He that preaches gratitude, pleads the cause both of God and man; for without it we can neither be sociable nor religious. There is a strange delight in the very purpose and contemplation of it, as well as in the action; when I can say to myself, “I love my benefactor; what is there in this world that I would not do to oblige and serve him?” Where I have not the means of a requital, the very meditation of it is sufficient. A man is nevertheless an artist for not having his tools about him; or a musician, because he wants his fiddle: nor is he the less brave because his hands are bound; or the worse pilot for being upon dry ground. If I have only will to be grateful, I am so. Let me be upon the wheel, or under the hand of the executioner; let me be burnt limb by limb, and my whole body dropping in the flames, a good conscience supports me in all extremes; nay, it is comfortable even in death itself; for when we come to approach that point, what care do we take to summon and call to mind all our benefactors, and the good offices they have done us, that we leave the world fair, and set our minds in order? Without gratitude, we can neither have security, peace, nor reputation: and it is not therefore the less desirable, because it draws many adventitious benefits along with it. Suppose the sun, the moon, and the stars, had no other business than only to pass over our heads, without any effect upon our minds or bodies; without any regard to our health, fruits, or seasons; a man could hardly lift up his eyes towards the heavens without wonder and veneration, to see so many millions of radiant lights, and to observe their courses and revolutions, even without any respect to the common good of the universe. But when we come to consider that Providence and Nature are still at work when we sleep, with the admirable force and operation of their influences and motions, we cannot then but acknowledge their ornament to be the least part of their value; and that they are more to be esteemed for their virtues than for their splendor. Their main end and use is matter of life and necessity, though they may seem to us more considerable for their majesty and beauty. And so it is with gratitude; we love it rather for secondary ends, than for itself.
Anyone who promotes gratitude serves both God and humanity. Without gratitude, we cannot be social or religious. There's a wonderful joy in simply thinking about gratitude, not just in practicing it. I can tell myself, "I love the person who helped me. What wouldn't I do to serve them?" Even when I can't repay someone, just thinking about it is enough. A craftsman is still skilled even without his tools. A musician remains talented without his instrument. A person is still brave with hands tied, and a pilot is still capable on dry land. If I only have the desire to be grateful, then I am grateful. Even if I'm tortured or executed, even if I'm burned piece by piece with my body consumed by flames, a clear conscience supports me through everything. It comforts me even in death itself. When we approach death, don't we carefully remember all our benefactors and the good they've done for us? We want to leave the world honorably and put our minds in order. Without gratitude, we have no security, peace, or good reputation. Gratitude remains valuable even though it brings many additional benefits with it. Imagine if the sun, moon, and stars only passed overhead without affecting our minds or bodies. Suppose they had no impact on our health, crops, or seasons. Even then, we could hardly look at the sky without wonder and reverence. We'd marvel at millions of brilliant lights and observe their movements, even without considering their benefit to the universe. But when we realize that Providence and Nature keep working while we sleep, with amazing force and influence, we must admit their beauty is their smallest value. We should prize them more for their benefits than their splendor. Their main purpose involves life and necessity, though we might notice their majesty and beauty more. The same applies to gratitude. We love it more for what it brings us than for itself.
No man can be grateful without contemning those things that put the common people out of their wits. We must go into banishment; lay down our lives; beggar and expose ourselves to reproaches; nay, it is often seen, that loyalty suffers the punishment due to rebellion, and that treason receives the rewards of fidelity. As the benefits of it are many and great, so are the hazards; which is the case more or less of all other virtues: and it were hard, if this, above the rest, should be both painful and fruitless: so that though we may go currently on with it in a smooth way, we must yet prepare and resolve (if need be) to force our passage to it, even if the way were covered with thorns and serpents; and fall back, fall edge, we must be grateful still: grateful for the virtue’s sake, and grateful over and above upon the point of interest; for it preserves old friends, and gains new ones. It is not our business to fish for one benefit with another; and by bestowing a little to get more; or to oblige for any sort of expedience, but because I ought to do it, and because I love it, and that to such a degree, that if I could not be grateful without appearing the contrary, if I could not return a benefit without being suspected of doing an injury; in despite of infamy itself, I would yet be grateful. No man is greater in my esteem than he that ventures the fame to preserve the conscience of an honest man; the one is but imaginary, the other solid and inestimable. I cannot call him grateful, who in the instant of returning one benefit has his eye upon another. He that is grateful for profit or fear, is like a woman that is honest only upon the score of reputation.
No one can be truly grateful without looking down on the things that drive ordinary people crazy. We must accept exile, risk our lives, face poverty and public shame. We often see loyalty punished as if it were rebellion, while traitors get rewarded for their faithfulness. Gratitude brings many great benefits, but it also brings dangers. This is true for all virtues to some degree. It would be unfair if gratitude alone were both painful and pointless. We might sail smoothly with gratitude when times are easy. But we must be ready to fight our way through even when the path is covered with thorns and serpents. Whatever happens, we must stay grateful. We should be grateful for virtue's sake, and also because it serves our interests. Gratitude keeps old friends and wins new ones. Our job isn't to use one favor to fish for another. We shouldn't give a little to get more, or help others just for convenience. We should do it because we ought to, and because we love doing it. I love gratitude so much that even if I couldn't be grateful without seeming ungrateful, even if I couldn't return a favor without being suspected of causing harm, I would still be grateful despite any shame. I respect no one more than the person who risks their reputation to keep an honest conscience. Reputation is just imaginary, but conscience is solid and priceless. I can't call someone grateful if they're already eyeing their next benefit while returning the current one. Someone who shows gratitude only for profit or fear is like a woman who stays faithful only to protect her reputation.
As gratitude is a necessary and a glorious, so it is also an obvious, a cheap, and an easy virtue; so obvious, that wheresoever there is a life there is a place for it—so cheap that the covetous man may be grateful without expense—and so easy that the sluggard may be so, likewise, without labor. And yet it is not without its niceties too; for there may be a time, a place or occasion wherein I ought not to return a benefit; nay, wherein I may better disown it than deliver it.
Gratitude is a necessary and glorious virtue. It's also obvious, cheap, and easy. It's so obvious that wherever there is life, there's a place for it. It's so cheap that even a greedy person can be grateful without spending anything. It's so easy that even a lazy person can practice it without effort. Yet gratitude has its complexities too. There may be times, places, or occasions when I shouldn't return a favor. Sometimes I might be better off refusing a benefit than accepting it.
Let it be understood, by the way, that it is one thing to be grateful for a good office, and another thing to return it—the good will is enough in one case, being as much as the one side demands and the other promises; but the effect is requisite in the other. The physician that has done his best is acquitted though the patient dies, and so is the advocate, though the client may lose his cause. The general of an army, though the battle be lost, is yet worthy of commendation, if he has discharged all the parts of a prudent commander; in this case, the one acquits himself, though the other be never the better for it. He is a grateful man that is always willing and ready: and he that seeks for all means and occasions of requiting a benefit, though without attaining his end, does a great deal more than the man that, without any trouble, makes an immediate return. Suppose my friend a prisoner, and that I have sold my estate for his ransom; I put to sea in foul weather, and upon a coast that is pestered with pirates; my friend happens to be redeemed before I come to the place; my gratitude is as much to be esteemed as if he had been a prisoner; and if I had been taken and robbed myself, it would still have been the same case. Nay, there is a gratitude in the very countenance; for an honest man bears his conscience in his face, and propounds the requital of a good turn in the very moment of receiving it; he is cheerful and confident; and, in the possession of a true friendship, delivered from all anxiety. There is this difference betwixt a thankful man and an unthankful, the one is always pleased in the good he has done, and the other only once in what he has received. There must be a benignity in the estimation even of the smallest offices; and such a modesty as appears to be obliged in whatsoever it gives. As it is indeed a very great benefit, the opportunity of doing a good office to a worthy man. He that attends to the present, and remembers what is past, shall never be ungrateful. But who shall judge in the case? for a man may be grateful without making a return, and ungrateful with it. Our best way is to help every thing by a fair interpretation; and wheresoever there is a doubt, to allow it the most favorable construction; for he that is exceptious at words, or looks, has a mind to pick a quarrel. For my own part, when I come to cast up my account, and know what I owe, and to whom, though I make my return sooner to some, and later to others, as occasion or fortune will give me leave, yet I will be just to all: I will be grateful to God, to man, to those that have obliged me: nay, even to those that have obliged my friends. I am bound in honor and in conscience to be thankful for what I have received; and if it be not yet full, it is some pleasure still that I may hope for more. For the requital of a favor there must be virtue, occasion, means, and fortune.
Let me be clear about something: being grateful for a good deed is different from returning the favor. Good intentions are enough in one case, since that's all one person asks and the other promises. But actual results matter in the other case. A doctor who does his best is cleared of blame even if the patient dies. The same goes for a lawyer whose client loses the case. A general who loses a battle still deserves praise if he acted like a wise commander. In these situations, one person fulfills their duty even though the other gains nothing from it. A grateful person is always willing and ready to help. Someone who constantly looks for ways to repay a favor, even if they never succeed, does far more than someone who easily returns a favor right away. Imagine my friend is a prisoner and I sell my property to pay his ransom. I set sail in bad weather along a coast full of pirates. My friend gets freed before I arrive. My gratitude deserves just as much respect as if he were still imprisoned. Even if I got captured and robbed myself, it would be the same situation. You can even see gratitude in someone's face. An honest person wears their conscience on their face and shows they want to return a favor the moment they receive it. They're cheerful and confident. True friendship frees them from all worry. Here's the difference between grateful and ungrateful people: the grateful person always feels good about the kindness they've shown, while the ungrateful person only feels good once about what they received. We must appreciate even the smallest favors with kindness. We should show the humility of someone who feels obligated no matter what they give. Having the chance to do a good deed for a worthy person is truly a great benefit. Anyone who pays attention to the present and remembers the past will never be ungrateful. But who decides these matters? A person can be grateful without returning the favor, and ungrateful even while returning it. Our best approach is to interpret everything fairly. Whenever there's doubt, we should assume the most favorable meaning. Anyone who nitpicks words or looks is just trying to start a fight. For myself, when I add up what I owe and to whom, I may repay some people sooner and others later, depending on opportunity or luck. But I will be fair to everyone. I will be grateful to God, to people, to those who have helped me, and even to those who have helped my friends. Honor and conscience require me to be thankful for what I've received. Even if it's not complete yet, I can still hope for more. To repay a favor properly requires virtue, opportunity, means, and good fortune.
It is a common thing to screw up justice to the pitch of an injury. A man may be over-righteous; and why not over-grateful too? There is a mischievous excess, that borders so close upon ingratitude, that it is no easy matter to distinguish the one from the other: but, in regard that there is good-will in the bottom of it, (however distempered, for it is effectually but kindness out of the wits,) we shall discourse it under the title of Gratitude mistaken.
It's common to push justice so far that it becomes harmful. A person can be overly righteous. Why not overly grateful too? There's a harmful excess that comes so close to ingratitude that it's hard to tell them apart. But since there's good intention at the heart of it (though misguided, because it's really just kindness gone wrong), we'll discuss it under the heading of Gratitude mistaken.