Chapter 14

Before long all those who dwelt thereabouts began to censure me roundly, complaining that I paid far less attention to their needs than I might and should have done, and that at least I could do something for them through my preaching. As a result, I returned thither frequently, to be of service to them in whatsoever way I could. Regarding this there was no lack of hateful murmuring, and the thing which sincere charity induced me to do was seized upon by the wickedness of my detractors as the subject of shameless outcry. They declared that I, who of old could scarcely endure to be parted from her I loved, was still swayed by the delights of fleshly lust. Many times I thought of the complaint of St. Jerome in his letter to Asella regarding those women whom he was falsely accused of loving, when he said (Epist. xcix): "I am charged with nothing save the fact of my sex, and this charge is made only because Paula is setting forth to Jerusalem." And again: "Before I became intimate in the household of the saintly Paula, the whole city was loud in my praise, and nearly every one deemed me deserving of the highest honours of priesthood. But I know that my way to the kingdom of Heaven lies through good and evil report alike."

Before long, all the people living nearby began to criticize me harshly. They complained that I paid far less attention to their needs than I could and should have done. They said I could at least help them through my preaching. So I often returned there to help them in any way I could. But this led to plenty of hateful gossip. My detractors maliciously turned an act of sincere charity into a cause for shameless outrage. They claimed I was still driven by the pleasures of sexual lust. In the past, I had hardly been able to bear being apart from the woman I loved. I often thought of St. Jerome's complaint in his letter to Asella. He wrote about the women he was falsely accused of loving (Epist. xcix): "I am accused of nothing except being a man, and only because Paula is leaving for Jerusalem." He also wrote: "Before I became close to the household of the saintly Paula, the whole city praised me loudly. Nearly everyone thought I deserved the highest honors of the priesthood. But I know that my path to the kingdom of Heaven leads through both praise and criticism."

When I pondered over the injury which slander had done to so great a man as this, I was not a little consoled thereby. If my rivals, I told myself, could but find an equal cause for suspicion against me, with what accusations would they persecute me! But how is it possible for such suspicion to continue in my case, seeing that divine mercy has freed me therefrom by depriving me of all power to enact such baseness? How shameless is this latest accusation! In truth that which had happened to me so completely removes all suspicion of this iniquity among all men that those who wish to have their women kept under close guard employ eunuchs for that purpose, even as sacred history tells regarding Esther and the other damsels of King Ahasuerus (Esther ii, 5). We read, too, of that eunuch of great authority under Queen Candace who had charge of all her treasure, him to whose conversion and baptism the apostle Philip was directed by an angel (Acts viii, 27). Such men, in truth, are enabled to have far more importance and intimacy among modest and upright women by the fact that they are free from any suspicion of lust.

When I thought about the harm slander had done to such a great man, I found considerable comfort. I told myself that if my rivals could find equal grounds to suspect me, they would persecute me with accusations! But how could such suspicion persist in my case? Divine mercy has freed me from it by depriving me of all power to commit such an act. How shameless this latest accusation is! What happened to me removes all suspicion of this wrongdoing among all people. Indeed, those who want their women closely guarded employ eunuchs for that purpose. Sacred history tells us this was done for Esther and the other young women of King Ahasuerus (Esther ii, 5). We also read of a eunuch who held great authority under Queen Candace and was in charge of all her treasure. An angel directed the apostle Philip to convert and baptize him (Acts viii, 27). Such men can have far greater importance and intimacy among modest and upright women because they are free from any suspicion of lust.

The sixth book of the Ecclesiastical History tells us that the greatest of all Christian philosophers, Origen, inflicted a like injury on himself with his own hand, in order that all suspicion of this nature might be completely done away with in his instruction of women in sacred doctrine. In this respect, I thought, God's mercy had been kinder to me than to him, for it was judged that he had acted most rashly and had exposed himself to no slight censure, whereas the thing had been done to me through the crime of another, thus preparing me for a task similar to his own. Moreover, it had been accomplished with much less pain, being so quick and sudden, for I was heavy with sleep when they laid hands on me, and felt scarcely any pain at all.

The sixth book of the Ecclesiastical History tells us about Origen, the greatest of all Christian philosophers. He inflicted a similar injury on himself with his own hand. He did this to remove all suspicion of this kind when he taught women sacred doctrine. In this respect, I thought God's mercy had been kinder to me than to him. Origen was judged to have acted very rashly and to have exposed himself to considerable criticism. But the injury was done to me through another person's crime, preparing me for a task like his. Moreover, it caused me much less pain because it was so quick and sudden. I was deep in sleep when they laid hands on me, and I felt scarcely any pain at all.

But alas, I thought, the less I then suffered from the wound, the greater is my punishment now through slander, and I am tormented far more by the loss of my reputation than I was by that of part of my body. For thus is it written: "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches" (Prov. xxii, 1). And as St. Augustine tells us in a sermon of his on the life and conduct of the clergy, "He is cruel who, trusting in his conscience, neglects his reputation." Again he says: "Let us provide those things that are good, as the apostle bids us (Rom. xii, 17), not alone in the eyes of God, but likewise in the eyes of men. Within himself each one's conscience suffices, but for our own sakes our reputations ought not to be tarnished, but to flourish. Conscience and reputation are different matters: conscience is for yourself, reputation for your neighbour." Methinks the spite of such men as these my enemies would have accused the very Christ Himself, or those belonging to Him, prophets and apostles, or the other holy fathers, if such spite had existed in their time, seeing that they associated in such familiar intercourse with women, and this though they were whole of body. On this point St. Augustine, in his book on the duty of monks, proves that women followed our Lord Jesus Christ and the apostles as inseparable companions, even accompanying them when they preached (Chap. 4). "Faithful women," he says, "who were possessed of worldly wealth went with them, and ministered to them out of their wealth, so that they might lack none of those things which belong to the substance of life." And if any one does not believe that the apostles thus permitted saintly women to go about with them wheresoever they preached the Gospel, let him listen to the Gospel itself, and learn therefrom that in so doing they followed the example of the Lord. For in the Gospel it is written thus: "And it came to pass afterward, that He went throughout every city and village, preaching and showing the glad tidings of the kingdom of God: and the twelve were with Him, and certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, and Joanna the wife of Chuza, Herod's steward, and Susanna, and many others, which ministered unto Him of their substance" (Luke viii, i-3).

But alas, I thought, the less I suffered from the wound then, the more I am punished by slander now. The loss of my reputation torments me far more than the loss of part of my body did. For it is written: "A good name is more desirable than great riches" (Prov. xxii, 1). And St. Augustine tells us in a sermon on the life and conduct of the clergy: "Anyone who trusts in his conscience and neglects his reputation is cruel." Again he says: "Let us do what is good, as the apostle tells us (Rom. xii, 17), not only in God's eyes but also in the eyes of others. Each person's conscience is enough within himself. But for our own sake, our reputations should not be stained. They should flourish. Conscience and reputation are different things: conscience is for yourself, reputation for your neighbour." I believe that the malice of men like my enemies would have accused Christ himself and those who belonged to him. These included prophets, apostles, and the other holy fathers. If such malice had existed in their time, it would have accused them because they associated so closely with women, even though their bodies were whole. On this point, St. Augustine writes in his book on the duty of monks. He shows that women followed our Lord Jesus Christ and the apostles as constant companions. They even accompanied them when they preached (Chap. 4). "Faithful women," he says, "who had worldly wealth went with them and used their wealth to provide for them. They did so to make sure they lacked none of the necessities of life." And if anyone does not believe that the apostles allowed holy women to accompany them wherever they preached the Gospel, let him listen to the Gospel itself. There he will learn that, by doing so, the apostles followed the Lord's example. For the Gospel says: "Afterward, he went through every city and village, preaching and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The twelve were with him, as were certain women who had been healed of evil spirits and illnesses. These included Mary called Magdalene, Joanna the wife of Chuza, Herod's steward, Susanna, and many others. These women provided for him out of their own means" (Luke viii, 1-3).

Leo the Ninth, furthermore, in his reply to the letter of Parmenianus concerning monastic zeal, says: "We unequivocally declare that it is not permissible for a bishop, priest, deacon or subdeacon to cast off all responsibility for his own wife on the grounds of religious duty, so that he no longer provides her with food and clothing; albeit he may not have carnal intercourse with her. We read that thus did the holy apostles act, for St. Paul says: 'Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas?' (I Cor. ix, 5). Observe, foolish man, that he does not say: 'have we not power to embrace a sister, a wife,' but he says 'to lead about,' meaning thereby that such women may lawfully be supported by them out of the wages of their preaching, but that there must be no carnal bond between them."

Leo the Ninth also addresses monastic devotion in his reply to Parmenianus's letter: "We state without qualification that a bishop, priest, deacon, or subdeacon may not abandon all responsibility for his wife on religious grounds. He must still provide her with food and clothing, although he may not have sexual relations with her. We read that the holy apostles acted this way. For St. Paul says: 'Do we not have the right to take a sister, a wife, along with us, as the other apostles, the Lord's brothers, and Cephas do?' (I Cor. ix, 5). Notice, foolish man, that he does not say: 'Do we not have the right to embrace a sister, a wife?' He says 'to take along.' He means that such women may lawfully be supported by the apostles from their earnings as preachers. But there must be no sexual bond between them."

Certainly that Pharisee who spoke within himself of the Lord, saying: "This man, if He were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth Him: for she is a sinner" (Luke vii, 39), might much more reasonably have suspected baseness of the Lord, considering the matter from a purely human standpoint, than my enemies could suspect it of me. One who had seen the mother of Our Lord entrusted to the care of the young man (John xix, 27), or who had beheld the prophets dwelling and sojourning with widows (I Kings xvii, 10), would likewise have had a far more logical ground for suspicion. And what would my calumniators have said if they had but seen Malchus, that captive monk of whom St. Jerome writes, living in the same but with his wife? Doubtless they would have regarded it as criminal in the famous scholar to have highly commended what he thus saw, saying thereof: "There was a certain old man named Malchus, a native of this region, and his wife with him in his hut. Both of them were earnestly religious, and they so often passed the threshold of the church that you might have thought them the Zacharias and Elisabeth of the Gospel, saving only that John was not with them."

Certainly, the Pharisee who thought to himself about the Lord had far more reason to suspect him of wrongdoing than my enemies had to suspect me. The Pharisee said: "If this man were a prophet, he would know who and what kind of woman is touching him, for she is a sinner" (Luke vii, 39). From a purely human standpoint, the Pharisee's suspicion was far more reasonable. Someone who saw the mother of Our Lord entrusted to the young man's care (John xix, 27) would likewise have had far more logical grounds for suspicion. The same is true of someone who saw the prophets living and staying with widows (I Kings xvii, 10). And what would my slanderers have said if they had seen Malchus, the captive monk St. Jerome writes about, living in the same hut with his wife? No doubt they would have thought the famous scholar guilty of wrongdoing for warmly praising what he saw. He said: "There was an old man named Malchus, a native of this region, and his wife was with him in his hut. Both were deeply religious, and they went to church so often that you might have taken them for the Zacharias and Elisabeth of the Gospel, except that John was not with them."

Why, finally, do such men refrain from slandering the holy fathers, of whom we frequently read, nay, and have even seen with our own eyes, founding convents for women and making provision for their maintenance, thereby following the example of the seven deacons whom the apostles sent before them to secure food and take care of the women? (Acts vi, 5). For the weaker sex needs the help of the stronger one to such an extent that the apostle proclaimed that the head of the woman is ever the man (I Cor. xi, 3), and in sign thereof he bade her ever wear her head covered (ib. 5). For this reason I marvel greatly at the customs which have crept into monasteries, whereby, even as abbots are placed in charge of the men, abbesses now are given authority over the women, and the women bind themselves in their vows to accept the same rules as the men. Yet in these rules there are many things which cannot possibly be carried out by women, either as superiors or in the lower orders. In many places we may even behold an inversion of the natural order of things, whereby the abbesses and nuns have authority over the clergy, and even over those who are themselves in charge of the people. The more power such women exercise over men, the more easily can they lead them into iniquitous desires, and in this way can lay a very heavy yoke upon their shoulders. It was with such things in mind that the satirist said:

Finally, why do such men refrain from slandering the holy fathers? We often read that the holy fathers founded convents for women and provided for their upkeep. We have even seen them do so with our own eyes. In doing so, they followed the example of the seven deacons whom the apostles sent ahead of them. The deacons were sent to secure food and care for the women (Acts vi, 5). For the weaker sex so greatly needs the help of the stronger that the apostle declared man always to be the head of woman (I Cor. xi, 3). As a sign of this, he commanded her always to cover her head (ib. 5). For this reason, I am greatly surprised by the customs that have crept into monasteries. Just as abbots are placed in charge of men, abbesses are now given authority over women. And women bind themselves by their vows to follow the same rules as men. Yet many things in these rules cannot possibly be carried out by women, whether as superiors or in lower positions. In many places, we can even see the natural order of things reversed. Abbesses and nuns have authority over clergy, and even over those who are themselves in charge of the people. The more power such women exercise over men, the more easily they can lead them into sinful desires. In this way, the women can lay a very heavy burden on their shoulders. It was with such things in mind that the satirist said: