"To be, or not to be: that in the question." —HAMLET.
"To be or not to be: that's the question." —HAMLET.
That was indeed the question when I arose one morning, and knew that the event of the Crisis would that day decide whether or not I had Eternal Life, whether I was for the Spirit, or the Second Death.
That was the crucial question when I woke up one morning, knowing that the outcome of the Crisis would determine that day whether I had Eternal Life, whether I was destined for the Spirit or the Second Death.
I arose and went forth into the wilderness of the mountains, accompanied only by a pet animal, somewhat resembling a fawn, which went with me everywhere. In a woodland mountain meadow I traced with my staff the symbol tri, and it instantly became crimson fire, which leaped and rose and fell, unbroken, continuously. I was inside, the pet animal grazed on the meadow. After making the symbol tri, the Good Being introduced to my knowledge by Mol Lang was with me, and it spake much to me, and I to It. It said.
I set out into the remote mountainous wilderness, accompanied only by my pet, which resembled a young deer and followed me everywhere. In a mountain meadow surrounded by trees, I drew the symbol "tri" with my staff. Instantly, it burst into crimson flames that danced and flickered continuously, forming an unbroken barrier. I stood inside this fiery boundary while my pet grazed nearby. After creating the "tri" symbol, the benevolent entity Mol Lang had introduced me to appeared. We communicated at length, and then it spoke.
"Lo! Thy time cometh when I tri must leave thee, although I tri would do for thee, but it is so that no being can endure for another the fierce Trial, neither help them in its midst. Yet I tri say unto thee, I tri believe thou wilt win, for have I not known thee, lo! many ages? But now is that Trial come for thee, when thy past, in all days and lives thou hast ever had, shall rise tip and thou shalt be judged thereby, whether thou shalt become perfect, and thy name be Phylos , or whether thou shalt fail, and have again all the bitterness of life to go through during ages to come. The Father saith through the Spirit, 'Every idle word that men speak, they shall give an account thereof.' How much more then of their actions?"
"Behold! The time has come when I must leave you, though I wish I could do more for you. But it's true that no one can endure the intense Trial for another, nor help them through it. Still, I tell you, I believe you will succeed, for haven't I known you for many lifetimes? Now your Trial has arrived, where your past from all your days and lives will rise up, and you'll be judged by it. This will determine whether you become perfect and earn the name Phylos, or whether you fail and must endure life's hardships again for ages to come. The Father says through the Spirit, 'People will be held accountable for every careless word they speak.' How much more, then, will they be accountable for their actions?"
I listened mutely, for what record was against me? It might be evil, or good, or, worse, that lukewarmness which the Spirit will not entertain, but rather heat or coldness of nature.
I listened silently, unsure of how I would be judged. My record could be seen as evil or good, or worse, that indifference which the Spirit despises, preferring instead either passion or detachment.
"Fear not," said Ovias, tri "for not in vain hast thou lived. Neither expect a record written concerning thee. For know this that the principles inculcated by the Christ-Spirit which overshone Buddha and all the mightiest of the Earth, incarnating in each, and Itself being Son of God, not they, until by union of It they became Sons of God--know that if thou hast made these principles both warp and woof of thy character, thou hast no need to fear. For this sort of fabric is strong, and was that which Jesus meant when He said, and says ever, Timeless One that He is, "Lo, I am with you always even until the end of the world." Not one individual act shall be brought forth to accuse thee, but each, all and every greatest thought, and least, and word or deed, in all thy many incarnations--these have formed thy character. Is that character, then, woven of the woof provided by Christ, and shown forth in the Divine personality of Jesus, and illuminating Buddha, and Zoroaster, Moses, Manu and other Salvators? If that be the cloth, then indeed shalt thou prevail, though no one sustain thine arm. But if not that weaving, lo! thou shalt fail, and not even I tri could save thee. I tri go. Be thou brave, and may the Comforter be in thee. Peace."
"Don't be afraid," said Ovias, "for your life has had purpose. Don't expect a written record about you. Instead, understand that the principles taught by the Christ-Spirit, which shone through Buddha and all the greatest figures on Earth, are what matter. This Spirit, not the individuals, is the true Son of God, until they unite with It and become Sons of God themselves. If you've made these principles the core of your character, you have nothing to fear. This kind of inner strength is what Jesus meant when He said, as the Timeless One, 'I am with you always, even to the end of the world.' You won't be judged by individual acts, but by the sum of your thoughts, words, and deeds across all your lives—these have shaped who you are. Is your character woven from the teachings of Christ, as shown through Jesus, Buddha, Zoroaster, Moses, Manu, and other great teachers? If so, you will prevail, even without support. But if not, you will fail, and even I couldn't save you. I must go now. Be brave, and may the Comforter be within you. Peace."
All that day I stood there, and was not weary. Night came About the midnight hour my pet cried out in terror, and came leaping toward me. As it came I warded it from the tri flame, and it stood outside, trembling. But I saw nothing to alarm it, save Mol Lang, approaching over the level around me. He hesitated not, but seemed about to cross the line of fire, as he could, but mindful of my perilous position I said:
I remained standing there all day without tiring. As night fell, around midnight, my pet cried out in fear and rushed towards me. I kept it from the tri-flame barrier, and it stood outside, shaking. I saw nothing alarming except Mol Lang, who was approaching across the surrounding area. He seemed ready to cross the fire line, which he could do, but aware of my dangerous situation, I spoke up:
"Stop! If thou art Mol Lang, then come. But if only a tempting shape, woe unto thee if thou shalt cross that line, for tri It shall punish thee as only an immortal can punish."
"Halt! If you're truly Mol Lang, then approach. But if you're just a deceptive illusion, beware crossing that line. The tri will punish you with a severity only an immortal can inflict."
He came not; instead he ceased to appear as Mol Lang, and was another sort. This tempter said:
He did not arrive as expected. Instead, he transformed, no longer appearing as Mol Lang, but as someone entirely different. This new entity, a tempter, spoke:
"If thou art proof against me, who so seemed thy loved preceptor that thou really knew not, then thou art conqueror over death and sin. I have no power over thee, and thou art free to enter eternal life, wherein shall no more incarnations occur. I go."
"If you've proven yourself against me, who you thought was your beloved teacher without realizing the truth, then you've conquered death and sin. I have no power over you, and you're free to enter eternal life, where you'll no longer be reborn. I'm leaving now."
This Shape withdrew, but the Voice in my soul whispered:
The figure vanished, but an inner voice murmured:
"Beware yet awhile."
"Be careful for now."
I stayed on unmolested until I caught myself napping, and knowing this to be the fatigue of the flesh, I regretted that I had not met the Trial in astral form.
I continued undisturbed until I noticed myself dozing off. Recognizing this as physical exhaustion, I wished I had faced the Trial in my astral form instead.
"Not so," whispered the Voice, "all thine elements, both physical and psychic, must attend thee here."
"Not true," the Voice whispered. "All your elements, both physical and mental, must accompany you here."
But again I dozed, and quickly aroused myself, for the scene all about me was changed. The mountain meadow was gone, and in place of night seemed day. I gazed, seemingly, on a scene where all the races of men and immortals were gathered under the sweep of my prescient eye. I seemed to be taken over this realm, and a fair, godlike being in appearance was my guide. Yet in caution, I sheathed myself from head to foot in the tri flame as in an armor, at which my guide smiled, but said nothing. He took me with the speed of thought, so that we seemed to go from star to star, now crossing vast interstellar spaces, now come on fresh realms. All these realms were inhabited by creatures of human shape, or at least they had human attributes. Before me they all bowed and worshipped, for my guide said to them: "See thy master." Otherwise they were all engaged in pursuit of pleasure. The multiplex passions of man on Earth were indulged without fear of penalty. My fair guide said:
I drifted off again, but quickly woke to find my surroundings completely transformed. The mountain meadow had vanished, replaced by what seemed like daylight. I observed a scene where all of humanity and immortal beings were gathered within my prophetic gaze. I appeared to be transported across this realm, guided by a beautiful, godlike figure. Cautiously, I enveloped myself in a protective tri-colored flame, like armor. My guide smiled at this but remained silent. We traveled at the speed of thought, seemingly jumping from star to star, crossing vast interstellar distances and encountering new worlds. All these realms were populated by human-like creatures, or at least beings with human characteristics. They all bowed and worshipped me, as my guide announced: "Behold your master." Otherwise, they were all consumed by the pursuit of pleasure, indulging in the complex passions of earthly humans without fear of consequences. My ethereal guide then spoke:
"These are souls in whom I created certain passions and appetites, and shall I punish them for indulging, without stint, traits I have given? Now, tell me, why should all creation not have free license to get pleasure as it may? My creatures do. There is no sort of restraint placed by me on their free pursuit of carnal things, lusts, appetites. See, they are happy! For a time I am giving thee control of them. Through indulgence of their passions they beget a sort of vital magnetism, and as their present ruler, it thrills thee like new wine."
"These are souls I created with certain passions and desires. Why should I punish them for freely indulging in traits I gave them? Tell me, why shouldn't all creation have the freedom to seek pleasure as it wishes? My creatures do. I place no restrictions on their pursuit of physical pleasures, lusts, or appetites. Look how happy they are! I'm giving you control over them for a while. By indulging their passions, they generate a kind of life force, and as their current ruler, it energizes you like new wine."
As my guide said, the sight and sensing of all this license did thrill me ecstatically, and was affecting me with a delirious, carnal joy. I put it away and refused to feel. Whereat the beautiful Being said:
The scene before me was intoxicating, as my guide had predicted. Its unbridled nature filled me with an ecstatic thrill and a wild, sensual pleasure. However, I pushed these feelings aside, refusing to indulge in them. In response, the beautiful Being spoke:
"Oh! thou art blind! Behold, thou shalt have these realms for thine, and have absolute authority, so thy word shall be life or death to these people, if thou wilt. Here, too, into this eternal joy, thou mayest bring Phyris, and lo! forever thou shalt with her do thy will, and hers, and no penalty be exacted. Wilt thou take this gift of supremacy? It is free; I ask no return for it all. Only take it."
"You're blind! Listen, you can have these kingdoms as your own, with absolute power. Your word will decide life or death for these people, if you want. You can even bring Phyris here to this eternal bliss, and forever you'll both do as you please, without consequences. Will you accept this gift of supreme power? It's yours for free; I ask nothing in return. Just take it."
Oh! where was my knowledge, gained from the many lives, and from the Voice? Gone! Gone, else I had known at once not to accept the alluring gift. I was offered all this free, thereby violating the divine law, which never allows something for nothing. But I gathered my tri armor about me, lest this Being, who seemed so fair and good, were not so, and if not good, its touch might be fatal. Then I said:
Where was the wisdom I'd gained from my many lives and the Voice? Vanished! If I'd remembered, I would have known not to accept such a tempting offer. This gift, freely given, went against the universal law that nothing comes without a price. Cautiously, I wrapped my spiritual armor around myself, in case this seemingly benevolent Being wasn't what it appeared to be—its touch could be deadly. Then I spoke:
"It must be that thou art arrayed in the livery of heaven to serve Satan better. Demon, thou offerest that which subordinates all other beings in these realms to my will. This realm is governed by pleasure, passion, appetite, lust, all selfish; and no penalty set upon wild license. These carnalities would conquer me, too, if I accepted-me, who am otherwise about to become immortal, more than Man, karmaless. These are selfish. Pleasure so gotten is the essence of selfishness. Truly, thou must be creator of it all, since it is selfish. It is thine. It could be mine? Yea, but only because over me thou wouldst reign. I am not now thy subject; nor will I be. Only the Unknown God is my Master. Get thee hence, behind me!"
"You must be dressed in heaven's uniform to better serve Satan. Demon, you offer me control over all beings in these realms. This place is ruled by pleasure, passion, appetite, and lust—all selfish desires with no consequences for wild behavior. These temptations would conquer me too if I accepted them—me, who is about to become immortal, more than human, free from karma. These pleasures are selfish. Enjoyment gained this way is the essence of selfishness. Truly, you must be the creator of it all, since it is selfish. It's yours. It could be mine? Yes, but only because you would rule over me. I am not your subject now, nor will I ever be. Only the Unknown God is my Master. Get behind me!"
The scene slowly faded, like mist in the sunlight. There came a lull, and I hoped the battle was over, for I was weary. But I stood on the meadow again, with the tri fire leaping, quivering in crimson pulses around the lines. Nothing could break that guardian flame, for it was a symbol of the perfect state of being of another, but non-human, race. Only perfection could avail against it. Perfection of good might; so, too, perfection of evil might; but the latter had not yet come against it. I even doubted the existence of any perfection of evil. What offer, after all, had been made but of the things which were mine by reason of the divine Sonship? God giveth his children control over each other for good, and for evil also, through mental influence. What more absolute sovereignty is there than love, exercised as He hath ordained. None. While I reflected, a soft and lovely vision came, and lo, Phyris stood before me.
The scene gradually faded, like mist in sunlight. A lull followed, and I hoped the battle had ended, feeling exhausted. But I found myself back on the meadow, with the tri-fire pulsing in crimson waves around the perimeter. This protective flame was unbreakable, symbolizing the perfect state of a non-human race. Only perfection could challenge it—either ultimate good or ultimate evil—but the latter hadn't yet appeared. I doubted whether perfect evil even existed. After all, what had been offered except things already mine through divine Sonship? God grants His children mental influence over one another, for both good and evil. What power is more absolute than love, exercised as He intended? None. As I pondered this, a gentle vision appeared: Phyris stood before me.
"Art thou Phyris?" I asked.
"Are you Phyris?" I asked.
"Could any but Phyris disregard the tri flame about thee?" she replied, penetrating the barrier, and sinking by my side. This seemed truth, for Ovias tri was perfect being of Its own condition. Only perfection can stand with perfection.
"Could anyone but Phyris ignore the tri flame surrounding you?" she asked, breaking through the barrier and settling beside me. This seemed true, for Ovias tri was a perfect being in its own right. Only perfection can stand alongside perfection.
At last I heard her sigh softly, sadly. Her eyes brimmed with tears.
Finally, I heard her let out a quiet, melancholy sigh. Her eyes welled up with tears.
"Why this sorrow, Phyris?"
"What's troubling you, Phyris?"
"Phylos, thou enquirest? I reply. Because of my confession to make. I, too, am on trial as thyself. A sad story of sin is mine. Woe is me if thou shouldst spurn me for it." She hesitated.
"Phylos, you ask? I'll answer. I have a confession to make. I'm on trial just like you. Mine is a sad story of sin. I'll be devastated if you reject me because of it." She paused.
"Speak," I answered, apprehensively.
"Go ahead," I replied nervously.
"This, then. In a far Poseid day, when I had a personality called Anzimee, and thou hadst one called Zailm, thou knowst the day? Aye, and with sorrow e'en yet! When thou hadst gone in thy vailx, fugitive from memory of Lolix, I sorrowed intensely. And I knew not thine abode then. When thou returned not, crazed, I went to Mainin the Incalix. He marveled at my frenzy; then said:
In a distant era of Poseid, when I was known as Anzimee and you as Zailm, do you remember that day? Yes, and it still brings sorrow! After you fled in your vailx, trying to escape memories of Lolix, I was overwhelmed with grief. I didn't know where you had gone. When you didn't return, I, in a state of desperation, went to Mainin the Incalix. He was astonished by my frantic state, then said:
"'Lovest thou Zailm, Rainu?'
"Do you love Zailm, Rainu?"
"'As my own soul, Incalix.'
"I swear it on my life, Incalix."
"'I marvel thereat. But never mind. Aid thee to find him? What if I love thee, I who am a vowed celibate? What if, in my ability, I say Zailm shall no more come back?'
"I'm amazed by that. But let's set it aside. Help you find him? What if I love you, even though I've sworn to be celibate? What if I tell you, with all certainty, that Zailm will never return?"
"Then, Phylos, I begged for thee as for my own life! I implored his mercy. At last the stern lines of his face relaxed, and he kindly said: 'I would not keep thee apart; I was but testing thy love for him. Yet my aid must receive compensation. Not money, nor jewels, nor power; these have I in abundance. One only thing in thy gift will I have; listen: in other days, when I came to knowledge of Nature's deeper secrets, I was curious to experiment, and I sought the aid, all confident of my power to subdue my servant, of the host of Satan, one demon. But my power I overestimated, and I was subdued, a victim. So one day coming my soul is forfeit to Lucifer to pay my debt and its ever growing size. One only way can I avert this, by delivering another, although less experienced soul, in place of mine. Ere this night a maiden and her lover will seek me at the hour of worship, that I may solemnize their marriage already long published. But I shall be gone, purposely. Thou wilt be there, and except thee, only those two. Now, they are weak, but have never sinned.
Then, Phylos, I begged for you as if my own life depended on it! I pleaded for mercy. Finally, his stern expression softened, and he said kindly, "I wouldn't keep you apart; I was only testing your love for him. However, my help comes at a price. Not money, jewels, or power; I have plenty of those. I want only one thing you can give; listen: years ago, when I discovered Nature's deeper secrets, I was curious to experiment. Overconfident in my abilities, I sought the aid of one of Satan's demons. But I overestimated my power and became a victim instead. So one day, my soul will be forfeit to Lucifer to pay my ever-growing debt. There's only one way to prevent this: by delivering another, less experienced soul in place of mine. Tonight, a maiden and her lover will seek me during worship to solemnize their long-announced marriage. But I'll be gone on purpose. You'll be there, and except for you, only those two. Now, they are weak but have never sinned."
"Their natures incline to error. All I ask of thee is that when they ask for me, tell thou them I am gone, but say, 'Thou art come to be wed?' then smile and say, again, 'Only the simple folk publish their matings; the wise are never wedded, yet are wedded in verity.' Say no more. If they take that mild hint, they will sin, and lose their souls, but I, the great Incalix, shall be saved. I will in any event bring thee Zailm again, for perchance thy hint will not be acted upon.'
"They're prone to mistakes. All I ask is that when they inquire about me, tell them I've left. Then ask, 'Have you come to be married?' Smile and add, 'Only naive people announce their marriages; the wise are never officially wed, yet are truly married.' Say nothing more. If they take this subtle hint, they'll sin and lose their souls, but I, the great Incalix, will be saved. Regardless, I'll bring Zailm back to you, in case your hint isn't acted upon."
"Mainin ceased speaking. I recoiled in horror. Yet even as I was about to refuse, he said, 'Remember, only thou canst save Zailm.'
Mainin stopped talking. I shrank back, horrified. But just as I was about to refuse, he said, "Remember, you're the only one who can save Zailm."
"I thought him a fiend. Then I thought, it is but natural for him to wish to save his own soul, even at another's cost. And oh! I so desired the return of my Zailm! Tearfully Bobbing, my soul whispering the wrong of it, but my heart pleading me to be blind for that once to wrong or right, I yielded and said, 'Even as thou requirest, so will I do.'
I thought he was a monster. Then I realized it was only natural for him to want to save himself, even at someone else's expense. And oh, how I longed for Zailm's return! With tears in my eyes, my conscience whispering that it was wrong, but my heart begging me to ignore right and wrong just this once, I gave in and said, "I'll do exactly as you ask."
"I did so. But false to Incal, Mainin was false to me, and he brought not Zailm back. When Rai Gwauxln told me of Zailm's death, I, too, died of shame and a broken heart. The man and woman took my hint, and died after years of well-concealed, direful crime. But I Phylos? In my consent to Mainin's will, I sold my soul to the Arch Fiend, Mainin's master. So my life is forfeit unless I can be helped. Forfeit, much though I know, and hard as I have striven to do right and atone, all in vain! Yet, my twin soul, thou art able to save me. If thou savest me not, then shall the Eternal Law cause me to die the second death. My soul will be annihilated, my Spirit, which was unable to unite with my soul, shall go back to the Source, our Father. And then, being a soul, but thy Spirit also my Spirit, thou must also perish. Save thyself then as well as me."
I did as asked, but Mainin betrayed both Incal and me, failing to bring Zailm back. When Rai Gwauxln informed me of Zailm's death, I too died from shame and heartbreak. The man and woman took my advice and died after years of well-hidden, terrible crimes. But what of me, Phylos? By agreeing to Mainin's will, I sold my soul to the Devil, Mainin's master. Now my life is forfeit unless I can be helped. Despite all I know and how hard I've tried to do right and make amends, it's been in vain! Yet you, my twin soul, can save me. If you don't, the Eternal Law will cause me to die the second death. My soul will cease to exist, and my Spirit, unable to unite with my soul, will return to the Source, our Father. And then, being a soul but sharing my Spirit, you too must perish. So save yourself as well as me.
"How?" I queried, soul-sick to the depths, and suffering such intensity of misery as almost of itself to cut off my life. Sick, because I felt Phyris, my other self, my pure angel, to be in mortal danger, herself in a fatal mire, and threatened with soul death. And because she was, I was also, for our Spirit was the same.
"How?" I asked, feeling devastated to my core and experiencing such profound anguish that I felt close to death. I was distraught because I sensed Phyris, my soulmate and pure angel, was in mortal danger, trapped in a deadly quagmire and facing spiritual destruction. And because our spirits were one, her peril was also mine.
"How?" I again queried, whispered.
"How?" I whispered again.
"Thus! The man whom, as Anzimee, I led astray, hath incarnated several times since then, each time worse and worse, until now, a man on Earth, he is about to confront a temptation which, if he fall, will aim his course ever henceforth for evil, and final death of his soul. If he yield not now, he may or may not at last escape, but the delay will put him beyond use to us, and we shall surely die, whether he does or not. Aye! we shall if thou actest not now. If his soul is now made forfeit, we shall surely escape; so saith Mainin, who is blasted and in outer darkness, yet owneth me; 'tis an only, though slender hope. O Phylos, think! think!! On the one hand eternal life, brightness, and a chance to atone for all our sins, perhaps even rescue this man at last, but on the other, death, blasting into outer darkness and eternal demonhood."
Thus! The man I led astray as Anzimee has reincarnated several times since then, each life worse than the last. Now, as a man on Earth, he faces a temptation that, if he succumbs, will set him on an irreversible path of evil, ending in the death of his soul. If he resists now, he may or may not eventually escape, but the delay will render him useless to us, and we will surely die, whether he does or not. Yes! We will die if you don't act now. If his soul is forfeited now, we will surely escape. So says Mainin, who is damned and in darkness, yet still owns me; it's our only, though slim, hope. O Phylos, think! On one hand: eternal life, light, and a chance to atone for all our sins, perhaps even rescue this man in the end. On the other: death, damnation to outer darkness, and eternal demonhood.
In the calm night she stood before me and besought me to act for her, her hands clasped, her eyes streaming, her agony fearful to see. Act for her whom I loved better than life, and for myself; save our lives that all might be well. How? By using my occult power to whisper to a man, already sin-sodden, on a distant planet, a man who might not conquer his temper even though I withheld my influence. Do what? Influence him to sign his name as Governor of a great state to a denial of pardon to two men about to die for murder. Yet they were innocent. I knew it; the Governor knew it, because he had already sinned horribly in using his office, money and power to weave a net of circumstantial evidence which would hang his two enemies for a murder committed by his own hand. He would, in an hour more, sign or not sign the fateful paper, for at the last his courage was faltering. All I needed to do was to occultly encourage him. Already so sinful, was it likely he ever would turn from evil ways to good? Barely possible. But I was to psychologize him to pass this opportunity and complete his double murder, in order to save Phyris, whom I so loved, whose Spirit was my Spirit, whose soul's destruction meant my soul's destruction also. It was so easy to do!
In the stillness of night, she stood before me, pleading desperately for my help. Her hands were clasped, tears streaming down her face, her anguish unbearable to witness. She begged me to act for her sake and mine, to save our lives and make everything right. How? By using my psychic abilities to influence a man on a distant planet – a man already steeped in sin, who might not control his temper even without my interference. What was I to do? Persuade him, as Governor of a powerful state, to deny pardons to two men facing execution for murder. Yet they were innocent. I knew it, and so did the Governor. He had already committed a terrible crime, using his position, wealth, and influence to fabricate circumstantial evidence that would condemn his two enemies for a murder he himself had committed. Within the hour, he would either sign or refuse to sign the crucial document, as his resolve was wavering. All I needed to do was provide a subtle psychic nudge. Given his history of wrongdoing, was it likely he'd ever change his ways? It seemed doubtful. But I was being asked to push him towards this final act of evil – a double murder – to save Phyris, the woman I loved more than life itself. Our spirits were one; her soul's destruction would mean mine as well. It would be so simple to do!
All crimes are easy. But while the agony of despair numbed me, a ray of hope came, and the question arose, would this act save us? Had not God said, "Thou shalt not kill"; and would not the double murder be on me as much as on the Governor? Then I arose, and said, calmly,--Oh! how frightfully, despairingly calm!
All crimes are simple to commit. But as I was paralyzed by despair, a glimmer of hope emerged. I wondered if this act would save us. Hadn't God commanded, "Thou shalt not kill"? Wouldn't I be just as guilty of double murder as the Governor? Then I stood up and spoke with an eerie, hopeless calmness.
"Lo, then. If we shall both die into outer darkness, yet will I never do this thing. Thou, who art more precious than mine own life, must not ask this! Saith not our Father: 'Whoso shall do evil, of him will be exacted the penalty, of some thirty, some sixty, some an hundredfold'? And if I, we, shall consign a soul to darkness, thinkest thou, oh! my spirit mate, we shall not the more surely go thither ourselves? Then, although these words seal thy death, and mine, yet will I refuse to sin. I will not do thy will. I have not erred so but that I can put fort h my hand and, by the aid of the Christ-Spirit, cut off the progress of thy sin, and thou mayest go back to the time, place, where thy soul was ere thine error, and recarnify on Earth so often as needful to expunge and atone this sinful act. And I will await thee where my soul is now progressed, during the years, though they be tens of thousands, until pure, thou mayest rejoin me. I will guide thee, so that thou wilt sin no more during expiation. Aye, except that I must stay to so guide, I would go again into the life of Earth with thee; but I must stay that my light be clear. All this will I do, or if vicarious atonement were a possibility in the Universe, I would go for thee, and let thee stay. But condemn the man on Earth, and ourselves with him, no! I can not so sin."
"Listen. Even if we both face oblivion, I won't do this. You're more precious to me than life itself, but you can't ask this of me! Doesn't our Father say, 'Whoever does evil will pay the price, some thirty, some sixty, some a hundredfold'? If we condemn a soul to darkness, don't you think we'll surely follow? So, even though these words may seal our fate, I refuse to sin. I won't do your bidding. I haven't strayed so far that I can't reach out and, with the help of the Christ-Spirit, stop your sin from progressing. You can go back to where your soul was before your mistake and be reborn on Earth as often as needed to make amends. I'll wait for you where my soul has progressed, even if it takes tens of thousands of years, until you're pure enough to rejoin me. I'll guide you so you won't sin again during your atonement. In fact, if I didn't need to stay to guide you, I'd go back to Earth with you. But I must remain here to keep my light clear. I'd do all this, or if it were possible in the Universe, I'd atone for you and let you stay. But condemn the man on Earth, and ourselves with him? No! I can't commit such a sin."
With a convulsive shudder, and a despair in her starry eyes that smote me so that I cried aloud to God in my agony, Phyris said in a mournful wail, as of a lost soul:
With a violent tremor and a look of utter despair in her bright eyes that struck me so deeply I cried out to God in anguish, Phyris said in a mournful wail, as if she were a lost soul:
"O Phylos, think well; for it might be that thou art hedged about with that sort of righteousness that maketh the Angels to weep and the Fiend to smile!"
"Phylos, think carefully. Your so-called righteousness might be the kind that makes angels weep and demons smile!"
"Phyris, beloved, I have spoken! I alter not."
"Phyris, my love, I've made my decision! I won't change my mind."
She moved away with her hands covering her agonized face, sobbing in her intensity of despair. When she came to the tri fire she said:
She turned away, her hands hiding her anguished face as she sobbed uncontrollably. Reaching the campfire, she spoke:
"Phylos, I could enter. My power is fled, and I can not go out; put it aside."
"Phylos, I can enter, but I can't leave. My power is gone. Please move it aside."
I looked from where I lay almost dying in my pain of an immortal hurt, and found that I too was too weak to lower the barrier. Then I looked within my being, and I saw that no more was the Light of the Spirit within me, but gone forth. And then I knew what that awful appeal of Jesus of Nazareth meant, that He, too, in the fearful strain of his Human trial of the Crisis had beheld the Spirit in Him wane, when He cried out: "Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabacthani." Like Him I cried out to the Father, and in that instant the Light returned, and with a roll as of mighty thunder the darkness broke, and the night which had been around me fled, so I saw that the sun was high in the heavens, and I alone had been in a local gloom. The tri flame paled, and "Phyris" knelt before me and implored mercy. Then I knew that Phyris, had not been near. I knew that God the Father was entered in me to dwell forever, and that the perfection of evil had failed in its last, most subtle, horrible and insidious attack, its last attempt to open the door to downwardness for me. My strength out of all the lives had withstood, and, all fainting, I was come unto Christ. All the weary way of woe I had journeyed, atoning as I came. And now my karma I had blotted out, and in me was Life Everlasting. Gloria in Excelsis! Laus Deo! The song I heard was the song of the starry hosts of God.
As I lay nearly dying from an unbearable pain, I realized I was too weak to lower the barrier. Looking within myself, I found that the Light of the Spirit had left me. Then I understood the meaning of Jesus of Nazareth's agonized cry: "Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabacthani." Like Him, I called out to the Father, and instantly the Light returned. With a thunderous roar, the darkness shattered, and I saw that the sun was high in the sky. I had been alone in my personal gloom. The tri-flame faded, and "Phyris" knelt before me, begging for mercy. I realized then that the real Phyris had not been present. I knew that God the Father had entered me to stay forever, and that evil's most subtle and insidious attack—its final attempt to lead me astray—had failed. My strength, built over many lives, had endured. Exhausted, I had finally come to Christ. I had journeyed the painful path, atoning as I went. Now, my karma was erased, and I possessed Eternal Life. Glory to God in the highest! Praise be to God! The song I heard was the chorus of God's celestial hosts.
Then the Voice spoke: "Thy trial is over; I am well pleased. It is written in sacred Scripture, 'Ye must be born again, of water and of the Spirit.' Even so hast thou been born now. Of water, which is the world of matter. And of the Spirit, which is I entered in. But the death of the carnal body, and rebirth in the new, is but night after day, and day after night. To these successive days and nights of the soul, that Scripture refers not. Thou hast been born in the Earth many times, and each time thy carnal body hath died. But the rebirth was not that rebirth of the waters and of me. Those incarnations did but prepare thee out of the waters of materiality for Me. But now thou art born of that and of Me, and become a Son of Light, and at one with the All-Father, and like unto the Nazarene. Carry thou My Word unto all men, that all may come likewise unto Me who will, even as thou, following the first Man who came unto Me, have thyself also come."
The Voice then spoke: "Your trial is over, and I am pleased. Scripture says, 'You must be born again of water and the Spirit.' This is what has happened to you now. You've been born of water, which represents the material world, and of the Spirit, which is Me entering you. The death of the physical body and rebirth in the new isn't what this Scripture means by successive days and nights of the soul. You've lived many lives on Earth, and each time your physical body has died. But those rebirths weren't the rebirth of water and Spirit. Those lives only prepared you from the material world for Me. Now you're born of both, becoming a Child of Light, at one with the All-Father, and like the Nazarene. Spread My Word to everyone, so that all who wish may come to Me as you have, following the first Man who came to Me."
Now when I saw Phyris come, I knew that it was she in verity. She, too, had had her Trial, and equal temptations had been offered her, and been withstood, ninety centuries of years before, however. How say ye: "I thought twin souls must fight the final fight together, and now you say nine thousand years were between?" Behold, friend, time is but measure of energy exerted. We wrought the same work, so were together. Is Paul more saved than the latest regenerated soul? Yet Paul knew Jesus Christ near two thousand years earlier. It had seemed to us both that the Great Crisis had occupied centuries. Unto us, as we stood clasping each other, came a glorious vision, and the Voice spoke, saying:
When Phyris appeared, I knew it was truly her. She had faced her own Trial and resisted equal temptations ninety centuries earlier. You might ask, "I thought twin souls were supposed to face the final challenge together, yet you say there were 9,000 years between you?" Understand this: time is merely a measure of energy expended. We accomplished the same task, so we were together in that sense. Is Paul any more saved than the most recently reborn soul? Yet Paul knew Jesus Christ almost two millennia earlier. To both of us, it seemed the Great Crisis had lasted for centuries. As we stood embracing, a magnificent vision appeared before us, and the Voice spoke, saying:
"Behold. Look back over the mighty past. And when thou hast so done, look on Earth, and see how there to effect the work of giving the people of Earth thy life history. That shall take but a moment for thee, but that moment shall seem years to thine agents on Earth. Then again, look; I am thy Voice and thy Spirit. Thy souls shall unite. Behold, thou shalt presently hereafter have no more two bodies, but one only, and it thy Spirit body. Mine, for without Me thou art nothing. Peace is thine forevermore."
Look back on the vast expanse of history. When you've done that, turn your gaze to Earth and consider how to share your life story with its people. This task will take you only a moment, but to your agents on Earth, it will feel like years. Then look again; I am your Voice and your Spirit. Your souls will unite. Soon, you will no longer have two bodies, but only one—your Spirit body. It is mine, for without Me you are nothing. Eternal peace is yours.
Friend, thou mayest have trouble in understanding this strange union. Yet, ponder it deeply, for it is to be thy experience some day if thou art true to thy Savior and follow Him, drinking of the cup which He drank, and triumphing at the Critical Ordeal.
Friend, you may struggle to understand this unusual connection. But think about it carefully, for it will be your experience someday if you remain faithful to your Savior and follow Him, sharing in His suffering and overcoming the Critical Ordeal.
End of Book Second
End of Part Two