Sir Launcelot and Knights to the Rescue

Nearing four in the afternoon. The scene was just outside the walls of London. A cool, comfortable, superb day, with a brilliant sun; the kind of day to make one want to live, not die. The multitude was prodigious and far-reaching; and yet we fifteen poor devils hadn’t a friend in it. There was something painful in that thought, look at it how you might. There we sat, on our tall scaffold, the butt of the hate and mockery of all those enemies. We were being made a holiday spectacle. They had built a sort of grand stand for the nobility and gentry, and these were there in full force, with their ladies. We recognized a good many of them.

It was nearing four in the afternoon, just outside the walls of London. It was a cool, comfortable, splendid day, with brilliant sunshine. It was the kind of day that made you want to live, not die. The crowd was enormous and stretched far into the distance. Yet we fifteen poor devils didn't have a friend among them. No matter how you looked at it, that thought was painful. We sat on our tall scaffold, the target of all those enemies' hatred and mockery. We had been made into a holiday spectacle. A kind of grandstand had been built for the nobility and gentry. They had turned out in full force, with their ladies. We recognized quite a few of them.

The crowd got a brief and unexpected dash of diversion out of the king. The moment we were freed of our bonds he sprang up, in his fantastic rags, with face bruised out of all recognition, and proclaimed himself Arthur, King of Britain, and denounced the awful penalties of treason upon every soul there present if hair of his sacred head were touched. It startled and surprised him to hear them break into a vast roar of laughter. It wounded his dignity, and he locked himself up in silence. Then, although the crowd begged him to go on, and tried to provoke him to it by catcalls, jeers, and shouts of:

The king gave the crowd a brief, unexpected bit of entertainment. The moment we were freed from our bonds, he sprang up in his ridiculous rags. His face was bruised beyond recognition. He declared himself Arthur, King of Britain, and threatened everyone there with terrible penalties for treason if they touched a hair on his sacred head. He was startled and surprised when they burst into a huge roar of laughter. His dignity was wounded, and he fell silent. Then, although the crowd begged him to continue and tried to provoke him with catcalls, jeers, and shouts of:

“Let him speak! The king! The king! his humble subjects hunger and thirst for words of wisdom out of the mouth of their master his Serene and Sacred Raggedness!”

“Let him speak! The king! The king! His humble subjects are hungry and thirsty for words of wisdom from their master, his Serene and Sacred Raggedness!”

But it went for nothing. He put on all his majesty and sat under this rain of contempt and insult unmoved. He certainly was great in his way. Absently, I had taken off my white bandage and wound it about my right arm. When the crowd noticed this, they began upon me. They said:

But it made no difference. He drew on all his majesty and sat unmoved under the rain of contempt and insults. He certainly was great in his own way. Without thinking, I had taken off my white bandage and wrapped it around my right arm. When the crowd noticed the bandage, they began to mock me. They said:

“Doubtless this sailor-man is his minister—observe his costly badge of office!”

“Surely this sailor is his minister. Look at his expensive badge of office!”

I let them go on until they got tired, and then I said:

I let them go on until they got tired, and then I said:

“Yes, I am his minister, The Boss; and to-morrow you will hear that from Camelot which—”

“Yes, I am his minister, The Boss. And tomorrow you will hear something from Camelot that...”

I got no further. They drowned me out with joyous derision. But presently there was silence; for the sheriffs of London, in their official robes, with their subordinates, began to make a stir which indicated that business was about to begin. In the hush which followed, our crime was recited, the death warrant read, then everybody uncovered while a priest uttered a prayer.

I got no further. They drowned me out with gleeful mockery. But soon there was silence. The sheriffs of London, dressed in their official robes, began to move about with their assistants, signaling that proceedings were about to begin. In the hush that followed, our crime was described and the death warrant read. Then everyone removed their hats while a priest said a prayer.

Then a slave was blindfolded; the hangman unslung his rope. There lay the smooth road below us, we upon one side of it, the banked multitude wailing its other side—a good clear road, and kept free by the police—how good it would be to see my five hundred horsemen come tearing down it! But no, it was out of the possibilities. I followed its receding thread out into the distance—not a horseman on it, or sign of one.

Then a slave was blindfolded, and the hangman took down his rope. The smooth road lay below us. We were on one side, and the crowd was packed along the other, wailing. The road was clear, and the police kept it that way. How wonderful it would be to see my five hundred horsemen come tearing down it! But no, that was impossible. I followed the road as it narrowed into the distance. There was not a horseman on it, or any sign of one.

There was a jerk, and the slave hung dangling; dangling and hideously squirming, for his limbs were not tied.

There was a jerk, and the slave hung dangling. He squirmed horribly because his limbs were not tied.

A second rope was unslung, in a moment another slave was dangling.

A second rope was taken down. A moment later, another slave was dangling.

In a minute a third slave was struggling in the air. It was dreadful. I turned away my head a moment, and when I turned back I missed the king! They were blindfolding him! I was paralyzed; I couldn’t move, I was choking, my tongue was petrified. They finished blindfolding him, they led him under the rope. I couldn’t shake off that clinging impotence. But when I saw them put the noose around his neck, then everything let go in me and I made a spring to the rescue—and as I made it I shot one more glance abroad—by George! here they came, a-tilting!—five hundred mailed and belted knights on bicycles!

Within a minute, a third slave was struggling in the air. It was dreadful. I turned my head away for a moment. When I looked back, the king was gone! They were blindfolding him! I was paralyzed. I couldn’t move. I was choking, and my tongue was frozen. They finished blindfolding him and led him under the rope. I still couldn’t shake off that helplessness. But when I saw them put the noose around his neck, something gave way inside me. I sprang to his rescue. As I did, I glanced around once more. By George! Here they came, charging on bicycles! Five hundred knights in armor and belts!

The grandest sight that ever was seen. Lord, how the plumes streamed, how the sun flamed and flashed from the endless procession of webby wheels!

The grandest sight ever seen. Lord, how the plumes streamed, and how the sun blazed and flashed off the endless procession of spoked wheels!

I waved my right arm as Launcelot swept in—he recognized my rag—I tore away noose and bandage, and shouted:

I waved my right arm as Launcelot rushed in. He recognized my rag. I tore off the noose and bandage and shouted:

“On your knees, every rascal of you, and salute the king! Who fails shall sup in hell to-night!”

“Get on your knees, every one of you rascals, and salute the king! Anyone who refuses will eat dinner in hell tonight!”

I always use that high style when I’m climaxing an effect. Well, it was noble to see Launcelot and the boys swarm up onto that scaffold and heave sheriffs and such overboard. And it was fine to see that astonished multitude go down on their knees and beg their lives of the king they had just been deriding and insulting. And as he stood apart there, receiving this homage in rags, I thought to myself, well, really there is something peculiarly grand about the gait and bearing of a king, after all.

I always use that grand style when I’m building up to a big effect. Well, it was magnificent to see Launcelot and the boys swarm onto the scaffold and throw the sheriffs and others off. And it was great to see the astonished crowd fall to their knees and beg for their lives. They were begging the very king they had just been mocking and insulting. He stood apart, accepting their homage in rags. I thought to myself, well, there really is something uniquely grand about how a king walks and carries himself, after all.

I was immensely satisfied. Take the whole situation all around, it was one of the gaudiest effects I ever instigated.

I was extremely pleased. All things considered, it was one of the flashiest effects I had ever brought about.

And presently up comes Clarence, his own self! and winks, and says, very modernly:

And then up comes Clarence himself! He winks and says, in a very modern way:

“Good deal of a surprise, wasn’t it? I knew you’d like it. I’ve had the boys practicing this long time, privately; and just hungry for a chance to show off.”

“That was quite a surprise, wasn’t it? I knew you’d like it. I’ve had the boys practicing in private for a long time. They’ve been eager for a chance to show off.”