Modesty in General, Not as a Sexual Virtue

Modesty! Sacred offspring of sensibility and reason! true delicacy of mind! may I unblamed presume to investigate thy nature, and trace to its covert the mild charm, that mellowing each harsh feature of a character, renders what would otherwise only inspire cold admiration—lovely! Thou that smoothest the wrinkles of wisdom, and softenest the tone of the more sublime virtues till they all melt into humanity! thou that spreadest the ethereal cloud that surrounding love heightens every beauty, it half shades, breathing those coy sweets that steal into the heart, and charm the senses—modulate for me the language of persuasive reason, till I rouse my sex from the flowery bed, on which they supinely sleep life away!

Modesty! Sacred child of feeling and reason! True delicacy of mind! May I, without blame, dare to explore your nature and trace that gentle charm to its hiding place? It softens every harsh feature of a character, making lovable what would otherwise inspire only cold admiration. You smooth the wrinkles of wisdom and soften the tone of the noblest virtues until they all blend into humanity! You spread a delicate cloud around love, heightening every beauty it half conceals. You breathe those shy sweetnesses that steal into the heart and charm the senses. Shape the language of persuasive reason for me, until I rouse women from the flowery bed where they passively sleep their lives away!

In speaking of the association of our ideas, I have noticed two distinct modes; and in defining modesty, it appears to me equally proper to discriminate that purity of mind, which is the effect of chastity, from a simplicity of character that leads us to form a just opinion of ourselves, equally distant from vanity or presumption, though by no means incompatible with a lofty consciousness of our own dignity. Modesty in the latter signification of the term, is that soberness of mind which teaches a man not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think, and should be distinguished from humility, because humility is a kind of self-abasement. A modest man often conceives a great plan, and tenaciously adheres to it, conscious of his own strength, till success gives it a sanction that determines its character. Milton was not arrogant when he suffered a suggestion of judgment to escape him that proved a prophesy; nor was General Washington when he accepted of the command of the American forces. The latter has always been characterized as a modest man; but had he been merely humble, he would probably have shrunk back irresolute, afraid of trusting to himself the direction of an enterprise on which so much depended.

In discussing the association of ideas, I have noted two distinct ways in which ideas are associated. In defining modesty, I think it is equally important to distinguish between two kinds. One is purity of mind, which comes from chastity. The other is a simplicity of character that leads us to judge ourselves fairly. Such a judgment is neither vain nor presumptuous, though it is entirely compatible with a strong sense of our own dignity. In this second sense, modesty is the soundness of mind that teaches a man not to think too highly of himself. It should be distinguished from humility, because humility is a kind of self-abasement. A modest man often forms a great plan and holds firmly to it, confident in his own strength. He persists until success validates the plan and establishes its character. Milton was not arrogant when he let slip a judgment that proved prophetic. Nor was General Washington arrogant when he accepted command of the American forces. Washington has always been described as a modest man. But if he had been merely humble, he would probably have hesitated and drawn back. He would have been afraid to trust himself with directing an enterprise on which so much depended.

A modest man is steady, an humble man timid, and a vain one presumptuous; this is the judgment, which the observation of many characters, has led me to form. Jesus Christ was modest, Moses was humble, and Peter vain.

A modest man is steady, a humble man is timid, and a vain man is presumptuous. I have reached this judgment by observing many people. Jesus Christ was modest, Moses was humble, and Peter was vain.

Thus discriminating modesty from humility in one case, I do not mean to confound it with bashfulness in the other. Bashfulness, in fact, is so distinct from modesty, that the most bashful lass, or raw country lout, often becomes the most impudent; for their bashfulness being merely the instinctive timidity of ignorance, custom soon changes it into assurance.*

Just as I distinguish modesty from humility in one case, I do not mean to confuse modesty with shyness in the other. Shyness is in fact very different from modesty. The shyest girl or the most awkward country boy often becomes the most impudent. Their shyness is merely the instinctive timidity of ignorance, so familiarity soon turns it into confidence.*

The shameless behaviour of the prostitutes who infest the streets of London, raising alternate emotions of pity and disgust, may serve to illustrate this remark. They trample on virgin bashfulness with a sort of bravado, and glorying in their shame, become more audaciously lewd than men, however depraved, to whom the sexual quality has not been gratuitously granted, ever appear to be. But these poor ignorant wretches never had any modesty to lose, when they consigned themselves to infamy; for modesty is a virtue not a quality. No, they were only bashful, shame-faced innocents; and losing their innocence, their shame-facedness was rudely brushed off; a virtue would have left some vestiges in the mind, had it been sacrificed to passion, to make us respect the grand ruin.

The shameless behavior of the prostitutes who crowd the streets of London may illustrate this point. They stir alternating feelings of pity and disgust. With a kind of bravado, they trample on maidenly shyness and take pride in their shame. They become more boldly lewd than men ever appear to be, however depraved those men are. Yet men have not been given their sexual nature without purpose. But these poor, ignorant wretches never had any modesty to lose when they gave themselves over to disgrace. Modesty is a virtue, not a quality. No, they were only shy, bashful innocents. When they lost their innocence, their bashfulness was rudely stripped away. If a virtue had been sacrificed to passion, it would have left some traces in their minds. Those traces would have made us respect the grand ruin.

Purity of mind, or that genuine delicacy, which is the only virtuous support of chastity, is near a-kin to that refinement of humanity, which never resides in any but cultivated minds. It is something nobler than innocence; it is the delicacy of reflection, and not the coyness of ignorance. The reserve of reason, which like habitual cleanliness, is seldom seen in any great degree, unless the soul is active, may easily be distinguished from rustic shyness or wanton skittishness; and so far from being incompatible with knowledge, it is its fairest fruit. What a gross idea of modesty had the writer of the following remark! "The lady who asked the question whether women may be instructed in the modern system of botany, consistently with female delicacy?" was accused of ridiculous prudery: nevertheless, if she had proposed the question to me, I should certainly have answered—They cannot." Thus is the fair book of knowledge to be shut with an everlasting seal! On reading similar passages I have reverentially lifted up my eyes and heart to Him who liveth for ever and ever, and said, O my Father, hast Thou by the very constitution of her nature forbid Thy child to seek Thee in the fair forms of truth? And, can her soul be sullied by the knowledge that awfully calls her to Thee?

Purity of mind, or genuine delicacy, is the only virtuous foundation for chastity. It is closely related to a refined sense of humanity, which exists only in cultivated minds. It is nobler than innocence. It is the delicacy that comes from reflection, not the coyness that comes from ignorance. Reasoned reserve is seldom found to any great degree without an active mind, just like habitual cleanliness. It is easy to distinguish from rustic shyness or flirtatious skittishness. Far from being incompatible with knowledge, it is knowledge’s finest fruit. What a crude idea of modesty the writer of the following remark had! "The lady who asked whether women could be taught the modern system of botany without offending female delicacy was accused of ridiculous prudery. Nevertheless, if she had put the question to me, I would certainly have answered, ‘They cannot.’" So the beautiful book of knowledge is to be sealed shut forever! When I have read similar passages, I have reverently raised my eyes and heart to him who lives forever and ever. I have said, O my Father, have you forbidden your child, by her very nature, to seek you in the beautiful forms of truth? And can her soul be stained by the knowledge that calls her to you with such awe?

I have then philosophically pursued these reflections till I inferred, that those women who have most improved their reason must have the most modesty —though a dignified sedateness of deportment may have succeeded the playful, bewitching bashfulness of youth.*

I have thought through these reflections philosophically and concluded that women who have developed their reason most must be the most modest. Yet their playful, charming youthful shyness may have given way to a dignified calm in their manner.*

(*Footnote. Modesty, is the graceful calm virtue of maturity; bashfulness, the charm of vivacious youth.)

(*Footnote. Modesty is the graceful, calm virtue of maturity. Bashfulness is the charm of lively youth.)

And thus have I argued. To render chastity the virtue from which unsophisticated modesty will naturally flow, the attention should be called away from employments, which only exercise the sensibility; and the heart made to beat time to humanity, rather than to throb with love. The woman who has dedicated a considerable portion of her time to pursuits purely intellectual, and whose affections have been exercised by humane plans of usefulness, must have more purity of mind, as a natural consequence, than the ignorant beings whose time and thoughts have been occupied by gay pleasures or schemes to conquer hearts. The regulation of the behaviour is not modesty, though those who study rules of decorum, are, in general termed modest women. Make the heart clean, let it expand and feel for all that is human, instead of being narrowed by selfish passions; and let the mind frequently contemplate subjects that exercise the understanding, without heating the imagination, and artless modesty will give the finishing touches to the picture.

This is my argument. If chastity is to be the virtue from which natural modesty flows, women should turn their attention away from activities that merely stir their emotions. Their hearts should beat in sympathy with humanity rather than throb with love. A woman may devote a considerable amount of time to intellectual pursuits and engage her affections in humane efforts to be useful. As a natural consequence, she must have a purer mind than ignorant women who spend their time and thoughts on lively pleasures or schemes to win hearts. Modesty is not a matter of regulating behavior, though women who study the rules of proper conduct are generally called modest. Make the heart pure. Let it open and feel for all humanity, instead of being narrowed by selfish passions. Let the mind often consider subjects that exercise the understanding without inflaming the imagination. Then natural modesty will put the finishing touches on the picture.

She who can discern the dawn of immortality, in the streaks that shoot athwart the misty night of ignorance, promising a clearer day, will respect, as a sacred temple, the body that enshrines such an improvable soul. True love, likewise, spreads this kind of mysterious sanctity round the beloved object, making the lover most modest when in her presence. So reserved is affection, that, receiving or returning personal endearments, it wishes, not only to shun the human eye, as a kind of profanation; but to diffuse an encircling cloudy obscurity to shut out even the saucy sparkling sunbeams. Yet, that affection does not deserve the epithet of chaste which does not receive a sublime gloom of tender melancholy, that allows the mind for a moment to stand still and enjoy the present satisfaction, when a consciousness of the Divine presence is felt—for this must ever be the food of joy!

A woman may see the dawn of immortality in the first rays breaking through the misty night of ignorance. These rays promise a clearer day. If she can see this, she will respect the body as a sacred temple housing a soul capable of such improvement. True love also casts a mysterious holiness around the beloved, making the lover most modest in her presence. Affection is so reserved that, when giving or receiving personal caresses, it wishes to avoid human eyes, as though their gaze were a kind of desecration. It even wishes for a surrounding cloud to shut out the bold, sparkling sunbeams. Yet affection does not deserve to be called chaste unless it is touched by a sublime shade of tender melancholy. This melancholy lets the mind pause for a moment and enjoy its present happiness when it feels the presence of God. For the awareness of God's presence must always nourish joy!

As I have always been fond of tracing to its source in nature any prevailing custom, I have frequently thought that it was a sentiment of affection for whatever had touched the person of an absent or lost friend, which gave birth to that respect for relics, so much abused by selfish priests. Devotion, or love, may be allowed to hallow the garments as well as the person; for the lover must want fancy, who has not a sort of sacred respect for the glove or slipper of his mistress. He could not confound them with vulgar things of the same kind.

I have always liked to trace common customs back to their origins in human nature. I have often thought that respect for relics began with affection for anything that had touched an absent or lost friend. Selfish priests have greatly abused that respect. Devotion or love may make clothing sacred, as well as the person who wore it. A lover who feels no sacred respect for his beloved’s glove or slipper must lack imagination. He could not confuse them with ordinary things of the same kind.

This fine sentiment, perhaps, would not bear to be analyzed by the experimental philosopher—but of such stuff is human rapture made up!— A shadowy phantom glides before us, obscuring every other object; yet when the soft cloud is grasped, the form melts into common air, leaving a solitary void, or sweet perfume, stolen from the violet, that memory long holds dear. But, I have tripped unawares on fairy ground, feeling the balmy gale of spring stealing on me, though November frowns.

Perhaps this lovely sentiment would not stand up to analysis by an experimental philosopher. But human rapture is made of such things! A shadowy phantom glides before us, hiding everything else. Yet when we grasp the soft cloud, its shape melts into thin air. It leaves an empty space, or a sweet scent stolen from the violet that memory cherishes for a long time. But I have wandered into fairyland without noticing, feeling the gentle spring breeze steal over me, though November frowns.

As a sex, women are more chaste than men, and as modesty is the effect of chastity, they may deserve to have this virtue ascribed to them in rather an appropriated sense; yet, I must be allowed to add an hesitating if:— for I doubt, whether chastity will produce modesty, though it may propriety of conduct, when it is merely a respect for the opinion of the world, and when coquetry and the lovelorn tales of novelists employ the thoughts. Nay, from experience, and reason, I should be lead to expect to meet with more modesty amongst men than women, simply because men exercise their understandings more than women.

As a sex, women are more chaste than men. Since modesty is the result of chastity, women may deserve to be regarded as especially possessing this virtue. Yet I must add a hesitant if. I doubt that chastity produces modesty, though it may produce proper conduct, when chastity rests merely on respect for public opinion. I also doubt it when thoughts are occupied with flirtation and novelists’ tales of unhappy love. Indeed, experience and reason lead me to expect more modesty among men than women. This is simply because men exercise their understanding more than women do.

But, with respect to propriety of behaviour, excepting one class of females, women have evidently the advantage. What can be more disgusting than that impudent dross of gallantry, thought so manly, which makes many men stare insultingly at every female they meet? Is this respect for the sex? This loose behaviour shows such habitual depravity, such weakness of mind, that it is vain to expect much public or private virtue, till both men and women grow more modest—till men, curbing a sensual fondness for the sex, or an affectation of manly assurance, more properly speaking, impudence, treat each other with respect—unless appetite or passion gives the tone, peculiar to it, to their behaviour. I mean even personal respect—the modest respect of humanity, and fellow-feeling; not the libidinous mockery of gallantry, nor the insolent condescension of protectorship.

But when it comes to proper behavior, women clearly have the advantage, apart from one class of women. What could be more disgusting than the shameless pretense of gallantry that is considered so manly? It leads many men to stare insultingly at every woman they meet. Is this respect for women? Such improper behavior shows such habitual depravity and weakness of mind that we cannot expect much public or private virtue until both men and women become more modest. Men must restrain their sensual fondness for women, or their show of manly confidence, which would be more accurately called impudence. They must treat one another with respect, except when appetite or passion gives their behavior its own particular tone. I mean personal respect, the modest respect that comes from shared humanity and fellow feeling. I do not mean the lustful mockery of gallantry or the insolent condescension of acting as a protector.

To carry the observation still further, modesty must heartily disclaim, and refuse to dwell with that debauchery of mind, which leads a man coolly to bring forward, without a blush, indecent allusions, or obscene witticisms, in the presence of a fellow creature; women are now out of the question, for then it is brutality. Respect for man, as man is the foundation of every noble sentiment. How much more modest is the libertine who obeys the call of appetite or fancy, than the lewd joker who sets the table in a roar.

To take this observation further, modesty must firmly reject such corruption of the mind and refuse to coexist with it. A corrupted mind leads a man to make indecent references or obscene jokes coolly and without blushing in another person’s presence. Women are not the issue here, for doing this in their presence is brutality. Respect for human beings as human beings is the foundation of every noble feeling. How much more modest is the libertine who follows his appetite or fancy than the lewd joker who makes everyone at the table roar with laughter.

This is one of the many instances in which the sexual distinction respecting modesty has proved fatal to virtue and happiness. It is, however, carried still further, and woman, weak woman! made by her education the slave of sensibility, is required, on the most trying occasions, to resist that sensibility. "Can any thing," says Knox, be more absurd than keeping women in a state of ignorance, and yet so vehemently to insist on their resisting temptation? Thus when virtue or honour make it proper to check a passion, the burden is thrown on the weaker shoulders, contrary to reason and true modesty, which, at least, should render the self-denial mutual, to say nothing of the generosity of bravery, supposed to be a manly virtue.

This is one of many cases in which different standards of modesty for men and women have been disastrous for virtue and happiness. But the distinction goes even further. Woman, weak woman! Her education makes her a slave to her feelings, yet she is expected to resist them in the most difficult situations. “Can anything,” says Knox, “be more absurd than keeping women ignorant while insisting so strongly that they resist temptation?” So when virtue or honor calls for passion to be restrained, the burden falls on the weaker shoulders. This is contrary to reason and true modesty, which should at least make the self-denial mutual. And that is to say nothing of the generosity that comes with courage, supposedly a manly virtue.

In the same strain runs Rousseau's and Dr. Gregory's advice respecting modesty, strangely miscalled! for they both desire a wife to leave it in doubt, whether sensibility or weakness led her to her husband's arms. The woman is immodest who can let the shadow of such a doubt remain on her husband's mind a moment.

Rousseau and Dr. Gregory give similar advice about modesty, though they call it modesty for a strange reason! Both want a wife to leave her husband unsure whether feeling or weakness led her into his arms. A woman is immodest if she lets even a trace of such doubt remain in her husband's mind for a moment.

But to state the subject in a different light. The want of modesty, which I principally deplore as subversive of morality, arises from the state of warfare so strenuously supported by voluptuous men as the very essence of modesty, though, in fact, its bane; because it is a refinement on sensual desire, that men fall into who have not sufficient virtue to relish the innocent pleasures of love. A man of delicacy carries his notions of modesty still further, for neither weakness nor sensibility will gratify him—he looks for affection.

But let me put the subject in a different light. The lack of modesty I chiefly deplore undermines morality. It arises from a state of warfare that pleasure-seeking men insist is the very essence of modesty. In fact, this warfare destroys modesty. It is a refinement of sensual desire, indulged in by men who lack the virtue to enjoy love's innocent pleasures. A man of refinement takes his ideas of modesty further still. Neither weakness nor sensitivity will satisfy him. He looks for affection.

Again; men boast of their triumphs over women, what do they boast of? Truly the creature of sensibility was surprised by her sensibility into folly—into vice;* and the dreadful reckoning falls heavily on her own weak head, when reason wakes. For where art thou to find comfort, forlorn and disconsolate one? He who ought to have directed thy reason, and supported thy weakness, has betrayed thee! In a dream of passion thou consentedst to wander through flowery lawns, and heedlessly stepping over the precipice to which thy guide, instead of guarding, lured thee, thou startest from thy dream only to face a sneering, frowning world, and to find thyself alone in a waste, for he that triumphed in thy weakness is now pursuing new conquests; but for thee—there is no redemption on this side the grave! And what resource hast thou in an enervated mind to raise a sinking heart?

Again, men boast of their triumphs over women, but what are they boasting about? A sensitive woman was led by her own feelings into folly, into vice.* And when reason returns, the terrible reckoning falls heavily on her own weak head. For where can you find comfort, abandoned and miserable woman? The man who should have guided your reason and supported you in your weakness has betrayed you! In a dream of passion, you agreed to wander through flowery lawns. Without thinking, you stepped over the cliff to which your guide had lured you instead of protecting you. You wake from your dream only to face a sneering, frowning world and find yourself alone in a wasteland. For the man who triumphed over your weakness is now pursuing new conquests. But for you, there is no redemption before the grave! And what strength can you draw from a weakened mind to lift your sinking heart?

(*Footnote. The poor moth fluttering round a candle, burns its wings.)

(*Footnote. The poor moth flutters around a candle and burns its wings.)

But, if the sexes be really to live in a state of warfare, if nature has pointed it out, let men act nobly, or let pride whisper to them, that the victory is mean when they merely vanquish sensibility. The real conquest is that over affection not taken by surprise—when, like Heloisa, a woman gives up all the world, deliberately, for love. I do not now consider the wisdom or virtue of such a sacrifice, I only contend that it was a sacrifice to affection, and not merely to sensibility, though she had her share. And I must be allowed to call her a modest woman, before I dismiss this part of the subject, by saying, that till men are more chaste, women will be immodest. Where, indeed, could modest women find husbands from whom they would not continually turn with disgust? Modesty must be equally cultivated by both sexes, or it will ever remain a sickly hot-house plant, whilst the affectation of it, the fig leaf borrowed by wantonness, may give a zest to voluptuous enjoyments.)

But if the sexes really must live at war, if nature has ordained it, let men act nobly. Or let pride remind them that it is a mean victory when they merely overcome a woman’s susceptibility to emotion. The real conquest is over affection that is not caught by surprise. It is when, like Heloisa, a woman deliberately gives up the whole world for love. I am not considering whether such a sacrifice is wise or virtuous. I only contend that it was a sacrifice to affection, not merely to susceptibility to emotion, though Heloisa had her share of that. And I must be allowed to call her a modest woman. Before leaving this part of the subject, I must say that women will be immodest until men are more chaste. Indeed, where could modest women find husbands from whom they would not continually turn in disgust? Both sexes must cultivate modesty equally, or it will always remain a sickly greenhouse plant. Meanwhile, a mere show of modesty, the fig leaf borrowed by wantonness, may add zest to sensual pleasures.

Men will probably still insist that woman ought to have more modesty than man; but it is not dispassionate reasoners who will most earnestly oppose my opinion. No, they are the men of fancy, the favourites of the sex, who outwardly respect, and inwardly despise the weak creatures whom they thus sport with. They cannot submit to resign the highest sensual gratification, nor even to relish the epicurism of virtue—self-denial.

Men will probably still insist that women should be more modest than men. But those who argue most strongly against my view are not dispassionate thinkers. No, they are men of imagination, favorites among women, who outwardly respect the weak creatures they toy with while inwardly despising them. These men cannot bear to give up the greatest sensual pleasure. Nor can they even enjoy the exquisite pleasure of virtue: self-denial.

To take another view of the subject, confining my remarks to women.

To look at the subject another way, I will limit my remarks to women.

The ridiculous falsities which are told to children, from mistaken notions of modesty, tend very early to inflame their imaginations and set their little minds to work, respecting subjects, which nature never intended they should think of, till the body arrived at some degree of maturity; then the passions naturally begin to take place of the senses, as instruments to unfold the understanding, and form the moral character.

The ridiculous lies told to children out of mistaken ideas of modesty tend to inflame their imaginations at a very early age. These lies set their little minds to work on subjects that nature never intended them to consider until their bodies had reached some degree of maturity. At that point, the passions naturally begin to take the place of the senses as means of developing understanding and forming moral character.

In nurseries, and boarding schools, I fear, girls are first spoiled; particularly in the latter. A number of girls sleep in the same room, and wash together. And, though I should be sorry to contaminate an innocent creature's mind by instilling false delicacy, or those indecent prudish notions, which early cautions respecting the other sex naturally engender, I should be very anxious to prevent their acquiring indelicate, or immodest habits; and as many girls have learned very indelicate tricks, from ignorant servants, the mixing them thus indiscriminately together, is very improper.

I fear that girls are first spoiled in nurseries and boarding schools, especially in boarding schools. Many girls sleep in the same room and wash together. I would be sorry to corrupt an innocent child’s mind by teaching her false modesty or indecently prudish ideas. Early warnings about the other sex naturally give rise to such ideas. Even so, I would be very anxious to prevent girls from acquiring indelicate or immodest habits. Many girls have learned very indelicate tricks from ignorant servants. For that reason, it is very improper to mix girls together indiscriminately in this way.

To say the truth, women are, in general, too familiar with each other, which leads to that gross degree of familiarity that so frequently renders the marriage state unhappy. Why in the name of decency are sisters, female intimates, or ladies and their waiting women, to be so grossly familiar as to forget the respect which one human creature owes to another? That squeamish delicacy which shrinks from the most disgusting offices when affection or humanity lead us to watch at a sick pillow, is despicable. But, why women in health should be more familiar with each other than men are, when they boast of their superiour delicacy, is a solecism in manners which I could never solve.

To tell the truth, women are generally too familiar with one another. This leads to the excessive familiarity that so often makes marriage unhappy. In the name of decency, why should sisters, close female friends, or ladies and their maids be so excessively familiar? Why should they forget the respect one human being owes another? Some people are too squeamish to perform the most unpleasant tasks when affection or humanity calls them to care for the sick. Such delicacy is contemptible. But women boast of being more delicate than men. Why, then, should healthy women be more familiar with one another than men are? This inconsistency in their manners is something I have never been able to explain.

In order to preserve health and beauty, I should earnestly recommend frequent ablutions, to dignify my advice that it may not offend the fastidious ear; and, by example, girls ought to be taught to wash and dress alone, without any distinction of rank; and if custom should make them require some little assistance, let them not require it till that part of the business is over which ought never to be done before a fellow-creature; because it is an insult to the majesty of human nature. Not on the score of modesty, but decency; for the care which some modest women take, making at the same time a display of that care, not to let their legs be seen, is as childish as immodest.*

To preserve health and beauty, I strongly recommend frequent washing. I use the more dignified term “ablutions” so that my advice will not offend delicate ears. Girls of every social rank should be taught by example to wash and dress themselves. If custom makes them need a little help, they should ask for it only after finishing the part that should never be done in another person’s presence. To do that in front of another person is an insult to the dignity of human nature. This is a matter of decency, not modesty. Some modest women take care not to let their legs be seen, while drawing attention to their efforts. That is as childish as it is immodest.*

(*Footnote. I remember to have met with a sentence, in a book of education that made me smile. "It would be needless to caution you against putting your hand, by chance, under your neck-handkerchief; for a modest woman never did so!")

(*Footnote. I remember reading a sentence in a book on education that made me smile. "There is no need to warn you against accidentally putting your hand under your neck scarf, because a modest woman has never done so!")

I could proceed still further, till I animadverted on some still more indelicate customs, which men never fall into. Secrets are told—where silence ought to reign; and that regard to cleanliness, which some religious sects have, perhaps, carried too far, especially the Essenes, amongst the Jews, by making that an insult to God which is only an insult to humanity, is violated in a brutal manner. How can DELICATE women obtrude on notice that part of the animal economy, which is so very disgusting? And is it not very rational to conclude, that the women who have not been taught to respect the human nature of their own sex, in these particulars, will not long respect the mere difference of sex, in their husbands? After their maidenish bashfulness is once lost, I, in fact, have generally observed, that women fall into old habits; and treat their husbands as they did their sisters or female acquaintance.

I could go further and criticize some even more indecent customs that men never adopt. Secrets are spoken of where silence should reign. And cleanliness is brutally disregarded. Some religious sects, especially the Essenes among the Jews, have perhaps gone too far in their concern for cleanliness. They have made a lack of cleanliness an offense against God, when it is only an offense against humanity. How can DELICATE women draw attention to those bodily functions that are so disgusting? Is it not reasonable to conclude that women who have not been taught to respect the humanity of their own sex in these matters will not long respect the mere difference of sex in their husbands? In fact, I have generally observed that once women lose their maidenly shyness, they fall back into old habits. They treat their husbands as they treated their sisters or female acquaintances.

Besides, women from necessity, because their minds are not cultivated, have recourse very often, to what I familiarly term bodily wit; and their intimacies are of the same kind. In short, with respect to both mind and body, they are too intimate. That decent personal reserve, which is the foundation of dignity of character, must be kept up between women, or their minds will never gain strength or modesty.

Besides, because women’s minds are not developed, they often have to resort to what I call bodily wit. Their intimate relationships are of the same kind. In short, women are too intimate with one another in both mind and body. Women must maintain a decent personal reserve with one another, since it is the foundation of a dignified character. Otherwise, their minds will never gain strength or modesty.

On this account also, I object to many females being shut up together in nurseries, schools, or convents. I cannot recollect without indignation, the jokes and hoiden tricks, which knots of young women indulged themselves in, when in my youth accident threw me, an awkward rustic, in their way. They were almost on a par with the double meanings, which shake the convivial table when the glass has circulated freely. But it is vain to attempt to keep the heart pure, unless the head is furnished with ideas, and set to work to compare them, in order, to acquire judgment, by generalizing simple ones; and modesty by making the understanding damp the sensibility.

For this reason too, I object to keeping many girls and women together in nurseries, schools, or convents. I cannot remember without indignation the jokes and rowdy pranks that groups of young women enjoyed. In my youth, chance brought me, an awkward country girl, among them. Their jokes and pranks were almost as bad as the double meanings that make everyone at a merry table laugh after the drinks have flowed freely. But trying to keep the heart pure is pointless unless the mind is supplied with ideas and set to work comparing them. Only then can a person develop judgment by drawing general conclusions from simple ideas, and modesty by letting reason temper feeling.

It may be thought that I lay too great a stress on personal reserve; but it is ever the hand-maid of modesty. So that were I to name the graces that ought to adorn beauty, I should instantly exclaim, cleanliness, neatness, and personal reserve. It is obvious, I suppose, that the reserve I mean, has nothing sexual in it, and that I think it EQUALLY necessary in both sexes. So necessary indeed, is that reserve and cleanliness which indolent women too often neglect, that I will venture to affirm, that when two or three women live in the same house, the one will be most respected by the male part of the family, who reside with them, leaving love entirely out of the question, who pays this kind of habitual respect to her person.

It may seem that I place too much importance on personal reserve, but it is always the companion of modesty. So, if I were to name the qualities that should adorn beauty, I would immediately say: cleanliness, neatness, and personal reserve. I assume it is obvious that the reserve I mean has nothing sexual about it. I believe it is EQUALLY necessary for both sexes. Reserve and cleanliness are so necessary, though lazy women too often neglect them, that I will venture to make a claim. If two or three women live in the same house, the men who live with them will most respect the one who habitually shows this kind of respect for her person. I leave love entirely out of the question.

When domestic friends meet in a morning, there will naturally prevail an affectionate seriousness, especially, if each look forward to the discharge of daily duties; and it may be reckoned fanciful, but this sentiment has frequently risen spontaneously in my mind. I have been pleased after breathing the sweet bracing morning air, to see the same kind of freshness in the countenances I particularly loved; I was glad to see them braced, as it were, for the day, and ready to run their course with the sun. The greetings of affection in the morning are by these means more respectful, than the familiar tenderness which frequently prolongs the evening talk. Nay, I have often felt hurt, not to say disgusted, when a friend has appeared, whom I parted with full dressed the evening before, with her clothes huddled on, because she chose to indulge herself in bed till the last moment.

When close friends meet in the morning, an affectionate seriousness naturally prevails, especially if each is looking ahead to the day's duties. It may seem fanciful, but this feeling has often come to me spontaneously. After breathing the sweet, invigorating morning air, I have been pleased to see the same freshness in the faces I particularly loved. I was glad to see them refreshed, as it were, for the day and ready to run their course with the sun. For these reasons, affectionate morning greetings are more respectful than the familiar tenderness that often prolongs evening conversation. Indeed, I have often felt hurt, if not disgusted, when a friend appeared with her clothes hastily thrown on. I had parted from her the evening before when she was fully dressed. But she had chosen to indulge herself in bed until the last moment.

Domestic affection can only be kept alive by these neglected attentions; yet if men and women took half as much pains to dress habitually neat, as they do to ornament, or rather to disfigure their persons, much would be done towards the attainment of purity of mind. But women only dress to gratify men of gallantry; for the lover is always best pleased with the simple garb that sits close to the shape. There is an impertinence in ornaments that rebuffs affection; because love always clings round the idea of home.

Affection at home can only be kept alive by these neglected acts of care. Yet men and women spend much effort decorating, or rather disfiguring, themselves. If they took half as much trouble to dress neatly every day, they would do much to achieve purity of mind. But women dress only to please men seeking flirtation. A lover, by contrast, is always most pleased by simple clothing that fits close to the body. Ornaments have an intrusive quality that repels affection, because love always clings to the idea of home.

As a sex, women are habitually indolent; and every thing tends to make them so. I do not forget the starts of activity which sensibility produces; but as these flights of feeling only increase the evil, they are not to be confounded with the slow, orderly walk of reason. So great, in reality, is their mental and bodily indolence, that till their body be strengthened and their understanding enlarged by active exertions, there is little reason to expect that modesty will take place of bashfulness. They may find it prudent to assume its semblance; but the fair veil will only be worn on gala days.

As a sex, women are habitually idle, and everything tends to make them so. I do not forget the bursts of activity that strong feelings produce. But these bursts of feeling only make the problem worse. They should not be confused with the slow, orderly progress of reason. Women are, in fact, so mentally and physically idle that there is little reason to expect modesty to replace bashfulness until they strengthen their bodies and expand their understanding through active effort. They may find it prudent to appear modest, but they will wear that fair veil only on special occasions.

Perhaps there is not a virtue that mixes so kindly with every other as modesty. It is the pale moon-beam that renders more interesting every virtue it softens, giving mild grandeur to the contracted horizon. Nothing can be more beautiful than the poetical fiction, which makes Diana with her silver crescent, the goddess of chastity. I have sometimes thought, that wandering with sedate step in some lonely recess, a modest dame of antiquity must have felt a glow of conscious dignity, when, after contemplating the soft shadowy landscape, she has invited with placid fervour the mild reflection of her sister's beams to turn to her chaste bosom.

Perhaps no virtue blends so well with every other virtue as modesty. It is like a pale moonbeam, making every virtue it softens more interesting. It gives a gentle grandeur to a narrow horizon. Nothing could be more beautiful than the poetic image of Diana, the goddess of chastity, with her silver crescent. I have sometimes imagined a modest woman in ancient times walking calmly in a lonely place. After gazing at the soft, shadowy landscape, she might have felt a glow of dignity. With quiet devotion, she might have invited the gentle reflection of her sister's beams to fall on her chaste breast.

A Christian has still nobler motives to incite her to preserve her chastity and acquire modesty, for her body has been called the Temple of the living God; of that God who requires more than modesty of mien. His eye searcheth the heart; and let her remember, that if she hopeth to find favour in the sight of purity itself, her chastity must be founded on modesty, and not on worldly prudence; or verily a good reputation will be her only reward; for that awful intercourse, that sacred communion, which virtue establishes between man and his Maker, must give rise to the wish of being pure as he is pure!

A Christian woman has even nobler reasons to remain chaste and develop modesty. Her body has been called the temple of the living God, who requires more than modest behavior. God looks into her heart. She should remember that if she hopes to find favor with purity itself, her chastity must be founded on modesty, not worldly caution. Otherwise, a good reputation will surely be her only reward. For virtue creates an awe-inspiring relationship, a sacred communion, between a person and their Maker. This communion must inspire the wish to be as pure as he is!

After the foregoing remarks, it is almost superfluous to add, that I consider all those feminine airs of maturity, which succeed bashfulness, to which truth is sacrificed, to secure the heart of a husband, or rather to force him to be still a lover when nature would, had she not been interrupted in her operations, have made love give place to friendship, as immodest. The tenderness which a man will feel for the mother of his children is an excellent substitute for the ardour of unsatisfied passion; but to prolong that ardour it is indelicate, not to say immodest, for women to feign an unnatural coldness of constitution. Women as well as men ought to have the common appetites and passions of their nature, they are only brutal when unchecked by reason: but the obligation to check them is the duty of mankind, not a sexual duty. Nature, in these respects, may safely be left to herself; let women only acquire knowledge and humanity, and love will teach them modesty. There is no need of falsehoods, disgusting as futile, for studied rules of behaviour only impose on shallow observers; a man of sense soon sees through, and despises the affectation.

After these remarks, it is hardly necessary to add that I consider all such feminine affectations immodest. I mean the affectations women adopt after they outgrow their shyness, sacrificing truth to secure a husband's heart. Or rather, they try to force him to remain a lover. Without such interference, nature would have allowed love to give way to friendship. A man's tenderness for the mother of his children is an excellent substitute for the ardor of unfulfilled passion. But to prolong that ardor, it is improper, if not immodest, for women to pretend to an unnatural lack of desire. Women, like men, should have the ordinary appetites and passions of their nature. These become brutal only when reason does not keep them in check. But the duty to control them belongs to all humanity, not to one sex. In these matters, nature can safely be left alone. Let women acquire knowledge and humanity, and love will teach them modesty. There is no need for such falsehoods, which are as disgusting as they are futile. Calculated rules of behavior deceive only shallow observers. A sensible man soon sees through the pretense and despises it.

The behaviour of young people, to each other, as men and women, is the last thing that should be thought of in education. In fact, behaviour in most circumstances is now so much thought of, that simplicity of character is rarely to be seen; yet, if men were only anxious to cultivate each virtue, and let it take root firmly in the mind, the grace resulting from it, its natural exteriour mark, would soon strip affectation of its flaunting plumes; because, fallacious as unstable, is the conduct that is not founded upon truth!

How young people behave toward each other as men and women should be the last concern in education. In fact, behaviour receives so much attention in most circumstances that simplicity of character is rarely seen. But suppose people focused only on cultivating each virtue and letting it take firm root in the mind. The grace that naturally shows such virtue would soon strip pretence of its showy display. For conduct that is not founded on truth is as deceptive as it is unstable!

(Footnote. The behaviour of many newly married women has often disgusted me. They seem anxious never to let their husbands forget the privilege of marriage, and to find no pleasure in his society unless he is acting the lover. Short, indeed, must be the reign of love, when the flame is thus constantly blown up, without its receiving any solid fuel.)

(Footnote. The behavior of many newly married women has often disgusted me. They seem determined never to let their husbands forget the privileges of marriage. They seem to enjoy their husbands’ company only when the men are acting like lovers. Love’s reign must indeed be short when its flame is constantly fanned without being given any solid fuel.)

Would ye, O my sisters, really possess modesty, ye must remember that the possession of virtue, of any denomination, is incompatible with ignorance and vanity! ye must acquire that soberness of mind, which the exercise of duties, and the pursuit of knowledge, alone inspire, or ye will still remain in a doubtful dependent situation, and only be loved whilst ye are fair! the downcast eye, the rosy blush, the retiring grace, are all proper in their season; but modesty, being the child of reason, cannot long exist with the sensibility that is not tempered by reflection. Besides, when love, even innocent love, is the whole employ of your lives, your hearts will be too soft to afford modesty that tranquil retreat, where she delights to dwell, in close union with humanity.

My sisters, if you truly want to possess modesty, remember that no virtue can exist alongside ignorance and vanity! You must acquire a sober mind, which only the practice of duty and the pursuit of knowledge can inspire. Otherwise, you will remain in an uncertain, dependent position and be loved only while you are beautiful! A lowered gaze, a rosy blush, and a graceful reserve are all appropriate in their time. But modesty is born of reason. It cannot long exist alongside feelings that are not tempered by reflection. Besides, when love, even innocent love, takes up your whole lives, your hearts will be too soft to give modesty the peaceful refuge where it delights to dwell, in close union with humanity.