the drink coffee. Two very strong animals pull them to the places where they drink it, in a large box on four wheels. For upper-class Europeans think it very indecent to walk about on their own feet.

"On the first day of the year, the Europeans are attacked by a certain disease, which we subterraneans know nothing of. The symptoms of this malady are a peculiar disturbance of the mind and agitation of the head; its effects are that none can remain, on that day, five minutes in one place. They run furiously from one house to another, with no appreciable reason. This disease continues with many even fourteen days; until at last, they become weary of their eternal gadding, check themselves and regain their former health.

"On the first day of the year, Europeans are struck by a disease unknown to us subterraneans. Its symptoms are a strange disturbance of the mind and agitation in the head. As a result, no one can stay in one place for five minutes that day. They rush furiously from house to house for no apparent reason. For many, the disease lasts as long as fourteen days. At last, they tire of their constant running around, stop themselves, and regain their former health.

"In France, Italy and Spain, the people lose their reason for some weeks, in the winter season. This delirium is moderated by strewing ashes on the foreheads of the sufferers. In the northern parts of Europe, to which this disease sometimes extends, and where the ashes have no power, nature is left to work the cure.

"In France, Italy and Spain, people lose their reason for a few weeks during the winter. This delirium is eased by sprinkling ashes on the sufferers' foreheads. The disease sometimes spreads to northern Europe, where the ashes have no effect. There, nature is left to cure it.

"It is the custom with most Europeans, to enter into a solemn compact with God, in the presence of witnesses, three or four times a year, which they invariably and immediately break. This compact is called 'communion,' and seems to have been established only to show that the Europeans are used to break their promises several times each year. They confess their sins and implore the mercy of God, in certain melodies, accompanied by instrumental music. As the magnitude of their sins increases, their music becomes louder: thus fluters, trumpeters and drummers are favorite helpers to devotion.

"Most Europeans make a solemn agreement with God in front of witnesses three or four times a year. They always break it immediately. This agreement is called 'communion.' It seems to exist only to show that Europeans are in the habit of breaking their promises several times a year. They confess their sins and beg for God's mercy in songs accompanied by instrumental music. The greater their sins, the louder their music becomes. Thus, flute players, trumpeters, and drummers are favored helpers in worship.

"Almost all the nations of Europe are obliged to acknowledge and believe in the doctrines, which are contained in a certain 'holy book.' At the south the reading of this book is entirely forbidden; so that the people are forced to credit what they dare not read; in these same regions, it is likewise austerely forbidden to worship God, except in a language incomprehensible to the people; so that, only those prayers are held to be lawful and pleasing to God, which are uttered from memory, without comprehension.

"Almost all the nations of Europe are required to acknowledge and believe the doctrines in a certain 'holy book.' In the south, people are forbidden to read this book. So they are forced to believe what they dare not read. In these same regions, people are also strictly forbidden to worship God except in a language they cannot understand. So only prayers recited from memory, without understanding, are considered lawful and pleasing to God.

"The learned controversies which occupy the European academies, consist in the discussion of matters, the development of which is productive of no benefit, and in the examination of phenomena, the nature of which is beyond the reach of the human mind. The most serious study of a European scholar, is the consideration of a pair of old boots, the slippers, necklaces and gowns of a race long extinct. Of the sciences, both worldly and divine, none judge for themselves, but subscribe blindly to the opinions of a few. The decisions of these, when once established, they cling to, like oysters to the rocks. They select a few from their number whom they call, 'wise,' and credit them implicitly. Now, there would be nothing to object against this, could raw and ignorant people decide in this case; but to decide concerning wisdom requires, methinks, a certain degree of sapience in the judge.

The learned debates in European academies concern matters that yield no benefit when explored. They also examine phenomena whose nature is beyond the reach of the human mind. A European scholar’s most serious work is to study a pair of old boots, or the slippers, necklaces, and gowns of a race long extinct. In both worldly and divine sciences, no one judges for themselves. Instead, they blindly accept the opinions of a few. Once those few have made their decisions, the others cling to them like oysters to rocks. They choose a few among themselves whom they call 'wise,' and trust them completely. There would be nothing wrong with this if inexperienced and ignorant people could judge who is wise. But judging wisdom requires, I think, a certain degree of wisdom in the judge.

"In the southern countries, certain cakes are carried about, which the priests set up for Gods; the most curious part of this matter is, the bakers themselves, while the dough yet cleaves to their fingers, will swear that these cakes have created heaven and earth.

"In southern countries, people carry certain cakes around, and priests set them up as gods. The strangest part is that the bakers themselves swear these cakes created heaven and earth. They do this while the dough is still stuck to their fingers."

"The English prefer their liberty to all else, and are not slaves, except to their wives. Today they reject that religion, which yesterday they professed. I ascribe this fickleness to the situation of their country; they are islanders and seamen, and probably become affected by the variable element that surrounds them. They inquire very often after each other's health, so that one would suppose them to be all doctors; but the question: how do you do? is merely a form of speech; a sound without the slightest signification.

"The English value their liberty above all else and are slaves only to their wives. Today they reject the religion they professed yesterday. I attribute this fickleness to the location of their country. They are islanders and sailors, and are probably affected by the changing element that surrounds them. They ask about each other's health so often that one might suppose they were all doctors. But the question, how do you do? is merely a form of speech, a sound without the slightest meaning.

"Towards the north, is a republic, consisting of seven provinces. These are called 'united,' notwithstanding there is not to be found the least trace of union among them. The mob boast of their power, and insist upon their right to dispose of state affairs; but no where is the commonalty more excluded from such matters; the whole government being in the hands of some few families.

"To the north is a republic consisting of seven provinces. They are called 'united,' although there is not the slightest trace of unity among them. The mob boasts of its power and insists on its right to manage state affairs. But nowhere are ordinary people more excluded from such matters. The entire government is in the hands of a few families.

"The inhabitants of this republic heap up great riches with anxious and unwearied vigilance, which, however, they do not enjoy: their purses are always full, their stomachs always empty. One would almost believe they lived on smoke, which they continually suck through tubes or pipes, made of clay. It must, nevertheless, be confessed, that these people surpass all others in cleanliness; for they wash everything but their hands.

"The inhabitants of this republic amass great wealth with anxious, tireless care, but they do not enjoy it. Their purses are always full, their stomachs always empty. One might almost believe they live on smoke, which they constantly draw through clay tubes or pipes. Still, it must be admitted that these people surpass all others in cleanliness, for they wash everything but their hands.

"Every land has its own laws and customs, which are usually opposed to each other. For example; by law, the wife is subject to the husband; by custom, the husband is ruled by the wife.

"Every country has its own laws and customs, and they usually contradict each other. For example, the law says a wife must obey her husband. But by custom, the husband is ruled by his wife.

"In Europe, the superfluous members of society only are respected; these devour not only the fruits of the land but the land itself. The cultivators of the soil, who feed these gorges are degraded for their industry and despised for their usefulness.

"In Europe, only the useless members of society are respected. They devour not only the crops but the land itself. The farmers who feed these gluttons are degraded for their hard work and despised for their usefulness.

"The prevalence of vice and crime in Europe may perhaps be fairly inferred from the great number of gallows and scaffolds to be seen everywhere. Each town has its own executioner. I must, for justice sake, clear England from this stigma; I believe there are no public murderers in that country: the inhabitants hang themselves.

"The many gallows and execution platforms seen everywhere may perhaps suggest that vice and crime are widespread in Europe. Each town has its own executioner. To be fair, I must clear England of this stain. I believe there are no public murderers in that country: the inhabitants hang themselves.

"I have a kind of suspicion that the Europeans are cannibals; for they shut large flocks of healthful and strong persons in certain inclosures, called cloisters, for the purpose of making them fat and smooth. This object seldom fails, as these prisoners, free from all labor and care, have nothing to do but to enjoy themselves in these gardens of pleasure.

"I have a suspicion that Europeans are cannibals. They shut large groups of healthy, strong people in enclosures called cloisters to make them fat and smooth. This rarely fails. The prisoners are free from all work and worry, so they have nothing to do but enjoy themselves in these gardens of pleasure.

"Europeans commonly drink water in the morning to cool their stomachs; this object accomplished, they drink brandy to heat them again.

"Europeans usually drink water in the morning to cool their stomachs. Once their stomachs are cool, they drink brandy to heat them again.

"In Europe are two principal sects in religion; the Roman catholic and the protestant. The protestants worship but one God; the catholics, several. Each city and village, with these, has its appropriate God or Goddess. All these deities are created by the pope, or superior priest at Rome, who, on his part, is chosen by certain other priests, called cardinals. The mighty power of these creators of the creator of the gods, does not, as it would seem to an indifferent spectator, apparently alarm the people.

"In Europe, there are two main religious sects: Roman Catholic and Protestant. Protestants worship only one God. Catholics worship several. Among Catholics, each city and village has its own God or Goddess. All these deities are created by the pope, the head priest in Rome. The pope, in turn, is chosen by certain other priests, called cardinals. These creators of the creator of the gods have great power. Yet their power apparently does not alarm the people, as an impartial observer might expect."

"The ancient inhabitants of Italy subdued the whole world, and obeyed their wives; the present, on the contrary, abuse their wives and submit to the whole world.

"The ancient inhabitants of Italy conquered the whole world and obeyed their wives. Today, by contrast, Italians abuse their wives and submit to the whole world.

"The Europeans generally feed upon the same victuals with the subterraneans. The Spaniards alone live on the air.

"Europeans generally eat the same food as the subterraneans. Only the Spaniards live on air.

"Commerce flourishes here and there; many things are offered for sale in Europe, which with us are never objects of trade. Thus in Rome, people sell heaven; in Switzerland, themselves; and in * * * * * * *, the crown, sceptre and throne are offered at public auction.

"Trade flourishes in various places. In Europe, many things are sold that we would never think of trading. In Rome, people sell heaven. In Switzerland, they sell themselves. And in * * * * * * *, the crown, sceptre, and throne are sold at public auction.

"In Spain, idleness is the true mark of a well-bred man; and the distinguishing proof of pure nobility is an aptitude to sleep.

"In Spain, idleness is the true mark of a well-bred man. The clearest proof of noble blood is a talent for sleep.

"Among European writers, those are in the highest repute, who change the natural order of words, making that which is in itself simple and distinct, intricate and incomprehensible. The class most noted for this abominable perversion of style is that of the 'poets:' this singular removal of words is called 'poetry.' The capability to puzzle is by no means the only requisite to become a true poet; one must be able to lie most terribly. A certain old poet named Homerus, who possessed both these qualities in an eminent degree, is styled the 'master,' and is idolized with a kind of divine worship. He has had many imitators of his distortion of sentences and falsification of truth; but, it is said, none have yet reached his excellence.

Among European writers, those held in the highest regard change the natural order of words. They make what is simple and clear complicated and incomprehensible. The group most noted for this dreadful distortion of style is the 'poets:' this peculiar rearrangement of words is called 'poetry.' But the ability to puzzle readers is not the only requirement for becoming a true poet. One must also be able to tell terrible lies. A certain old poet named Homerus possessed both qualities to an extraordinary degree. He is called the 'master,' and people idolize him with a kind of divine worship. Many have imitated his twisted sentences and falsehoods, but none have yet matched his excellence, or so it is said.

"The cultivators of science purchase books in great quantities, not so much, I am told, for the sake of the contents, as for their antiqueness of style or elegance of binding.

"Scholars buy books in great quantities. I am told they buy them less for their contents than for their antique style or elegant bindings.

"The learned and unlearned are distinguished from each other by different dresses and manners; but especially by different religions: the latter believe mostly in one God; the former worship many divinities, both male and female. Among the principal of these are, Apollo, Minerva, and nine muses; besides many lesser whole and half Gods. The poets particularly implore their aid and 'hail' them when they take a notion to rage.

"The learned and the unlearned differ in their dress and manners, but especially in their religions. The unlearned mostly believe in one God. The learned worship many gods and goddesses. The chief ones include Apollo, Minerva, and the nine muses. There are also many lesser gods and demigods. Poets especially beg for their help and 'hail' them when they feel like raging.

"The learned are divided, according to their different studies into the classes of philosophers, poets, grammarians, natural philosophers, metaphysicians, &c.

"Scholars are divided into groups according to their fields of study: philosophers, poets, grammarians, natural philosophers, metaphysicians, and so on.

"A philosopher is a scientific tradesman, who, for a certain price, sells prescriptions of self-denial, temperance and poverty; he generally preaches the pains of wealth, till he becomes rich himself, when he abandons the world for a comfortable and dignified retreat. The father of the philosophers, Seneca, is said to have collected royal wealth.

"A philosopher is a scientific tradesman who sells advice on self-denial, moderation, and poverty for a price. He generally preaches about the troubles of wealth until he becomes rich himself. Then he withdraws from the world to live in comfort and dignity. Seneca, the father of philosophers, is said to have amassed a fortune fit for a king.

"A poet is one who makes a great stir with printed prattle, falsehood and fury. Madness is the characteristic of the true poet. All those who express themselves, with clearness, precision and simplicity are deemed unworthy of the laurel wreath.

"A poet is someone who makes a great fuss with printed nonsense, lies, and fury. Madness is the mark of a true poet. Anyone who writes clearly, precisely, and simply is deemed unworthy of the laurel wreath.

"The grammarians are a sort of military body, who disturb the public peace. They are distinguished from all other warriors, by dress and weapons. They wear black instead of colored uniforms, and wield pens rather than swords. They fight with as much obstinacy for letters and words as do the others for liberty and father-land.

"The grammarians are a kind of military force that disturbs the public peace. Their clothes and weapons distinguish them from all other warriors. They wear black uniforms instead of colored ones, and carry pens instead of swords. They fight as stubbornly for letters and words as other warriors do for liberty and their homeland.

"A natural philosopher is one who searches into the bowels of the earth, studies the nature of animals, worms and insects, and, in a word, is familiar with every thing, but himself.

"A natural philosopher explores the depths of the earth and studies the nature of animals, worms, and insects. In short, he knows everything but himself.

"A metaphysician is a sort of philosopher, partly visionary and partly sceptical, who sees what is concealed from all others. He describes the being and unfolds the nature of souls and spirits, and knows both what is, and what is not. From the acuteness of his sight, the metaphysician cannot discern what lies directly before his feet.

"A metaphysician is a kind of philosopher, part visionary and part skeptic, who sees what is hidden from everyone else. He describes the existence and nature of souls and spirits. He knows both what exists and what does not. Because his sight is so sharp, the metaphysician cannot see what lies right at his feet.

"I have thus briefly considered the condition of the learned republic in Europe. I could relate many other things, but I think I have given the reader a sufficient test, by which he may judge how far the Europeans have a right to hold themselves preëminent for wisdom.

"I have briefly considered the state of Europe's community of scholars. I could tell many other things, but I think I have given the reader enough to judge how far Europeans are justified in claiming superior wisdom.

"The people above-ground are exceedingly pious, and extraordinarily zealous in praying. Their prayers, however, do not arise from the impulses and emotions of their hearts; but are subdued to mere matters of form, directed by bells, clocks or sun-dials. Their devotion is entirely mechanical, founded on external signs and old customs rather than in sincere feeling.

"The people above ground are extremely religious and remarkably devoted to prayer. Their prayers, however, do not come from the feelings of their hearts. They are merely matters of form, directed by bells, clocks, or sundials. Their devotion is entirely mechanical, based on outward signs and old customs rather than sincere feeling.

"When I came to Italy, I fancied myself master over the whole country; for every one called himself my slave. I took a notion to test the extent of this humble obedience, and commanded my landlord to lend me his wife for a night; he became very angry, however, at this, and ordered me out of his house.

"When I came to Italy, I imagined I was master of the whole country, because everyone called himself my slave. I decided to test how far this humble obedience went. I ordered my landlord to lend me his wife for a night. But he became very angry and ordered me out of his house.

"In the north, there are many people who seek with great pains to obtain titles of offices which they do not hold; and many lose their reason in their eagerness to be on the right side. Furthermore,"

"In the north, many people go to great lengths to get titles for offices they do not hold. Many also lose their minds in their eagerness to be on the right side. Furthermore,"

Here I lost my patience. Inflamed to the utmost fury, I threw the book on the ground, and assured Tomopoloko, who was by me, that it was the fiction of an unjust and choleric writer. When my first passion was cooled, I reviewed my sentence, and finally concluded that the author of these travels, although unfair and untrue in many particulars, had nevertheless made some good points and happy reflections.

Here I lost my patience. Furious, I threw the book on the ground. I told Tomopoloko, who was beside me, that it was a fabrication by an unfair and bad-tempered writer. Once my anger had cooled, I reconsidered my judgment. I finally concluded that the author of these travels, though unfair and untruthful in many details, had made some good points and insightful observations.

I will now return to civil affairs. All our neighbors had kept very quiet for a long period, and during this peace I made every effort to constitute the government according to my own notions, and strengthen the army in numbers and efficiency.

I will now return to civil affairs. All our neighbors had been quiet for a long time. During this peace, I did everything I could to shape the government according to my own ideas. I also worked to make the army larger and more effective.

Suddenly, we received information that three warlike and formidable nations, namely, the Arctonians, Kispusiananians and Alectorians, had united against the Quamites. The first named were bears gifted with reason and speech. The Kispusiananians were a nation of large cats celebrated for their cunning and ferocity. The Alectorians were cocks, armed with bows and arrows. These arrows with poisoned tips, were cast with wonderful precision, and their least touch was fatal.

Suddenly, we learned that three fierce and formidable nations had united against the Quamites: the Arctonians, Kispusiananians, and Alectorians. The Arctonians were bears gifted with reason and speech. The Kispusiananians were a nation of large cats, famous for their cunning and ferocity. The Alectorians were roosters armed with bows and arrows. They shot their poisoned arrows with remarkable accuracy. Even the slightest touch from an arrow was fatal.

These three nations had been irritated by the uncommon progress of the Quamites as well as by the fall of the Tanaquites. The allied powers sent ambassadors to Quama, to demand the liberty of the imprisoned Tanaquitians and the cession of their land, with power to declare war should the same be denied. By my advice, they were immediately dismissed with the following answer: "Since the Tanaquitians, violators of peace and alliance, have deserved the misery which they have brought upon themselves by their own folly and pride, his majesty, the emperor, is determined to defend, to the utmost, the possessions of a land, conquered in a lawful war, in spite of the threats and fearless of the strength of your unnatural alliance."

These three nations were alarmed by the Quamites' extraordinary progress and the fall of the Tanaquites. The allied powers sent ambassadors to Quama. They demanded the release of the imprisoned Tanaquitians and the surrender of their land. The ambassadors were authorized to declare war if these demands were refused. On my advice, they were immediately sent away with this answer: "The Tanaquitians broke the peace and violated their alliance. Through their own folly and pride, they brought their suffering on themselves and deserved it. His majesty, the emperor, is therefore determined to defend to the utmost his possessions in a land conquered in a lawful war. He will do so despite your threats and without fear of the strength of your unnatural alliance."

In a short time I had an army of forty thousand men ready for the coming war: among these were eight thousand horsemen and two thousand riflemen. The emperor, old as he was, determined to follow this campaign; his eagerness and ambition were so great, that neither his wife's representations nor mine were effective enough to induce him to abandon this intention.

In a short time, I had an army of forty thousand men ready for the coming war. Among them were eight thousand horsemen and two thousand riflemen. Despite his age, the emperor decided to join the campaign. He was so eager and ambitious that neither his wife nor I could persuade him to give up the idea.

In this state of affairs, I was made somewhat uneasy from mistrust of the Tanaquitians. I feared that, impatient of their unaccustomed slavery, they would take the first opportunity to throw off their yoke, and go over to the enemy. I did not deceive myself; for immediately after the declaration of war, we heard that full twelve thousand Tanaquitians in complete armor, had marched for the enemy's encampment. Thus were we occupied at once with four mighty foes.

Under these circumstances, I felt somewhat uneasy because I distrusted the Tanaquitians. I feared they would grow impatient with their unfamiliar slavery. I thought they might seize the first chance to break free and join the enemy. My fears proved justified. Immediately after war was declared, we heard that a full twelve thousand Tanaquitians had marched to the enemy's camp in complete armor. We now faced four mighty enemies at once.

In the beginning of the month Kilian, we commenced our march. From a spy, we learnt that the united troops had already besieged the fort Sibol in Tanaqui, on the borders of Kispusianania. On our arrival before the place, they abandoned the siege and prepared to meet us. The battle took place in a dale near the fort, and is to this day called the "Sibolic battle."

At the beginning of the month of Kilian, we began our march. A spy told us that the united troops had already laid siege to Fort Sibol in Tanaqui, on the border of Kispusianania. When we arrived at the fort, the troops abandoned the siege and prepared to meet us. The battle took place in a valley near the fort. To this day, it is called the "Sibolic battle."

The Arctonians, who formed their left wing, made great havoc among our cavalry; and, supported by the rebellious Tanaquites, fell furiously on our right; a moment longer and the fate of the conflict would have been determined. I detached a body of riflemen to engage the attention of the enemy, and allow the cavalry to recover; this movement was very effective; the men handled their guns well, and the enemy hastily abandoned their ground, under a terrific shower of balls. Meanwhile, the Kispusiananians on the other side pressed our infantry very hard; six hundred Quamites were down: some killed, others mortally wounded. The recovered cavalry now rushed upon them impetuously, broke their ranks, and, unresisted, slaughtered them by thousands.

The Arctonians, who formed the enemy's left wing, inflicted heavy losses on our cavalry. Supported by the rebellious Tanaquites, they attacked our right wing fiercely. Another moment, and the battle would have been decided. I sent a group of riflemen to distract the enemy and give the cavalry time to recover. This move was very effective. The men handled their guns well, and the enemy quickly abandoned their position under a terrifying shower of bullets. Meanwhile, on the other side, the Kispusiananians were pressing our infantry hard. Six hundred Quamites were down, some killed and others mortally wounded. The recovered cavalry now charged at the Kispusiananians, broke their ranks, and slaughtered them by the thousands without resistance.

The Alectorians, who formed the reserve, gave us the greatest trouble, for when our soldiers would attack them, they flew into the air, whence they shot on our heads their poisoned arrows. One of these entered the neck of the old emperor, while fighting vigorously in the midst of the field. He fell directly from his horse, was carried to his tent, and shortly after expired. The soldiers having been kept in ignorance of their sovereign's death, the battle was continued until midnight. I soon found that our balls had but little effect upon our flying enemies; their motions being so rapid that our gunners could take no aim. Some new method must be devised to check them; a lucky expedient occurred to me; I ordered the guns to be loaded with small shot: these scattering, brought them down in great flocks, and soon half of them were destroyed; the rest laid down their weapons and surrendered. The Arctonians and Kispusiananians quickly followed their example, and their fortifications were surrendered to our hands.

The Alectorians, who formed the reserve, gave us the most trouble. Whenever our soldiers attacked them, they flew into the air and shot poisoned arrows down at us. One arrow struck the old emperor in the neck as he fought fiercely in the middle of the field. He fell at once from his horse and was carried to his tent, where he died shortly afterward. The soldiers were kept from knowing that their sovereign had died, and the battle continued until midnight. I soon found that our cannonballs had little effect on our flying enemies. They moved so quickly that our gunners could not aim at them. We had to find a new way to stop them, and a lucky idea came to me. I ordered the guns loaded with small shot. The shot scattered and brought the enemies down in great flocks. Soon half of them were killed, and the rest laid down their weapons and surrendered. The Arctonians and Kispusiananians quickly followed their example and surrendered their fortifications to us.

"Noble, brave and celebrated warriors. I doubt not, that it is well known to the most of you, that I ofttimes advised his majesty not to hazard his precious life in this desperate strife. But his natural courage and fearless heroism would not suffer him to remain at home, while his brave people exposed themselves abroad. O, that he could have witnessed our glorious victory! Then our entrance into the imperial residence would have been a true triumph, and our joy over so many noble deeds would have been perfect; not as now, mingled with tormenting sorrow! I can no longer conceal from you the mournful event, which has given each one of us, a greater wound than could all the arrows of the enemy. Know then, that our emperor, in the thickest of the battle, was struck by an unfortunate arrow, and soon after expired. Horrible event! What sorrow, what general mourning will the loss of this great king cause over the whole country! Yet, do not lose courage! The great hero has ceased to live in himself; but he is not dead to you! Your emperor lives again in two princes, true images of their great father, and heirs no less to his virtues than to his dignities. You have not changed your emperor, but only your emperor's name. Since the prince Timuso, as the first born, receives the crown, I am, from this moment, under his sceptre, the leader of the army.

"Noble, brave, and celebrated warriors. I am sure most of you know that I often advised His Majesty not to risk his precious life in this desperate struggle. But his natural courage and fearless heroism would not let him stay home while his brave people faced danger abroad. Oh, if only he could have witnessed our glorious victory! Then our return to the imperial residence would have been a true triumph. Our joy over so many noble deeds would have been complete, instead of mixed with tormenting sorrow! I can no longer hide the sad news from you. It has wounded each of us more deeply than all the enemy's arrows could have done. Our emperor was struck by a stray arrow in the thick of battle and died soon afterward. What a terrible event! What sorrow and mourning the loss of this great king will cause throughout the country! Yet do not lose courage! The great hero's own life has ended, but he is not dead to you! Your emperor lives again in two princes. They are true images of their great father, and they inherit his virtues as fully as his rank. You have not changed your emperor, only his name. Prince Timuso, as the firstborn, receives the crown. From this moment, I lead the army under his rule.

"Hail, Timuso! To him let us swear allegiance! To him, let us swear eternal loyalty! Him, let us all hereafter obey!"

"Hail, Timuso! Let us pledge allegiance to him! Let us pledge our eternal loyalty to him! From now on, let us all obey him!"