How We Recognize One Another

You, who are blessed with shade as well as light, you, who are gifted with two eyes, endowed with a knowledge of perspective, and charmed with the enjoyment of various colours, you, who can actually SEE an angle, and contemplate the complete circumference of a circle in the happy region of the Three Dimensions—how shall I make clear to you the extreme difficulty which we in Flatland experience in recognizing one another's configuration?

You are blessed with shade as well as light. You have the gift of two eyes, understand perspective, and enjoy the beauty of different colours. You can actually SEE an angle and view a circle’s entire circumference in the happy world of Three Dimensions. How can I explain to you how extremely difficult we in Flatland find it to recognize one another’s shapes?

Recall what I told you above. All beings in Flatland, animate or inanimate, no matter what their form, present TO OUR VIEW the same, or nearly the same, appearance, viz. that of a straight Line. How then can one be distinguished from another, where all appear the same?

Remember what I told you earlier. All beings in Flatland, living or not, look the same, or nearly the same, TO OUR VIEW. Whatever their shape, they appear as a straight Line. How, then, can we tell one from another when all look the same?

The answer is threefold. The first means of recognition is the sense of hearing; which with us is far more highly developed than with you, and which enables us not only to distinguish by the voice our personal friends, but even to discriminate between different classes, at least so far as concerns the three lowest orders, the Equilateral, the Square, and the Pentagon—for of the Isosceles I take no account. But as we ascend in the social scale, the process of discriminating and being discriminated by hearing increases in difficulty, partly because voices are assimilated, partly because the faculty of voice-discrimination is a plebeian virtue not much developed among the Aristocracy. And wherever there is any danger of imposture we cannot trust to this method. Amongst our lowest orders, the vocal organs are developed to a degree more than correspondent with those of hearing, so that an Isosceles can easily feign the voice of a Polygon, and, with some training, that of a Circle himself. A second method is therefore more commonly resorted to.

There are three answers. The first way to recognize others is by hearing. Our hearing is far more developed than yours. We can recognize our friends by their voices and even distinguish between different classes. At least, we can distinguish the three lowest orders: the Equilateral, the Square, and the Pentagon. I do not count the Isosceles. But as we rise in the social scale, recognizing others and being recognized by voice becomes harder. This is partly because voices become more alike. It is also because distinguishing voices is a commoner's skill, not highly developed among the Aristocracy. And whenever there is a risk of deception, we cannot trust this method. Among our lowest orders, the vocal organs are even more highly developed than their exceptional hearing would suggest. So an Isosceles can easily imitate the voice of a Polygon. With some training, he can even imitate the voice of a Circle himself. A second method is therefore more commonly used.

FEELING is, among our Women and lower classes—about our upper classes I shall speak presently—the principal test of recognition, at all events between strangers, and when the question is, not as to the individual, but as to the class. What therefore "introduction" is among the higher classes in Spaceland, that the process of "feeling" is with us. "Permit me to ask you to feel and be felt by my friend Mr. So-and-so"—is still, among the more old-fashioned of our country gentlemen in districts remote from towns, the customary formula for a Flatland introduction. But in the towns, and among men of business, the words "be felt by" are omitted and the sentence is abbreviated to, "Let me ask you to feel Mr. So-and-so"; although it is assumed, of course, that the "feeling" is to be reciprocal. Among our still more modern and dashing young gentlemen—who are extremely averse to superfluous effort and supremely indifferent to the purity of their native language—the formula is still further curtailed by the use of "to feel" in a technical sense, meaning, "to recommend-for-the-purposes-of-feeling-and-being-felt"; and at this moment the "slang" of polite or fast society in the upper classes sanctions such a barbarism as "Mr. Smith, permit me to feel Mr. Jones."

FEELING is the main way our Women and lower classes recognize others. I will discuss our upper classes shortly. At least, this is true between strangers, when identifying someone’s class rather than the individual. So the process of "feeling" serves the same purpose here as an "introduction" among the higher classes in Spaceland. "May I ask you to feel and be felt by my friend Mr. So-and-so" is still the usual Flatland introduction among some country gentlemen. These are the more old-fashioned gentlemen who live far from towns. But in towns, and among businessmen, the words "be felt by" are dropped. The sentence becomes, "Let me ask you to feel Mr. So-and-so". Of course, both people are still expected to do the "feeling". Our even more modern and dashing young gentlemen shorten the phrase further. These gentlemen strongly dislike unnecessary effort and care nothing at all about the purity of their native language. They give "to feel" a specialized meaning: "to recommend someone for the purpose of feeling and being felt". And now the "slang" of respectable or fashionable, pleasure-seeking upper-class society approves such mangled language as "Mr. Smith, allow me to feel Mr. Jones."

Let not my Reader however suppose that "feeling" is with us the tedious process that it would be with you, or that we find it necessary to feel right round all the sides of every individual before we determine the class to which he belongs. Long practice and training, begun in the schools and continued in the experience of daily life, enable us to discriminate at once by the sense of touch, between the angles of an equal-sided Triangle, Square, and Pentagon; and I need not say that the brainless vertex of an acute-angled Isosceles is obvious to the dullest touch. It is therefore not necessary, as a rule, to do more than feel a single angle of an individual; and this, once ascertained, tells us the class of the person whom we are addressing, unless indeed he belongs to the higher sections of the nobility. There the difficulty is much greater. Even a Master of Arts in our University of Wentbridge has been known to confuse a ten-sided with a twelve-sided Polygon; and there is hardly a Doctor of Science in or out of that famous University who could pretend to decide promptly and unhesitatingly between a twenty-sided and a twenty-four sided member of the Aristocracy.

But my reader should not suppose that "feeling" is as tedious for us as it would be for you. Nor must we feel every side of a person before deciding which class he belongs to. Long practice and training begin in school and continue in daily life. They let us distinguish immediately, by touch, between the angles of an equal-sided Triangle, Square, and Pentagon. And needless to say, even the dullest touch recognizes the brainless vertex of a sharp-angled Isosceles. So, as a rule, we need only feel one of a person's angles. Once we know the angle, we know the class of the person we are addressing. The exception is someone from the higher ranks of the nobility. There, the difficulty is much greater. Even a Master of Arts at our University of Wentbridge has been known to confuse a ten-sided Polygon with a twelve-sided Polygon. And hardly any Doctor of Science, inside or outside that famous University, could claim to distinguish promptly and confidently between two aristocrats, one with twenty sides and one with twenty-four.

Those of my readers who recall the extracts I gave above from the Legislative code concerning Women, will readily perceive that the process of introduction by contact requires some care and discretion. Otherwise the angles might inflict on the unwary Feeler irreparable injury. It is essential for the safety of the Feeler that the Felt should stand perfectly still. A start, a fidgety shifting of the position, yes, even a violent sneeze, has been known before now to prove fatal to the incautious, and to nip in the bud many a promising friendship. Especially is this true among the lower classes of the Triangles. With them, the eye is situated so far from their vertex that they can scarcely take cognizance of what goes on at that extremity of their frame. They are, moreover, of a rough coarse nature, not sensitive to the delicate touch of the highly organized Polygon. What wonder then if an involuntary toss of the head has ere now deprived the State of a valuable life!

Readers who remember the legal passages I quoted above concerning Women will readily see that introductions by touch require care and judgment. Otherwise, the angles might permanently injure an unwary Feeler. For the Feeler’s safety, the Felt must stand perfectly still. A sudden movement, a restless shift in position, yes, even a violent sneeze, has been known to kill the careless. Such movements have also cut short many a promising friendship before it could begin. This danger is especially great among the lower classes of the Triangles. Their eyes are so far from their vertex that they can barely tell what happens at that point of their body. They are also rough and coarse by nature, insensitive to the delicate touch of the highly organized Polygon. Is it any wonder, then, that an involuntary toss of the head has sometimes cost the State a valuable life!

I have heard that my excellent Grandfather—one of the least irregular of his unhappy Isosceles class, who indeed obtained, shortly before his decease, four out of seven votes from the Sanitary and Social Board for passing him into the class of the Equal-sided—often deplored, with a tear in his venerable eye, a miscarriage of this kind, which had occured to his great-great-great-Grandfather, a respectable Working Man with an angle or brain of 59 degrees 30 minutes. According to his account, my unfortunate Ancestor, being afflicted with rheumatism, and in the act of being felt by a Polygon, by one sudden start accidentally transfixed the Great Man through the diagonal; and thereby, partly in consequence of his long imprisonment and degradation, and partly because of the moral shock which pervaded the whole of my Ancestor's relations, threw back our family a degree and a half in their ascent towards better things. The result was that in the next generation the family brain was registered at only 58 degrees, and not till the lapse of five generations was the lost ground recovered, the full 60 degrees attained, and the Ascent from the Isosceles finally achieved. And all this series of calamities from one little accident in the process of Feeling.

I have heard that my excellent Grandfather often mourned a mishap of this kind, with a tear in his aged eye. He was one of the least irregular members of his unhappy Isosceles class. Shortly before his death, he received four of the Sanitary and Social Board’s seven votes for promotion to the Equal-sided class. The mishap had happened to his great-great-great-Grandfather, a respectable Working Man with an angle, or brain, of 59 degrees 30 minutes. According to my Grandfather, my unfortunate Ancestor suffered from rheumatism. While a Polygon was feeling him, my Ancestor suddenly jerked and accidentally pierced the Great Man through the diagonal. The accident set our family back a degree and a half in their rise toward better things. This setback came partly from my Ancestor’s long imprisonment and loss of status. It also came partly from the moral shock that spread through all his relatives. As a result, the next generation’s family brain was recorded at only 58 degrees. Only after five generations did the family regain the lost ground and reach the full 60 degrees. Only then was the Ascent from the Isosceles finally achieved. And this whole series of calamities came from one little accident in the process of Feeling.

At this point I think I hear some of my better educated readers exclaim, "How could you in Flatland know anything about angles and degrees, or minutes? We can SEE an angle, because we, in the region of Space, can see two straight lines inclined to one another; but you, who can see nothing but one straight line at a time, or at all events only a number of bits of straight lines all in one straight line—how can you ever discern any angle, and much less register angles of different sizes?"

At this point, I think I hear some of my better-educated readers exclaim, "How could you in Flatland know anything about angles, degrees, or minutes? We can SEE an angle because we, in the region of Space, can see two straight lines slanting toward each other. But you can see only one straight line at a time. Or at most, you see several bits of straight lines, all in one straight line. So how can you ever make out an angle, much less measure angles of different sizes?"

I answer that though we cannot SEE angles, we can INFER them, and this with great precision. Our sense of touch, stimulated by necessity, and developed by long training, enables us to distinguish angles far more accurately than your sense of sight, when unaided by a rule or measure of angles. Nor must I omit to explain that we have great natural helps. It is with us a Law of Nature that the brain of the Isosceles class shall begin at half a degree, or thirty minutes, and shall increase (if it increases at all) by half a degree in every generation; until the goal of 60 degrees is reached, when the condition of serfdom is quitted, and the freeman enters the class of Regulars.

My answer is that although we cannot SEE angles, we can INFER them with great precision. Necessity has sharpened our sense of touch, and long training has developed it. We can distinguish angles far more accurately by touch than you can by sight without a ruler or angle measure. I must also explain that nature gives us great help. Among us, it is a Law of Nature that the brain of the Isosceles class begins at half a degree. Half a degree equals thirty minutes. The brain must increase (if it increases at all) by half a degree in each generation until it reaches 60 degrees. At that point, the Isosceles leaves serfdom behind and enters the class of Regulars as a freeman.

Consequently, Nature herself supplies us with an ascending scale or Alphabet of angles for half a degree up to 60 degrees, Specimens of which are placed in every Elementary School throughout the land. Owing to occasional retrogressions, to still more frequent moral and intellectual stagnation, and to the extraordinary fecundity of the Criminal and Vagabond Classes, there is always a vast superfluity of individuals of the half degree and single degree class, and a fair abundance of Specimens up to 10 degrees. These are absolutely destitute of civic rights; and a great number of them, not having even intelligence enough for the purposes of warfare, are devoted by the States to the service of education. Fettered immovably so as to remove all possibility of danger, they are placed in the class rooms of our Infant Schools, and there they are utilized by the Board of Education for the purpose of imparting to the offspring of the Middle Classes that tact and intelligence of which these wretched creatures themselves are utterly devoid.

Consequently, Nature herself provides us with a rising scale or Alphabet of angles, from half a degree to 60 degrees. Specimens are placed in every Elementary School throughout the land. There is always a vast surplus of individuals in the half-degree and single-degree classes. This surplus results from occasional backward steps, even more frequent moral and intellectual stagnation, and the Criminal and Vagabond Classes’ extraordinary fertility. Specimens with angles up to 10 degrees are also fairly plentiful. These individuals have no civic rights at all. Many lack even the intelligence needed for warfare, so the States assign them to educational service. They are chained so they cannot move, removing all possibility of danger, and placed in our Infant School classrooms. There, the Board of Education uses them to teach the children of the Middle Classes tact and intelligence. These wretched creatures themselves lack those qualities entirely.

In some States the Specimens are occasionally fed and suffered to exist for several years; but in the more temperate and better regulated regions, it is found in the long run more advantageous for the educational interests of the young, to dispense with food, and to renew the Specimens every month—which is about the average duration of the foodless existence of the Criminal class. In the cheaper schools, what is gained by the longer existence of the Specimen is lost, partly in the expenditure for food, and partly in the diminished accuracy of the angles, which are impaired after a few weeks of constant "feeling". Nor must we forget to add, in enumerating the advantages of the more expensive system, that it tends, though slightly yet perceptibly, to the diminution of the redundant Isosceles population—an object which every statesman in Flatland constantly keeps in view. On the whole therefore—although I am not ignorant that, in many popularly elected School Boards, there is a reaction in favour of "the cheap system" as it is called—I am myself disposed to think that this is one of the many cases in which expense is the truest economy.

In some States, the Specimens are occasionally fed and allowed to live for several years. But in the more temperate and better regulated regions, withholding food proves better for young people’s education in the long run. The Specimens are replaced every month. A month is about as long as members of the Criminal class survive without food. In cheaper schools, the benefit of keeping a Specimen alive longer is offset partly by the cost of food. The benefit is also reduced because the angles become less accurate after a few weeks of constant "feeling". We must also include another advantage of the more expensive system. It helps reduce the surplus Isosceles population, slightly but noticeably. Every statesman in Flatland constantly keeps that goal in mind. Overall, I recognize that many popularly elected School Boards are turning back toward "the cheap system", as it is called. Even so, I tend to think this is one of many cases where spending more is the truest economy.

But I must not allow questions of School Board politics to divert me from my subject. Enough has been said, I trust, to shew that Recognition by Feeling is not so tedious or indecisive a process as might have been supposed; and it is obviously more trustworthy than Recognition by hearing. Still there remains, as has been pointed out above, the objection that this method is not without danger. For this reason many in the Middle and Lower classes, and all without exception in the Polygonal and Circular orders, prefer a third method, the description of which shall be reserved for the next section.

But I must not let School Board politics distract me from my subject. I trust I have said enough to show that Recognition by Feeling is not as slow or uncertain as readers might suppose. It is clearly more reliable than Recognition by hearing. Still, as noted above, Recognition by Feeling has a drawback: it is not without danger. For this reason, many in the Middle and Lower classes prefer a third method. So do all members of the Polygonal and Circular orders, without exception. I will describe this third method in the next section.