Social Relations Between the Sexes

My Dear Friend,—Before I proceed with the account of that oppression which woman has suffered in every age and country from her protector, man, permit me to offer for your consideration, some views relative to the social intercourse of the sexes. Nearly the whole of this intercourse is, in my apprehension, derogatory to man and woman, as moral and intellectual beings. We approach each other, and mingle with each other, under the constant pressure of a feeling that we are of different sexes; and, instead of regarding each other only in the light of immortal creatures, the mind is fettered by the idea which is early and industriously infused into it, that we must never forget the distinction between male and female. Hence our intercourse, instead of being elevated and refined, is generally calculated to excite and keep alive the lowest propensities of our nature. Nothing, I believe, has tended more to destroy the true dignity of woman, than the fact that she is approached by man in the character of a female. The idea that she is sought as an intelligent and heaven-born creature, whose society will cheer, refine and elevate her companion, and that she will receive the same blessings she confers, is rarely held up to her view. On the contrary, man almost always addresses himself to the weakness of woman. By flattery, by an appeal to her passions, he seeks access to her heart; and when he has gained her affections, he uses her as the instrument of his pleasure—the minister of his temporal comfort. He furnishes himself with a housekeeper, whose chief business is in the kitchen, or the nursery. And whilst he goes abroad and enjoys the means of improvement afforded by collision of intellect with cultivated minds, his wife is condemned to draw nearly all her instruction from books, if she has time to peruse them; and if not, from her meditations, whilst engaged in those domestic duties, which are necessary for the comfort of her lord and master.

My Dear Friend, before I continue describing the oppression women have suffered in every age and country from their protector, man, let me offer you some thoughts on social relations between the sexes. In my view, nearly all of these relations degrade both men and women as moral and intellectual beings. When we meet and spend time together, we constantly feel the pressure of being different sexes. Instead of seeing each other simply as immortal beings, we are constrained by an idea planted in us early and repeatedly. We are taught that we must never forget the distinction between male and female. As a result, our relations are generally not uplifting and refined. Instead, they tend to stir up and keep alive the lowest impulses in our nature. I believe nothing has done more to destroy a woman's true dignity than the fact that men approach her as a female. She is rarely given the idea that a man seeks her company because she is intelligent and born of heaven. Her company could cheer, refine, and elevate him, and she could receive the same blessings she gives. On the contrary, a man almost always appeals to a woman's weakness. He tries to win her heart through flattery and appeals to her passions. Once he has won her affection, he uses her as an instrument of his pleasure and a provider of his worldly comfort. He gets himself a housekeeper whose main work is in the kitchen or the nursery. Meanwhile, he goes out into the world and has opportunities to improve himself through the exchange of ideas with educated people. His wife, on the other hand, is condemned to get almost all her education from books, if she has time to read them. If she does not, she must learn from her own thoughts while performing the household duties needed for her lord and master's comfort.

Surely no one who contemplates, with the eye of a Christian philosopher, the design of God in the creation of woman, can believe that she is now fulfilling that design. The literal translation of the word ‘help-meet’ is a helper like unto himself; it is so rendered in the Septuagint, and manifestly signifies a companion. Now I believe it will be impossible for woman to fill the station assigned her by God, until her brethren mingle with her as an equal, as a moral being; and lose, in the dignity of her immortal nature, and in the fact of her bearing like himself the image and superscription of her God, the idea of her being a female. The apostle beautifully remarks, ‘As many of you as have been baptized into Christ, have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female; for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.’ Until our intercourse is purified by the forgetfulness of sex,—until we rise above the present low and sordid views which entwine themselves around our social and domestic interchange of sentiment and feelings, we never can derive that benefit from each other’s society which it is the design of our Creator that we should. Man has inflicted an unspeakable injury upon woman, by holding up to her view her animal nature, and placing in the back ground her moral and intellectual being. Woman has inflicted an injury upon herself by submitting to be thus regarded; and she is now called upon to rise from the station where man, not God, has placed her, and claim those sacred and inalienable rights, as a moral and responsible being, with which her Creator has invested her.

Surely no one who considers God’s purpose in creating woman, with the eye of a Christian philosopher, can believe she is now fulfilling that purpose. The literal translation of ‘help-meet’ is a helper like himself. It is translated this way in the Septuagint and clearly means a companion. I believe woman cannot fill the place God assigned her until her brothers associate with her as an equal and a moral being. They must look beyond the idea that she is female and see the dignity of her immortal nature. They must recognize that, like man, she bears the image and mark of her God. The apostle beautifully says, ‘All of you who have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.’ We must purify our relationships by forgetting the distinction of sex. We must rise above the low and sordid views that now surround our sharing of thoughts and feelings in social and domestic life. Until we do, we can never gain the benefit from each other’s company that our Creator intends. Man has done woman an unspeakable injury by emphasizing her animal nature and pushing her moral and intellectual being into the background. Woman has injured herself by accepting this treatment. She is now called to rise from the place where man, not God, has put her. She must claim the sacred and inalienable rights her Creator has given her as a moral and responsible being.

What but these views, so derogatory to the character of woman, could have called forth the remark contained in the Pastoral Letter? ‘We especially deplore the intimate acquaintance and promiscuous conversation of females with regard to things “which ought not to be named,” by which that modesty and delicacy, which is the charm of domestic life, and which constitutes the true influence of woman, is consumed.’ How wonderful that the conceptions of man relative to woman are so low, that he cannot perceive that she may converse on any subject connected with the improvement of her species, without swerving in the least from that modesty which is one of her greatest virtues! Is it designed to insinuate that woman should possess a greater degree of modesty than man? This idea I utterly reprobate. Or is it supposed that woman cannot go into scenes of misery, the necessary result of those very things, which the Pastoral Letter says ought not to be named, for the purpose of moral reform, without becoming contaminated by those with whom she thus mingles?

What else but these views, so degrading to women, could have prompted the remark in the Pastoral Letter? ‘We especially deplore the close familiarity of females with things “which ought not to be named” and their indiscriminate conversations about them. These consume the modesty and delicacy that charm domestic life and give women their true influence.’ How astonishing that men’s views of women are so low! They cannot see that a woman may discuss any subject connected with improving the human race without straying from modesty. Yet modesty is one of her greatest virtues. Is this meant to suggest that a woman should be more modest than a man? I utterly reject that idea. Or is it supposed that a woman cannot enter scenes of misery to promote moral reform without being tainted by the people she meets there? Such misery is the inevitable result of the very things the Pastoral Letter says ought not to be named.

This is a false position; and I presume has grown out of the never-forgotten distinction of male and female. The woman who goes forth, clad in the panoply of God, to stem the tide of iniquity and misery, which she beholds rolling through our land, goes not forth to her labor of love as a female. She goes as the dignified messenger of Jehovah, and all she does and says must be done and said irrespective of sex. She is in duty bound to communicate with all, who are able and willing to aid her in saving her fellow creatures, both men and women, from that destruction which awaits them.

This position is false, and I presume it has grown out of the ever-present distinction between male and female. A woman goes forth clothed in the armor of God to resist the tide of evil and misery she sees sweeping through our land. She does not undertake this labor of love as a female. She goes as the dignified messenger of Jehovah. All she does and says must be done and said without regard to sex. She has a duty to communicate with everyone who can and will help her save her fellow creatures, both men and women, from the destruction that awaits them.

So far from woman losing any thing of the purity of her mind, by visiting the wretched victims of vice in their miserable abodes, by talking with them, or of them, she becomes more and more elevated and refined in her feelings and views. While laboring to cleanse the minds of others from the malaria of moral pollution, her own heart becomes purified, and her soul rises to nearer communion with her God. Such a woman is infinitely better qualified to fulfil the duties of a wife and a mother, than the woman whose false delicacy leads her to shun her fallen sister and brother, and shrink from naming those sins which she knows exist, but which she is too fastidious to labor by deed and by word to exterminate. Such a woman feels when she enters upon the marriage relation, that God designed that relation not to debase her to a level with the animal creation, but to increase the happiness and dignity of his creatures. Such a woman comes to the important task of training her children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, with a soul filled with the greatness of the beings committed to her charge. She sees in her children, creatures bearing the image of God; and she approaches them with reverence, and treats them at all times as moral and accountable beings. Her own mind being purified and elevated, she instils into her children that genuine religion which induces them to keep the commandments of God. Instead of ministering with ceaseless care to their sensual appetites, she teaches them to be temperate in all things. She can converse with her children on any subject relating to their duty to God, can point their attention to those vices which degrade and brutify human nature, without in the least defiling her own mind or theirs. She views herself, and teaches her children to regard themselves as moral beings; and in all their intercourse with their fellow men, to lose the animal nature of man and woman, in the recognition of that immortal mind wherewith Jehovah has blessed and enriched them.

A woman does not lose any purity of mind by visiting the wretched victims of vice in their miserable homes. Nor does she lose it by talking with them or about them. Instead, her feelings and outlook become more elevated and refined. As she works to cleanse others' minds of the poison of moral corruption, her own heart becomes purified. Her soul draws closer to communion with her God. Such a woman is infinitely better prepared to fulfill the duties of a wife and mother. She is better prepared than the woman whose false delicacy leads her to avoid her fallen sister and brother. That woman shrinks from naming the sins she knows exist. She is too fastidious to work by deed and word to wipe them out. When such a woman enters marriage, she understands God's purpose for it. He intended marriage to increase the happiness and dignity of his creatures, not degrade her to the level of animals. She approaches the important task of raising her children in the teaching and guidance of the Lord with a soul full of awe at the greatness of the beings entrusted to her. She sees her children as creatures made in the image of God. She approaches them with reverence and always treats them as moral beings responsible for their actions. Because her own mind is purified and elevated, she teaches her children a genuine religion that leads them to keep God's commandments. Instead of constantly catering to their physical appetites, she teaches them moderation in all things. She can talk with them about any subject concerning their duty to God. She can draw their attention to the vices that degrade human nature and make people brutish. She can do this without defiling her own mind or theirs in the least. She sees herself as a moral being and teaches her children to see themselves in the same way. She teaches them, in all their dealings with others, to look beyond the animal nature of men and women. Instead, they should recognize the immortal mind with which Jehovah has blessed and enriched them.