A Home Found

My greatest anxiety now was to obtain employment. My health was greatly improved, though my limbs continued to trouble me with swelling whenever I walked much. The greatest difficulty in my way was, that those who employed strangers required a recommendation; and in my peculiar position, I could, of course, obtain no certificates from the families I had so faithfully served.

My greatest worry now was finding work. My health had greatly improved, though my limbs still swelled whenever I walked much. My greatest difficulty was that people who hired strangers required a recommendation. In my unusual situation, I could, of course, get no references from the families I had served so faithfully.

One day an acquaintance told me of a lady who wanted a nurse for her babe, and I immediately applied for the situation. The lady told me she preferred to have one who had been a mother, and accustomed to the care of infants. I told her I had nursed two babes of my own. She asked me many questions, but, to my great relief, did not require a recommendation from my former employers. She told me she was an English woman, and that was a pleasant circumstance to me, because I had heard they had less prejudice against color than Americans entertained. It was agreed that we should try each other for a week. The trial proved satisfactory to both parties, and I was engaged for a month.

One day, an acquaintance told me about a woman who needed a nurse for her baby. I applied for the job right away. The woman said she preferred someone who had been a mother and was used to caring for infants. I told her I had nursed two babies of my own. She asked me many questions. But to my great relief, she did not ask for a recommendation from my former employers. She told me she was English, which pleased me. I had heard that English people had less prejudice against people of color than Americans did. We agreed to try the arrangement for a week. We were both satisfied with the trial, and she hired me for a month.

The heavenly Father had been most merciful to me in leading me to this place. Mrs. Bruce was a kind and gentle lady, and proved a true and sympathizing friend. Before the stipulated month expired, the necessity of passing up and down stairs frequently, caused my limbs to swell so painfully, that I became unable to perform my duties. Many ladies would have thoughtlessly discharged me; but Mrs. Bruce made arrangements to save me steps, and employed a physician to attend upon me. I had not yet told her that I was a fugitive slave. She noticed that I was often sad, and kindly inquired the cause. I spoke of being separated from my children, and from relatives who were dear to me; but I did not mention the constant feeling of insecurity which oppressed my spirits. I longed for some one to confide in; but I had been so deceived by white people, that I had lost all confidence in them. If they spoke kind words to me, I thought it was for some selfish purpose. I had entered this family with the distrustful feelings I had brought with me out of slavery; but ere six months had passed, I found that the gentle deportment of Mrs. Bruce and the smiles of her lovely babe were thawing my chilled heart. My narrow mind also began to expand under the influences of her intelligent conversation, and the opportunities for reading, which were gladly allowed me whenever I had leisure from my duties. I gradually became more energetic and more cheerful.

The heavenly Father had been very merciful in leading me to this place. Mrs. Bruce was a kind and gentle lady, and she proved to be a true and sympathetic friend. Before the agreed month was over, I had to go up and down the stairs so often that my limbs swelled painfully. I became unable to do my work. Many ladies would have thoughtlessly dismissed me. But Mrs. Bruce made arrangements to spare me some steps and hired a doctor to care for me. I had not yet told her that I was a fugitive slave. She noticed that I was often sad and kindly asked why. I spoke of being separated from my children and my dear relatives. But I did not mention how the constant feeling of insecurity weighed on my spirits. I longed for someone to confide in, but white people had deceived me so often that I had lost all confidence in them. If they spoke kindly to me, I thought they had some selfish purpose. I had entered this family with the distrust I had brought out of slavery. But before six months had passed, I found that Mrs. Bruce’s gentle manner and her lovely baby’s smiles were thawing my chilled heart. My narrow mind also began to expand through her intelligent conversation. I was gladly allowed to read whenever I had time away from my duties, and that helped me grow too. I gradually became more energetic and cheerful.

The old feeling of insecurity, especially with regard to my children, often threw its dark shadow across my sunshine. Mrs. Bruce offered me a home for Ellen; but pleasant as it would have been, I did not dare to accept it, for fear of offending the Hobbs family. Their knowledge of my precarious situation placed me in their power; and I felt that it was important for me to keep on the right side of them, till, by dint of labor and economy, I could make a home for my children. I was far from feeling satisfied with Ellen’s situation. She was not well cared for. She sometimes came to New York to visit me; but she generally brought a request from Mrs. Hobbs that I would buy her a pair of shoes, or some article of clothing. This was accompanied by a promise of payment when Mr. Hobbs’s salary at the Custom House became due; but some how or other the pay-day never came. Thus many dollars of my earnings were expended to keep my child comfortably clothed. That, however, was a slight trouble, compared with the fear that their pecuniary embarrassments might induce them to sell my precious young daughter. I knew they were in constant communication with Southerners, and had frequent opportunities to do it. I have stated that when Dr. Flint put Ellen in jail, at two years old, she had an inflammation of the eyes, occasioned by measles. This disease still troubled her; and kind Mrs. Bruce proposed that she should come to New York for a while, to be under the care of Dr. Elliott, a well known oculist. It did not occur to me that there was any thing improper in a mother’s making such a request; but Mrs. Hobbs was very angry, and refused to let her go. Situated as I was, it was not politic to insist upon it. I made no complaint, but I longed to be entirely free to act a mother’s part towards my children. The next time I went over to Brooklyn, Mrs. Hobbs, as if to apologize for her anger, told me she had employed her own physician to attend to Ellen’s eyes, and that she had refused my request because she did not consider it safe to trust her in New York. I accepted the explanation in silence; but she had told me that my child belonged to her daughter, and I suspected that her real motive was a fear of my conveying her property away from her. Perhaps I did her injustice; but my knowledge of Southerners made it difficult for me to feel otherwise.

My old feeling of insecurity often cast a dark shadow over my happiness, especially when I thought of my children. Mrs. Bruce offered Ellen a home. As welcome as that would have been, I did not dare accept, for fear of offending the Hobbs family. They knew how precarious my situation was, and that gave them power over me. I felt it was important to stay on good terms with them. I needed to do so until hard work and careful saving allowed me to make a home for my children. I was far from satisfied with Ellen’s situation. She was not well cared for. She sometimes came to New York to visit me. But she usually brought a request from Mrs. Hobbs that I buy her shoes or some other article of clothing. Mrs. Hobbs promised to repay me when Mr. Hobbs received his salary at the Custom House. But somehow payday never came. So I spent many dollars of my earnings to keep my child comfortably clothed. That trouble was slight, however, compared with my fear that their financial difficulties might lead them to sell my precious young daughter. I knew they were in constant contact with Southerners and often had opportunities to sell her. As I have said, when Dr. Flint put Ellen in jail at two years old, her eyes were inflamed from measles. This condition still troubled her. Kind Mrs. Bruce suggested that Ellen come to New York for a while to be treated by Dr. Elliott, a well-known eye doctor. It did not occur to me that a mother’s making such a request was improper. But Mrs. Hobbs was very angry and refused to let Ellen go. In my situation, it was not wise to insist. I made no complaint, but I longed to be entirely free to act as a mother to my children. The next time I went to Brooklyn, Mrs. Hobbs spoke as if she wanted to apologize for her anger. She told me she had hired her own doctor to treat Ellen’s eyes. She said she had refused my request because she did not think it was safe to trust Ellen in New York. I accepted her explanation in silence. But she had told me that my child belonged to her daughter. I suspected that her real motive was fear that I would take her property away from her. Perhaps I was unfair to her. But what I knew of Southerners made it hard for me to feel otherwise.

Sweet and bitter were mixed in the cup of my life, and I was thankful that it had ceased to be entirely bitter. I loved Mrs. Bruce’s babe. When it laughed and crowed in my face, and twined its little tender arms confidingly about my neck, it made me think of the time when Benny and Ellen were babies, and my wounded heart was soothed. One bright morning, as I stood at the window, tossing baby in my arms, my attention was attracted by a young man in sailor’s dress, who was closely observing every house as he passed. I looked at him earnestly. Could it be my brother William? It must be he—and yet, how changed! I placed the baby safely, flew down stairs, opened the front door, beckoned to the sailor, and in less than a minute I was clasped in my brother’s arms. How much we had to tell each other! How we laughed, and how we cried, over each other’s adventures! I took him to Brooklyn, and again saw him with Ellen, the dear child whom he had loved and tended so carefully, while I was shut up in my miserable den. He staid in New York a week. His old feelings of affection for me and Ellen were as lively as ever. There are no bonds so strong as those which are formed by suffering together.

My life had both sweetness and bitterness, and I was thankful that it was no longer entirely bitter. I loved Mrs. Bruce’s baby. The baby laughed and cooed in my face and trustingly wrapped its tender little arms around my neck. The baby reminded me of when Benny and Ellen were babies, and my wounded heart was soothed. One bright morning, I stood at the window, tossing the baby in my arms. I noticed a young man dressed as a sailor. He was looking closely at every house he passed. I studied him intently. Could it be my brother William? It must be him, but how changed he was! I put the baby in a safe place and rushed downstairs. I opened the front door and beckoned to the sailor. In less than a minute, I was in my brother’s arms. How much we had to tell each other! How we laughed and cried over each other’s adventures! I took him to Brooklyn and saw him again with Ellen. She was the dear child he had loved and cared for so carefully while I was shut up in my miserable hiding place. He stayed in New York for a week. His affection for Ellen and me was as strong as ever. There are no bonds stronger than those formed by suffering together.