The Journey to the Land-of-Wonders

Before I proceed to the description of this sea-voyage, I must first caution all severe and unmerciful critics not to frown too much at the narration of things, which seem to war against nature, and even surpass the faculties of faith in the most credulous man. I relate incredible but true things, that I have seen with my own eyes. Raw and ignorant ninnies who have never started a foot from their homes, regard every thing as fable, whose equal they have never heard of or seen; or, with which they have not been familiar from childhood. Learned people, on the contrary, especially those who have a deep knowledge of natural history, and whose experience has proved to them how fruitful nature is in changes, will pass a more reasonable sentence upon the uncommon things narrated.

Before I describe this sea voyage, I must warn all harsh and unforgiving critics not to frown too much at my account. The things I describe seem to defy nature and are hard to believe, even for the most gullible person. I tell of incredible but true things that I have seen with my own eyes. Crude, ignorant fools who have never set foot outside their homes dismiss everything unfamiliar as a fable. If they have never heard of or seen anything like it, or known it since childhood, they dismiss it. Learned people, on the other hand, will judge the unusual things I describe more reasonably. This is especially true of those who know natural history well and have learned from experience how endlessly varied nature is.

In former days a people were found in Scythia, called Arimasps, who had but one eye, which was placed in the middle of the forehead: another people, under the same climate, had their foot-soles turned out backwards, and in Albany were people born with gray hairs. The ancient Sanromates ate only on every third day and fasted the other two; in Africa were certain families who could bewitch others by their talk; and it is a well known fact, that there were certain persons in Illyria, with two eye-balls to each eye, who killed people by merely looking at them: this, however, they could do, only when they were angry; then their fierce and scintillating stare was fatal to whomever was rash or unfortunate enough to meet it: on the mountains of Hindostan were to be found whole nations with dog's heads, who barked; and others who had eyes in their backs. Who would believe this and even more, if Pliny, one of the most earnest writers, had not solemnly assured us, that he had neither heard nor read the least hereof, but had seen it all with his own eyes? Yes, who would have imagined that this earth was hollow; that within its circumference were both a sun and moon, if my own experience had not discovered the secret? Who would have thought it possible, that there was a globe, inhabited by walking, sensible trees, if the same experience had not placed it beyond all doubt? Nevertheless, I will not pick a quarrel with any one, on account of his incredulity in this matter, because I must confess, that I myself, before I made this voyage, mistrusted whether these tales might not have arisen from the exaggerated representations of seamen, or that they were the result of that well-known qualification of this class of men, familiarly styled the "spinning a yarn."

Long ago, a people called Arimasps lived in Scythia. They had only one eye, in the middle of the forehead. Another people in the same climate had the soles of their feet turned backward. And in Albany, people were born with gray hair. The ancient Sanromates ate only every third day and fasted on the other two. In Africa, certain families could bewitch others through their speech. And it is a well known fact that certain people in Illyria had two eyeballs in each eye. They could kill people simply by looking at them, but only when they were angry. Then their fierce, flashing stare killed anyone rash or unlucky enough to meet it. In the mountains of Hindostan, there were whole nations with dogs’ heads who barked, and others with eyes in their backs. Who would believe all this and more if Pliny, one of the most earnest writers, had not solemnly assured us otherwise? He said he had neither heard nor read the least of it, but had seen it all with his own eyes. And who would have imagined that the earth was hollow, with both a sun and a moon inside it? Yet my own experience has revealed the secret. Who would have thought it possible that a globe was inhabited by walking, thinking trees? Yet the same experience has placed it beyond all doubt. Still, I will not quarrel with anyone for disbelieving me. I must confess that, before I made this voyage, I myself suspected that such tales might come from sailors’ exaggerations. Or perhaps they were the result of that well known skill of sailors, commonly called "spinning a yarn."

In the beginning of the month Radir, we went on board our ship, weighed anchor, and

At the beginning of the month Radir, we boarded our ship, raised the anchor, and

The wind was fair for some days, during which we poor rowers had a comfortable time, for the oars were not needed; but on the fourth day it fell calm;

The wind was favorable for some days, so we poor rowers had a comfortable time without needing our oars. But on the fourth day, the wind died down.

For a long time we met with nothing; but as soon as we lost sight of land, strange figures raised themselves from the quaking gulph. They were mermaids, who, when the weather becomes calm and the billows rest themselves, rise to the surface and swim towards any passing ship, to ask for alms. Their language was so similar to the Martinianic, that some of our sailors could speak with them without an interpreter. One of these singular creatures demanded of me a piece of meat; when I gave it to her, she looked at me steadily for a time, and said: you will soon become a hero, and rule over mighty nations! I laughed at this divination, for I considered it empty flattery, although the sailors swore to it, that the mermaids' prediction seldom failed. At the end of eight days we came in sight of land; which the seamen called Picardania. As we entered the harbor, a magpie came flying towards us, which, they said, was the custom-house inspector-general. When this dignitary had flown thrice around the ship, he returned to the shore and came back with three other magpies: these seated themselves on the prow of the ship. I came very near bursting with laughter, when I saw one of our interpreters approach these magpies, with many compliments, and heard him hold a long conversation with them. They had come for the purpose of examining our freight and detecting any forbidden articles that we might have concealed; when all was found correct, we were suffered to unload. As soon as this was done, a number of magpies flew to the ship, who proved to be merchants. The captain then went ashore, accompanied by myself and two monkeys, namely, our supercargo and an interpreter; after clearing the ship and disposing of the cargo, we returned, and shortly set sail.

For a long time we encountered nothing. But as soon as we lost sight of land, strange figures rose from the trembling gulf. They were mermaids. When the weather calms and the waves settle, they rise to the surface and swim toward passing ships to beg. Their language was so similar to Martinianic that some of our sailors could speak with them without an interpreter. One of these strange creatures asked me for a piece of meat. After I gave it to her, she stared at me for a while and said: You will soon become a hero and rule over mighty nations! I laughed at this prediction, because I thought it was empty flattery. The sailors, however, swore that the mermaids’ predictions were seldom wrong. After eight days we sighted land, which the sailors called Picardania. As we entered the harbor, a magpie flew toward us. The sailors said it was the inspector-general of customs. After this dignitary had flown three times around the ship, he returned to shore. He came back with three other magpies, which perched on the ship’s prow. I nearly burst out laughing when I saw one of our interpreters approach these magpies with many compliments. I heard him hold a long conversation with them. They had come to examine our cargo and discover any forbidden goods we might have hidden. When they found everything in order, we were allowed to unload. As soon as we had unloaded, a number of magpies flew to the ship. They turned out to be merchants. The captain then went ashore, accompanied by me and two monkeys, our supercargo and an interpreter. After clearing the ship through customs and selling the cargo, we returned and soon set sail.

In three days we reached Music-land. After casting anchor, we went on shore, preceded by one of the interpreters, who carried a bass-viol in his hand. As we found the whole country about us empty and desolate, discovering no where any trace of living creatures, the captain ordered a trumpet to be sounded, to inform the inhabitants of our arrival. Before the echoes of the blast from the trumpet had subsided, (and they seemed to penetrate farther and reverberate longer than usual from the perfect stillness of this apparently void region,) about thirty musical instruments came hopping towards us. These were bass-viols. On the very long neck of each was placed a little head; the body was also small, and covered by a smooth bark, which, however, did not close entirely around the frame, but was open in front and disposed loosely about them. Over the navel, nature had built a bridge, above which four strings were drawn. The whole machine rested on a single leg, so that their motion was a spring rather than a walk. Their activity was very great, and they jumped with much agility over the fields. In short, we should have taken them for musical instruments, as their general appearance purported, if they had not had each two arms and hands. In the one hand was a bow, the other was used upon the frets. When our interpreter would converse with them, he put his viol in its position, and commenced playing an air. They immediately answered him by touching their strings, and thus alternating with each other, a regular musical conversation was carried on. At first they played only Adagio, with much harmony; then they passed over to discordant tunes; and finally concluded with a very pleasant and lively Presto. As soon as our people heard this, they leaped and sung for joy, saying, that the bargain for the wares was now fixed. Afterwards I learnt that the Adagio, they first played, was merely an opening or preface to the conversation, and consisted only of compliments; that the discordant tones which followed, were bickerings and disputes about prices; and, finally, that the sweet sounding Presto indicated that an agreement had been made. At the conclusion of these negotiations, the wares stipulated for were landed. The most important of these is Kolofonium, with which the inhabitants rub their bows or organs of speech.

In three days we reached Music-land. After dropping anchor, we went ashore, led by one of the interpreters. He carried a bass viol in his hand. The country around us was empty and deserted, and we saw no trace of living creatures. So the captain ordered a trumpet sounded to announce our arrival. The region was so perfectly still that the blast seemed to travel farther and echo longer than usual. Before its echoes had faded, about thirty musical instruments came hopping toward us. They were bass viols. Each had a little head on a very long neck. The body was also small and covered with smooth bark. The bark did not wrap completely around the frame, but hung loosely and was open at the front. Nature had built a bridge over each one's navel, with four strings stretched across it. The whole creature rested on one leg, so it moved by hopping rather than walking. They were very active and jumped nimbly across the fields. In short, we would have taken them for musical instruments, as they appeared to be, if each had not had two arms and hands. Each held a bow in one hand and played the frets with the other. When our interpreter wanted to speak with them, he positioned his viol and began to play a tune. They immediately answered by playing their strings. Taking turns in this way, they carried on a regular musical conversation. At first they played only Adagio, in great harmony. Then they moved on to discordant tunes and finally ended with a very pleasant and lively Presto. As soon as our people heard this, they jumped and sang for joy. They said that the bargain for the goods had now been settled. I later learned that the Adagio they played first was merely an opening to the conversation and consisted only of compliments. The discordant tones that followed were quarrels and disputes over prices. Finally, the sweet-sounding Presto showed that an agreement had been reached. Once the negotiations were over, the agreed goods were brought ashore. The most important of these was Kolofonium, which the inhabitants rubbed on their bows, or organs of speech.

Late in the month of Cusan, we set sail from Music-land, and after some days sailing hove in sight of a new land, which, on account of the foul smell that reached our noses at a great distance, our seamen supposed to be Pyglossia.

Late in the month of Cusan, we set sail from Music-land. After several days at sea, we sighted a new land. A foul smell reached us from far away, so our sailors supposed the land was Pyglossia.

The inhabitants of this land are not very unlike the human race in their general appearance; the sole difference being, that these people have no mouth: they speak from the face which turns towards the south when the nose points to the north. The first of them who came on board, was a rich merchant. He saluted us after the custom of his nation, by turning his back towards us, and immediately began to bargain with us for our wares. I kept myself considerably remote during the negotiation, as neither the sound nor the smell of his speech pleased me. To my great horror our barber was taken sick at this time, so that I was obliged to summon a Pyglossian perfume. As the barbers here are quite as talkative as among us, this one, while shaving me, filled the cabin with so disagreeable a smell, that, on his departure, we were obliged to smoke with all the incense we had on board.

The inhabitants of this land look much like humans. The only difference is that they have no mouths. They speak from the face that points south when the nose points north. The first to come aboard was a rich merchant. He greeted us in the custom of his nation by turning his back to us. He immediately began bargaining for our goods. I stayed well away during the negotiations, since I liked neither the sound nor the smell of his speech. To my great horror, our barber fell ill at this time, so I had to summon a Pyglossian perfume. Barbers here are just as talkative as they are among us. While shaving me, this one filled the cabin with such a foul smell that we had to burn all the incense on board after he left.

We sailed hence to Iceland. This land consisted of desolate rocks, covered by eternal snows. The inhabitants who are all of ice, live here and there in the clefts of the rocks on the tops of the mountains, where the sun is never seen, enveloped by almost perpetual darkness and frost. The only light they have comes from the shining rime.

We sailed from there to Iceland. The land was made up of barren rocks covered in eternal snow. The inhabitants are all made of ice. They live scattered among the rocky crevices on the mountaintops, where the sun is never seen. There they are surrounded by almost constant darkness and frost. Their only light comes from the shining frost.

These lands, of which I here have given a view, are all subject to the great emperor of Mezendora proper, and are therefore called by seafaring people the Mezendoric islands. This great and wonderful country, namely, Mezendora, is the goal of all extended voyages. Eight days sail from Iceland brought us to the imperial residence. There we found all that realized, which our poets have fancied of the societies of animals, trees and plants; Mezendora being, so to speak, the common father-land of all sensible animals and plants. In this empire each animal and every tree can obtain citizenship, merely by submitting to the government and laws. One would suppose, that, on account of the mixture of so many different creatures, great confusion would prevail among them: but this is far from the case. On the contrary, this very difference produces the most happy effects; which must be attributed to their wise laws and institutions, decreeing to each subject that office and employment to which his nature and special faculties are best fitted. Thus, the lion, in consideration of his natural magnanimity, is always chosen regent. The elephant, on account of his keen judgment, is called to sit in the State-council. Courtiers are made of chameleons, because they are inconstant and know how to temporize. The army consists of bears, tigers and other valorous animals; in the marine service, on the contrary, are oxen and bulls; seamen being generally hardy and brave people; but severe, inflexible, and not particularly delicate in their living, which corresponds very well with their element. There is a seminary for this class, where calves or sea-cadets are educated for sea-officers. Trees, for their natural discretion and gravity, are usually appointed judges: counsellors are geese; and the lawyers of the courts in ordinary are magpies. Foxes are generally selected as ambassadors, consuls, commercial-agents, and secretaries-of-legation. The ravens are chosen for dealing-masters and executors on the effects of those deceased. The buck-goats are philosophers, and especially grammarians, partly for the sake of their horns, which they use on the slightest occasion, to gore their opponents, and partly in consideration of their reverend beards, which so notably distinguish them from all other creatures. The staid yet energetic horse has the suffrage for the mayoralty and other civil dignitaries. Estate owners and peasants are serpents, moles, rats and mice. The ass, on account of his braying voice, is always the leader of the church-choir. Treasurers, cashiers and inspectors are commonly wolves; their clerks, being hawks. The (roosters) cocks are appointed for watchmen, and the dogs house-porters.

All the lands I have described are subject to the great emperor of Mezendora proper. Seafarers therefore call them the Mezendoric islands. The great and wonderful country of Mezendora is the destination of all long voyages. After eight days at sea from Iceland, we reached the imperial residence. There we found everything our poets have imagined about societies of animals, trees, and plants. Mezendora is, so to speak, the common homeland of all thinking animals and plants. In this empire, any animal or tree can become a citizen simply by submitting to the government and its laws. One might expect such a mixture of creatures to cause great confusion, but that is far from true. On the contrary, their very differences produce the happiest results. This must be credited to their wise laws and institutions. These assign each subject the office and work best suited to its nature and special abilities. Thus, the lion is always chosen as regent because of his natural generosity of spirit. The elephant is called to sit on the State Council because of his keen judgment. Chameleons become courtiers because they are changeable and know how to play for time. The army consists of bears, tigers, and other brave animals. In the navy, by contrast, there are oxen and bulls. Sailors are generally hardy and brave, but also stern, unbending, and not particularly refined in their habits. These qualities suit their element very well. There is a school for this class, where calves, or sea cadets, are trained to become naval officers. Trees are usually appointed judges because they are naturally discreet and grave. Geese serve as counsellors, and magpies are the regular lawyers in the courts. Foxes are generally chosen as ambassadors, consuls, commercial agents, and embassy secretaries. Ravens are chosen as dealers and executors of the property of the deceased. Male goats are philosophers, especially grammarians, partly because of their horns. They use these to gore their opponents at the slightest opportunity. They are also chosen because of their venerable beards, which distinguish them so notably from all other creatures. The steady yet energetic horse is elected mayor and chosen for other civil offices. Serpents, moles, rats, and mice are landowners and peasants. The ass is always the leader of the church choir because of his braying voice. Treasurers, cashiers, and inspectors are commonly wolves, and their clerks are hawks. Roosters are appointed as watchmen, and dogs as house porters.

The first who came on board of us, was a lean wolf or inspector, the same as a custom-house-officer in Europe, followed by four hawks, his clerks. These took from our wares what pleased them best, proving to us thereby that they understood their business perfectly, and had all its appropriate tricks at their fingers' ends. The captain took me ashore with him. As soon as we had set foot on the quay, a cock came towards us, demanded whence we were, the nature of our cargo, and announced us to the inspector-general. This latter received us with much courtesy, and invited us to dine with him. The mistress of the house, whom I had heard to be one of the greatest beauties among the female wolves, was not present at the table: the reason of this was, as we afterwards learned, her husband's jealousy, who did not deem it advisable to allow such a handsome wife to be seen by strangers. There were, however, several ladies at table; among others, a certain commodore's wife, a white cow with black spots: next to her sat a black cat, wife to the master of hunt at court, newly arrived from the country. At my side was placed a speckled sow, the lady of a renovation-inspector: that species of officer-ship being generally taken from the hog-race. It must be observed that the inhabitants of the Mezendoric empire, although they are animals in figure, have hands and fingers on the fore feet.

The first to come aboard was a lean wolf, an inspector like a customs officer in Europe. Four hawks, his clerks, followed him. They took whatever they liked best from our goods. In doing so, they proved that they knew their business perfectly and had mastered every trick of the trade. The captain took me ashore with him. As soon as we stepped onto the quay, a rooster came toward us. He asked where we were from and what our cargo was, then announced us to the inspector-general. The inspector-general received us very politely and invited us to dine with him. The lady of the house was not at the table. I had heard that she was one of the greatest beauties among the female wolves. We later learned that her husband was jealous. He thought it unwise to let strangers see such a handsome wife. Several other ladies were at the table, however. One was a commodore's wife, a white cow with black spots. Next to her sat a black cat, the wife of the court's master of the hunt. She had just arrived from the country. Beside me sat a speckled sow, the wife of a sanitation inspector. Such officers were generally chosen from the hog-race. It should be noted that the inhabitants of the Mezendoric empire have the shapes of animals. Yet they have hands and fingers on their front feet.

After dinner the speckled sow entered into conversation with our interpreter, during which she told him that she was overhead and ears in love with me. He comforted her in the best manner he could, and promised her his support and aid; then he turned himself towards me and endeavored to persuade me to be easy; but when he observed that his flattering and arguments were vain, he advised me to take to flight, as he knew that this lady would move heaven and earth to satisfy her desires. From this time I remained constantly on board; but the ship itself was not a fortification sufficiently secure from the attacks of this lady, who by messengers and love-letters strove to melt the ice that surrounded my heart. Had I not, in the shipwreck I afterwards suffered, lost my papers, I should now give some specimens of the swine's poetry. I have forgotten it all, except the following lines, in which she praises her being thus:

After dinner, the speckled sow began talking with our interpreter. She told him she was head over heels in love with me. He comforted her as best he could and promised to support and help her. Then he turned to me and tried to persuade me to go along with her wishes. But when he saw that his flattery and arguments were useless, he advised me to flee. He knew that this lady would move heaven and earth to satisfy her desires. From then on, I stayed aboard the ship. But even the ship could not protect me from the lady’s advances. She sent messengers and love letters, trying to melt the ice around my heart. If I had not lost my papers in a later shipwreck, I would give some examples of the swine’s poetry. I have forgotten it all, except for the following lines, in which she praises herself:

After our truck was finished and a rich freight stowed away, we sailed for home. We had scarcely got into the open sea when it suddenly became calm, but soon after the wind breezed up. Having sailed awhile with a good wind, we saw again some mermaids, who

After we finished trading and loaded a valuable cargo, we sailed for home. We had barely reached the open sea when the wind suddenly died. But soon it picked up again. After sailing for a while with a good wind, we saw some mermaids again, who

and now and then emitted horrible shrieks. The sailors were much terrified at this, for they knew by experience, that these mournful sounds were presages of storm and wreck. They had scarcely taken in the sails, before the whole heavens became veiled in black clouds:

and now and then let out horrible shrieks. The sailors were terrified. They knew from experience that these mournful sounds foretold storms and shipwrecks. They had hardly taken in the sails before black clouds covered the whole sky:

Every movable thing on deck floated off, for besides the ever-rolling billows, an immense rain fell in terrific water-spouts, accompanied by thunder and lightning. It seemed as though all the elements had conspired for our destruction. During the rolling of the ship, our masts were carried away, and then all hope of salvation was gone. Now and then a huge billow rolled over us, and carried with it one or two men far beyond the ship. The storm raged more and more; no one cared longer for the vessel: without helm, without masts, without captain and mates, who had been washed overboard, the wreck lay at the pleasure of the waves. Having floated thus for three days, a bauble for the storm, we finally descried a mountainous land in the distance. While rejoicing in the hope of soon reaching this haven, our vessel struck so hard against a blind rock, that she was instantly dashed in pieces. In the confusion and terror of the moment I got hold of a plank, and, careless for the rest, thought only upon saving myself, so that even now I know nothing of the fate of my companions. I was quickly driven forth by the billows; and this was fortunate for me, for otherwise I should have been crushed among the timbers of the ship or torn in pieces by the jagged rocks upon which we had been cast, or escaping this should eventually have perished from hunger and fatigue. I was wafted by the waves within a cape, where the sea was calmer, and where the roaring of the excited ocean sounded less frightfully. When I saw that I was near the shore, I began to scream vigorously, hoping to call the inhabitants to my assistance. I soon heard a sound on the seashore, and saw some of the natives come from a wood near by; they got into a yawl and sailed towards me; this boat being curiously fashioned of ozier and oak-branches twisted together, I concluded that this people must be very wild and uncultivated. I was heartily glad, when I found them to be men, for they were the first human beings I had met during the whole voyage. They are very like the inhabitants of our globe, who live in hot climates; their beards are black and their hair curled; the few among them who have long and light hair, are considered monsters. The land which they inhabit is very rocky: from the curved ridges of the rocks and the connecting tops of the mountains, which cut the air in multiplied sinuosities, every sound reverberates in echo upon echo from the dales below. The people in the yawl approached the plank upon which I floated, drew me from it, carried me to the shore, and gave me to eat and drink. Although the food did not taste very good, yet as I had fasted for three days, it refreshed me very much, and in a short time I regained my former strength.

Everything loose on deck was swept away. Besides the endlessly rolling waves, torrents of rain fell with thunder and lightning. It seemed as though all the elements had conspired to destroy us. As the ship rolled, our masts were carried away, and all hope of survival was lost. Now and then a huge wave swept over us, carrying one or two men far from the ship. The storm grew fiercer, and no one cared about the vessel any longer. The captain and mates had been washed overboard. Without them, a rudder, or masts, the wreck lay at the mercy of the waves. For three days we floated like this, a plaything of the storm. At last we spotted mountainous land in the distance. We were rejoicing at the hope of soon reaching this refuge when our vessel struck a hidden rock. The impact was so hard that the ship broke apart instantly. In the confusion and terror, I seized a plank. I cared nothing for the others and thought only of saving myself. Even now, I know nothing of what happened to my companions. The waves quickly carried me away. This was fortunate, for otherwise I would have been crushed among the ship’s timbers. Or I might have been torn apart by the jagged rocks where we had been thrown. Even if I had escaped those dangers, I would eventually have died of hunger and exhaustion. The waves carried me around a cape, where the sea was calmer. There, the roar of the raging ocean sounded less frightening. When I saw that I was near shore, I began shouting loudly, hoping to summon the inhabitants to help me. Soon I heard a sound on the shore and saw some natives come out of a nearby wood. They got into a small boat and sailed toward me. The boat was strangely made of willow and oak branches twisted together. From this I concluded that these people must be very wild and uncultivated. I was delighted to find that they were men. They were the first human beings I had met during the whole voyage. They look much like the inhabitants of our globe who live in hot climates. Their beards are black, and their hair is curly. The few among them who have long, light hair are considered monsters. The land they inhabit is very rocky. The curved ridges and joined mountain peaks wind back and forth against the sky. Every sound from the valleys below reverberates among them, echoing again and again. The people in the boat came up to my plank, pulled me from it, and carried me ashore. They gave me food and drink. Although the food did not taste very good, it refreshed me greatly, since I had fasted for three days. Before long, I had regained my former strength.