The Presbyterians

The Church of England is confined almost to the kingdom whence it received its name, and to Ireland, for Presbyterianism is the established religion in Scotland. This Presbyterianism is directly the same with Calvinism, as it was established in France, and is now professed at Geneva. As the priests of this sect receive but very inconsiderable stipends from their churches, and consequently cannot emulate the splendid luxury of bishops, they exclaim very naturally against honours which they can never attain to. Figure to yourself the haughty Diogenes trampling under foot the pride of Plato. The Scotch Presbyterians are not very unlike that proud though tattered reasoner. Diogenes did not use Alexander half so impertinently as these treated King Charles II.; for when they took up arms in his cause in opposition to Oliver, who had deceived them, they forced that poor monarch to undergo the hearing of three or four sermons every day, would not suffer him to play, reduced him to a state of penitence and mortification, so that Charles soon grew sick of these pedants, and accordingly eloped from them with as much joy as a youth does from school.

The Church of England is almost entirely confined to the kingdom that gave it its name and to Ireland. In Scotland, Presbyterianism is the established religion. Presbyterianism is exactly the same as Calvinism as established in France and now practiced in Geneva. Since the clergy of this sect receive very small salaries from their churches, they cannot match the bishops’ splendid luxury. So, quite naturally, they cry out against honors they can never attain. Picture the haughty Diogenes trampling Plato’s pride underfoot. The Scottish Presbyterians are much like that proud but ragged philosopher. Diogenes did not treat Alexander half as rudely as these Presbyterians treated King Charles II. They took up arms for Charles against Oliver, who had deceived them. But they forced the poor monarch to listen to three or four sermons every day and forbade him to play. They subjected him to a life of penance and self-denial. So Charles soon grew sick of these pedants and escaped them as joyfully as a boy escapes school.

A Church of England minister appears as another Cato in presence of a juvenile, sprightly French graduate, who bawls for a whole morning together in the divinity schools, and hums a song in chorus with ladies in the evening; but this Cato is a very spark when before a Scotch Presbyterian. The latter affects a serious gait, puts on a sour look, wears a vastly broad-brimmed hat and a long cloak over a very short coat, preaches through the nose, and gives the name of the whore of Babylon to all churches where the ministers are so fortunate as to enjoy an annual revenue of five or six thousand pounds, and where the people are weak enough to suffer this, and to give them the titles of my lord, your lordship, or your eminence.

A Church of England minister seems like another Cato beside a lively young French graduate. The graduate shouts all morning in the theology schools, then joins ladies in singing a song that evening. But beside a Scotch Presbyterian, even this Cato seems like a carefree young dandy. The Presbyterian adopts a solemn walk, puts on a sour expression, and wears a hat with an enormously broad brim. He wears a long cloak over a very short coat and preaches through his nose. He calls all churches the whore of Babylon if their ministers are fortunate enough to receive five or six thousand pounds a year, and their people are weak enough to allow such incomes and address them as my lord, your lordship, or your eminence.

These gentlemen, who have also some churches in England, introduced there the mode of grave and severe exhortations. To them is owing the sanctification of Sunday in the three kingdoms. People are there forbidden to work or take any recreation on that day, in which the severity is twice as great as that of the Romish Church. No operas, plays, or concerts are allowed in London on Sundays, and even cards are so expressly forbidden that none but persons of quality, and those we call the genteel, play on that day; the rest of the nation go either to church, to the tavern, or to see their mistresses.

These gentlemen also have some churches in England, where they introduced the practice of solemn, stern preaching. They are responsible for making Sunday sacred in the three kingdoms. People there are forbidden to work or enjoy any recreation on Sundays. These restrictions are twice as strict as those of the Roman Catholic Church. No operas, plays, or concerts are allowed in London on Sundays. Even card games are so explicitly forbidden that only people of rank and those we call respectable play that day. The rest of the nation go either to church, to the tavern, or to see their mistresses.

Though the Episcopal and Presbyterian sects are the two prevailing ones in Great Britain, yet all others are very welcome to come and settle in it, and live very sociably together, though most of their preachers hate one another almost as cordially as a Jansenist damns a Jesuit.

Though the Episcopal and Presbyterian sects dominate in Great Britain, all other sects are very welcome to settle there. Members of these sects live very sociably together, though most of their preachers hate one another. Their hatred is almost as warm as the damnation a Jansenist wishes on a Jesuit.

Take a view of the Royal Exchange in London, a place more venerable than many courts of justice, where the representatives of all nations meet for the benefit of mankind. There the Jew, the Mahometan, and the Christian transact together, as though they all professed the same religion, and give the name of infidel to none but bankrupts. There the Presbyterian confides in the Anabaptist, and the Churchman depends on the Quaker’s word.

Look at the Royal Exchange in London, a place more worthy of respect than many courts of justice. Representatives of all nations meet there for the benefit of humanity. There, Jews, Muslims, and Christians do business together as though they all shared the same religion. They call no one an unbeliever except those who go bankrupt. There, the Presbyterian trusts the Anabaptist, and the member of the Church of England relies on the Quaker’s word.

If one religion only were allowed in England, the Government would very possibly become arbitrary; if there were but two, the people would cut one another’s throats; but as there are such a multitude, they all live happy and in peace.

If only one religion were allowed in England, the government might very well become tyrannical. If there were only two, people would cut one another’s throats. But because there are so many religions, everyone lives happily and in peace.