An Inspiration

I was so tired that even my fears were not able to keep me awake long.

I was so tired that even my fears couldn't keep me awake for long.

When I next came to myself, I seemed to have been asleep a very long time. My first thought was, “Well, what an astonishing dream I’ve had! I reckon I’ve waked only just in time to keep from being hanged or drowned or burned or something.... I’ll nap again till the whistle blows, and then I’ll go down to the arms factory and have it out with Hercules.”

When I came to again, I felt as if I had slept for a very long time. My first thought was, “Wow, what an amazing dream! I guess I woke up just in time to avoid being hanged, drowned, burned, or something.... I’ll sleep again until the whistle blows. Then I’ll go down to the arms factory and settle things with Hercules.”

But just then I heard the harsh music of rusty chains and bolts, a light flashed in my eyes, and that butterfly, Clarence, stood before me! I gasped with surprise; my breath almost got away from me.

But just then, I heard the harsh music of rusty chains and bolts. A light flashed in my eyes, and that butterfly, Clarence, stood before me! I gasped in surprise and almost lost my breath.

“What!” I said, “you here yet? Go along with the rest of the dream! scatter!”

“What!” I said, “you’re still here? Go away with the rest of the dream! Scatter!”

But he only laughed, in his light-hearted way, and fell to making fun of my sorry plight.

But he just laughed in his cheerful way and started making fun of my miserable situation.

“All right,” I said resignedly, “let the dream go on; I’m in no hurry.”

“All right,” I said, giving in, “let the dream go on. I’m in no hurry.”

“Prithee what dream?”

“Please, what dream?”

“What dream? Why, the dream that I am in Arthur’s court—a person who never existed; and that I am talking to you, who are nothing but a work of the imagination.”

“What dream? Why, the dream that I’m in the court of Arthur, who never existed. And that I’m talking to you, who are nothing but a figment of the imagination.”

“Oh, la, indeed! and is it a dream that you’re to be burned to-morrow? Ho-ho—answer me that!”

“Oh, really! And is it a dream that you’re going to be burned tomorrow? Ho-ho, answer me that!”

The shock that went through me was distressing. I now began to reason that my situation was in the last degree serious, dream or no dream; for I knew by past experience of the lifelike intensity of dreams, that to be burned to death, even in a dream, would be very far from being a jest, and was a thing to be avoided, by any means, fair or foul, that I could contrive. So I said beseechingly:

The shock was distressing. I began to realize that my situation was extremely serious, whether it was a dream or not. I knew from experience how real dreams could feel. Being burned to death, even in a dream, would be no joke. I had to avoid it by any means I could devise, fair or foul. So I pleaded:

“Ah, Clarence, good boy, only friend I’ve got,—for you are my friend, aren’t you?—don’t fail me; help me to devise some way of escaping from this place!”

“Oh, Clarence, good boy, you’re the only friend I have. You are my friend, aren’t you? Don’t let me down. Help me think of a way to escape from this place!”

“Now do but hear thyself! Escape? Why, man, the corridors are in guard and keep of men-at-arms.”

“Now listen to yourself! Escape? Why, man, the corridors are guarded by armed men.”

“No doubt, no doubt. But how many, Clarence? Not many, I hope?”

“Of course, of course. But how many, Clarence? Not many, I hope?”

“Full a score. One may not hope to escape.” After a pause—hesitatingly: “and there be other reasons—and weightier.”

“A full twenty. One cannot hope to escape.” After a pause, hesitantly: “And there are other, more important reasons.”

“Other ones? What are they?”

“Other ones? What are they?”

“Well, they say—oh, but I daren’t, indeed daren’t!”

“Well, they say, oh, but I can’t tell you. I really can’t!”

“Why, poor lad, what is the matter? Why do you blench? Why do you tremble so?”

“Oh, poor boy, what’s the matter? Why are you flinching? Why are you trembling so much?”

“Oh, in sooth, there is need! I do want to tell you, but—”

“Oh, there really is a need! I do want to tell you, but...”

“Come, come, be brave, be a man—speak out, there’s a good lad!”

“Come on, be brave, be a man. Speak up, there’s a good boy!”

He hesitated, pulled one way by desire, the other way by fear; then he stole to the door and peeped out, listening; and finally crept close to me and put his mouth to my ear and told me his fearful news in a whisper, and with all the cowering apprehension of one who was venturing upon awful ground and speaking of things whose very mention might be freighted with death.

He hesitated, torn between desire and fear. Then he slipped to the door, peeked out, and listened. Finally, he crept close to me and whispered his frightening news in my ear. He cowered with fear, like someone daring to speak of terrible things whose very mention could bring death.

“Merlin, in his malice, has woven a spell about this dungeon, and there bides not the man in these kingdoms that would be desperate enough to essay to cross its lines with you! Now God pity me, I have told it! Ah, be kind to me, be merciful to a poor boy who means thee well; for an thou betray me I am lost!”

“Merlin has maliciously cast a spell around this dungeon. And there is not a man in these kingdoms desperate enough to try to cross its boundaries with you! Now God pity me, I have told you! Ah, be kind to me. Have mercy on a poor boy who means you well, for if you betray me, I am lost!”

I laughed the only really refreshing laugh I had had for some time; and shouted:

I laughed. It was the only truly refreshing laugh I had had in some time. Then I shouted:

“Merlin has wrought a spell! Merlin, forsooth! That cheap old humbug, that maundering old ass? Bosh, pure bosh, the silliest bosh in the world! Why, it does seem to me that of all the childish, idiotic, chuckle-headed, chicken-livered superstitions that ev—oh, damn Merlin!”

“Merlin has cast a spell! Merlin, really! That cheap old fraud, that rambling old fool? Nonsense, pure nonsense, the silliest nonsense in the world! Why, it seems to me that of all the childish, idiotic, dim-witted, cowardly superstitions that ever... Oh, damn Merlin!”

But Clarence had slumped to his knees before I had half finished, and he was like to go out of his mind with fright.

But before I was halfway through, Clarence had slumped to his knees. He was nearly out of his mind with fright.

“Oh, beware! These are awful words! Any moment these walls may crumble upon us if you say such things. Oh call them back before it is too late!”

“Oh, be careful! Those are terrible words! If you say such things, these walls may collapse on us at any moment. Oh, take those words back before it’s too late!”

Now this strange exhibition gave me a good idea and set me to thinking. If everybody about here was so honestly and sincerely afraid of Merlin’s pretended magic as Clarence was, certainly a superior man like me ought to be shrewd enough to contrive some way to take advantage of such a state of things. I went on thinking, and worked out a plan. Then I said:

This strange display gave me an idea and set me thinking. If everyone around here was as genuinely afraid of Merlin’s fake magic as Clarence was, a superior man like me should surely be clever enough to find a way to take advantage of it. I kept thinking and worked out a plan. Then I said:

“Get up. Pull yourself together; look me in the eye. Do you know why I laughed?”

“Get up. Pull yourself together. Look me in the eye. Do you know why I laughed?”

“No—but for our blessed Lady’s sake, do it no more.”

“No, but for the Blessed Lady’s sake, don’t do it again.”

“Well, I’ll tell you why I laughed. Because I’m a magician myself.”

“Well, I’ll tell you why I laughed. Because I’m a magician myself.”

“Thou!” The boy recoiled a step, and caught his breath, for the thing hit him rather sudden; but the aspect which he took on was very, very respectful. I took quick note of that; it indicated that a humbug didn’t need to have a reputation in this asylum; people stood ready to take him at his word, without that. I resumed.

“You!” The boy stepped back and caught his breath. The remark had caught him by surprise, but he looked very, very respectful. I noticed that at once. It showed that a fraud didn’t need a reputation in this madhouse. People were ready to take him at his word without one. I continued.

“I’ve known Merlin seven hundred years, and he—”

“I’ve known Merlin for seven hundred years, and he...”

“Seven hun—”

“Seven hun...”

“Don’t interrupt me. He has died and come alive again thirteen times, and traveled under a new name every time: Smith, Jones, Robinson, Jackson, Peters, Haskins, Merlin—a new alias every time he turns up. I knew him in Egypt three hundred years ago; I knew him in India five hundred years ago—he is always blethering around in my way, everywhere I go; he makes me tired. He don’t amount to shucks, as a magician; knows some of the old common tricks, but has never got beyond the rudiments, and never will. He is well enough for the provinces—one-night stands and that sort of thing, you know—but dear me, he oughtn’t to set up for an expert—anyway not where there’s a real artist. Now look here, Clarence, I am going to stand your friend, right along, and in return you must be mine. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to get word to the king that I am a magician myself—and the Supreme Grand High-yu-Muck-amuck and head of the tribe, at that; and I want him to be made to understand that I am just quietly arranging a little calamity here that will make the fur fly in these realms if Sir Kay’s project is carried out and any harm comes to me. Will you get that to the king for me?”

“Don’t interrupt me. He has died and come back to life thirteen times. Each time, he traveled under a new name: Smith, Jones, Robinson, Jackson, Peters, Haskins, Merlin. He has a new alias every time he shows up. I knew him in Egypt three hundred years ago. I knew him in India five hundred years ago. He’s always hanging around, talking nonsense and getting in my way, wherever I go. I’m tired of him. He’s worthless as a magician. He knows some of the old, common tricks, but he has never gotten beyond the basics, and never will. He’s good enough for the provinces, for one-night shows and that sort of thing, you know. But honestly, he shouldn’t call himself an expert, at least not where there’s a real artist. “Now look here, Clarence, I’m going to be your friend all the way, and you must be mine in return. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell the king that I’m a magician myself. And I’m the Supreme Grand High-yu-Muck-amuck and head of the tribe, at that. I also want him to understand that I’m quietly arranging a little disaster here. It will cause an uproar throughout these realms if Sir Kay’s plan goes ahead and any harm comes to me. Will you tell the king that for me?”

The poor boy was in such a state that he could hardly answer me. It was pitiful to see a creature so terrified, so unnerved, so demoralized. But he promised everything; and on my side he made me promise over and over again that I would remain his friend, and never turn against him or cast any enchantments upon him. Then he worked his way out, staying himself with his hand along the wall, like a sick person.

The poor boy was so shaken that he could hardly answer me. It was heartbreaking to see someone so terrified, so shaken, so overwhelmed. But he promised everything I asked. In return, he made me promise again and again that I would remain his friend. I promised never to turn against him or cast any spells on him. Then he made his way out, steadying himself with his hand against the wall, like a sick person.

Presently this thought occurred to me: how heedless I have been! When the boy gets calm, he will wonder why a great magician like me should have begged a boy like him to help me get out of this place; he will put this and that together, and will see that I am a humbug.

Then a thought occurred to me: How careless I had been! Once the boy calmed down, he would wonder why a great magician like me had begged him for help escaping. He would put the pieces together and see that I was a fraud.

I worried over that heedless blunder for an hour, and called myself a great many hard names, meantime. But finally it occurred to me all of a sudden that these animals didn’t reason; that they never put this and that together; that all their talk showed that they didn’t know a discrepancy when they saw it. I was at rest, then.

I worried about that careless mistake for an hour, calling myself all sorts of nasty names. But then it suddenly occurred to me that these animals didn’t reason. They never put two and two together. Everything they said showed they couldn’t recognize a contradiction when they saw one. Then I felt at ease.

But as soon as one is at rest, in this world, off he goes on something else to worry about. It occurred to me that I had made another blunder: I had sent the boy off to alarm his betters with a threat—I intending to invent a calamity at my leisure; now the people who are the readiest and eagerest and willingest to swallow miracles are the very ones who are hungriest to see you perform them; suppose I should be called on for a sample? Suppose I should be asked to name my calamity? Yes, I had made a blunder; I ought to have invented my calamity first. “What shall I do? what can I say, to gain a little time?” I was in trouble again; in the deepest kind of trouble...

But in this world, as soon as you feel at ease, you find something else to worry about. It occurred to me that I had made another mistake. I had sent the boy off to frighten his superiors with a threat. I had planned to invent a disaster at my leisure. But the people most ready, eager, and willing to believe in miracles are also the hungriest to see you perform them. What if I were asked to give them a demonstration? What if I were asked to name the disaster? Yes, I had made a mistake. I should have invented my disaster first. “What shall I do? What can I say to gain a little time?” I was in trouble again, the deepest kind of trouble...

“There’s a footstep!—they’re coming. If I had only just a moment to think.... Good, I’ve got it. I’m all right.”

“There’s a footstep! They’re coming. If I only had a moment to think.... Good, I’ve got it. I’m all right.”

You see, it was the eclipse. It came into my mind in the nick of time, how Columbus, or Cortez, or one of those people, played an eclipse as a saving trump once, on some savages, and I saw my chance. I could play it myself, now, and it wouldn’t be any plagiarism, either, because I should get it in nearly a thousand years ahead of those parties.

You see, it was the eclipse. Just in time, I remembered how Columbus, or Cortez, or one of those people once used an eclipse as a trump card to save himself from some savages. And I saw my chance. I could use the eclipse myself now, and it wouldn't even be plagiarism. After all, I would be doing it nearly a thousand years before those fellows.

Clarence came in, subdued, distressed, and said:

Clarence came in, quiet and upset, and said:

“I hasted the message to our liege the king, and straightway he had me to his presence. He was frighted even to the marrow, and was minded to give order for your instant enlargement, and that you be clothed in fine raiment and lodged as befitted one so great; but then came Merlin and spoiled all; for he persuaded the king that you are mad, and know not whereof you speak; and said your threat is but foolishness and idle vaporing. They disputed long, but in the end, Merlin, scoffing, said, ‘Wherefore hath he not named his brave calamity? Verily it is because he cannot.’ This thrust did in a most sudden sort close the king’s mouth, and he could offer naught to turn the argument; and so, reluctant, and full loth to do you the discourtesy, he yet prayeth you to consider his perplexed case, as noting how the matter stands, and name the calamity—if so be you have determined the nature of it and the time of its coming. Oh, prithee delay not; to delay at such a time were to double and treble the perils that already compass thee about. Oh, be thou wise—name the calamity!”

“I hurried the message to our lord the king, and he sent for me at once. He was frightened to the marrow and meant to order your immediate release. He also meant to have you dressed in fine clothes and given lodgings fit for someone so great. But then Merlin came and spoiled everything. He convinced the king that you are mad and do not know what you are talking about. He said your threat was nothing but foolishness and empty bluster. They argued for a long time. At last, Merlin said mockingly, ‘Why has he not named his great calamity? Surely it is because he cannot.’ This argument immediately silenced the king, and he had no answer for it. So, though he is reluctant and very sorry to show you such disrespect, he asks you to consider his difficult position. He asks that, given how matters stand, you name the calamity, if you have decided what it will be and when it will come. Oh, please do not delay. To delay at such a time would double and triple the dangers already surrounding you. Oh, be wise, name the calamity!”

I allowed silence to accumulate while I got my impressiveness together, and then said:

I let the silence build while I prepared to sound impressive, and then said:

“How long have I been shut up in this hole?”

“How long have I been locked up in this hole?”

“Ye were shut up when yesterday was well spent. It is 9 of the morning now.”

“You were shut up late yesterday. It is 9 in the morning now.”

“No! Then I have slept well, sure enough. Nine in the morning now! And yet it is the very complexion of midnight, to a shade. This is the 20th, then?”

“No! Then I really have slept well. It’s nine in the morning now! And yet it’s exactly as dark as midnight. So this is the 20th?”

“The 20th—yes.”

“The 20th, yes.”

“And I am to be burned alive to-morrow.” The boy shuddered.

“And I'm going to be burned alive tomorrow.” The boy shuddered.

“At what hour?”

“What time?”

“At high noon.”

“At noon.”

“Now then, I will tell you what to say.” I paused, and stood over that cowering lad a whole minute in awful silence; then, in a voice deep, measured, charged with doom, I began, and rose by dramatically graded stages to my colossal climax, which I delivered in as sublime and noble a way as ever I did such a thing in my life: “Go back and tell the king that at that hour I will smother the whole world in the dead blackness of midnight; I will blot out the sun, and he shall never shine again; the fruits of the earth shall rot for lack of light and warmth, and the peoples of the earth shall famish and die, to the last man!”

“Now then, I’ll tell you what to say.” I paused and stood over the cowering boy for a full minute in terrible silence. Then I began in a deep, measured voice, full of doom. I gradually raised my voice through dramatic stages to a colossal climax. I delivered it as grandly and nobly as I ever had in my life: “Go back and tell the king that at that hour I will smother the whole world in midnight darkness. I will blot out the sun, and it will never shine again. The fruits of the earth will rot without light and warmth, and all the peoples of the earth will starve and die, down to the last man!”

I had to carry the boy out myself, he sunk into such a collapse. I handed him over to the soldiers, and went back.

I had to carry the boy out myself because he was so completely overcome. I handed him over to the soldiers and went back.