Chapter 12

And so I dwelt in this place, my body indeed hidden away, but my fame spreading throughout the whole world, till its echo reverberated mightily-echo, that fancy of the poet's, which has so great a voice, and nought beside. My former rivals, seeing that they themselves were now powerless to do me hurt, stirred up against me certain new apostles in whom the world put great faith. One of these (Norbert of Prémontré) took pride in his position as canon of a regular order; the other (Bernard of Clairvaux) made it his boast that he had revived the true monastic life. These two ran hither and yon preaching and shamelessly slandering me in every way they could, so that in time they succeeded in drawing down on my head the scorn of many among those having authority, among both the clergy and the laity. They spread abroad such sinister reports of my faith as well as of my life that they turned even my best friends against me, and those who still retained something of their former regard for me were fain to disguise it in every possible way by reason of their fear of these two men.

So I lived in this place, hidden away in body, while my fame spread throughout the whole world. Its echo resounded mightily. Echo was a poet’s invention, possessing a great voice and nothing else. My former rivals saw that they themselves could no longer harm me. So they stirred up certain new apostles against me, men in whom the world placed great faith. One of them, Norbert of Prémontré, took pride in being a canon of a regular order. The other, Bernard of Clairvaux, boasted that he had restored true monastic life. The two went about preaching and shamelessly slandering me in every way they could. In time, they succeeded in bringing me into contempt among many people in authority, both clergy and laypeople. They spread such sinister reports about my faith and my life that they turned even my best friends against me. Those who still had some of their former regard for me tried to hide it in every possible way, because they feared these two men.

God is my witness that whensoever I learned of the convening of a new assemblage of the clergy, I believed that it was done for the express purpose of my condemnation. Stunned by this fear like one smitten with a thunderbolt, I daily expected to be dragged before their councils or assemblies as a heretic or one guilty of impiety. Though I seem to compare a flea with a lion, or an ant with an elephant, in very truth my rivals persecuted me no less bitterly than the heretics of old hounded St. Athanasius. Often, God knows, I sank so deep in despair that I was ready to leave the world of Christendom and go forth among the heathen, paying them a stipulated tribute in order that I might live quietly a Christian life among the enemies of Christ. It seemed to me that such people might indeed be kindly disposed toward me, particularly as they would doubtless suspect me of being no good Christian, imputing my flight to some crime I had committed, and would therefore believe that I might perhaps be won over to their form of worship.

God is my witness that whenever I heard of a new gathering of the clergy, I believed it had been called expressly to condemn me. The fear struck me like a thunderbolt. Every day I expected to be dragged before their councils or gatherings as a heretic or someone guilty of impiety. I may seem to be comparing a flea to a lion, or an ant to an elephant. But in truth, my rivals persecuted me no less bitterly than the heretics of old hounded St. Athanasius. God knows how often I sank so deep into despair that I was ready to leave Christendom and go among the heathen. I would pay them an agreed tribute so that I could live quietly as a Christian among the enemies of Christ. I thought such people might be kind to me. They would surely suspect that I was not a good Christian and assume I had fled because of some crime I had committed. They would therefore believe that I might perhaps be persuaded to adopt their form of worship.