It was their usual manner to remove, when they had done any mischief, lest they should be found out; and so they did at this time. We went about three or four miles, and there they built a great wigwam, big enough to hold an hundred Indians, which they did in preparation to a great day of dancing. They would say now amongst themselves, that the governor would be so angry for his loss at Sudbury, that he would send no more about the captives, which made me grieve and tremble. My sister being not far from the place where we now were, and hearing that I was here, desired her master to let her come and see me, and he was willing to it, and would go with her; but she being ready before him, told him she would go before, and was come within a mile or two of the place. Then he overtook her, and began to rant as if he had been mad, and made her go back again in the rain; so that I never saw her till I saw her in Charlestown. But the Lord requited many of their ill doings, for this Indian her master, was hanged afterward at Boston. The Indians now began to come from all quarters, against their merry dancing day. Among some of them came one goodwife Kettle. I told her my heart was so heavy that it was ready to break. "So is mine too," said she, but yet said, "I hope we shall hear some good news shortly." I could hear how earnestly my sister desired to see me, and I as earnestly desired to see her; and yet neither of us could get an opportunity. My daughter was also now about a mile off, and I had not seen her in nine or ten weeks, as I had not seen my sister since our first taking. I earnestly desired them to let me go and see them: yea, I entreated, begged, and persuaded them, but to let me see my daughter; and yet so hard-hearted were they, that they would not suffer it. They made use of their tyrannical power whilst they had it; but through the Lord's wonderful mercy, their time was now but short.
The Indians usually moved away after doing harm, so they would not be found. They did the same this time. We went about three or four miles. There they built a large wigwam, big enough to hold a hundred Indians, in preparation for a great dancing day. They now said among themselves that the governor would be so angry about his defeat at Sudbury that he would send no one else to negotiate for the captives. Their words made me grieve and tremble. My sister was not far from where we were staying. When she heard I was there, she asked her master to let her come and see me. He agreed and said he would go with her. But she was ready before him and told him she would go ahead. She had come within a mile or two of our camp when he caught up with her. Then he began to rage as if he had gone mad and made her go back in the rain. So I never saw her until we met in Charlestown. But the Lord repaid many of their evil deeds, for this Indian, her master, was later hanged at Boston. The Indians now began arriving from all directions for their day of merry dancing. Among some of them came a woman called goodwife Kettle. I told her my heart was so heavy that it was ready to break. "So is mine too," she said, but added, "I hope we shall hear some good news soon." I heard how earnestly my sister wanted to see me, and I wanted just as earnestly to see her. Yet neither of us could get the chance. My daughter was also now about a mile away, and I had not seen her in nine or ten weeks. I had not seen my sister since we were first captured. I earnestly asked the Indians to let me go and see them. Yes, I pleaded, begged, and tried to persuade them to let me see even my daughter. Yet they were so hard-hearted that they would not allow it. They used their tyrannical power while they had it. But through the Lord's wonderful mercy, their time was now short.
On a Sabbath day, the sun being about an hour high in the afternoon, came Mr. John Hoar (the council permitting him, and his own foreward spirit inclining him), together with the two forementioned Indians, Tom and Peter, with their third letter from the council. When they came near, I was abroad. Though I saw them not, they presently called me in, and bade me sit down and not stir. Then they catched up their guns, and away they ran, as if an enemy had been at hand, and the guns went off apace. I manifested some great trouble, and they asked me what was the matter? I told them I thought they had killed the Englishman (for they had in the meantime informed me that an Englishman was come). They said, no. They shot over his horse and under and before his horse, and they pushed him this way and that way, at their pleasure, showing what they could do. Then they let them come to their wigwams. I begged of them to let me see the Englishman, but they would not. But there was I fain to sit their pleasure. When they had talked their fill with him, they suffered me to go to him. We asked each other of our welfare, and how my husband did, and all my friends? He told me they were all well, and would be glad to see me. Amongst other things which my husband sent me, there came a pound of tobacco, which I sold for nine shillings in money; for many of the Indians for want of tobacco, smoked hemlock, and ground ivy. It was a great mistake in any, who thought I sent for tobacco; for through the favor of God, that desire was overcome. I now asked them whether I should go home with Mr. Hoar? They answered no, one and another of them, and it being night, we lay down with that answer. In the morning Mr. Hoar invited the Sagamores to dinner; but when we went to get it ready we found that they had stolen the greatest part of the provision Mr. Hoar had brought, out of his bags, in the night. And we may see the wonderful power of God, in that one passage, in that when there was such a great number of the Indians together, and so greedy of a little good food, and no English there but Mr. Hoar and myself, that there they did not knock us in the head, and take what we had, there being not only some provision, but also trading-cloth, a part of the twenty pounds agreed upon. But instead of doing us any mischief, they seemed to be ashamed of the fact, and said, it were some matchit Indian that did it. Oh, that we could believe that there is nothing too hard for God! God showed His power over the heathen in this, as He did over the hungry lions when Daniel was cast into the den. Mr. Hoar called them betime to dinner, but they ate very little, they being so busy in dressing themselves, and getting ready for their dance, which was carried on by eight of them, four men and four squaws. My master and mistress being two. He was dressed in his holland shirt, with great laces sewed at the tail of it; he had his silver buttons, his white stockings, his garters were hung round with shillings, and he had girdles of wampum upon his head and shoulders. She had a kersey coat, and covered with girdles of wampum from the loins upward. Her arms from her elbows to her hands were covered with bracelets; there were handfuls of necklaces about her neck, and several sorts of jewels in her ears. She had fine red stockings, and white shoes, her hair powdered and face painted red, that was always before black. And all the dancers were after the same manner. There were two others singing and knocking on a kettle for their music. They kept hopping up and down one after another, with a kettle of water in the midst, standing warm upon some embers, to drink of when they were dry. They held on till it was almost night, throwing out wampum to the standers by. At night I asked them again, if I should go home? They all as one said no, except my husband would come for me. When we were lain down, my master went out of the wigwam, and by and by sent in an Indian called James the Printer, who told Mr. Hoar, that my master would let me go home tomorrow, if he would let him have one pint of liquors. Then Mr. Hoar called his own Indians, Tom and Peter, and bid them go and see whether he would promise it before them three; and if he would, he should have it; which he did, and he had it. Then Philip smelling the business called me to him, and asked me what I would give him, to tell me some good news, and speak a good word for me. I told him I could not tell what to give him. I would [give him] anything I had, and asked him what he would have? He said two coats and twenty shillings in money, and half a bushel of seed corn, and some tobacco. I thanked him for his love; but I knew the good news as well as the crafty fox. My master after he had had his drink, quickly came ranting into the wigwam again, and called for Mr. Hoar, drinking to him, and saying, he was a good man, and then again he would say, "hang him rogue." Being almost drunk, he would drink to him, and yet presently say he should be hanged. Then he called for me. I trembled to hear him, yet I was fain to go to him, and he drank to me, showing no incivility. He was the first Indian I saw drunk all the while that I was amongst them. At last his squaw ran out, and he after her, round the wigwam, with his money jingling at his knees. But she escaped him. But having an old squaw he ran to her; and so through the Lord's mercy, we were no more troubled that night. Yet I had not a comfortable night's rest; for I think I can say, I did not sleep for three nights together. The night before the letter came from the council, I could not rest, I was so full of fears and troubles, God many times leaving us most in the dark, when deliverance is nearest. Yea, at this time I could not rest night nor day. The next night I was overjoyed, Mr. Hoar being come, and that with such good tidings. The third night I was even swallowed up with the thoughts of things, viz. that ever I should go home again; and that I must go, leaving my children behind me in the wilderness; so that sleep was now almost departed from mine eyes.
One Sabbath afternoon, when the sun was about an hour from setting, Mr. John Hoar arrived. The council had permitted him to come, and his own eagerness had moved him to do so. With him were the two Indians mentioned earlier, Tom and Peter, carrying their third letter from the council. When they came near, I was outside. Although I had not seen them, my captors quickly called me in and told me to sit still. Then my captors grabbed their guns and ran off as if an enemy were nearby. Shots rang out rapidly. I showed great distress, and my captors asked what was wrong. I said I thought they had killed the Englishman. By then, they had told me an Englishman had arrived. They said they had not killed him. They had fired above, below, and in front of his horse. They pushed him this way and that as they pleased, showing what they could do. Then they let the visitors come to their wigwams. I begged my captors to let me see the Englishman, but they refused. I had to sit there until they chose to let me move. When they had finished talking with him, they allowed me to go to him. We asked how each other was doing, and I asked about my husband and all my friends. He told me they were all well and would be glad to see me. Among the things my husband sent was a pound of tobacco, which I sold for nine shillings in money. Many of the Indians had no tobacco, so they smoked hemlock and ground ivy. Anyone who thought I had asked for tobacco was greatly mistaken. Through God's favor, I had overcome that desire. I now asked my captors whether I would go home with Mr. Hoar. One after another, they answered no. Night had come, so we lay down with that answer. In the morning, Mr. Hoar invited the Sagamores to dinner. But when we went to prepare dinner, we found most of his provisions missing. During the night, the Indians had stolen the food from his bags. We can see God's wonderful power in this one event. So many Indians were gathered there, eager for a little good food. No English people were there except Mr. Hoar and me. Yet the Indians did not strike us dead and take what we had. Besides some food, we had cloth for trading, part of the twenty pounds agreed upon. But instead of harming us, the Indians seemed ashamed of the theft. They said some matchit, or wicked, Indian had done it. Oh, if only we could believe that nothing is too hard for God! God showed his power over the heathen here, just as he ruled the hungry lions when Daniel entered their den. Mr. Hoar called the Indians to dinner early, but they ate very little. They were too busy dressing and preparing for their dance. Eight people danced, four men and four women, including my master and mistress. My master wore his fine linen shirt, with large pieces of lace sewn along its bottom. He wore his silver buttons and white stockings, and shilling coins hung around his garters. He also wore belts of wampum on his head and shoulders. My mistress wore a coarse woolen coat, with wampum belts covering her from the waist up. Bracelets covered her arms from her elbows to her hands. Handfuls of necklaces hung around her neck, and several kinds of jewels hung from her ears. She wore fine red stockings and white shoes. Her hair was powdered, and her face, always painted black before, was painted red. All the dancers were dressed in the same way. Two others provided music by singing and beating on a kettle. The dancers kept hopping up and down, one after another. A kettle of water stood among them, warming over embers, for them to drink when thirsty. They continued until nearly nightfall, throwing wampum to the onlookers. At night, I asked again whether I would go home. They all answered together that I would not, unless my husband came for me. After we had lain down, my master went out of the wigwam. Soon he sent in an Indian called James the Printer. James told Mr. Hoar that my master would let me go home tomorrow for one pint of liquor. Then Mr. Hoar called Tom and Peter, the Indians who had accompanied him. He told them to see whether my master would make that promise before all three of them. If my master did, he would receive the liquor. My master made the promise and received it. Then Philip, sensing what was happening, called me over. He asked what I would give him for good news and a good word on my behalf. I told him I did not know what to give him. I would give him anything I had, and I asked what he wanted. He asked for two coats, twenty shillings in money, half a bushel of seed corn, and some tobacco. I thanked him for his kindness. But I already knew the good news as well as that crafty fox did. After my master had drunk his liquor, he soon came ranting into the wigwam again and called for Mr. Hoar. He drank to Mr. Hoar's health and said he was a good man. Then he would say, "hang him rogue." Nearly drunk, my master would drink to Mr. Hoar, then immediately say he should be hanged. Then my master called for me. I trembled to hear him, but I had to go to him. He drank to my health without treating me rudely. He was the first Indian I had seen drunk during my entire time among them. At last his wife ran outside, and he chased her around the wigwam, his money jingling at his knees. But she escaped him. He had an old wife, however, and ran to her. So, through the Lord's mercy, he troubled us no more that night. Yet I did not rest comfortably that night. I think I can say that I did not sleep for three nights in a row. The night before the council's letter arrived, I could not rest because I was so full of fears and troubles. God often leaves us most in darkness when deliverance is nearest. Indeed, at that time I could not rest by night or day. The next night, I was overjoyed because Mr. Hoar had come with such good news. The third night, I was overwhelmed by the thought that I would actually go home again. Yet I also thought of having to leave my children behind in the wilderness. These thoughts left me almost unable to sleep.
On Tuesday morning they called their general court (as they call it) to consult and determine, whether I should go home or no. And they all as one man did seemingly consent to it, that I should go home; except Philip, who would not come among them.
On Tuesday morning they held what they call their general court to discuss and decide whether I should go home. They all seemed to agree unanimously that I should go home, except Philip, who refused to join them.
But before I go any further, I would take leave to mention a few remarkable passages of providence, which I took special notice of in my afflicted time.
But before I go any further, I would like to mention a few remarkable examples of God’s providence. I took special notice of these during my suffering.
1. Of the fair opportunity lost in the long march, a little after the fort fight, when our English army was so numerous, and in pursuit of the enemy, and so near as to take several and destroy them, and the enemy in such distress for food that our men might track them by their rooting in the earth for ground nuts, whilst they were flying for their lives. I say, that then our army should want provision, and be forced to leave their pursuit and return homeward; and the very next week the enemy came upon our town, like bears bereft of their whelps, or so many ravenous wolves, rending us and our lambs to death. But what shall I say? God seemed to leave his People to themselves, and order all things for His own holy ends. Shall there be evil in the City and the Lord hath not done it? They are not grieved for the affliction of Joseph, therefore shall they go captive, with the first that go captive. It is the Lord's doing, and it should be marvelous in our eyes.
1. Consider the great opportunity lost during the long march, shortly after the battle at the fort. Our English army was so large and was pursuing the enemy. Our soldiers were close enough to capture and kill several of them. The enemy was so desperate for food that our men could track where they had dug for ground nuts. They dug for food even as they fled for their lives. Yet at that very moment, our army ran out of supplies and had to abandon the pursuit and return home. The very next week, the enemy attacked our town like bears robbed of their cubs, or so many ravenous wolves. They tore us and our little lambs to death. But what can I say? God seemed to leave his people to themselves and arrange all things for his own holy purposes. Can disaster strike a city unless the Lord has caused it? They do not grieve over Joseph's suffering, so they will be among the first taken captive. This is the Lord's doing, and it should fill us with wonder.
2. I cannot but remember how the Indians derided the slowness, and dullness of the English army, in its setting out. For after the desolations at Lancaster and Medfield, as I went along with them, they asked me when I thought the English army would come after them? I told them I could not tell. "It may be they will come in May," said they. Thus did they scoff at us, as if the English would be a quarter of a year getting ready.
2. I cannot help remembering how the Indians mocked the English army for being slow and sluggish to set out. After the destruction at Lancaster and Medfield, I traveled with the Indians. They asked me when I thought the English army would come after them. I told them I could not say. "Maybe they will come in May," the Indians said. In this way, the Indians mocked us, as if the English would take three months to get ready.
3. Which also I have hinted before, when the English army with new supplies were sent forth to pursue after the enemy, and they understanding it, fled before them till they came to Banquang river, where they forthwith went over safely; that that river should be impassable to the English. I can but admire to see the wonderful providence of God in preserving the heathen for further affliction to our poor country. They could go in great numbers over, but the English must stop. God had an over-ruling hand in all those things.
3. As I mentioned before, the English army was sent out with fresh supplies to pursue the enemy. When the enemy learned of this pursuit, they fled until they reached Banquang river. There they immediately crossed safely, yet the river was impassable to the English. I can only marvel at God's wonderful providence in preserving the heathen to bring further suffering to our poor country. The heathen could cross in great numbers, but the English had to stop. God's hand ruled over all these things.
4. It was thought, if their corn were cut down, they would starve and die with hunger, and all their corn that could be found, was destroyed, and they driven from that little they had in store, into the woods in the midst of winter; and yet how to admiration did the Lord preserve them for His holy ends, and the destruction of many still amongst the English! strangely did the Lord provide for them; that I did not see (all the time I was among them) one man, woman, or child, die with hunger.
4. People thought that if their corn were cut down, they would starve to death. So all their corn that could be found was destroyed. They were driven from the little food they had stored into the woods in the middle of winter. Yet how wonderfully the Lord preserved them for his holy purposes and the destruction of many still among the English! How remarkably the Lord provided for them! During all my time among them, I did not see one man, woman, or child die of hunger.
Though many times they would eat that, that a hog or a dog would hardly touch; yet by that God strengthened them to be a scourge to His people.
They often ate food that a pig or dog would hardly touch. Yet through that food, God strengthened them to serve as instruments of punishment against his people.
The chief and commonest food was ground nuts. They eat also nuts and acorns, artichokes, lilly roots, ground beans, and several other weeds and roots, that I know not.
The main and most common food was groundnuts. They also ate nuts, acorns, artichokes, lily roots, ground beans, and several other weeds and roots I didn't recognize.
They would pick up old bones, and cut them to pieces at the joints, and if they were full of worms and maggots, they would scald them over the fire to make the vermine come out, and then boil them, and drink up the liquor, and then beat the great ends of them in a mortar, and so eat them. They would eat horse's guts, and ears, and all sorts of wild birds which they could catch; also bear, venison, beaver, tortoise, frogs, squirrels, dogs, skunks, rattlesnakes; yea, the very bark of trees; besides all sorts of creatures, and provision which they plundered from the English. I can but stand in admiration to see the wonderful power of God in providing for such a vast number of our enemies in the wilderness, where there was nothing to be seen, but from hand to mouth. Many times in a morning, the generality of them would eat up all they had, and yet have some further supply against they wanted. It is said, "Oh, that my People had hearkened to me, and Israel had walked in my ways, I should soon have subdued their Enemies, and turned my hand against their Adversaries" (Psalm 81.13-14). But now our perverse and evil carriages in the sight of the Lord, have so offended Him, that instead of turning His hand against them, the Lord feeds and nourishes them up to be a scourge to the whole land.
They would pick up old bones and cut them apart at the joints. If the bones were full of worms and maggots, they would scald them over the fire to drive the vermin out. Then they would boil the bones and drink the broth. Afterward, they would pound the large ends of the bones in a mortar and eat them. They would eat horses’ guts and ears, and all kinds of wild birds they could catch. They also ate bear, venison, beaver, tortoise, frogs, squirrels, dogs, skunks, rattlesnakes, and even tree bark. Besides these, they ate all kinds of creatures and food they plundered from the English. I can only stand in awe at God’s wonderful power in providing for so many of our enemies in the wilderness. There was no sign of food beyond what they could find from day to day. Many mornings, most of them would eat everything they had. Yet they would have more food by the time they needed it. Scripture says, "Oh, if my people had listened to me, and Israel had followed my ways! I would soon have subdued their enemies and turned my hand against their adversaries" (Psalm 81.13-14). But now our stubborn and evil behavior in the Lord’s sight has so offended him that he feeds and sustains them. Instead of turning his hand against them, the Lord builds up their strength to punish the whole land.
5. Another thing that I would observe is the strange providence of God, in turning things about when the Indians was at the highest, and the English at the lowest. I was with the enemy eleven weeks and five days, and not one week passed without the fury of the enemy, and some desolation by fire and sword upon one place or other. They mourned (with their black faces) for their own losses, yet triumphed and rejoiced in their inhumane, and many times devilish cruelty to the English. They would boast much of their victories; saying that in two hours time they had destroyed such a captain and his company at such a place; and boast how many towns they had destroyed, and then scoff, and say they had done them a good turn to send them to Heaven so soon. Again, they would say this summer that they would knock all the rogues in the head, or drive them into the sea, or make them fly the country; thinking surely, Agag-like, "The bitterness of Death is past." Now the heathen begins to think all is their own, and the poor Christians' hopes to fail (as to man) and now their eyes are more to God, and their hearts sigh heaven-ward; and to say in good earnest, "Help Lord, or we perish." When the Lord had brought His people to this, that they saw no help in anything but Himself; then He takes the quarrel into His own hand; and though they had made a pit, in their own imaginations, as deep as hell for the Christians that summer, yet the Lord hurled themselves into it. And the Lord had not so many ways before to preserve them, but now He hath as many to destroy them.
5. Another thing I would note is God’s strange providence in reversing events. The Indians were at their strongest, and the English at their weakest. I was with the enemy eleven weeks and five days. Not one week passed without the enemy’s fury bringing destruction by fire and sword to one place or another. They mourned their own losses (with their faces blackened). Yet they celebrated and rejoiced in their inhuman, and often devilish, cruelty toward the English. They boasted greatly about their victories. They said they had destroyed a certain captain and his company at a certain place in just two hours. They boasted about how many towns they had destroyed. Then they mocked the English, saying they had done them a favor by sending them to Heaven so soon. They also said that this summer they would club all the rogues to death. Or they would drive them into the sea or force them to flee the country. Like Agag, they felt certain that "The bitterness of Death is past." Now the heathen began to think everything was theirs. The poor Christians began to lose hope in human help. So the Christians looked more toward God, and their hearts sighed toward heaven. They began to say in earnest, "Help Lord, or we perish." The Lord had brought his people to the point where they saw no help in anything but himself. Then he took their cause into his own hands. In their imaginations, the enemy had dug a pit as deep as hell for the Christians that summer. Yet the Lord hurled the enemy themselves into that pit. The Lord now had as many ways to destroy them as he had previously had to preserve them.
But to return again to my going home, where we may see a remarkable change of providence. At first they were all against it, except my husband would come for me, but afterwards they assented to it, and seemed much to rejoice in it; some asked me to send them some bread, others some tobacco, others shaking me by the hand, offering me a hood and scarfe to ride in; not one moving hand or tongue against it. Thus hath the Lord answered my poor desire, and the many earnest requests of others put up unto God for me. In my travels an Indian came to me and told me, if I were willing, he and his squaw would run away, and go home along with me. I told him no: I was not willing to run away, but desired to wait God's time, that I might go home quietly, and without fear. And now God hath granted me my desire. O the wonderful power of God that I have seen, and the experience that I have had. I have been in the midst of those roaring lions, and savage bears, that feared neither God, nor man, nor the devil, by night and day, alone and in company, sleeping all sorts together, and yet not one of them ever offered me the least abuse of unchastity to me, in word or action. Though some are ready to say I speak it for my own credit; but I speak it in the presence of God, and to His Glory. God's power is as great now, and as sufficient to save, as when He preserved Daniel in the lion's den; or the three children in the fiery furnace. I may well say as his Psalm 107.12 "Oh give thanks unto the Lord for he is good, for his mercy endureth for ever." Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom He hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy, especially that I should come away in the midst of so many hundreds of enemies quietly and peaceably, and not a dog moving his tongue. So I took my leave of them, and in coming along my heart melted into tears, more than all the while I was with them, and I was almost swallowed up with the thoughts that ever I should go home again. About the sun going down, Mr. Hoar, and myself, and the two Indians came to Lancaster, and a solemn sight it was to me. There had I lived many comfortable years amongst my relations and neighbors, and now not one Christian to be seen, nor one house left standing. We went on to a farmhouse that was yet standing, where we lay all night, and a comfortable lodging we had, though nothing but straw to lie on. The Lord preserved us in safety that night, and raised us up again in the morning, and carried us along, that before noon, we came to Concord. Now was I full of joy, and yet not without sorrow; joy to see such a lovely sight, so many Christians together, and some of them my neighbors. There I met with my brother, and my brother-in-law, who asked me, if I knew where his wife was? Poor heart! he had helped to bury her, and knew it not. She being shot down by the house was partly burnt, so that those who were at Boston at the desolation of the town, and came back afterward, and buried the dead, did not know her. Yet I was not without sorrow, to think how many were looking and longing, and my own children amongst the rest, to enjoy that deliverance that I had now received, and I did not know whether ever I should see them again. Being recruited with food and raiment we went to Boston that day, where I met with my dear husband, but the thoughts of our dear children, one being dead, and the other we could not tell where, abated our comfort each to other. I was not before so much hemmed in with the merciless and cruel heathen, but now as much with pitiful, tender-hearted and compassionate Christians. In that poor, and distressed, and beggarly condition I was received in; I was kindly entertained in several houses. So much love I received from several (some of whom I knew, and others I knew not) that I am not capable to declare it. But the Lord knows them all by name. The Lord reward them sevenfold into their bosoms of His spirituals, for their temporals. The twenty pounds, the price of my redemption, was raised by some Boston gentlemen, and Mrs. Usher, whose bounty and religious charity, I would not forget to make mention of. Then Mr. Thomas Shepard of Charlestown received us into his house, where we continued eleven weeks; and a father and mother they were to us. And many more tender-hearted friends we met with in that place. We were now in the midst of love, yet not without much and frequent heaviness of heart for our poor children, and other relations, who were still in affliction. The week following, after my coming in, the governor and council sent forth to the Indians again; and that not without success; for they brought in my sister, and goodwife Kettle. Their not knowing where our children were was a sore trial to us still, and yet we were not without secret hopes that we should see them again. That which was dead lay heavier upon my spirit, than those which were alive and amongst the heathen: thinking how it suffered with its wounds, and I was no way able to relieve it; and how it was buried by the heathen in the wilderness from among all Christians. We were hurried up and down in our thoughts, sometime we should hear a report that they were gone this way, and sometimes that; and that they were come in, in this place or that. We kept inquiring and listening to hear concerning them, but no certain news as yet. About this time the council had ordered a day of public thanksgiving. Though I thought I had still cause of mourning, and being unsettled in our minds, we thought we would ride toward the eastward, to see if we could hear anything concerning our children. And as we were riding along (God is the wise disposer of all things) between Ipswich and Rowley we met with Mr. William Hubbard, who told us that our son Joseph was come in to Major Waldron's, and another with him, which was my sister's son. I asked him how he knew it? He said the major himself told him so. So along we went till we came to Newbury; and their minister being absent, they desired my husband to preach the thanksgiving for them; but he was not willing to stay there that night, but would go over to Salisbury, to hear further, and come again in the morning, which he did, and preached there that day. At night, when he had done, one came and told him that his daughter was come in at Providence. Here was mercy on both hands. Now hath God fulfilled that precious Scripture which was such a comfort to me in my distressed condition. When my heart was ready to sink into the earth (my children being gone, I could not tell whither) and my knees trembling under me, and I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death; then the Lord brought, and now has fulfilled that reviving word unto me: "Thus saith the Lord, Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears, for thy Work shall be rewarded, saith the Lord, and they shall come again from the Land of the Enemy." Now we were between them, the one on the east, and the other on the west. Our son being nearest, we went to him first, to Portsmouth, where we met with him, and with the Major also, who told us he had done what he could, but could not redeem him under seven pounds, which the good people thereabouts were pleased to pay. The Lord reward the major, and all the rest, though unknown to me, for their labor of Love. My sister's son was redeemed for four pounds, which the council gave order for the payment of. Having now received one of our children, we hastened toward the other. Going back through Newbury my husband preached there on the Sabbath day; for which they rewarded him many fold.
But to return to my journey home, we can see a remarkable change in God’s providence. At first, my captors all opposed my release unless my husband came for me. But afterward, they agreed and seemed to rejoice greatly. Some asked me to send them bread, and others asked for tobacco. Others shook my hand and offered me a hood and scarf to wear on the ride. Not one person raised a hand or spoke against my leaving. In this way, the Lord answered my humble desire and the many earnest prayers others offered to God for me. During my travels, an Indian came to me with an offer. If I was willing, he and his wife would run away and go home with me. I told him no. I was not willing to run away. Instead, I wanted to wait for God’s time, so I could go home peacefully and without fear. And now God has granted my desire. Oh, the wonderful power of God that I have seen and experienced! I have lived among those roaring lions and savage bears, who feared neither God, nor man, nor the devil. I was among them night and day, alone and in company, with all sorts of people sleeping together. Yet not one ever subjected me to the slightest sexual abuse, in word or action. Some are ready to say I claim this to protect my own reputation. But I say it in God’s presence and for his glory. God’s power is as great now, and as able to save, as when he preserved Daniel in the lions’ den. It is as great as when he preserved the three children in the fiery furnace. I may well say, as in Psalm 107:12, "Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his mercy lasts forever." Let those whom the Lord has rescued from the enemy’s hands say so. I especially have reason to give thanks. I left peacefully and quietly from among so many hundreds of enemies, without even a dog making a sound. So I said goodbye to them. As I traveled, my heart melted into tears more than at any time during my captivity. I was almost overwhelmed by the thought that I would ever go home again. Around sunset, Mr. Hoar, the two Indians, and I came to Lancaster. What a sorrowful sight it was to me. I had lived there comfortably for many years among my relatives and neighbors. Now there was not one Christian to be seen, nor one house left standing. We went on to a farmhouse that was still standing and spent the night there. Our lodging was comfortable, though we had nothing but straw to lie on. The Lord kept us safe that night and brought us safely into the morning. He carried us onward, and we reached Concord before noon. Now I was full of joy, though not without sorrow. What a lovely sight it was to see so many Christians together, including some of my neighbors. There I met my brother and my brother-in-law. My brother-in-law asked whether I knew where his wife was. Poor man! He had helped bury her without knowing it. She had been shot down beside the house and partly burned. Those who buried the dead afterward had been in Boston when the town was destroyed. When they returned, they did not recognize her. Yet I also felt sorrow for the many people still longing for the freedom I had received. My own children were among them, and I did not know whether I would ever see them again. After receiving food and clothing, we went to Boston that day, where I met my dear husband. But thoughts of our dear children lessened the comfort we found in each other. One was dead, and we did not know where the other was. I had been closely surrounded by merciless and cruel heathens. Now I was just as closely surrounded by sympathetic, tenderhearted, and compassionate Christians. They welcomed me in my poor, distressed, and destitute condition. I was kindly cared for in several houses. I received more love than I can describe from several people, some I knew and others I did not. But the Lord knows them all by name. May the Lord repay their material gifts sevenfold with spiritual blessings. Some Boston gentlemen and Mrs. Usher raised the twenty pounds paid for my release. I would not forget to mention their generosity and religious charity. Then Mr. Thomas Shepard of Charlestown welcomed us into his house, where we stayed for eleven weeks. He and his wife were like a father and mother to us. We also met many more tenderhearted friends there. We were now surrounded by love. Yet we still felt deep and frequent sorrow for our poor children and other relatives who remained in distress. The week after my return, the governor and council sent messengers to the Indians again. Their efforts succeeded, for the messengers brought back my sister and goodwife Kettle. Still, their not knowing where our children were was a painful trial for us. Yet we held quiet hopes that we would see our children again. My dead child weighed more heavily on my spirit than those still alive among the heathens. I thought of how my child had suffered from wounds, while I could do nothing to bring relief. I also thought of how the heathens had buried my child in the wilderness, away from all Christians. Our thoughts rushed back and forth. Sometimes we heard that our children had gone one way, sometimes another. Then we heard they had returned to this place or that. We kept asking and listening for news of them, but we still heard nothing certain. Around this time, the council ordered a day of public thanksgiving. Yet I thought I still had reason to mourn, and our minds remained unsettled. So we decided to ride eastward to see whether we could learn anything about our children. As we rode between Ipswich and Rowley, we met Mr. William Hubbard. God wisely arranges all things. Mr. Hubbard told us that our son Joseph had arrived at Major Waldron’s. Another boy had arrived with him, my sister’s son. I asked how he knew. He said the major himself had told him. We continued to Newbury. Their minister was away, so the people asked my husband to preach their thanksgiving sermon. But he was unwilling to stay there that night. Instead, he wanted to go over to Salisbury to learn more and return in the morning. He did so and preached at Newbury that day. That night, after he had finished, someone came and told him that his daughter had arrived at Providence. Here was mercy on both sides. Now God had fulfilled that precious passage of Scripture that had comforted me so much in my distress. My heart had been ready to sink into the earth because my children were gone, and I knew not where. My knees trembled beneath me, and I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Then the Lord brought these life-giving words to me, and now he has fulfilled them: "This is what the Lord says: Keep your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears. For your work will be rewarded, says the Lord, and they will return from the enemy’s land." Now we were between our children, one to the east and the other to the west. Our son was nearer, so we went first to Portsmouth to see him. There we met him and the major. The major told us he had done all he could, but could not secure our son’s release for less than seven pounds. The good people nearby had willingly paid the money. May the Lord reward the major and all the others for their loving efforts, though I do not know them. My sister’s son was released for four pounds, which the council ordered to be paid. Having recovered one of our children, we hurried toward the other. On our way back through Newbury, my husband preached there on the Sabbath. The people rewarded him many times over for his preaching.
On Monday we came to Charlestown, where we heard that the governor of Rhode Island had sent over for our daughter, to take care of her, being now within his jurisdiction; which should not pass without our acknowledgments. But she being nearer Rehoboth than Rhode Island, Mr. Newman went over, and took care of her and brought her to his own house. And the goodness of God was admirable to us in our low estate, in that He raised up passionate friends on every side to us, when we had nothing to recompense any for their love. The Indians were now gone that way, that it was apprehended dangerous to go to her. But the carts which carried provision to the English army, being guarded, brought her with them to Dorchester, where we received her safe. Blessed be the Lord for it, for great is His power, and He can do whatsoever seemeth Him good. Her coming in was after this manner: she was traveling one day with the Indians, with her basket at her back; the company of Indians were got before her, and gone out of sight, all except one squaw; she followed the squaw till night, and then both of them lay down, having nothing over them but the heavens and under them but the earth. Thus she traveled three days together, not knowing whither she was going; having nothing to eat or drink but water, and green hirtle-berries. At last they came into Providence, where she was kindly entertained by several of that town. The Indians often said that I should never have her under twenty pounds. But now the Lord hath brought her in upon free-cost, and given her to me the second time. The Lord make us a blessing indeed, each to others. Now have I seen that Scripture also fulfilled, "If any of thine be driven out to the outmost parts of heaven, from thence will the Lord thy God gather thee, and from thence will he fetch thee. And the Lord thy God will put all these curses upon thine enemies, and on them which hate thee, which persecuted thee" (Deuteronomy 30.4-7). Thus hath the Lord brought me and mine out of that horrible pit, and hath set us in the midst of tender-hearted and compassionate Christians. It is the desire of my soul that we may walk worthy of the mercies received, and which we are receiving.
On Monday we came to Charlestown. There we heard that the governor of Rhode Island had sent for our daughter to care for her. She was now within his jurisdiction, and we must acknowledge his kindness. But she was nearer Rehoboth than Rhode Island. So Mr. Newman went to her, cared for her, and brought her to his own house. God’s goodness to us in our distress was wonderful. He brought us compassionate friends on every side, though we had nothing to repay their love. The Indians had now gone in her direction, so traveling to her was considered dangerous. But guarded carts carrying supplies to the English army brought her with them to Dorchester. There we received her safely. Blessed be the Lord for her safe return, for his power is great. He can do whatever he sees fit. Our daughter’s return happened this way. One day she was traveling with the Indians, carrying her basket on her back. All the Indians had gone ahead and out of sight except one Indian woman. Our daughter followed the woman until night, and then both lay down. They had nothing above them but the sky and nothing beneath them but the earth. She traveled this way for three days, not knowing where she was going. She had nothing to eat or drink but water and green huckleberries. At last they came to Providence, where several townspeople welcomed her kindly. The Indians had often said I would never get her back for less than twenty pounds. But now the Lord has brought her back at no cost and given her to me a second time. May the Lord make us a true blessing to each other. Now I have also seen these words of Scripture fulfilled: "If any of your people are driven to the farthest parts of heaven, the Lord your God will gather you from there. From there he will bring you back. And the Lord your God will put all these curses on your enemies and those who hate and persecute you" (Deuteronomy 30.4-7). So the Lord has brought me and my family out of that horrible pit. He has placed us among tenderhearted and compassionate Christians. My soul’s desire is that we may live in a way worthy of his mercies. We have received these mercies and continue to receive them.
Our family being now gathered together (those of us that were living), the South Church in Boston hired an house for us. Then we removed from Mr. Shepard's, those cordial friends, and went to Boston, where we continued about three-quarters of a year. Still the Lord went along with us, and provided graciously for us. I thought it somewhat strange to set up house-keeping with bare walls; but as Solomon says, "Money answers all things" and that we had through the benevolence of Christian friends, some in this town, and some in that, and others; and some from England; that in a little time we might look, and see the house furnished with love. The Lord hath been exceeding good to us in our low estate, in that when we had neither house nor home, nor other necessaries, the Lord so moved the hearts of these and those towards us, that we wanted neither food, nor raiment for ourselves or ours: "There is a Friend which sticketh closer than a Brother" (Proverbs 18.24). And how many such friends have we found, and now living amongst? And truly such a friend have we found him to be unto us, in whose house we lived, viz. Mr. James Whitcomb, a friend unto us near hand, and afar off.
Our family was now together again, at least those of us still living. The South Church in Boston rented a house for us. Then we left Mr. Shepard's home, where we had found such warm friends, and went to Boston. We stayed there for about nine months. Still the Lord remained with us and graciously provided for us. I thought it somewhat strange to begin keeping a home with nothing but bare walls. But as Solomon says, "Money answers all things". We had money through the generosity of Christian friends in various towns, and some in England. So before long, we could look around and see our house furnished with love. The Lord has been exceedingly good to us in our hardship. When we had no house, home, or other necessities, the Lord moved the hearts of many people to help us. So neither we nor our family lacked food or clothing: "There is a Friend which sticketh closer than a Brother" (Proverbs 18.24). How many such friends we have found, and how many we now live among! And truly, Mr. James Whitcomb, in whose house we lived, has been such a friend to us, near and far.
I can remember the time when I used to sleep quietly without workings in my thoughts, whole nights together, but now it is other ways with me. When all are fast about me, and no eye open, but His who ever waketh, my thoughts are upon things past, upon the awful dispensation of the Lord towards us, upon His wonderful power and might, in carrying of us through so many difficulties, in returning us in safety, and suffering none to hurt us. I remember in the night season, how the other day I was in the midst of thousands of enemies, and nothing but death before me. It is then hard work to persuade myself, that ever I should be satisfied with bread again. But now we are fed with the finest of the wheat, and, as I may say, with honey out of the rock. Instead of the husk, we have the fatted calf. The thoughts of these things in the particulars of them, and of the love and goodness of God towards us, make it true of me, what David said of himself, "I watered my Couch with my tears" (Psalm 6.6). Oh! the wonderful power of God that mine eyes have seen, affording matter enough for my thoughts to run in, that when others are sleeping mine eyes are weeping.
I remember when I used to sleep peacefully all night, with no troubling thoughts. But now things are different. Everyone around me is fast asleep, and no eyes are open except those of God, who never sleeps. My thoughts turn to the past and to the terrible trials the Lord brought upon us. I think of his wonderful power and might in bringing us through so many hardships. He brought us home safely and allowed no one to hurt us. At night, I remember how recently I was surrounded by thousands of enemies, with nothing but death before me. Then I can hardly convince myself that I could ever again have enough bread to satisfy my hunger. But now we are fed with the finest wheat and, I might say, with honey from the rock. Instead of husks, we have the fattened calf. Thinking about all these things in detail, and about God's love and goodness toward us, brings me to tears. What David said of himself is true of me: "I soaked my couch with my tears" (Psalm 6.6). Oh, the wonderful power of God that my own eyes have seen! His power gives me so much to think about that, while others sleep, my eyes fill with tears.
I have seen the extreme vanity of this world: One hour I have been in health, and wealthy, wanting nothing. But the next hour in sickness and wounds, and death, having nothing but sorrow and affliction.
I have seen how utterly empty this world is. One hour I was healthy and wealthy, lacking nothing. But the next hour, I faced sickness, wounds, and death, with nothing but sorrow and suffering.
Before I knew what affliction meant, I was ready sometimes to wish for it. When I lived in prosperity, having the comforts of the world about me, my relations by me, my heart cheerful, and taking little care for anything, and yet seeing many, whom I preferred before myself, under many trials and afflictions, in sickness, weakness, poverty, losses, crosses, and cares of the world, I should be sometimes jealous least I should have my portion in this life, and that Scripture would come to my mind, "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every Son whom he receiveth" (Hebrews 12.6). But now I see the Lord had His time to scourge and chasten me. The portion of some is to have their afflictions by drops, now one drop and then another; but the dregs of the cup, the wine of astonishment, like a sweeping rain that leaveth no food, did the Lord prepare to be my portion. Affliction I wanted, and affliction I had, full measure (I thought), pressed down and running over. Yet I see, when God calls a person to anything, and through never so many difficulties, yet He is fully able to carry them through and make them see, and say they have been gainers thereby. And I hope I can say in some measure, as David did, "It is good for me that I have been afflicted." The Lord hath showed me the vanity of these outward things. That they are the vanity of vanities, and vexation of spirit, that they are but a shadow, a blast, a bubble, and things of no continuance. That we must rely on God Himself, and our whole dependance must be upon Him. If trouble from smaller matters begin to arise in me, I have something at hand to check myself with, and say, why am I troubled? It was but the other day that if I had had the world, I would have given it for my freedom, or to have been a servant to a Christian. I have learned to look beyond present and smaller troubles, and to be quieted under them. As Moses said, "Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord" (Exodus 14.13).
Before I knew what suffering meant, I sometimes found myself wishing for it. I lived comfortably, surrounded by the good things of this world, with my relatives near me. My heart was cheerful, and I had few worries. Yet I saw many people I thought better than myself facing trials and suffering. They endured sickness, weakness, poverty, losses, setbacks, and worldly cares. Sometimes I feared that my share of happiness would come only in this life. These words from Scripture would come to mind: "For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and whips every son he accepts" (Hebrews 12.6). But now I see that the Lord had his own time to punish and discipline me. Some people receive their suffering drop by drop, one now and another later. But the Lord prepared a different share for me: the bitter dregs of the cup, the wine of overwhelming distress. My suffering was like a sweeping rain that leaves no food behind. I wanted suffering, and I received suffering in full measure, I thought, packed down and overflowing. Yet I see that when God calls people to face something, he is fully able to carry them through. However many difficulties they face, he can make them see and say that they have gained from the experience. And I hope I can say, at least to some degree, as David did, "It is good for me that I have suffered." The Lord has shown me how empty worldly things are. They are utterly empty and troubling to the spirit, nothing but a shadow, a gust of wind, a bubble. None of these things lasts. We must rely on God himself and depend entirely on him. If smaller troubles begin to upset me, I have a ready reminder to stop myself. I ask myself, why am I troubled? Only the other day, if I had owned the whole world, I would have given it for my freedom. I would even have given it to become a Christian's servant. I have learned to look beyond present, smaller troubles and to remain calm through them. As Moses said, "Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord" (Exodus 14.13).